I Wish... (22 page)

"Do you really think that people will just believe she died like this and not question it?" I asked doubtfully.

He shook his head. "Nope. Nobody will believe for a second that she wasn't killed."

"Then why would you even suggest leaving her here like this?"

"Because I don't think that her death will be connected to you. People die in Desire all the time and nobody looks at it too carefully because if you do that you might find yourself drawing the attention of whoever it was who made them dead. There's no justice for the dead in this town."

I jabbed a stick into the dirt angrily. "That's awful."

Ben ran a finger down my arm. "It is. But that's also how you're going to get on with your life and not have this incident ruin you."

"I don't know if I can do it. Living with this would be hard enough but to do it without ever being able to talk about it with anyone?" I ran my fingers through my hair and lifted it away from my face.

He pulled me to my feet. "You'll learn. It'll be hard at first, but you'll keep going until it gets easier. And someday it'll be a distant memory that you hardly ever think of."

"I hope so." I said.

He put an arm around my shoulder and helped me walk out of the rapidly darkening woods.

***

Chapter 9

Ben walked me to my door and waited until I made it inside before he left. I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but Ramona happened to be coming downstairs when I started up. She took in my bloodied face and black eye and declared I'd be staying home from school for the next few days. She didn't ask any questions and I was grateful. I ran a hot bath and went to directly to bed afterward.

It was nearly two in the afternoon the next day before I crawled out of bed and pulled on a pair of flannel pajama pants and a thermal undershirt. I didn’t brush my hair or even put on a bra. I slid my feet into Krista’s fleece lined boots and walked zombie-like out the front door. I trudged past Darcy who was standing in my path glowering. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her and I wasn’t ready to deal with the aftermath of the revelations. It seemed likely that the Family would change because of the things that were said yesterday, but I didn’t care. I would have knocked her over if she’d stood there a second longer, but she stepped aside just before my temper boiled over.

I didn’t have any particular destination in mind as I started walking. I couldn’t use the trail in the woods because of Coach Carter’s body, but I doubted I’d be able to return there any time soon anyway. Even thinking about going made my heart race and my throat fill with bile. Instead, I wandered up and down side streets at random.

I stared at the houses I passed. I was so excited to move to Desire and reconnect with a family I didn’t even know I had. It was probably the fulfillment of my most secret and deeply held dream. On the surface it should have been everything I could have hoped for and more, but the reality was that I should never have taken my life before for granted. It wasn’t perfect and it sure wasn’t conventional, but I’d had so many amazing opportunities that other girls my age would have killed for. My biggest complaint was that I didn’t have a boyfriend? Well, here I was only a few weeks into living in this so called perfect little town and powerful people hated me, I’d murdered someone, and I
still
didn’t have a boyfriend.

My aimless travels eventually brought me by the park where I’d played with Ben and Simon. I sat on the same swing as the last time and started pumping my legs. Within seconds I was high enough for a jump. I landed and then climbed back into the swing to do it again. Time after time I jumped until my legs started to feel wobbly. I continued to jump until my legs finally completely collapsed under me. I rolled over onto my back and closed my eyes.

“Thistle?” The voice was familiar, but I couldn’t immediately place it. Whoever it was shouldn’t be in my bedroom while I was sleeping.

I cracked one eye and immediately winced against the bright light. I was disoriented for several moments until I realized that I must have fallen asleep in the park in the grass. I shaded my eyes with my hand and looked for whoever was speaking to me.

Evan was sitting beside me on the grass. He was wearing jogging shorts and a pair of sneakers, but no shirt. His hair was damp with sweat along his hairline. He looked concerned to see me. I sat up and pulled a few bits of fallen leaves out of my tangled hair before I gave up.

“What are you doing asleep out here? I missed you at school, but you do kinda look like a wreck. It looks like someone punched you in the face. No offense.” His hazel eyes were concerned, taking the sting from his words.

I searched my mind for a reason, any reason for missing school today. One that didn’t involve having murdered someone. Then I realized that I had a great excuse that wasn’t even untrue.

