“Yeah, and I will if you don’t,” another woman joked.
“Just say, yes, Rach,” I whispered again holding her gaze and shutting out the crowd.
When I’d proposed to Lindy, we’d been alone on a beach, in the dark, and in the quiet, and it was like she’d expected it and considered it her due. She’d snatched the ring out of my hand and put it on herself, and said, yes, without a second’s hesitation.
“I don’t deserve you…” Rachel whispered.
“You do, honey. You absolutely do. We’re going to be great together, and I’m always going to look out for you.”
Suddenly her hands were free from mine and her arms were about my neck, and she was outright sobbing, I could feel her tears dampen my cheek, as she whispered in my ear, just for me to hear. “Yes.”
Then she pulled away and wiped her nose, and her eyes. “Yes.” She laughed. “Yes, Jason.”
There was uproar from the crowd about us as they cheered. Then others in the square started cheering too. They probably didn’t even know why, but the sound seemed to run like a ripple about the enclosed space, echoing back off the illuminated boards.
“Thank you for trusting me, Rach,” I said to her through the noise. “I promise, you won’t regret it.” Then I stood and helped her up.
She hugged me again, as we got another cheer.
“Hang on, honey, I need to give you your ring.”
“You already got a ring?”
“Yeah, today, when I was running.”
She shook her head at me, tears still glittering in her eyes. I got it out of my pocket. There were two diamonds, set in a figure of eight, like the two of us, woven together by fate.
“Give me your hand.”
She did and bit her lip at the same time, holding her breath as I slipped it on. It fitted perfectly.
The crowd cheered again, and some people whistled and whooped.
She wiped her eyes, then looked at it, lifting it into the lights, and it shone with many colors.
“It’s beautiful, Jason. Thank you.”
I kissed her then, a long kiss, not a superficial one. It seemed like the whole of Times Square was shouting in a chorus of applause, and clapping us, when I ended it.
Guys patted my shoulder when I let her go, but I kept a hold of her hand feeling my ring on it. A woman told her to hang onto me, another said, “Sweet, honey.”
We hung around for a little while, just soaking up the atmosphere and memorizing it. Then we went for coffee and sat and drank it staring into each other’s eyes. Then I told her the rest.
“Rach.”
“Uh huh.”
“We need to go home and pack our bags again.”
“Uh. Why?” She wasn’t really taking this in.
My words slipped out on a long breath. “I booked flights to Las Vegas, we’re getting married tomorrow.”
“
Jason
.” It was part shock, part horror.
“You’re okay with it?”
“Are you serious?” Her fingers had reached over the table and clasped mine.
I gripped hers firmly. “Yeah. I thought, why wait?”
“Jason.” Her green eyes were looking into mine like she was searching for something I hadn’t said. “Really?”
I smiled, “Yeah.” My eyes widened, “Really…” I laughed at her, then reached across and touched her cheek as her gaze flooded with wonder.
“Oh my God.”
Oh my God, indeed. She was the most precious sight, and I tried to plant the memory in my head.
“We’re really gonna go to Vegas?”
“The flights are booked, I did it this morning. Everything’s booked…”
“I thought you took a long time.”
I laughed again, and then she got up and came about the table and sat on my lap, to give me a very inappropriate kiss for a café full of customers. We both smiled broadly at each other when the waitress tapped me on the shoulder to say stop it.
“Come on let’s go.”
Rach nodded.
She rested her head against my shoulder all the way home on the subway, her fingers threaded through mine. I turned our hands so her ring finger lay on top, and we both stared at it.
When we crossed Manhattan Bridge on the subway train, I thought of finding her that first night, and realized I’d found my destiny that night.
When we got in, Rach kissed me, but I broke it and smiled at her. “No shenanigans, sweetheart, not before the wedding. That’d be bad luck … ”
~
I wasn’t in a black place today. I was way up. I’d felt his ring on my finger the whole night, as I’d lain awake, and my thumb had been spinning it and caressing the sharp edges of the diamonds and the smooth surface of the gold as darkness turned to dawn.
Then Jason leaned up in bed and looked over at me smiling; it triggered vibrant pleasant happy sensations inside me. I smiled too.
