I Am The Local Atheist (10 page)

“
Not my vocal chords.”

“
I hardly think it matters judging by last weekend’s
performance.”

“
It wasn’t that good,” Claire said. But I could see her trying
to suppress a smile.

“
You were awesome!”

Wendy agreed.
“Man, you made that song sound like something I had never even
heard before, even though I had heard that song heaps of times
before.”

Claire
couldn’t hold back her smile. “Oh shut up the both of you.”

“
Honestly Claire. That performance really touched my heart in a
way that I had never felt before. You were so awesome. It was
incredible.”

Claire threw
her hands up in mock candour. “No, no! The praise is too much.” But
she was completely lapping it up anyway.

“
Oh you sang it so beautifully.”

“
Oh it was so inspirational” Lisa chimed in.

“
You know my friend, Jerry?” Wendy asked. “The guy who kept
saying that he had lost faith and stuff.”

“
Yeah.”

“
Well, he said that while listening to that song, he had a
vision of Jesus and it totally brought him back to the church. He
felt like it had totally saved his soul.”

Lisa looked at me. “Wow, oh my God.” Her eyes said
“see… see, it happened for someone else, no
reason why…”

“
It’s like you have the power to bring people back to
God!”

“
That’s a gift you can’t afford to ignore!”

“
I reckon. Oh if only that girl from your other church could
have heard it, Lisa. That was so sad. It was in the paper and
everything…”

“
Completely abandoned the church…” Claire stated.

“
And the drugs… did you know her Lisa?”

“
No, I didn’t.” She seemed a little embarrassed. “I had only
met her once or twice and forgotten who she was after I left. That
was just over a whole year ago.” She smiled, but it seemed forced.
And then she looked at me expectantly.

I shrugged my
shoulders.

“
Well anyway, I had joined a whole new family by then.” The
smile smothered the air around me and I nearly suffocated as it
became reciprocated by her friends.

The smiles
didn’t last long before Claire said “That chick is so going to
hell! Just like all those fuckin’ atheists out there who don’t
accept Jesus. And everyone knows that by committing suicide you
forfeit your soul.”

“
Totally,” Wendy chimed in.

“
I have no respect for people who do that to themselves. What
was her name? Selene, Serena, Salon,
Saloona
, or something stupid like
that?”

“
Something Gilligan,” said Wendy.

“
Spoona Gilligan?” They both laughed. “Well it doesn’t
matter…”

Claire was
charging head-first into a discussion that I knew Lisa wouldn’t be
comfortable with, and for which I had no tolerance for displays of
ignorance.

“…
that bitch is going to hell!”

I spoke up.
“That’s a little bit judgemental don’t you think?”

“
I don’t care! That stupid tart is going to hell because that’s
what it says in the Bible happens to people who take their own
lives.”

I raised my voice louder than I had intended. “Hey! How dare
you dishonour her name while she was here on earth! What God
intends for her is God’s business not ours, and we can’t go making
judgements just because of what we believe is the truth here on
earth. God is so much bigger than that. God is the ultimate
truth
and
the last
word and you will realise this when you come face to face with Him
yourself!”

“
You saying The Bible is wrong?”

I shouted.
“Jesus came to save us all! Every single one of us!”

She shrunk
back into her seat. Lisa looked out the window. Wendy was sitting
in the passenger seat trying not to laugh. Claire hit her on the
shoulder and grimaced. It was too easy to notice even though she
had tried hiding it. Wendy took her hand away from her mouth and
suggested the two of them go for a play on the swings, so they left
the car with me and Lisa sitting in the back by ourselves.

I heard her
voice as she looked out the window. “Sorry.”

I was annoyed
at her. “What for?” I knew what for.

“
I didn’t expect them to bring up that subject.”

“
I don’t know what to say Lisa.”

She was
silent. Claire and Wendy had reached the swings and were talking
enthusiastically while looking over as Lisa and I sat uncomfortably
in the car together.

“
It doesn’t even say that in the Bible, Lisa.”

“
It doesn’t?”

“
No. It’s a stupid idea about the soul not having time to
repent that some churches have used to scare and control their
members. It’s completely false. And disgusting.”

“
How come no one ever denounces it then?”

“
People would rather ignore than confront.”

She was silent
again.

“
I’m sorry Lisa.”

“
It’s okay. I don’t like talking about it, but it’s been on my
mind a lot lately.”

“
Okay.”

“
I never knew the girl who killed herself.”

I had to think
for a moment. It was over a year since Lisa and I had been at the
same church. “You might have met her. But it’s hard to say, there
were people there that even I didn’t know.”

“
It’s just that, it’s been a year since she… and, well, it’s
been two full years since I … y’ know.”

I had to say something. “You don’t have to say anything.” I
fuckin’ wanted her to though. I wanted her to say ‘thanks, it was
all because of you that I’m still here today’ or ‘I don’t know what
would’ve happened if we hadn’t been friends’.
Anything.
I just wanted my friendship
acknowledged. To be paid that same respect that she was now paying
her new friends. That’s all.

But she said
nothing.

An
uncomfortable silence ensued for about a minute. She looked past me
to where Claire and Wendy were playing on the swings. “Y’ wanna go
join them?”

“
Sure” I said. I didn’t, but we needed something to break the
tension. I walked over slowly while Lisa went ahead, running to
them, probably telling them that I had calmed down or something –
making an excuse for her dumb and boring friend.

The rest of
the day panned out with us taking a trip to the beach so Wendy
could get some sand for her cat’s sand-boxes. I’m pretty sure that
it was illegal to take sand from the beach, but they had already
broken a bunch of other laws already, so I figured there wasn’t
much point in bringing this one to their attention.

