Hung (15 page)

S
eeing
Clay looking vulnerable and hurt like that shocked me to the core. Of course, I knew that there was more to him than just the image he'd so carefully constructed – the philandering bad boy who didn't let any girl close enough to tie him down, because I was living proof that that was a lie.

But even so, I was suddenly reminded that, in truth, we'd only been dating for a few short months, regardless of the fact that the whole world thought we were engaged. Worse, I realized that I was guilty of treating Clay like the man in the magazines – the guy with the huge cock and without a care in the world. But he was so much more than that – he was a person with feelings, emotions that ran deeper than I'd ever have imagined.

I needed to find him, and I needed to prove to him that I could be more than just arm candy – I could be the kind of girl who was there for him in his darkest moments. More than that, I knew that I
wanted
to be at his side when he needed me most.

I grabbed my phone and dialed his number, but there was no response. Almost frantically, I tried it again, and again – but every time, the call was sent straight to voicemail. I couldn't imagine that he was intentionally ignoring me, but I was soon frantic with worry that he'd gone and done something stupid or got himself hurt.

I didn't care if he wrecked what remained of his career – and mine with it. I just wanted him back alive and in one piece. But if I knew one thing about Clay, it was that when he was hurting, he did stupid shit.

I called the only person I knew who'd been through this before and had dealt with Clay when he was in this kind of frame of mind.

"Mike?" I panted, my voice ragged with worry.

"Alicia, great of you to call. I was actually just about to ring you guys."

"You were?" I asked, knocked off balance by Mike's unexpectedly cheery tone. I was so confused by the contrast with his carefree happiness and the state of sheer, unadulterated panic that was beginning to overcome my rational mind that for a moment, I was shocked into silence.

"Of course – I wanted to personally give you two the good news. The launch is going better than we'd ever expected. We leaked it early to a couple of pirate music sites, and that gave it the kind of buzz money can't buy. We launched it on iTunes and Spotify as well as a couple of other places, and if you're not first in the streaming charts already, you will be by the time your head hits the pillow this evening! Congratulations!"

"Uh, thanks Mike," I said less than graciously.

"Are you okay, Alicia?" he asked, sounding a little disappointed. "I thought you'd be – well, more enthusiastic…"

"To be honest, Mike," I replied fretfully, "I wasn't really calling about the record."

"No?" He sounded surprised.

"No. But it does knock one possibility off the list," I mused to myself, realizing that at least I could cross off the record failing as a reason for Clay's disappearance.

"Alicia – what the hell are you talking about?" Mike snapped, clearly beginning to tire of me talking around him, rather than to him.

"Sorry, Mike – I'm just so worried. Clay stormed out of here looking like his dog was sick or something. I've never seen him cry before, but he looked like he'd been sobbing all morning…"

"Oh, shit," Mike muttered. "I should have known."

"What's going on Mike?" I demanded, fed up of the fact that everyone else seemed to know what was going on except me – and I was supposed to be Clay's fiancée!

"It's the anniversary of Sarah's death," he said sadly. "I should have told you."

"Oh my God, Mike, I'm so sorry," I said. "Today must be so hard for you. Are you holding it together?" I wanted to reach through the phone and give him a hug.

"I'm fine, Alicia. It's been ten years, and I've moved on, remarried. Of course it's hard sometimes, but Sarah had so much life in her, she would never have wanted me to grieve for the rest of my life. I tried to tell Clay that, but he coped in a very different way. Until he met you, that is."

I flushed, suddenly overcome with emotion. I knew I shouldn't feel good about that, certainly not in this situation, but I couldn't help it. It was like a tap had been turned on my brain, and every pregnancy hormone had been turned up to ten. A tear creased my eye, and then floods started pouring out.

"Are you okay, Alicia? Don't worry – we'll find him," Mike said reassuringly. "Clay knows how to take care of himself, even when he's on a bender."

"It's not that," I sobbed. "I don't know what's going on. Argh!" I shrieked, a pain from somewhere deep within my gut suddenly stabbing into me like a knife.

"Alicia, what's wrong?" Mike asked urgently. "Is it something to do with the baby?"

"How do you know about the baby?" I gasped through the pain. "Clay wasn’t supposed to…"

I broke off, hands wrapped around my stomach.

"It doesn't matter. I'm calling an ambulance now. I'll meet you at the hospital, okay?"

