She thought back to last night and the way her body had reacted as she watched the two women across the bar. She admitted now, she had been excited. Her body had responded to what she saw and she had no explanation for that. Sitting there watching them last night, something had clicked inside of her. The looks on their faces as they touched, the natural way they moved together.
Had she ever looked like that when Robert touched her? When any man touched her? Her thoughts went to Tori, and again she tried to imagine her there. But it wasn’t some stranger she saw on her lap, kissing her, touching her. She saw herself reaching out to touch Tori, to kiss her.
“Samantha?”
“Hmm?”
“Well?”
She focused on Robert and frowned.
“What?”
“Have you not been listening? I wanted your opinion.”
“I’m sorry, Robert. I was lost in thought. What did you say?”
“Never mind. It wasn’t important.” Then he pointed to her plate. “How’s your pasta?”
“It’s fine.” In fact, she’d barely touched it. She twirled the pasta on her fork and took a bite. She would rather have had a burger.
“You feel like seeing a movie later?” he asked. “Or maybe we could rent one and go back to my place,” he suggested.
“It’s so pretty out, Robert, I would hate to be inside,” she said. “Why don’t we go to the park?”
“The park? And do what?”
“I don’t know. Sit in the sunshine? Walk around? Throw a Frisbee?”
He put his fork down and stared at her.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. It’s just a beautiful day. I don’t want to be stuck in a dark theater.”
“You want to tell me what’s going on with you? You’ve been acting very strange for the last several weeks,” he said.
She stared back at him.
“Are you suggesting that since I got transferred to Homicide, I’ve been different?”
He shrugged. “I think it started before that.” He leaned forward. “Why was it so important for you to move to Homicide?” he asked. “That’s all you focused on for months.”
“I told you why, Robert. I didn’t want to be a detective in Assault for the rest of my career. There are only two women that have made Captain. I want to be the third.”
“Why?”
“Why? What kind of question is that?”
“I envision us getting married and having kids and hopefully having you home more, not less. We hardly see each other anymore, Samantha. It’s like your career is more important to you than I am.”
“Did you hear what you just said, Robert? Did you even listen as the words left your mouth?” she demanded.
“What?”
“You envision us getting married and having kids? So I can stay home more? So that you and the kids and the goddamn house can be more important to me than my career?” She noticed several curious stares from some of the other tables, but she hardly cared.
“Samantha, please, calm down. That’s not what I meant,” he said.
“What did you mean, then?”
He spread his hands and drew his eyebrows together, a gesture that Sam knew meant he was about to make a speech.
“Samantha, we’ve been dating for nearly two years, progressing in our relationship to an eventual joining. But both of us, me included, have been focusing on our careers and not on building a future together, a home, a family. Unless I’ve totally misread you, I think you want the same things I do out of life. A secure future, a nice home, kids. And eventually grandchildren coming to visit. It’s a nice picture to think about, isn’t it?”
Sam stared at him, wondering what she had missed. Grandchildren? They weren’t even married and he’s talking about
grandchildren
?
“Robert, I just turned thirty-four. I certainly don’t want to talk about becoming grandparents.”
He smiled. “You know what I mean. I just want us to look to the future. And base our current decisions on that.”
“You know what? My current decision revolves around what to do with the rest of my weekend. And I’ve decided I don’t want to spend it watching movies with you.”
She pushed away from the table and left him staring after her. She made it to the sidewalk before he grabbed her arm.
“What the hell are you doing? Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was?”
“I don’t care, Robert. Please take me to my car.” She stood with her arms crossed, staring at him.
“What is wrong with you?”
“I don’t know, Robert,” she said honestly. “I just need some space.”
“Space?”
“I just want to be alone this weekend. I’m sorry you don’t understand.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand. If something’s bothering you, if I’ve done something to upset you, I wish you’d just tell me. Now I have to spend the rest of the weekend wondering what I’ve done wrong.”
“You haven’t done anything, Robert.”
They crossed the street and got into his car. Samantha sat silently, staring out the window as he drove to his apartment.
“Are you even coming in?” he asked when they parked beside her car.
