How to Catch a (Rock) Star (The Dead Hour #1) (22 page)

‘Oh. Well, when you do, could you please ask him, you know, ask him if he’s alright, not Chris, I mean I know he’s alright – ‘

Kate interrupted her,

‘Yes, I’ll ask him,’ she turned around and Lillie didn’t like the look on her face. Pity.

‘Are you hungry?’ Kate said, changing the subject. ‘I got loads of stuff at Waitrose, I thought you might like some picky bits.’

She started pulling tubs out of the fridge, running through an inventory as she put them on the counter. Lillie watched her, wondering when she was going to produce the wine and pour out a big glass.

‘I’ll just put out a selection, shall I?’ she carried on, her voice chipper.

Lillie nodded and suggested they have a glass of wine to go with the dips and olives. A look of concern and disapproval sprinted across Kate’s face but she opened a bottle anyway, pouring two small glasses.

Lillie reached for her glass like it was a life ring and she was drowning in a stormy sea. Kate took hers back to the counter and started chopping an onion whilst talking about the gallery and the new artist her parents had just done an exhibition for.

Lillie made the appropriate noises and refilled her glass to the top. By the time Kate had finished making her soup, there was about a glass worth left in the bottle and Lillie was feeling much better. Numb.

Kate tipped the wine into her own glass without saying a word and sat down with a barely audible sigh.

‘Why don’t we watch some TV while dinner cooks?’

‘Sure,’ Lillie slurred, scraping her chair and standing up with a sway. ‘Did you get two bottles?’

Kate nodded slowly.

‘Let’s take this with us,’ Lillie said, picking up the second bottle as she walked out of the kitchen.

Lillie stared with glassy eyes at the TV but her expression didn’t change at all, no matter what happened on the screen. Once she raised the empty glass to her mouth, a small frown appearing briefly when she realised there was none left. She looked around for more and Kate dutifully poured her a small glass.

She didn’t eat much of Kate’s soup. She was sure it probably tasted great but her tastebuds were apparently on strike. Either that or the wine had dulled her senses. When the second bottle was empty, Lillie decided to go to bed. There was no point in dragging the evening out. Anyway, her head was spinning and she craved the blankness that sleep would bring her.

Tomorrow she was getting straight on the internet. She wanted to know everything.

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

Two months later and Lillie didn’t feel any better, in fact, she felt a lot worse. She spent all her waking moments surfing the internet, reading everything she could find about herself, him or the band. She had signed up to all the different fan sites, scanning through all the forums and fan fiction. She was now on the most recent correspondence, just about the time she had left New York.

Speculation was rife although the official line was that a family drama had forced her to return to the UK. The most popular story was that something had happened between the two of them. Thankfully, there was no mention of her and Steve but it seemed that many of the fans thought that one or the other had been found out for cheating.

Some of the fans thought that her relationship with Johnny had progressed, which made Lillie smile grimly. There was a small faction that wondered whether she had left because she couldn’t handle sharing him with Johnny.

Of course, a good majority of fans were under the impression it was her fault. She supposed it was. If she had just given him a chance to explain.

Personally, she blamed Steve. Every time she thought of him, she wanted to vomit. The band had a new manager now. She wasn’t surprised, after all, he had punched Steve in the face and threatened to kill him.

According to the fans, he was taking her departure badly. They talked about his lacklustre performances with a mixture of sympathy and annoyance. Some complained that he could barely stand up to sing and it was a knife twist to her heart every time she read about how drunk he was, sometimes forgetting words, other times falling over.

He didn’t stick around to chat with fans, staying hidden away so that he wouldn’t have to sign autographs or have photos taken.

Lillie checked Kate’s phone whenever she could get away with it but felt horrible every time she did it. Yesterday, she had found a text from him which seemed to have been sent about four in the morning, New York time. Guilt and shame had wrapped themselves around her heart so tightly she couldn’t breathe. She read the text once and couldn’t bear to read it again but the words were burnt into her brain.

‘I miss her so much, please look after her for me. I wish I could change things but I can’t go back. Jed.’

She had drunk two bottles of wine to herself, finally passing out and today she had gone out of the house for the first time, hair unwashed and in three-day old clothes. She’d gone straight to the ATM, taken out £100 and stocked up on vodka, wine and mixers. The bottle of Jack Daniels on the shop shelf had triggered more memories than she could handle.