"Mike…" I moaned through the pain.

"Yeah?"

"Find Clay for me." I needed him now, more than I'd ever needed him before.

"I'll do what I can."

I
must've lost consciousness
, because the next thing I knew, two EMT's were crouching over me, talking to me in professional but urgent and concerned tones.

"Miss Hudson, Miss Hudson – are you okay?"

I stirred. "It hurts…" was all I could moan. I was lucid, but the stabbing pains from my stomach were almost overwhelming, as was the fear that was beginning to creep through me that after riding the emotional high of learning I was finally pregnant after spending seven years believing I'd never have a child of my own, I was about to lose it all.

"Miss Hudson, have you been drinking? Smoking? Taking any drugs?"

"No," I moaned through the agonizing stabbing pain in my gut, "just Clomid, to conceive. Nothing else."

"You have to be honest with us, Miss Hudson," the male EMT said disapprovingly, as though he suspected that I was lying to him.

I don't know whether the fear prompted my response, or maybe the pain, but I snapped back, interrupting his holier than thou monologue. "I am being fucking honest." I paused to grunt in pain. "I haven't had a drink since I found out I was pregnant."

The female EMT gave her colleague a reproachful, disapproving look and he shrank back, stung. If I could have moved without suffering severe pain, I'd have given her a fist bump for standing up for the sisterhood. As it was, I had to settle for shooting her a look of thanks.

"How far along are you, Miss Hudson?" she asked gently. She was a whole heck of a lot more pleasant to deal with than her partner, that was for sure.

"Not sure," I grunted. "Maybe six weeks, or just a bit longer? I've got a gyno visit scheduled, just haven't been yet."

She tried to disguise her anxious glance towards her colleague, but I spotted it. I was searching both of their faces desperately for any clue as to whether there was something seriously wrong with me – or worse, the child I was carrying within me.

"What's wrong?" I asked anxiously, fear clouding all the sensations of pain that were flooding through my body. "Please, tell me."

"We're not sure, Miss Hudson, we just need to get you to the hospital – okay?"

"Please, tell me – is there something wrong with my baby?"

The female EMT gave me a pitying look that hurt more than any of the stabbing pains in my stomach. "We don't know anything for sure," she tried to reassure me, but by then it was too late.

They transferred me to a stretcher and carried me into the back of the ambulance. It wasn't a long drive to the hospital, but it felt like a lifetime as I cradled my stomach in my hands, tears dripping down my soaking face and catching on the rim of the oxygen mask the EMTs had placed over my mouth.

"I'm going to give you a shot to help with the pain, okay?" the woman asked.

I grabbed her hand. "No!" I hissed. "No pain meds."

"The chances that it'll hurt the baby are almost non-existent, and you look like you're in agony," she said, trying to convince me.

"But there's a chance?" I asked penetratingly.

"A small one," she allowed.

"Then no pain medicine," I insisted. "I can take the pain. Whatever you do, don't do anything that could hurt my child. I can't have another…"

She gave me a sad look, as though she suspected that I wouldn't be able to have this one, either, and it broke my heart. I bit down on my lip to avoid descending into a full on sobbing fit.

The last thing I heard before we pulled up at the emergency department was the other EMT's deep voice from the front of the ambulance.

"Unit two-niner coming in fast. We've got a pregnant lady, six to eight weeks along, suspected ectopic."

I knew then and there that I was going to lose my child.

I
didn't
bother locking the car, or even taking the keys with me. Hell, that piece of metal was the last thing on my mind. I threw the door open and sprinted directly to the awning that covered the emergency department's entrance. I was fit, but I pushed myself beyond every limit I ever knew I had to get into the hospital as quickly as I could. I didn't stop until I had reached the reception desk.

"You need to help me!" I begged, chest heaving. The nurse seated behind reception gave me a quick, dismissive look before locking her eyes back on her computer screen. I was about to scream for help when she looked back up, her eyes widening.

"Clay Hunt?" she said, the redness of flushed surprise sweeping over her face. I knew in that moment that using my fame would be the best way to get what I needed right now – much as I hated to do it.

"There's a woman here, Liss. No – I mean Alicia."

"Mr. Hunt, I mean, sir – are you a relative?"

"I'm her fiancée," I said desperately. "Please, tell me that she's okay."

