Authors: Holly Jacobs
Until Laura.
And now thisâ¦this feeling for her. He wasn't sure how to think of it, and he refused to label it. But it was there and it was growing.
Now, the question was, what to do about it?
And the only answer was, he'd simply be her friend. For now.
The type of friendship he was developing with Laura was a rare thing. What she'd said was true, they still had JT and now Jamie. And they had genuine concern for each other.
That would have to be enough.
It was either friendship, or losing Laura.
Which means, friendship was his only option, because Laura had become too importantâhe couldn't lose her.
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L
AURA HAD WORRIED THAT THINGS
would be awkward with Seth after the earth-shattering kiss, but they weren't. At least not on the surface.
They fell into a routine.
But something had altered. It wasn't a distance, which is what she'd feared. If anything, they become closer. It seemed Seth was forever touching her. A friendly pat on the back. Fingers brushing as they handed Jamie off to each other. Platonic good-night kisses on the cheek at the door.
She wasn't sure if the touching was new, or if she was merely more attuned to it. It made her uneasy, but she didn't tell him to stop, because what made her most uneasy was the fact that she welcomed his touch. She felt guilty, yet craved the physical contact. The duality of her feelings confused her. She tried to tell herself it was simple human contact she needed, but she didn't crave it with anyone but Seth.
Laura wanted to back out of the Homecoming celebration at the Keller's, but couldn't find a graceful way to do it, which is why she was driving with Seth down I-79 to Whedon on the night before Christmas Eve. They took her car on the short drive since the car seat was tethered into place.
Laura had gone through Whedon on occasion but hadn't paid much attention. But as they drove through the town all decorated for the holiday season, she thought it was everything a small town should be. There
were wreaths on the streetlights that lined the main street, and a large pine in a park in the center of town that was covered in lights.
“Every year the kids at the elementary school make decorations,” Seth told her. “There's a big tree lighting ceremony the weekend after Thanksgiving. Last year, they had a fundraiser to buy new LED lights because they use so much less energy.”
Seth pulled up in front of a large, rambling-looking house. Laura could pick out what must have been the small, original two-story house amongst the generations of additions and expansions. Electric candles glowed in all the windows. Icicle lights hung from the porch's eaves.
Seth turned off the car, reached over and squeezed her hand gently. “This is where I grew up.”
He took her into the house. The entryway was crowded with boots. Hooks on the wall couldn't accommodate all the coats, so the overflow was piled on the stair banister.
“Looks like the gang's all here,” Seth said. “Every time I turn around,
the gang
is bigger.”
Mrs. Keller spotted them.
“Seth, Laura, you're here.” Seth picked up Jamie's carrier and stepped neatly behind Laura, as Mrs. Keller pulled her into a hug. She saw the flash of sadness in Mrs. Keller's eyes, but then it was gone and she was smiling as she led Laura into the packed living room. “We're so glad you and Jamie could join us. Come with me.”
The living room was decorated to the nth degree. Fortunately, for the Kellers it was big enough to hold
all their friends
and
the decorations. The tree in the far corner was so big that the angel on the top bumped against the ceiling. A menorah sat on the fireplace mantel. Candles, evergreen boughs, sprigs of holly and other signs of the season decorated every possible surface. It was chaotic andâ¦well, perfect. People spilled from the living room into the equally decorated dining room. Laura recognized most of Seth's family this time and their friends. Colm, Tucker, Arielâ¦
“Laura, Seth, you're here,” Eli cried as Laura and Seth entered the room. She hurried toward them and enveloped them both in a hug. “I'm so glad. I'd like you to meet my daughter, Ebony.”
Zac followed behind Eli, a little girl's hand firmly clasping his. “Ebony, this is my brother Seth,” he said. “Your uncle Seth now. And this is his friend, Ms. Watson.”
“I sure got a lot of uncles and aunts,” Ebony said. “But I don't got no other Ms. Watsons.”