Wow. What had I done to finally find a guy like this? My heart paced away as I looked at him and love gripped tightly in my chest and low in my belly. I never thought about a future; I was always stuck in past or present. Now I had a future. With him. I was gonna marry him.
He pressed a quick kiss on my lips, then drew back. “Come on, bride to be, get up and get your bags packed, we’re going to the chapel today, sweetheart.”
Bride to be… Chapel…
I couldn’t stop smiling. I packed my case while he showered, and then he packed his while I showered. Then we went down to the street to hail a yellow cab.
My brain was bubbling, fizzing with imagination, focusing on how our life was gonna be. Years together… How was I going to do that?
I tried hushing-up my mind.
Don’t think about it. Don’t spoil it. Just live it…
It was so much easier to say than do when my head was like a spinning top of energy and excitement.
Wow.
We drank vanilla cappuccinos in the airport lounge, and I was talking, incessantly. I don’t even know what about. I couldn’t believe we were really doing this. I’d only known him weeks, but it didn’t feel like that, not anymore. It felt like he’d been made for me. Like I’d known him a lifetime.
On the flight he held my hand, while I just rambled on about the in-flight film, and the food, and… and… and… who knew? My mind was spouting trash.
I was sitting in the window seat and when we flew into Las Vegas, I was shaking with the force of exhilaration, looking down over the barren mountains. Then I could see the strip. Oh my God. “Wow.”
Jason laughed as he leaned over my shoulder, his fingers threaded through mine, holding them tightly.
“It looks amazing doesn’t it?”
I glanced at him, “Have you ever been before?”
“Nope.”
“Me neither. I’m so excited.”
Gritting my teeth, I shut my eyes when we landed, praying I wouldn’t wake up and discover it was a dream. I opened my eyes. I was here, sitting on a plane, beside Jason. He smiled at me. I grinned back like an utter fool, riding my elation like surfing a wave.
When we got out of the cab, before the hotel, I looked at all the glamor. “This is unbelievable.”
“It’s real. We’re doing it, sweetheart.”
Jason took our cases off the driver and gave the man a tip.
“How the hell did you afford this?” I whispered, once the cab had gone.
“I had some money saved for… Well, it doesn’t matter… Don’t worry about it. We’re splashing out for two days.”
I gave him a smile to say thank you. He’d been saving money for his stag do and his honeymoon with Lindy, he’d told me before––he was spending it on me.
“Let’s get in our room. I’ve reserved a wedding slot at three.”
Three… I was getting married in just over an hour.
The hotel lobby was huge and glittered with gilding, while the floor was bright polished stone. It was beautiful, the whole place.
I was breathless as he gave the clerk his name, and signed for the room, handing over his credit card to cover our stay. I was in awe of this place, in awe of him.
As we rode up to our room in the elevator I felt the pressure of excitement rising in me like bubbles in champagne. Thoughts, pictures, moments, from the past, and things I imagined of the future, all rushed through my head. I saw new, broad horizons.
What would it be like?
Our room was perfect, not huge, or overly grand, but clean and pretty.
We kissed; a long kiss, as my heart thumped steadily.
When he let me go, he moved to open his case. “You going to wear the dress I bought you for Christmas? I’m going to wear the shirt you got me…”
I wanted to laugh. God, I felt good inside. I still couldn’t stop smiling. “Yeah.” But I cocked my head to one side. “Hey, that dress is ivory, are you sure you didn’t plan this before yesterday?”
His look said my excitement made him happy too––or maybe he was just as excited as I was.
“I’m sure, honey, I haven’t even got you a wedding ring. Does that prove it? I forgot to get one. I’ll have to get it from the Chapel.”
My hands were still shaking as I got changed. But not with nerves, with expectation. Then Jason’s hand touched my hip and ran up my side. I turned around. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
All the trouble which had happened in Oregon seemed eons ago, like it was a whole other universe away.
When we left the room I was probably gripping his hand too tightly, and my heart was racing so hard it was difficult to breathe. This was crazy; he was seriously madder than me.
Fuck, I still hadn’t told him. I hadn’t told him! I should tell him. I had to tell him before we got married.