Part IV

–
Charcoal & sauce
–

Lucas asked me
if I wanted to do some more volunteer work with him. Mostly, he
said, just so he had someone else to talk to who wasn’t religious
like all the rest of The Salvation Army people he worked with. I
kept my mouth shut.

They were
having a sausage sizzle day combined with a donation day dedicated
to the opening of the new Family Store – ‘Drop off your old toys,
books or games and help yourself to hotdogs.’ Mostly it was to help
get the store up and running, and also to bring it to people’s
attention – not quite an opening, as most of the plumbing hadn’t
been finished, but a good enough excuse to let Invercargill know
about it.

“
Looks like half the student population has turned up as well,”
Alice sarcastically remarked before heading to her position near
one of the drop-off boxes.

They had hired
a giant purple blow-up castle for the kids to play on, set the
brass band up outside blowing old marching tunes and set up the
barbecue to the side. Luckily for everyone, there was no sign of
rain, like someone up there was blessing the activity down below
with enough sunshine to get a tan by.

I sat on a
ground-wall about knee high as Lucas stood behind the
sausage-sizzle table handing out the hotdogs after they had been
sufficiently burnt by the man behind the cooker. I was always
amazed at how Lucas smiled so keenly to everyone, thanking them for
their donations and generally being kind-hearted in a way that I
never understood would be of any benefit to him.

Christie, on
the other hand, seemed quite relieved to be able to leave the
drop-off box at regular intervals and pick up a hotdog for herself,
or Alice, even stopping once to talk to me as we watched everyone
come and go, and the kids playing on the bouncy castle.

“
Oh to be a kid again.”

I looked over
at the purple castle twisting this way and that as kids flew from
one side to the next. “I wonder what they’d think if we ran over
there and took over.”

Christie
laughed through a mouthful of sausage. “Yoarrr. That’d be
funny.”

What really
would have been funny was if two heads smacked together and caused
a huge crying scene. There’s nothing like kids with tears falling
from their eyes and uncontrollable yelling to remind you of why you
wear condoms.

“
So what are your interests in life David?”

“
Umm, mostly trying to do as little amount of work as
possible.”

“
Ahh, I see. Student, huh?”

“
No, just a genuine dole bludger.”

“
More money for the least amount of work, huh?”

“
Ain’t that the truth. Adult students are treated like shit
compared to people who are
supposed to
be
looking for work.”

“
Know that from experience, huh?”

I looked at
her slyly. “I know some students. I mean at least these people are
extending their education to increase the likelihood of
employment.”

“
So how come you’re not extending your education?”

I shrugged my
shoulders. “I don’t know. Guess I just didn’t find anything worth
pursuing.”

She took
another bite of her hot dog. “There’s heaps of courses that can
lead into all sorts of unexpected things. I was almost solely
focussed on social care but ended up doing a business degree. You
ever had an interest in helping people before?”

No. Tell her ‘no’.
“I used to do
stuff with youth… occasionally. Went on a couple of camps and
stuff, just to help out.”

“
Oh, wow! That’s awesome. Y’ know, Alice does this programme –
well, technically, I do and she’s just there to help out, but we’re
kinda sharing responsibilities until I feel I know what I’m doing.
But anyway, it’s an activities thing for kids called ‘Charge Up’ on
Friday nights, right before the later one for teenagers. You should
come along and see what it’s all about.”

“
Umm, nah, I’ll be right. I’ve got other things…”

“
Lucas will probably be there. He usually is, so don’t feel shy
or anything. You’re more than welcome.”

“
Thanks.”

“
You never heard of ‘Charge Up’ before?”

“
No.”

“
How long you lived in Invercargill?”

“
Since I was born. Unfortunately.”

“
Unfortunately?”

“
Lots of better places to be.”

“
Oh, come on – it can’t be that bad!”

“
You obviously
haven’t
lived here your whole life.”

“
Nah, I’m actually new to the Invercargill corp. I’m originally
from Tauranga. Been down here for about six or seven weeks
now.”

“
What made you leave Tauranga? Surely it couldn’t be any worse
than here?”

“
Well, this is actually my first posting as a Salvation Army
officer, so it wasn’t actually my choice. You know, the big-wigs do
all the deciding.”

“
They couldn’t give you a posting in Tauranga? Your own
home-town?”

She shrugged
her shoulders. “I guess this is where God wants me to be right
now.”

Across the
courtyard Alice was standing with her hands on her hips eyeing the
both of us suspiciously. “Oops. I think Alice wants her hotdog that
I said I’d get for her.”

Christie moved
to the side of the table and poked Lucas in the arm. “I need a
sausage for Alice.”

He looked at
her suspiciously. “Another one? I didn’t know Alice was such a big
fan of hotdogs.”

“
Well she is.”

“
She should get one herself instead of getting you to do all
her bidding.” The corner of his mouth turned up in a
grin.

Christie
nodded politely trying not to smile. “Maybe I’ll tell her
that.”

“
Yeah, you should.” He put a hotdog in her extended hand. “Want
an extra one just in case you get hungry on your way
back?”

Christie
smiled through gritted teeth, blinking. “I’ve already had a couple
thank you very much.”

“
Just a couple?”

She walked
away grinning.

I’m pretty
sure she had picked up more sausages than anyone else – even the
people donating stuff, even the random street kids and polytech
students who hadn’t donated anything.

Lucas took a
break and came and stood next to me, handing me a hotdog smothered
in sauce. “I took the liberty of assuming you weren’t a fan of
charcoal so added extra sauce to try to even the flavours out.”