Laura knelt down to the girl's eye-level. She was very petite. Her complexion was a light-brown color, her long, dark hair was gathered into a bow. When she looked at Laura, her eyes were a startling green. “Ebony, all these uncles and aunts mean you are a very lucky girl. You can call me Laura, if you like.”
Ebony nudged the carrier that Seth had set down between them. “You've got a baby in there?”
Laura nodded, pulled back the blanket and took her son out of his seat. “This is Jamie.”
Ebony pushed Jamie's hat aside. “Aw, he's cute. I like babies. We had 'em at the foster home, and now I
got a baby brother of my own. I'm gonna help my new mom and dad with him.”
“I'm sure you'll be a great big sister,” Laura assured her.
Ebony nodded, as if that was a certainty, then hurried back into the sea of Kellers.
Laura smiled at the two new beaming parents. “She's beautiful, Zac and Eli.”
“Yes, she is,” Eli agreed.
“Oh, here we go,” Zac said.
Mr. and Mrs. Keller carried trays of fluted drinks and handed them out. “A toast,” Mr. Keller said. “To our new granddaughter. Ebony, we're very happy to celebrate your Homecoming Day.” The big burly man gave his wife a tender, beseeching look as if he'd used up all the words at his disposal and counted on her to rescue him.
May called out, “Oh, don't worry, Dad, I'm sure Mom's got something to add.”
Cessy called out, “But no reading things your children wrote today, okay, Mom?”
Mrs. Keller shook her head with obvious mock-exasperation. “Are you children trying to say I talk too much?”
“No, Mom,” Dom said. “We figure you talk enough to fill in the blanks for Dad, is all.”
“And Dad has lots of blanks,” Layla added.
Laura looked at Mrs. Keller being teased by her family with such love and humor and before Seth's mother said another word, Laura felt the tears begin to pool in her eyes.
“We Kellers have always loved celebrations. Homecoming Days are my favorite. From the time a child walks into my home, they're mine. The missing part of the family. So, Homecoming Days are just that. A day when we bring that missing piece of our family home where they belong. And that is why they're the best celebrations. And tonight, we're happy to welcome Ebony home where she's always belonged.”
Mrs. Keller leaned down to her new granddaughter and said, “Welcome home, Ebony.”
“Welcome home,” everyone else echoed, and Laura noted that she wasn't the only one with tears in her eyes as she watched Ebony being hugged by new family member after new family member.
Laura listened to the murmur of voices, welcoming Ebony into the family. “Ah, another Homecoming Day,” Seth said to Laura. “My mother would have a holiday every week if she could.”
“And with so many children she almost does,” Dom said. “And then there are all the birthdays, Valentine's, but also Chanukah, Christmas⦔
“New Year's,” Cessy called out
“St. Patrick's Day,” said May.
Zac laughed and added, “Flag Day.”
“Any excuse for Mom's cooking is my thought,” Dom yelled out.
“Your mother does know how to throw a party. Ebony, welcome home.” As Laura watched Ebony bask in her new family's attention, she kept tearing up. The Kellers were what every family should be. When she watched how awkwardly Seth behaved around his par
ents, she wanted to meddle. More than meddle, she wanted to go shake some sense into him.
If she had people like this in her lifeâpeople who loved so easily and completelyâshe'd never cut herself off from them, no matter what the reason. And out of the blue, she thought of the Martins, but it wasn't the same, she assured herself. They were Jay's family. Jamie's family. Not hers.
“Hey, Laura, did you get my sandwich?” Colm called out, interrupting her thoughts.
“I did, Colm, and it was delicious. Thank you.”
“Yeah. Mrs. Keller said everyone needed to feed you and I make those best.”
Before she could reply, Colm asked, “Did you get your tree up? Me and my friends, Gilly and Josh, put ours up. It sort of leans a little, and has a big bare spot, but I like it.”
“I'm not sure I'm going to do a tree this year, Colm.” She'd considered it, but hadn't been able to make herself go get one.
“Well, maybe you got a menn-thing instead? Some people have those candle things instead of trees. Mrs. Keller, she's got both.”
“A menorah. No, I don't have one of those, either.”