A look of disappointment crossed the nurse's face this time, but she covered it up professionally and still seemed eager to help a man as famous as me. I caught a couple of irritated looks from the busy waiting room as people realized that I was getting preferential treatment, but right now I didn't care. If I had to donate a million dollars to the hospital in penance, I would – as long as they saved my lover and my child.

"What's her surname, sir?"

I cast around in my mind desperately – to me she'd always be Liss. "Hudson," I gasped, "it's Hudson."

A look of concern crossed her face. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Is she okay?"

"She's in room nine, Mr. Hunt, but it's not visiting times…"

I didn't care. "What's wrong with her?"

"I'm afraid I can only discuss that with family," she replied, looking concerned at my wild-eyed expression.

"I'm her damn fiancée!" I screamed in frustration. No one here had any idea that my relationship with Alicia was the fraud that it had started out as, and I couldn't understand why they wouldn't help me.

"But you're not on her visitation list, I'm afraid," the nurse said sadly. "I'm afraid you're going to have to come back tomorrow morning. We simply can't—"

I pushed myself away from the desk, done with this pointless conversation – it wasn't getting anywhere. The nurse looked affronted, but just shook her head and went back to her computer, rather than calling security. Good – because I had no intention of leaving and coming back in the morning.

I looked up at the blue and white signs that hung from the ceiling. The one which read ‘Rooms 1-9’ pointed to my right and I followed it without hesitation. I sprinted down the long corridor, passing treatment rooms on either side until I finally reached number nine – the last. I saw a familiar face sitting on a bench outside the room, his foot tapping erratically and uncontrollably on the linoleum floor.

"Mike!" I greeted emotionally. "Tell me what's wrong. Is it the kid?"

"Your kid's fine," he grinned back broadly, "both—" He caught himself, biting down on his lip in the process.

"Both of them?" I asked. "So Alicia's okay, too?" I needed him to say yes, because if he didn't, then I had no idea what I’d do. The bottle in the car would be high on my list of priorities. Logically, if the kid was fine, I should have known that Alicia would have been okay – but my mind wasn’t working anywhere close to logically right now.

"She's… doing okay. She had appendicitis – it was nothing to do with the babies. Baby, I mean," he caught himself. "They’ve already taken out the appendix."

I felt like shit. I'd been wallowing in a grief that I should have put behind me almost a decade ago, while Alicia had been alone, in pain in the hospital. Hell, she'd been under the knife when I'd been considering downing a bottle of bourbon. She was way too good to me.

"What do you mean, she had surgery?" I asked.

"Keyhole surgery," he nodded, "not open. They didn't even put her under general anesthetic. She'll have the stitches out in a week."

"Can I see her?" I asked tentatively. I didn't know whether I deserved to, or whether she'd even want to see me, and I'd understand it if she said no.

"Go ahead," Mike said encouragingly, gesturing at the closed white door to Liss's private hospital room. "She's a bit sleepy."

"Mike – thank you," I said, gripping his hand powerfully. "I know it can't have been easy for you to come back here, to this place…" My voice broke. "Seriously, thank you for everything you've done."

"Don't worry about it," he smiled, "you'd do it for me. Now go and see your girl!"

My fingers closed around the door handle nervously, but I pushed through the worry and strode in. Mike seemed confident that Alicia wasn't about to end things with me, but I needed to see her at least one last time, just in case she did.

"Clay!" she exclaimed the moment I stepped inside. She looked beautiful. Even dressed in a hospital robe with a plastic tube coming out of the back of her right hand, she looked sexier to me than any other woman I'd ever seen in my life.

"Liss," I said breathlessly, "are you okay? Mike told me everything. Is the baby okay?"

"Come here, Clay." She smiled tiredly, gesturing towards me with her unentangled left hand. "I've got something to tell you."

My stomach was gripped with fear as my mind jumped to the worst-case option – she was about to break up with me. I walked towards her with leaden feet, gulping.

"Why do you look so white?" she asked with concern. "You look like you've seen a ghost…"

"Just scared, I guess." I gulped.

"Sit down," she said, patting the bed beside her.

Hell, she'll even break up with me more kindly than any other girl in the world
…

"Just tell me," I said, gritting my teeth for the worst.

"Okay," she agreed, shooting me a confused look. "Clay, you're going to be a daddy. Twice."

"Twice?" I echoed stupidly. "What do you mean, you're pregnant again?"

The moment I said it, I realized how stupid I sounded.

"No, silly – we're having twins!"