“I found out last night who my father is.”

“What? Who is it? Let me guess.” He rattled off a few names before I finally stopped him.

“No, it’s Krista’s dad. My mom had an affair with her sister’s husband to have me.
Specifically
to have me. She didn’t even do it because she loved him.”

I thought I was out of tears to cry for my screwed up Family after what I had done to Coach Carter, but my eyes quickly overflowed and no matter how much I swiped at them with the sleeve of my shirt, I couldn’t keep up with them.

Evan pulled me into his lap and I gratefully buried my face into the hollow of his neck and wrapped my arms around him. He was a little damp from his run, but the smell of his sweat was subtle and musky and not at all unpleasant.

He didn’t say anything, he just held me. Finally, I broke the silence. “Until I came here, before I knew anything about First Daughters or the Coven, I used to imagine that my father must have died and that’s why my mother is so unemotional. I thought that she must have been so passionately in love with him that she just shut down when she lost him. Now I realize that the only reason I was born at all is
because
she’s a robot.”

Evan pulled me away from his chest until he could look into my eyes. “What happened is awful, but it’s not your fault. You are the same girl you were when you thought your dad was the love of your mom’s life. At least now you can get to know your dad. Maybe he’s not perfect, but having a real person to fill the role has to be better than not knowing who it is, right?”

I wiped my nose with my sopping sleeve and gave him my bravest watery smile. “You speak wisely, Sage.”

“So did you want to maybe hang out with me for a while? I was just jogging, but we can do whatever you want.”

I considered his offer. I was still deeply troubled by his blind acceptance of the Coven’s way of life and his devotion to Cora’s mandates could mean a lot of trouble for us later, but sitting here on his lap it was easy to push those worries aside. He was a sweet, devastatingly handsome boy and he clearly liked me in a romantic way. And maybe best of all, he never sent mixed signals.

I reached tentatively to his face and ran my finger lightly along his jaw bone. He was starting to get a bit of a five o’clock shadow and the stubble pricked at my finger. I traced his jaw until I reached his lips and then I brushed my fingertips along the softness of his lower lip. He closed his eyes, but I could feel a tremor as if he were vibrating like a power line.

I slipped off his lap and kneeled beside him so that our faces were on the same level and leaned in and kissed him. For long seconds, our lips were the only parts of our bodies that were touching, but then he got his own knees underneath himself so that we aligned, torso to torso. He held my upper arms gently as he deepened the kiss.

My head buzzed pleasantly from the rush of emotions and hormones, but finally I pulled away from him. His eyes were still closed and he was smiling. “So,” I asked, “Do you wanna go for a walk or what?”

Evan shook his head a little like he might be trying to clear it and then he nodded. “I’ll escort you all over town, if that’s what you want.”

“I do believe that’s just what I want, sir.”

We stood up and he threaded his arm through mine and we started across the park. As we were nearing the sidewalk, I spared a quick glance over my shoulder towards Ben’s house and wasn’t a bit surprised to see him leaning against the fence with his arms crossed. I couldn’t make out his expression from this distance, but when he saw me look his direction he opened the gate and then slammed it behind him.

You'd think he'd be happy to see I’m doing what he told me to do.

I let Evan lead me out of park and away from Ben.

It was late by the time I finally let Evan walk me home. We’d spent the whole afternoon walking around town, talking and laughing and every so often we’d duck behind a tree and kiss a little more. I didn’t want our time together to end because I knew as soon as it did, I’d be alone with my thoughts.

I let myself into the house, but didn’t bother with trying to sneak in. They wanted a First Daughter so I’d give them exactly that. First Daughters don’t sneak. They do what they want. And this one just wanted to fall into bed and go to sleep.

“Thistle?” Jack’s voice floated out of the darkened living room. I didn’t feel like talking to him, but I sighed and went in to see him.