Colm looked as if he had more to say on the subject, but Seth came over and asked, “Hey, Colm, how're things at work?”
“Good. Did you see Ariel was here with Nora? I'm gonna go get her and Johnny and tell 'em a story. Ya think Ebony wants to hear one, too?”
“I'm sure she does.”
Colm hurried off across the room, collecting the kids as he went.
“Thanks,” Laura said. “I was being grilled on my Christmas prep, or lack thereof. I think I disappointed Colm.”
“Laura, maybe we couldâ”
Laura didn't hear the rest of what Seth was going to say. His sister May came and swept Laura into the midst of the family.
Â
S
ETH WATCHED AS
L
AURA FELL
easily into the party for his new niece. The little girl had charmed the family as easily as Laura had.
They both fit.
He wished he still did. It was almost easier when he rarely saw his family. It was easy to forget that he no longer fit in. But now that he spent more time with them, he was reminded at every gathering.
“I'm supposed to come over here and see if you're okay. Subtly,” Tucker said. “That's what Eli saidâI'm supposed to be subtle. You'd think, after knowing me all these years, Eli would know I don't do subtle well.” Tucker plopped on the couch next to him. “So, are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Okay? They figure since I wasn't a real Keller, you'd be more at home telling me.”
“I'm fine. You can report back that you got that out of me with all kinds of subtlety.”
“Great.” Tucker clapped her hands together. “Now that that's done, I wondered if you ever thought about doing something with your truck?”
“Doing what?”
“Well, you being a cop and all, I had this idea of painting a thin blue line on it. Get it. Thin blue line?”
“I get it.” The thin blue line represented the camaraderie of police.
“I know sometimes they use pin-striping for something like that, but I'm a freehander all the way, and I think I could do something more. I had this idea⦔
Seth hadn't thought about having any painting done on his truck, but Tucker's enthusiasm was contagious, and he found himself agreeing to drop the truck off at the shop sometime soon. They talked cars and then sports, and by the time Tucker left to get some cake, more than an hour had passed.
“Hey, aren't you worried that Laura's going to get jealous, what with you spending all that time immersed in conversation with another woman?” Dom asked as he sat next to Seth. He strategically propped his crutches between the end table and the couch, so they were out of the way of foot traffic. “Laura kept checking you two out.”
“Laura's not jealous because we're notâ¦we're just friends.”
Dom snorted. “Is that what they're calling it?”
“Iâ”
“Don't,” Dom said. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have teased you. It's just that the whole family is thrilled that you've found someone. We weren't sure you'd ever get over Allie.”
“I won't ever get over her. She'll always be a part of me. That sounded more wussy than I intended, but you know what I mean.”
Dom nodded. “I do. And I didn't mean to be flip. What I'm trying to say is that we all like Laura.”
“Me, too. As a friend. If you could spread that around.”
“Sure. But, Seth, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the least insightful Kellers, and I can see that she's more than a friend. Her and Jamie.”
Seth didn't reply and Dom didn't push the issue. His brother might claim he wasn't insightful, but he was. A physical therapist needed to not only be able to push their patients to get better, but they needed to understand what a patient needed. Seth wasn't one of Dom's patients, but he knew his brother was good at his job.
Laura came over to them. “Hi, Dom. Seth. I hate to interrupt, but Jamie's getting fussy. I wondered if you minded leaving.”
Seth normally felt a wave of relief when he left a family gathering, but this one seemed easier and though he didn't mind leaving, he wasn't anxious to, either. “Sure, let's get Jamie home.”
They said goodbye to everyone, and as Laura dressed Jamie, Ebony came over and tugged at Seth's hand. “Uncle Seth, will you come see me soon? Mom says you sometimes don't come to Christmas, but I said you would this time 'cause it's my first Christmas, and you're my uncle.”
There was such a look of complete confidence in her eyes there was nothing for Seth to say, but, “Yes, I'll be here.”
“See, Mom, I told you he'd come,” Ebony called to her new mother.
“I'm glad,” Laura said softly.
