Horrid Henry and the Mega-Mean Time Machine (5 page)

“Don’t be scared,” said Peter. “I’m Peter. I come from the past. I’m your great-great-great grandfather.”

Mom looked at Peter.

Peter looked at Mom.

“Why are you wearing my dress?” said Mom.

“It’s not one of
yours
, silly,” said Peter. “It belonged to my mom.”

“I see,” said Mom.

“Come on, Uncle Pete,” said Zog quickly, taking Peter firmly by the arm, “I’ll show you our supersonic hammock in the back yard.”

“Okay, Zog,” said Peter happily.

Mom beamed.

“It’s so wonderful to see you playing nicely with your brother, Henry.”

Perfect Peter stood still.

“What did you call him?”

“Henry,” said Mom.

Peter felt a chill.

“So his name’s not Zog? And he’s not a girl?”

“Not the last time I looked,” said Mom.

“And this house isn’t…the Peter Museum?”

Mom glared at Henry. “Henry! Have you been teasing Peter again?”

“Ha ha tricked you!” shrieked Henry. “Na Na Ne Nah Nah, wait till I tell everybody!”

“NO!” squealed Peter. “NOOOOOOO!” How
could
he have believed his horrible brother?

“Henry! You horrid boy! Go to your room! No TV for the rest of the day,” said Mom.

But Horrid Henry didn’t care. The Mega-Mean Time Machine would go down in history as his greatest trick ever.

Perfect Peter had had enough. Why oh why did he always fall for Henry’s tricks?

Every time it happened he swore Henry would never ever trick him again. And every time he fell for it. How
could
he have believed that there were fairies at the bottom of the garden? Or that there was such a thing as a Fangmangler? But the time machine was the worst. The very very worst. Everyone had teased him. Even Goody-Goody Gordon asked him if he’d seen any spaceships recently.

Well, never again. His mean, horrible brother had tricked him for the very last time.

I’ll get my revenge, thought Perfect Peter, pasting the last of his animal stamps into his album. I’ll make Henry sorry for being so mean to me.

But what horrid mean nasty thing could he do? Peter had never tried to take revenge on anyone.

He asked Tidy Ted.

“Mess up his room,” said Ted.

But Henry’s room was already a mess. He asked Spotless Sam.

“Put a spaghetti stain on his shirt,” said Sam.

But Henry’s shirts were already stained. Peter picked up a copy of his favorite

Reluctantly, Peter closed
Best Boy
magazine. Somehow he didn’t think he’d find the answer inside. He was on his own.

I’ll tell Mom that Henry eats candy in his bedroom, thought Peter. Then Henry would get into trouble. Big big trouble.

But Henry got into trouble all the time. That wouldn’t be anything special.

I know, thought Peter, I’ll hide Mr. Kill. Henry would never admit it, but he couldn’t sleep without Mr. Kill. But so what if Henry couldn’t sleep? He’d just come and jump on Peter’s head or sneak downstairs and watch scary movies.

I have to think of something really, really horrid, thought Peter. It was hard for Peter to think horrid thoughts, but Peter was determined to try.

He would call Henry a horrid name, like Ugly Toad or Poo Poo Face.
That
would show him.

But if I did, Henry would hit me, thought Peter.

Wait, he could tell everyone at school that Henry wore diapers. Henry the big diaper. Henry the big smelly diaper. Henry diaper face. Henry poopy pants. Peter smiled happily. That would be the perfect revenge.

Then he stopped smiling. Sadly, no one at school would believe that Henry still wore diapers. Worse, they might think that Peter still did! Eeeek.

I’ve got it, thought Peter, I’ll put a muddy twig in Henry’s bed. Peter had read a great story about a younger brother who’d done just that to a mean older one. That would serve Henry right.

But was a muddy twig enough revenge for all of Henry’s crimes against him?

No it was not.

I give up, thought Peter, sighing. It was hopeless. He just couldn’t think of anything horrid enough.

Peter sat down on his beautifully made bed and opened
Best Boy
magazine.

shrieked the headline.

And then a dreadful thought tiptoed into his head. It was so dreadful, and so horrid, that Perfect Peter could not believe that he had thought it.

“No,” he gasped. “I couldn’t.” That was too evil.

But…but…wasn’t that exactly what he wanted? A horrid revenge on a horrid brother?

“Don’t do it!” begged his angel.

“Do it!” urged his devil, thrilled to get the chance to speak. “Go on, Peter! Henry deserves it.”

YES! thought Peter. He would do it. He would have revenge!

Perfect Peter sat down at the computer.

Tap tap tap.