Back at the flat, she’d stashed the bottles under her bed except for a bottle of vodka and some soda water. By the time Kate had got home from work, Lillie was already hammered, relentless in her pursuit of more internet gossip to torment herself with.

Kate had turned the computer off, stood back as Lillie screamed and ranted and then hugged her as Lillie cried herself to sleep. Lillie had woken up to hear Kate on the phone to someone.

She had crept across the room and picked up the second phone, holding her breath and covering the mouthpiece as she listened. It was Johnny.

‘Believe me, Kate, I have tried. Last time I tried to talk to him about it, he accused me again of setting the whole thing up so I could have Lillie for myself.’

Lillie closed her eyes, horrified that she had come between Johnny and him.

‘What? That’s crazy!’ Kate exclaimed.

Yeah, well, he didn’t think so and I’ve got a black eye to prove it.’ Kate gasped in shock. ‘Seriously, the boy’s getting quite a good punch. You know he broke Steve’s nose, right?’

‘No!’

‘Lil didn’t tell you?’

‘She hasn’t really talked about it. I don’t know what to do with her.’

‘Just be there for her. It’s all you can do. One day, she’ll snap out of it.’

‘When? I honestly don’t know how much more I can take. She’s drinking a lot. I’m worried about her but I can’t not go to work.’

Lillie felt a rush of guilt. She had been so wrapped up in her own drama, she hadn’t thought about the impact on other people.

‘Do you want me to call Tess? Get her to speak to her parents or something? You shouldn’t have to deal with this on your own, babe.’

‘You speak to Tess?’ Kate sounded surprised and Lillie frowned. She hadn’t known that either.

‘Yeah, you know, sometimes.’ Johnny at least had the grace to sound slightly embarrassed.

‘No. Tess has been round a few times and she calls Lillie but it doesn’t seem to make any difference. I haven’t spoken to Lil’s parents because I didn’t want to worry them but maybe it’s time. She’s lost loads of weight because she doesn’t eat and then there’s the drinking. Almost half a bottle of vodka today.’

Lillie heard the break in Kate’s voice.

‘Oh God, Kate. Listen, do you want me to speak to Lil? Do you think it would help?’

‘I don’t know. Probably not to be honest. I think you’ll just remind her of Jed.’

Lillie flinched at the sound of his name.

‘Okay, well, let me know if you change your mind. Listen, I gotta go but call me whenever you want, okay? I really mean that, Kate.’

Lillie listened to them say their goodbyes before hanging up after Kate had. She tiptoed back to the sofa and lay back down, pretending to be asleep. She felt terrible that Kate was so worried about her.

She resolved to try and make more of an effort. She had to pull herself together and try to forget about him. She needed to get out of the apartment and start doing something with herself. If not for her own sanity, then for Kate’s.

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

Jed picked up his phone and scrolled down to Kate’s mobile number. His thumb hovered over the call button and he took a big gulp from his glass, staring at nothing for a couple of minutes. He threw the phone against the wall. Sixth phone in ten weeks. Fuck.

He looked around for the bottle and spotted it laying on its side. Empty. Shit, he’d only opened that this morning. Well, lunchtime really. When he’d woken up. He stared at nothing again for a few minutes. Picked up the hotel phone and dialled room service. A bottle of Jack Daniels. No, no food.

He lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. God, he wanted to speak to her. Wanted to hold her, smell her hair, feel her fingers on his skin, hear her laugh. In his head he saw her again, in that bastard’s bed, the horrified look on her face. He should have done more than just break that fucker’s nose.

He closed his eyes against the awful image of Lillie and Steve. Together. Kissing. Fucking.

Opening his eyes, he rocketed off the bed to standing, casting his eyes around the room searching for alcohol. He paced the room, kicking clothes and empty cans.

Ears tuned, ready for a knock on the door, he pounced as soon as he heard the timid rap at the door. He grabbed the bottle, snatched the bill, scrawled his signature and slammed the door shut before the waiter had time to blink.

Unscrewing the cap with almost inhuman speed, he took a huge swig. He sat down in an armchair, clutching the bottle.

Shit.

Not for the first time, he wished he had told her about the whole marriage thing from the start. But then she’d told him all about the married man she hadn’t realised she had been having an affair with and he had panicked.