He was lying on the couch with a pillow and thin blanket. “I see your shenanigans got you the couch. I think I remember an episode of the Brady Bunch where Mr. Brady got the boot.”

He sat up and patted the cushion beside him for me to sit. I thought about resisting, but he really looked so defeated, I felt bad for him. I sat down. “You’re a pretty funny girl.”

“I guess I got it from my dad because my mom’s about as funny as a bag of hammers.” I snarked.

“I know you’re mad. I don’t blame you for that. There’s so much I wish I could have done differently. I had no idea that Ramona was planning to leave town with you, you know. Ramona suggested that Marla and I ought to take the girls into the city for some kid’s show that was in town for a limited engagement so we did. We had a genuinely nice day too for once. I remember how much Darcy laughed and I kept thinking how much you would have liked it.

“I bought you a souvenir while Marla was taking the girls to the bathroom. A tiny stuffed animal that I could hide in my pocket. I planned to give it to you before bed. Marla was always good about pretending that she didn’t know I came in to give you a goodnight kiss every night. You were so sweet and beautiful. I thought of you as the personification of the love that Vanna and I shared.” He snorted.

“We came home from the show in the evening and the three of you were gone. Mother Georgina was in the dark as much as we were. It was maybe a month later before Ramona called to check in. She’d managed to buy her RV by then and once you were on the move she felt safe enough to call. In all the years you’ve been gone, the only person who had contact with any of you was Mother Georgina. Ramona went fifteen years without even saying hello to her own daughter.”

Jack leaned his head back until he was looking at the ceiling. “When you guys came home, I wanted to tell you who I was, but Marla forbid it. I suspect now she might have used some magic on me, but I never stopped wanting to connect with you so either it was weak magic or else I managed to break the spell. I wonder now if it would have been different if she would have known that I was manipulated into that affair. But I’m sleeping on the couch so maybe not.”

I was conflicted. His voice was sincere and I had witnessed his devastation first hand when he found out that both my mother and his wife had toyed with his emotions. On the other hand, feeling sorry for any of them was nearly the same as giving my forgiveness and I wasn’t ready for that yet. Instead I asked, be careful to remember to speak in the present tense, “Coach Carter is your cousin right? She’s the one who told me to talk to you about being my father. Why would she do that?”

He shook his head. “I have no idea why she does the things she does. She has always been a little odd and a lot intense. She’s the Second Daughter of a Second Daughter. Usually those girls leave town and find an influential husband and live nice lives, but she didn’t want to go. She got a job at the school and just became more and more bitter. She used to be friends with Marla and I think they probably talked about my affair and you being born.”

He paused, looking sheepish in the dim light. “It’s strange to be talking to you like this like you’re an adult.”

You have no idea.

“Do you think it was loyalty to Marla that made her rat you out then?”

“If it wasn’t that, then it was probably the fact that she has always hated Vanna. And me, of course, after my affair. If she thought giving you that information would cause us unhappiness, then I think that’d be enough of a reason for her to do it.”

I hoped that I wasn’t giving him any reason to be suspicious of me later when her body was found, but I had to know. “She’s always acted like she hates me before I even knew who she was. Do you think she might have told to make
me
unhappy?”

He shrugged. “I’ll definitely ask her what she was thinking the next time I see her, but it seems like it would be in character for her to hold a grudge against you. My affair, your mother being Vanna, and the fact that you’re the youngest First Daughter to be in line to be Matriarch are all reasons she could resent you personally. Don’t let her get to you. If she’s giving you a problem at school, it only takes a phone call from Ramona to have her removed. Do you want that, kiddo?”

I stood up. “No, thanks. I don’t have any classes with her so it shouldn’t be too hard to just keep avoiding her. Thanks for the talk, Jack. I appreciate you being honest with me about this stuff.”

He rose to his feet until he towered over me. “Do you think you’ll ever feel comfortable calling me dad? Now that it’s not a big secret anymore, it would mean a lot to me if you did.”

I gave him a quick hug. “Maybe someday, but it’s still a little weird for me right now, you know?”