“No. I’ll call you later, Robert.”
With that, she slammed her door and sped away. Her grip was tight on the wheel and she finally glanced at herself in the mirror, meeting eyes that were wild with fright. She didn’t understand what was happening with her. She had lashed out at Robert because he wanted to marry her and have a family. She should have told him the truth. She didn’t want to marry him. She didn’t want to have kids. She wondered, if they’d had this conversation a few months ago, would her reaction have been the same?
She grabbed her cell phone. She would call Amy. She would talk it out with her. But before she finished dialing, she disconnected. Amy would say she was crazy. Amy loved Robert. She stuck her hand in her purse, moving things aside until her fingers curled around the business card. She pulled it out, staring at the front before flipping it over. Then, before she could change her mind, she dialed Tori’s cell phone.
The ringing woke her, and Tori lazily reached for the phone. She shielded her eyes against the sun.
“Hunter.”
“Were you sleeping?”
Tori smiled at the sound of Sam’s voice. She sat up, swinging her legs off the recliner and stretched.
“Just a little nap. Catching up,” she said. “What about you?”
“I slept until noon. It was great.” A pause. “Listen, if your invitation is still open, I would love to see your boat.”
“Sure. It’s great out here today. I’m still docked. I was going to take her out a little later and do some fishing.”
“Do you mind company?”
“No. That’d be great.”
Tori gave her quick directions, then tossed her cell phone on the recliner. She wouldn’t mind Sam’s company and she supposed she was about to meet Robert. She wondered what he would be like. She envisioned him tall, handsome. Dark hair. He and Sam probably made the perfect couple. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her shorts. She didn’t really want to meet him, she realized. She didn’t want to meet the man that Sam slept with.
Jealousy?
“Please,” she murmured, disgusted with the thought. She pulled on her T-shirt and went inside, tidying the tiny kitchen. She opened the refrigerator, wondering how long they would stay. She had plenty of beer but not much food. She eyed the small package of hamburger meat that was to be her dinner. Maybe she could stretch it into three.
Chapter Eighteen
Sam found a parking spot easily. It was so warm out, she expected the marina to be more crowded. Walking to the gate, she punched in the code that Tori had given her. She walked along the pier, looking out over Eagle Mountain Lake as the sunlight bounced off the water. It was beautiful. No wonder Tori came here to relax.
The marina itself was small, much smaller than the others Sam had passed as she made her way around Lake Worth and on to Eagle Mountain. But it suited Tori. She couldn’t imagine her docked side-by-side with a hundred other boats. This marina held maybe twenty, at the most. But what surprised her was the size of the boats. Not fishing boats. Cabin cruisers. For some reason, she imagined Tori’s boat as a ski boat, not like the monsters she was walking past now.
“Hey, over here.”
Sam looked up at the sound of Tori’s voice. She was standing at the end of the pier and lifted her hand in greeting. Sam’s eyes took in the long, tanned legs and baggy shorts and T-shirt. She grinned at the smile that Tori tossed her way. She looked more relaxed than Sam had ever seen her.
“This is some place,” she said when she reached Tori.
Tori shrugged. Sam followed her down one of the side piers, between the boats.
“It’s quiet. Nothing fancy,” Tori allowed. In fact, she was proud of her boat. It had been a major investment but was well worth every penny.
She stopped at the end and turned to Sam, pointing to her boat.
“Here she is.”
Sam stared at the huge cabin cruiser.
Hunter’s Way
was stenciled on the back. Then under that, in smaller letters was
Emily
. Sam looked at Tori with raised eyebrows.
Tori met her gaze. “Emily was my sister,” she said quietly. “She died when she was ten.”
Sam drew a sharp breath, waiting for Tori to tell her more. She watched as a frown marred Tori’s features, then it passed and her eyes went gentle again.
“Come on board,” she said. Then she paused. “I thought you were bringing Robert.”
Sam raised her eyebrows. “Why would you think that?”
Tori shrugged again. “It’s the weekend. It’s not like you saw him much last week. You were with me three nights,” she said.