He took another long drink, closed his eyes again. Opened them immediately, the image of Lil and Steve flashing into his head again. Imagined Steve stroking her, making her moan.

He slammed the bottle down onto the arm of his chair, amber liquid splashing over his clothes and onto the floor. His heart was hammering, every muscle in his body tight with tension. That fucker. He hoped he burnt in the ninth circle of hell forever.

God dammit. Why hadn’t he told her? Why had she retaliated by sleeping with that motherfucking asshole? He thought he could forgive her but he would never be able to forget. The image of her in that bed, Steve in front of him; that was seared into his brain forever. Sarah had cheated on him three times. He could not, would not, go through it all again.

He loved Lillie with his whole being but he just couldn’t bring himself to trust her. Yeah, she’d been drunk but she’d still done it. Being drunk was no excuse. He’d been drunk a thousand times, been offered no-strings sex ten thousand times, never succumbed. He wasn’t Johnny, he thought bitterly, taking another gulp.

Ten weeks and two days ago he had been the happiest he had ever been. Another swig. He’d drunk almost a third of the bottle, surely he would pass out any minute now?

He embraced the sweet blackness that the bourbon lured him into where he didn’t dream or think. There was just the beautiful darkness and quiet.

He took another big drink and waited for oblivion to drag him under. One more shot…

* * *

Johnny pounded on the door.

‘Jed, c’mon man! Open the door!’

He paused, banged the door again, winced at the pain in his knuckles and waited. He put his ear to the door, listening for movement.

‘Shit,’ he muttered to himself. ‘Jed, open up! I don’t wanna have to bust another door, dude.’

Nothing. He took a few steps back, ready to shoulder barge the door. Two deep breaths.

‘What the fuck, man?’ Jed slurred.

Johnny looked up at him and took in his bloodshot eyes and tangled hair.

‘We gotta get to soundcheck in a bit. You should get ready.’

Jed nodded, stepped out into the hall and swung the door shut behind him.

‘Okay. No shower today. Again. Well, I guess some chicks dig that,’ Johnny muttered to himself, leading the way to the elevators. They stepped into the small box and Johnny recoiled from the smell coming from Jed. He tried not to breathe in the bourbon fumes, dug in his pockets and smiled in triumph as he found one tab of gum. He held it out to Jed, who took it, put it in his mouth and started chewing, resuming his empty
staring at the faux wood panelling. Johnny stifled a sigh and watched the numbers light up as they descended to the lobby.

The doors pinged open and Johnny’s mouth opened in horror as he took in the crowd of twenty or so screaming fan girls before him. He turned to gauge Jed’s reaction, surprised to see him staring through the girls, as if they weren’t there. He stepped out into the hotel lobby and the girls reluctantly parted to let him through. Johnny felt the disappointment and anger whip through the air.

He signed a few CDs, avoided answering questions about Lil and Jed and got onto the bus as quickly as he could. Still, he couldn’t escape hearing a few comments that he wished he hadn’t. It was like Chris had said, the fans would only put up with so much. Even the hardcore fans.

Johnny sat in a seat on his own and sighed. Tonight’s gig was going to suck. He had already noticed less banners appearing in the audience. Some booing when Jed forgot his words. Ticket sales were dwindling.

Of course, Jed hadn’t noticed. He was always too wasted to see what was going on in the audience. Johnny knew that Chris was concerned but more about Jed’s welfare than anything else. Eddie was different though. He was dedicated, committed to the band and, although sympathetic to Jed’s situation, rapidly becoming pissed off with his behaviour.

Johnny knew he wasn’t good enough to carry a lead guitar role, so they couldn’t afford to lose Eddie. He had to make sure Eddie was happy because Jed sure as hell wasn’t up to the job.

Soundcheck went okay. It seemed to sober Jed up a little and, in the dressing room, Johnny even managed to get him to eat some pizza. He was soon back on the Jack though and Johnny felt the tension increase when the support band left to
go onstage.

It started innocently enough. Jed was in a corner, seemingly in his own world, clutching a bottle but not actually drinking from it. Eddie asked Chris, quietly, how Kate was. Chris replied in a low voice, that she was okay, not great.

‘You don’t need to have secretive conversations, you know. I’m right here. I can hear you.’ Jed belligerently took a drink.

‘Hey, man, we weren’t talking to you,’ Chris said, carrying on his conversation with Eddie.