Despite feeling awkward sometimes, Seth glanced back at his family and had to admit, so was he.
L
AURA HADN'T DECORATED FOR
the holidays. Seth hadn't thought a lot about it until last night when Ebony had looked at him so trustingly and said she'd known he'd show up for Christmas because it was her first one with the family. Well, it was Jamie's first Christmas, too, and he, at the very least, deserved a tree.
It was Christmas Eve, and once Seth finished his shift and changed at the station, he'd head to the Burbules tree lot he always used to go to. He knew just how to handle the tree issue in such a way that Laura couldn't say no.
Half an hour later, he showed up on her porch, tree in hand. He knocked on the door, then let himself in.
“I'll be out in a minute, Seth,” she called.
“Take your time, Laura.”
Ten minutes later when she walked into the living room, she spotted his purchase and frowned. “Seth, I thought you understood that I didn't want to decorate and why.”
“I do, but hear me out. First, this isn't really a Christmas
tree.
It's hardly more than a Christmas branch.” The three foot
branch
in question sat lazily in the stand. “Charlie Brown's tree looked practically lush compared to this. And it's Christmas Eve. If I hadn't taken the
tree, it would have just been composted. Laura, even if it's Christmas twigs, they deserve their moment to shine.” He plugged in the small strand of lights he'd picked up. “Literally shine.”
“Seth.” She sighed his name, trying to sound exasperated, but he could hear a hint of laughter in it.
“And someday, Jamie will be looking through his baby album and he'll wonder why he didn't have a tree on his first Christmas. You wouldn't deny him that, would you?”
“I can see what you're doing.”
“What?” he said with as much innocence as he could muster.
She just shook her head, and Seth knew he'd won. “I got something else, too.” He handed her a bag. “My mom collected ornaments for each of us. A new one every Christmas. I thought that might be a nice thing to start for Jamie, as well.”
The ornament was a round ball with a baby in a crib embossed with Baby's First Christmas.
Laura smiled. “It's a lovely tradition. Thank you.”
Seth didn't ask about other ornaments. Laura's other memories might not be as joyful. He thought it best to let those ghosts of Christmases past rest.
“There's a couple more things in the bag.” He extended it to Laura.
She pulled out the heavy thread, package of needles and a bag of popcorn. “You want to get to work?”
After he popped the popcorn, they sat side by side on the couch, stringing popcorn and watching
It's a Wonderful Life.
Laura seemed happy.
And as far as Seth was concerned, that was enough to make this one of his nicest Christmas Eves in a very long time.
Â
L
AURA WOKE UP
C
HRISTMAS
D
AY
with a sense of hope. It was a perfect morning. It had snowed the night before, just a dusting, but enough to cover the brown road slush with a fresh coat of crystal white. She lit the tree and fingered Jamie's ornament that sat amongst the popcorn.
She'd been afraid Seth was going to ask her to get the rest of her ornaments, but he didn't. Leave it to Seth to understand that those memories might hurt.
Part of her wished she was spending the day with Seth and his family. She'd liked them when she met them at that dinner at Joe Root's, but at Ebony's Homecoming Day, she'd simply fallen in love with Seth's family and hadn't forgotten wanting to somehow help him find his way back to them.
But as much as she would have liked to have been with them, with Seth, she needed today on her own with Jamie, her memories of Jay and her dreams of what their life might have been.
Jamie still hadn't woken up when, coffee in hand, she pulled out her photo album and took it to the couch in front of the fire. Pictures of their vacation to Gettysburg. Jay standing next to the statue of Strong Vincent, an Erie Civil War hero. They'd had to hunt in a copse of trees to find it.
Pictures of their engagement party. Her and Jay, toasting each other.
Last Christmas, the two of them in front of the
fireplace. Jay had set the timer on the camera. It had taken four shots to get their faces in the frame. She'd kept their knees, their torsos and finally the two of them laughing because they weren't sure what they'd get this time. Laughing in front of the fireplace on Christmas. At the moment that photo was taken, the two of them had believed they'd be married by the next Christmasâthis Christmas. They'd believed they had an entire life to build together.