The news bowled me over. The way Alicia had discussed it with me, I'd thought I'd only ever have one child. I was okay with it – because I was having it with Alicia, and I couldn't imagine the beautiful woman recovering next to me
not
being in my life. I'd come to terms with it and resolved to give that kid the best damn life I could.

But this was incredible.

"Twins?" I said under my breath. "Liss, tell me you're not joking. You can't do this to me…"

She grinned. "I wouldn't. Clay, we are having twins!"

I leaned in and kissed her on the mouth, careful not to touch anywhere else on her body in case I hurt her. Alicia didn't have the same reservations; she hooked her arms around my back and pulled me in hard.

"Careful!" I said, briefly breaking away from the kiss for some air. "You'll hurt yourself."

She looked at me seriously. "Clay, you're being overprotective. It's my body and I think I’d know if I was hurting myself…"

"Sorry," I whispered, "I just couldn't bear it if something happened to you. Not after this."

"Clay, I'm fine." She grinned. "And you can't wrap me in cotton wool for the next seven months."

"I can try," I said defensively. "As far as I'm concerned, you should be!"

She rested her hand on mine. "How are
you
, Clay? I know coming back here must be hard…"

"You know?" I asked, looking at her eyes. I knew before she confirmed.

"I do," she nodded sadly. "I'm sorry, Clay – I really am."

"I'm sorry for running off today, Liss."

"You don't need to apologize—"

I stopped her. "I do. You need to know what kind of man I am, Liss. You know where I was before I got Mike's text?"

She shook her head.

"Sitting in the parking lot of this damn hospital staring at a bottle of bourbon. I was going to drink the whole damn thing—"

This time it was Liss’s turn to interrupt
me
. "Did you?"

"No, but—"

She cut me off again. "No buts, Clay. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than you think you are. You'd have stumbled in here three sheets to the wind if you weren't. So why didn't you?" she asked piercingly.

I lowered my eyes from hers, searching for the right answer. "Because of you," I said, the truth rising to the surface like cream. It was a simple answer, but it was also the correct one – not because it was what she wanted to hear, but because it came from my heart.

"See, Clay. That's what I mean – you're stronger than you think."

"I'm not—"

She shot me a hard look. "Are you really going to sit there and tell a pregnant woman she is wrong?"

I flushed. "I guess not." I rested my hand on my upper thigh, and the heel of my palm came in to contact with something hard in my pocket. My forehead creased as I tried to figure out what the tiny item was. When I did, I knew it was destiny. I reached into the pocket and extracted the necklace, hiding it in my hand so that Liss couldn't see a thing.

"Where are you going?" she asked as I slipped off the bed. I silenced her by placing one finger on my lips.

"Nowhere, if you'll have me," I said, slipping onto one knee. I'd never seen anything quite as adorable, or sexy, as the way Liss’s eyes widened as she realized what I was doing.

"Clay…" she whispered, her eyes alive with wonder.

"Alicia Hudson, you mean everything to me, and I want to be the best dad to our child – our children," I quickly corrected myself, "that I can. I want to give you all the best life I can, and I can't imagine ever being anywhere but by your side.

"Liss, will you marry me?"

I slowly opened my hand, revealing the simple gold band resting on my open palm, surrounded by loops of the delicate silver chain it was mounted on.

"Yes."

It was all she needed to say, and she said it without hesitation. "Of course I will," she said, a tear springing from her eye.

I unclasped the necklace and threaded the chain out. I took Liss’s soft chocolate hand in mine and slipped the gold ring onto her extended ring finger.

"Alicia Hunt," she said, grinning. "I like it. How long have you been carrying around that ring?"

"Not long," I said honestly, "but I've had it forever. It was Sarah's."

Her mouth formed into a little ‘O’ of wonder. "Clay, you shouldn't…"

"If you'd have met her," I said honestly, "she'd have loved you. And, Liss, you're the only person that ever managed to get me out of the deep hole of grief I've been buried in the last decade. She'd want you to have it."

Alicia's eyes were bright with tears. "Thank you, Clay," she whispered. "Do you think we could call our daughter Sarah, to remember her?"

I grinned rampantly. "I'm having a daughter?"

"Both." Alicia grinned. "I know how much you were looking forward to having a son, and I didn't want to disappoint you…"

I kissed her fiercely. "Believe me," I said honestly, "you never could."