People looked at us as we walked through the lobby, and I wondered if they could see how nervous I was or if they knew where we were going. Was it written on our faces? After all I was wearing ivory. I felt like the whole world should know and care about my wedding day as much as I did.
The dress he’d bought me made me feel so beautiful. Declan had bought me dresses by the dozen, but he’d bought me clothes
he
wanted to see me in. Jason had bought this dress because he’d thought I’d like it.
He needs to know I am ill
… My conscience kept whispering as we walked. Then we were outside. I’d tell him in the cab.
It wasn’t warm; Vegas had winter too. But it wasn’t cold either. We weren’t wearing coats, and we could get away with it.
“Oh my God, you booked a limo.” It pulled up in front of us, long and white.
I turned and hugged Jason. “You
are
mad.”
“Nope, just in love.”
My insides dissolved into mush at his words, a warm spasm gripping in my belly and my chest again.
The driver got out and held the door open. Jason held my hand as I climbed in. Then he slid in beside me.
It was like a room inside.
Declan had lived this life all the time. He’d never welcomed me into it, but occasionally I’d shared it, so this wasn’t a shock to me, but it still felt like a beautiful dream today.
“There’s champagne in the drinks cabinet.” The driver said before closing the door.
“You’ve got to have a drink, Rach,” Jason said, moving to open the bottle. “Just have a sip, if nothing more.”
“Yeah, okay.”
He poured a glass for us to share. Then raised it. “To the future, Rach.” He gave it to me.
“To the future,” I whispered, then sipped from it and gave it back to him.
While he drank, my courage began building like stacking blocks inside me, gathering on a rush of adrenaline and fear. “Jason, I have to tell you something. I need to tell you before we get married. I have to be honest with you. You might not like it… I…”
His fingers covered my lips. “Rach, I really don’t give a damn about anything in your past. I love you. I don’t care whatever you’ve done.”
“But this isn’t––”
The car started turning already, and the driver slid back the glass between him and us. “We’re here.”
My heart raced. How to tell Jason? I didn’t want to tell him with the driver listening. I didn’t want to not tell him. He needed to know before we did this.
He gripped my hand.
I looked at him to find him looking at me. “Rach, it’s okay, honest. Nothing you can say is going to change my mind or how I feel about you, you don’t need to say it.”
“I do, Jason…” The car stopped. God, how to explain it in a moment? I couldn’t do it. “Jason, I have this condition––” I whispered, but before I could say anymore he pressed a kiss on my lips, silencing me.
The car door opened.
Jason pulled away.
Again, my moment was gone. He was going to do this in ignorance.
“Jason…” I caught his hand and tried to stop him getting out. “I just need a minute.”
“Honey, we’ve got a time slot, you know what these places are like, wheel them in, and wheel them out. We were lucky to get it, they aren’t going to wait.”
I took a breath. I was just gonna have to risk it. “Okay.” I climbed out the car.
His hand was still gripping mine.
I didn’t think he’d tell me to leave, when he knew. I hoped he wouldn’t. No, I knew, he wouldn’t, I trusted him. It was gonna be okay. But I would tell him. I’d tell him as soon as we got back to the hotel.
~
It was the most amazing and bizarre thing in the world, to watch Rachel walk up the aisle with a guy dressed as Elvis, doing the quivery lip thing and uhuh-ing. But God, I’d never forget it.
She looked amazing. She
was
amazing––stunning, beautiful, radiant, and-just-gorgeous.
The dress I’d bought suited her, as I knew it would. It showed off her slender legs and her pale skinned arms. The bodice clung to her breasts while the skirt was fluid over her stomach and thighs. I thought of the silk underwear she wore beneath and couldn’t wait to strip the thing off her, much as I liked it on her.
She smiled at me, and her eyes glowed like she was looking at the eighth wonder of the world.
Mom was going to be so pissed I’d done this, but this was about me and Rach. Going home had taught me that from now on, Rach came first. Always. I was one of two now. We came as a pair. My life was just going to have to adjust around that.
The guy playing Elvis gave me Rach’s hand. It lay over mine. I gripped it, my thumb squeezing the tip of her fingers.
“This is the silliest thing,” she whispered.
“I know,” I answered, a moment before the wedding started.