She traced his photo with her finger. She'd forgotten him like this. Her memories centered around a hospital bed and the funeral home.
This was Jay.
Hamming for the camera with a statue in Gettysburg. Toasting her, loving her. Laughing.
This was the man she'd tell Jamie about. His father. A man of laughter and love.
She decided that she'd get the photo from last Christmas blown up and framed for Jamie. She pulled it out of the album and stared at it. For a moment she allowed herself to fantasize that the life they thought they'd have had happened. Once, those fantasies had come so easily, but now, she had to work to imagine the life she'd planned. It was as if her subconscious had finally accepted that Jay was gone, and with him, that imagined future.
She gave up the attempt when Jamie woke up and started crying.
She changed his diaper and sat in the rocker nursing him and as she rocked her son, she realized she didn't need a fantasy when she had Jamie. He made everything better.
When he finished nursing, they moved to the living room. “Merry Christmas, Jamie.”
She opened his present for him. A baby play mat. Bright colored toys hung over it, and she tucked Jamie under them and watched as he kicked his feet and batted his hands.
She opened the rest of his gifts and wondered why she'd even bothered wrapping them. She couldn't help but think this was a waste of wrapping paper, and she did her best to be green. In the end, she decided she'd wrapped them for the same reason Seth had brought the treeâthis was Jamie's first Christmas.
Three presents remained wrapped under the small tree after Jamie's were opened.
She put Jamie's new Raffi CDs into the player and sang “Baby Beluga” with him. She'd done some student teaching with preschoolers and had fallen in love with the slipper-wearing, bearded, Canadian singer.
It was almost lunchtime when the doorbell rang and startled Laura. She'd planned on having the day to herself. Just her and Jamie. Her family, small though it was, was enough for Christmas.
JT stood on the porch wearing a coat that Laura thought looked much too light for the weather, a backpack and with a present in hand. “JT, I didn't think I'd see you today.”
“I can't stay long. Mom's making me go to the new boyfriend's with her. We're going to have a
real family Christmas.
” JT's words dripped with disbelief as she came into the house.
Laura waved at JT's mother in the car, and the woman waved back. “JT, I'm sureâ”
“I'm sure, too, Ms. Watson.” JT snorted. “Mom promised it would be different this time. Poor guy might believe it, but I know better. He'll be gone before Valentine's.”
“JT⦔
JT shook her head. “No. Sorry. I didn't come to bitch at you. My mom isâ¦well, she's my mom. I can't change her. But I can change myself. You taught me that.” She thrust the package at Laura. “Here.”
“Come into the living room,” Laura said, carrying her present. Jamie was still on the floor, staring at the baby toys hanging above him.
“Come on, Ms. Watson.” JT was excited, that much was evident.
Laura sat on the couch and slowly opened the package. It was a sketch of her cradling Jamie. “Oh, JT, it's beautiful.”
“I snapped a picture with my cell phone when you weren't looking and used that for the sketch so it would be a surprise.”
It was easy to admire the strong, bold strokes that spoke of a far more mature talent than most high school students. “It's good, JT. Very good.”
JT shrugged, but Laura could tell she was pleased with the praise. She got up and took one of the three remaining gifts from under the tree and handed it to JT. “Santa left something here for you, too. Here.”
Laura grinned as JT opened the package with great care. She'd have thought the girl would be a ripper, instead, she was a cautious unwrapper.
She held the box of charcoals and huge sketchbook.
“Thanks, Ms. Watson.” Then she spotted the leather-bound book of O. Henry stories.
“I've always thought that reading a well-bound book was so much more pleasurable than reading a paperback. Jay used to say I was a book snob.” She laughed at the memory. “Anyway, check out the story âThe Gift of the Magi' first. It's a classic Christmas story. A woman sells her hair to give her husband a watch fob.”
“Watch fob?”
“Before wristwatches they carried watches in their pockets. The watch fob held the watch. And he sold the watch to buy her combs for her hair.”