It was Sam’s turn to shrug. “I had lunch with him. It was more than enough,” she said evasively. “Come on. Show me around.”
Tori took Sam’s hand and helped her on board, then led her inside.
“The tour won’t take long. Galley,” she said, pointing to the small kitchen. “Down there are the cabins and head… or the bathroom. Go take a look. Watch your head there,” she said as Sam ducked down the two steps.
Sam looked around, opening one door to a room that contained a bed, nothing else. Small shelves were built right into the wall. She opened the other door. This room was larger, but not by much. This is where Tori slept, she noted. The bed was unmade and she recognized the clothes from the previous night, thrown in a heap on the floor. The shelves contained shorts and T-shirts. Summer wear. She opened the tiny bathroom, surprised at the efficiency in the small space.
“There’s a shower,” she called up.
“Yep.”
Sam climbed the steps and smiled.
“It’s great. No wonder you come here to relax.”
“I’ll come out more, now that the weather has warmed up.” Tori handed Sam a beer, then guided her out on deck. “Feel like a cruise?”
“Are you kidding? I’d love one.”
Sam helped untie the boat, then climbed up on top with Tori, sitting beside her at the controls. Tori backed the boat out of the pier slowly, then turned it and headed out onto the open waters of the lake. She took a deep breath, letting the sunshine wash over her. It was glorious. She stretched her legs out, feeling the sun warm her skin. She smiled, looking over at Tori. She looked so comfortable, so at ease. Her feet were bare and as tanned as the rest of her. She wondered if she lived in shorts year-round.
“This is wonderful, Tori. How early can you go swimming?”
“Well, if you’re brave, early to mid-May. But by Memorial Day, the water is fine.”
“And do you brave it?”
“Yep. I love to swim. Part fish,” she explained. “I could stay in the water for hours, I think.”
“How long have you had the boat?”
“I’ve had this one only three years,” Tori said. “The first one was only a twenty-five-footer. It was great for a day out but a little cramped if I stayed here overnight. This one is thirty-five.”
“I love it. Thank you for inviting me.”
“No problem. It’s not often I have company,” she said. In fact, Sam was the only other person to be on board. She didn’t feel the need to tell Sam this. Instead, she was curious as to why she wasn’t with Robert. “You want to tell me about it?”
“What?”
“Robert?”
Sam blushed and looked away. It seemed kinda foolish now, her outburst. Robert had meant no harm. He had just been expressing his feelings. And she expressed hers by leaving.
“We had a bit of a disagreement,” she said finally. “About our future.”
“Oh? You want different things?”
“Tori, he wants to get married and have kids. In fact, I think he wants to skip right over the kids and just have grandchildren. I’m only thirty-four. I can’t even imagine being married, much less a house in the suburbs with kids.”
“And you told him?”
“Not exactly. He said I was more interested in my career than in him. That kinda pissed me off.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s the truth,” Sam admitted. “My career is important. So is his. But he expects me to make sacrifices, to be home more while his career continues as it is. It’s not fair.”
“Why can’t you imagine being married?” Tori asked hesitantly.
“I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s being married so much as being married to him,” she said. “I really like him, I do. He’s a very sweet man. He’s very compassionate. He loves his job, he cares about the people he defends. He’s a… nice guy.”
“But?”
Sam looked away and squeezed her eyes tight. She didn’t want it to be true, but it was.
“I’m not in love with him,” she said quietly.
Tori nodded and waited silently for Sam to continue.
“I thought maybe I could be. Or maybe it would eventually come. And I was content going out with him and dating. But we had separate apartments. I still had my space. But now, he’s ready to proceed to the next step and I know that he’s not what I need in my life.” She glanced quickly at Tori. “I can’t believe I’m telling you all this. I usually save these conversations for Amy.”
“Who’s she?”
“My best friend. But she loves Robert. She thinks we’re perfect together.”
“Then she doesn’t know you that well.”
“We’ve known each other for ten years, but you may be right. I tend to gloss over things when it comes to Robert. It’s easier that way than for her to tell me I’m crazy for not wanting him. He’s really a good catch. He’s just not the right one for me.”