How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (49 page)

•
Ask the Lord to help you stop taking your mother’s behavior personally. Her lack of love has nothing to do with you.

•
Realize that the void within your mother’s heart restricts her from reaching out to your heart.

•
Fully receive and focus on God’s unconditional love for you. Although you have no power to make your mother express love, God will give you all the love and acceptance you need, empowering you to overcome the pain of rejection.

The Bible gives you this tender assurance:

“Though my father and mother forsake me, the L
ORD
will receive me”

(P
SALM
27:10).

Question:
“How can I overcome my extreme fear of rejection? I’m now isolating myself from people.”

Answer:
God does not want you to be controlled by fear, but instead to be controlled by Christ, who will enable you to overcome your fear. Therefore, the first step in gaining victory over your fear of rejection is to commit to processing all of the past rejection and giving no more power to that pain. Rely on God’s strength within you to face rejection in your life. As you look back at your past…

•
Write down every remembrance of rejection from the first instance until the present.

•
Take time to feel the pain of each experience and then put into writing how you feel.

•
Slowly read back through your list, and with each situation, say, “That was then and this is now. I will not let the pain of my past control my present or my future.”

•
Release each painful rejection to the Lord, saying, “Lord Jesus, I release this pain and my fear of future pain into your hands. Thank You that You will never reject me.”

•
Begin talking with a wise, compassionate person whom you think you can trust. (Tell this person what you are trying to overcome and ask if he or she would be willing to help you.)

•
Do not focus on what you think others are thinking about you. Instead, trust in God’s unconditional acceptance of you.

“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the L
ORD
is kept safe”

(P
ROVERBS
29:25).

When you have experienced the pain of past rejection, do you mentally rehearse negative thoughts, feelings, and perhaps even “vows”? Unfortunately, these repetitious thoughts (
“
I’m not accepted”) and emotions (“I feel unwanted”) lead to an illogical conclusion (“I vow that no one will hurt me again!”).

How we live our lives is based on what we
believe.
Therefore, if we believe we are rejected, we will live a life of rejection in our minds, our hearts, and our emotions, even when we are not outwardly rejected by others.

The progressions depicted above demonstrate the importance of taking your thoughts captive, training your mind, and telling yourself the truth. You are accepted by God; therefore, allow Him to heal your heart from the pain of the past. If you will cancel the vows that are contrary to God’s Word, you will lay the foundation needed to experience perfect peace in your life.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
10:5).

All of us are created with three God-given inner needs—the needs for love, significance, and security.
¹⁷
We experience rejection from our earliest years when we are deprived of having someone who loves us unconditionally, someone who regards us as highly significant, or someone who welcomes us as part of the family (parents divorce, feeling snubbed, deserted by loved one).

Because people fail people, it is essential not to let other people define who you are. Realize that rejection can quickly skew your view of yourself! Even though you may not see the path you should take, the Lord promises to guide all your steps and to meet all your needs.

“The L
ORD
will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail”

(I
SAIAH
58:11).

Wrong Belief:

“Because of being rejected, I feel so unloved, so insignificant, so unwanted. My life isn’t worth anything!”

Right Belief:

“I do not like being rejected, but I know my worth isn’t based on whether or not others reject me but on the fact that the Lord accepts me. Jesus not only loved me enough to die for my sins, but He also lives inside me and will never leave me nor forsake me.”

“I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation”

(P
SALM
13:5).

Question:
“Even though I am a Christian, I feel like God rejects me. Others have also rejected me. What can I do about the self-condemnation I feel and the bitterness that is eating me up inside?”

Answer:
Bitterness is the result of unresolved, prolonged anger. Self-condemnation is anger turned inward. This means that before you can deal with bitterness or self-condemnation, you need to…

•
look into your past and uncover the root cause of your feelings

•
determine the cause of your anger: hurt, injustice, fear, or frustration

•
examine whether something in your past led you to feel one of these painful emotions

•
realize that feelings always follow thinking, so once you have discovered the source of your anger, examine the truthfulness of your thinking, for only the truth can set you free

•
once you’ve established the truth, renew your mind by repeating that truth

•
above all, repeat Romans 8:1 and pray, “Thank You, God, that because of Christ you will never condemn or reject me”

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

(R
OMANS
8:1)

The strongest lesson to glean from Joseph’s life is evident in his response to repeated rejection (see Genesis chapters 37–50). His father, Jacob, sent
Joseph to the fields to find his brothers. When the brothers see him, they first conspire to kill him. But then they decide to sell him to merchants, who cart Joseph off to Egypt, where he is sold as a slave to prominent Potiphar.

In spite of this severe rejection, Joseph never becomes bitter or blames God. He faithfully performs whatever work is given to him, with excellence and integrity.

A day comes when the wife of Potiphar tries to seduce Joseph. Although he resists, Joseph is falsely accused and imprisoned. At any time during Joseph’s suffering due to unfair treatment, he could have allowed hatred to fill his heart…but he didn’t.

Twenty-two years later, famine spreads to Joseph’s homeland, and his family becomes desperate for food. So Jacob sends his sons to Egypt to buy grain. Little do they know that the brother whom they had rejected is now the prime minister of Egypt!

What an opportunity for Joseph to exact revenge! What an opportunity for him to banish his brothers from the land! But rather than returning rejection for rejection, Joseph weeps and reveals his identity. Rather than taking revenge, he accepts his brothers and extends his heart of forgiveness and his hand of help.

Joseph literally saves his family and all Israelites by providing not just food during the famine, but also their new home for the next 400 years. Through what Joseph says to his brothers, it is clear that he is willing to view his years of rejection through the eyes of God. That his heart is filled with mercy is evident in his humble words to his brothers:

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”

(G
ENESIS
50:20).

Though banished to a foreign land, falsely accused and forsaken, Joseph never accused God of forsaking him. At the end of his tumultuous ordeal, Joseph acknowledged the hand of the Lord at work in his life even though no “hand” could be seen. During the times you are reeling from rejection, realize the Lord has not rejected you:

“The L
ORD
himself goes before you and will be
with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”

(D
EUTERONOMY
31:8).

We who are Christians will be rejected by the world because Jesus was rejected by the world. Sometimes “the world” is within our own families, just as it was within His own family. This means we may be rejected by our own, just as Jesus was rejected by His own. Decide now not to be dismayed or destroyed by rejection, but rather expect it and be strengthened by it. Remember, the heavier the burden, the stronger God’s strength to help you bear it.

“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens”

(P
SALM
68:19).

God’s Promises in Romans 8:28-39

“I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”

(R
OMANS
8:38-39).

Did you grow up in a home where you never measured up, where you were mistreated, where you were maligned, and as a result, you’re convinced God could never approve of you? Have you committed some hidden sin or harbored hatred in your heart such that you now feel beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness? Have you ever been told, “You should
never
have been born…you were
never
wanted…you will
never
amount to anything”?