JT was quiet a moment, then said, “Oh. They both gave up something they loved for someone they loved.”
Laura was delighted that JT got the gist of the story so quickly. “I loved O. Henry's work when I was younger, and while it's a classic now, the writing isn't too difficult. I thought you could read it and then we could discuss it.”
JT hefted the book. “It might take a while.”
“JT. That book's been around for years and it's not going anywhere. However long it takes, it takes.”
A horn beeped.
“That's my mom. I'd better go. Merry Christmas, Ms. Watson.” She took another wrapped gift from her backpack. “Could you leave this one for the lieutenant?”
Laura took the gift. “Sure. I'll put it under the tree.”
“See you bright and early Monday.”
“See you then.”
Laura sat on the couch and studied JT's gift. It was gorgeous. She'd hang it in her room.
She put JT's gift for Seth under the tree and wondered if he'd gone to his family's. She hoped he had. She wondered what she could do to help him mend the rift between him and his parents. A good first step would be getting him to talk about whatever their problems were.
She was still wondering two hours later when the Martins arrived. Laura knew when she said she wanted a quiet Christmas on her own that she couldn't exclude the Martins. But she wasn't ready for the emotions that flooded her as she opened the door for them. She remembered last year and everything they'd planned together.
This wasn't anything close to what she'd imagined.
The Martins cried in unison, “Merry Christmas, Laura!” But Laura only felt cheated. She didn't say that, though. She merely said, “Merry Christmas.” She ushered them into the house. “Please, come in. Jamie's awake and playing with his new Christmas toy. Well, not playing. Staring at it as he goos and kicks his feet, but I think that means he likes it.”
Mrs. Martin jiggled a bag filled with gifts. “I couldn't seem to stop.”
Mr. Martin patted his wife's back. “The baby now has a wardrobe for the next year at least.”
“You know better than that, Jameson,” Mrs. Martin scolded. “They grow so fast. Before you know it, Jamie won't let us buy him clothes. He'll need new, hip stuff.”
Laura couldn't help but think of her discussion with
JT a while back and said, “I've been assured that the word
hip
isn't hip.” Laura realized she was joking with the Martins like she would have last year and she felt awkward. She watched as they cooed over the baby. Mrs. Martin offered to let her open Jamie's gifts, but she declined and let them open them for Jamie.
She'd have left them alone with their grandson, but she thought that might seem rude, so she stayed.
“And this is for you,” Mrs. Martin said, extending a small gift. “It's from Jay, in a way.”
“Jay?” Her fingers trembled as she took the small package.
“My mother left it for him to someday give to his wife,” Mrs. Martin explained. “He planned on giving it to you after the wedding, but since he can't I'm doing it for him.”
Laura handed the box back. “Really, I can't take it. Maybe you should save it for Jamie's wife someday.”
Mrs. Martin didn't take the gift. “Laura, I know things aren't right with us, and I'm hoping someday they will be, but for now, know that this is what Jay wanted.”
There was no way to say no to that. She opened the box and found a gold ring with a small sapphire. “He was going to give it to you the night before your wedding so you'd have something blue.”
“Oh.” She slipped it on her finger. It fit the middle finger on her left hand, sitting next to her engagement ring that she still hadn't managed to take off. She decided today was the day. Later, she'd take it off.
“Thank you.” She was relieved she'd thought to get
something for Jay's parents. “There's something under the tree for the two of you, too.”
She got the package. “It's small, but I thought⦔ She trailed off. She wasn't sure what had prompted her to dig through her box of lists, but she had. She hoped the Martins liked the framed copy of Jay's Thanksgiving list from last year.
I am thankful for my parents. For my father, who taught me what it is to balance a demanding job with a family and never let either suffer. He taught me exactly what a husband and father should be. And I'm thankful for my mother, who taught me what loving unconditionally meant. That kind of love is a rare thing. And last, but by no means least, I'm thankful for Laura, who believes I can be the kind of man my father is, and loves with the same unconditional heart that my mother does. I'm a lucky man.