Johnny glanced at Jed, heart rate increasing. Shit, he thought, why’d Chris do that? He knew Jed was volatile. Anything could set him off. Johnny crossed the room to Jed, hoping to pacify him.

‘So, I was thinking about the encore –’

Jed stood up abruptly, staring across the room at Chris and Eddie. He lifted the bottle to his mouth and took another swig and Johnny sighed, placing himself between Jed and Chris and Eddie.

‘C’mon, man’ Johnny said, putting a hand on Jed’s arm.

‘Get the fuck off me,’ Jed hissed, turning bright green eyes on him and Johnny took an involuntary step back, shocked at the hatred in his face.

‘Jed –’ Johnny started to try and reason with him but Chris interrupted.

‘You know what, Jed? This is all your own fault, man.’

Johnny felt Jed hesitate momentarily before the alcohol took hold of him.

‘Fuck you, Chris. You have no idea what it’s like to be me. With your perfect fucking girlfriend.’ Jed took another hit from the bottle.

‘You know what? I’m bored shitless by your self pity. You should have just told Lil the truth instead of being a pussy about it all,’ Chris retaliated.

Jed was across the room before Johnny had time to react.

Knuckles crunched against cheekbone. Chris and Johnny turned to stare at Eddie, shaking his hand in pain as Jed crumpled to the floor.

‘Holy fuck!’ Chris exclaimed, eyes wide in shock.

‘Oh man, that fucking hurts. Shit!’ Eddie said, blowing on his knuckles. ‘I think I might have broken something.’

‘Jed?’ Johnny shook Jed’s shoulder carefully. ‘Hey. Jed? Dude, get up,’ he shook him again. ‘Fucking hell, what are we gonna do if he doesn’t wake up soon?’

‘Does it really matter? I bet the gig would be better without him,’ Eddie said, carefully flexing his fingers.

‘Awwww, c’mon, man. He’s the heart of this band,’ Johnny said. ‘Give Jed a break, he’s going through some serous shit.’ Johnny shook him again and he stirred, opening his eyes.

‘What the hell?’ he tried to sit up and put his fingers to his cheek. ‘Ow. Shit. What the fuck happened?’

Johnny helped him up to standing and led him over to the beaten up sofa.

‘Get some ice,’ he instructed Chris, sitting down beside Jed and leaning in close to inspect his face.

‘It looks okay,’ he said to Jed, ‘it’ll bruise but I’m pretty sure it’s not broken.’

‘Well, it fucking hurts like hell,’ Jed said, patting his face gingerly. ‘What happened?’

Johnny risked a quick glance over at Eddie, nursng his hand in the corner of the room.

‘You fell over, man,’ he lied. ‘I think maybe you oughta stop drinking so much.’

Jed looked at him closely and Johnny stared back at him, concentrating on not looking away.

‘I must have hit the deck pretty hard, huh?’ he attempted a laugh, wincing against the pain just as Chris arrived and held out ice to him. Jed smiled gratefully and took it, pressing it against his cheekbone.

‘I know I’ve been a complete asshole lately. I’m sorry. It’s just – it’s hard, you know?’

‘Yeah, we know. It’s cool. You need time, we all know that,’ Johnny said, ‘maybe you should talk to her –’ He tailed off at the look in Jed’s eyes and stood up.

‘Anyway, it’s time. Let’s go.’

He held a hand out to Jed, who paused for a split second before grasping it and allowing Johnny to pull him up. The others had moved off and they were alone. Jed looked at Johnny as if he wanted to say something and Johnny waited.

‘I’m sorry Johnny,’ he said, his voice breaking. ‘I know this isn’t ideal, I’m gonna try and make things better but I miss her. I miss her so much.’

‘I know, man. I know,’ Johnny stepped towards him and wrapped his arms around him. His heart ripped as he felt Jed’s pain, his sobs racking his body as he clung to Johnny’s shoulders. Johnny blinked back his own tears. He missed Lillie too.

But more than that, he was terrified that Jed would regress back to how he was after Sarah. Totally broken. Everyone thought he was damaged beyond repair that time but he had astounded them all. Johnny didn’t know if he had it in him to bounce back again.

The drinking, the anger, the self pity. This was ten times as bad as Sarah. He didn’t know if Jed would make it this time.