Homecoming (49 page)

That
couldn’t
have been true. Either her mother was delusional, or her paranoia had gotten completely out of control. Jill tried to think of how to respond. Wait. This had to have happened before Lizzie told Mark. Lisa was just stirring up shit because she had the opportunity, not because she was upset about her and Lizzie getting involved. Oh, crap! What would Lisa do now? Firebomb her house?

“Well? What do you have to say for yourself? You’ve been having sex with girls for twenty years, and I have to find out from a stranger?”

“I…” There was no way out of this that wouldn’t result in casualties. “I like my privacy.”

A lightening quick gaze fell on her, then slid right back to the television. “Your privacy? That’s a laugh. I’ve never met anyone more interested in yakking about every stupid thing on her mind. You never shut up! Until you have something you’re ashamed of, that is.”

Oh, that hurt. How could she get in and make a surgical strike with just a few words?

“I’m not ashamed of myself, Mom. I just didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“I’m not! But it was obvious I didn’t know. That makes me look stupid, and I won’t have it.” She stood and glared at Jill as she passed by on her way to the kitchen. “I’m not going to walk around this town and have people snickering behind my back.”

“You’re leaving town because you didn’t know I was a lesbian,” Jill said, raising her voice so she could be heard in the kitchen. “Even though you admit you don’t care?”

Carrying a plate with two crackers and a piece of cheese, her usual evening appetizer, her mother strode by, chilling her with a gaze filled with an anger that was barely under control. “I care about looking foolish!”

“I’m sorry you looked foolish. And I’m sorry Lisa upset you.”

She sank into her chair and carefully broke the bit of cheese in half to cover both crackers. “That’s a damned lie! You don’t care a bit. So go on and be with the people you really care for. You can change your name if you want. Jill Davis,” she said, like she was testing it out to see how it sounded.

“I don’t want to change my name.”

“Why not? You’ve always thought of that woman as your mother.”

“That’s not true. I care for Janet, but she’s not my mother. You are.”

She waved her hand again. “Yeah, yeah, I know. And a lot of good it does me. So…” She took a bite of a cracker, making the same satisfied nod she did after every predictably delicious bite of food she ate. “Do you have a girlfriend? I wasn’t going to act like I didn’t know.”

“Yes,” Jill said, her stomach in knots. “I do.”

“Some professor or something, I guess. Someone with a string of degrees she can lord over everyone who didn’t go to college.”

“No. I’m in love with Lizzie Davis.”

Her mother’s eyes narrowed as she carefully chewed her cracker. “Who’s that?” she asked sharply.

“Janet and Mike’s daughter. They usually call her Beth.”

“Beth?” She stared at Jill briefly, clearly puzzled. “Those Davis girls are married. Did you break up a happy marriage?”

“Of course not. Lizzie’s never been married. She’s the youngest.”

“The youngest.” Her eyes narrowed further still. “The little one? The one with the strange hair?” Her mouth dropped open. “She couldn’t be out of high school!”

“She just turned thirty, Mom. I’m not dating a high school girl.”

“She’s got that weird hair,” she insisted. “Like she’s in some kind of freak show. Is she on drugs or something?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She pulled out her phone and paged through her photos, finally finding one of Lizzie holding the cats up to her face. Moving across the room, she showed it to her mother. “Her hair’s perfectly normal, and she doesn’t do drugs.”
That I know of.
They’d never discussed drugs, but it was possible Lizzie smoked a little grass…

“That’s not her.” She flicked her fingers, dismissing the idea as well as Jill.

She walked back to the sofa, perching on the arm, waiting for the next volley.

“I’m selling the house. Not that anyone would want it.”

That also wasn’t true. Their house was very well cared for, and had a huge yard that was a real showplace.

“I hope you sell it quickly.” She let an uncomfortable silence reign for a minute, then said, “What’s Dad going to do?”

“It’s my house, not his.”

“Does he know you’re doing this?” She had an image of her father, returning from a sales trip, only to find another family living in his home.

“I don’t need his permission to do anything.”

“Okay. Are you going to divorce?”

Her eyes shot open. “Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know,” she said, finding that was true. There was no true north in this house or in her parents’ relationship. Anything was possible.

“It costs a fortune to do something like that. And it’s not as if I’m going to marry someone else. I just have to check to make sure I’ll be able to get his social security if he dies when I’m not living with him. The government’s always trying to screw you out of anything they can, you know.”

“Yeah, I imagine that’s the most important thing,” she said, then mentally kicked herself. Sarcasm was never a good idea.

“Don’t smart mouth me. You might be able to get away with that over at Janet Davis’ house, but not here.”

Her mother turned the sound back up, her focus locked on the opening notes of her favorite game show. “You can go now. I need to pay attention to
Jeopardy
.”

Jill stood and had a brief fight with herself. She desperately wanted to say something—anything—to complain about being summoned two and a half hours just to be treated like something her mother had tracked in on her shoe. But she couldn’t do it. Her mother was either mentally ill or emotionally damaged beyond repair. If she was missing a leg, Jill wouldn’t try to make her run. This was exactly the same. She was missing empathy, understanding, care and love. Wishing she had them wouldn’t magically create them any faster than a person could grow a new limb.

“Goodbye, Mom,” she said as she went to the door. She didn’t get a response.

***

Jill couldn’t make herself start the car just yet. She was shaking, the pain in her heart making her weak. She’d always known their connection was tenuous, but this made it clear in ways that fractured what few bonds they had.
All
they shared was DNA.

She checked her phone and saw six calls from Lizzie. That helped. She dialed and felt the warmth reach through the line when her worried voice said, “What happened, sweetheart? Are you all right?”

Jill started to cry, her need for comfort so strong she wanted to curl up in a little ball and have Lizzie hold her until she could regain her strength. “No, I’m not,” she whimpered. “Lisa told my mom I’m gay, and she’s going to pack up and move to Arizona.”

“What?” Lizzie shouted. “That’s insane!”

“I know. I should have forced her to go to a psychiatrist years ago, but it’s almost impossible to make someone accept treatment.”

“Oh, Jill, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she sniffled. “She
is
crazy. Or wounded. I don’t even know. All I’m sure of is that she hurt me. She hurt me so badly, Lizzie.” She couldn’t control herself. Great, heaving sobs made her stomach muscles ache, but she couldn’t stop. She had an ocean of pain lodged in her gut and couldn’t keep it from bursting forth.

“Are you still in Sugar Hill?”

“Yeah. I’m in her driveway.”

“Go to my mom’s. Right now. She’s at home, Jill. I just talked to her.”

“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” she murmured. “I just want to come home.”

“And I want you home. But you need to wait for a while, baby. Please go over to my house and spend just a little while with my mom.
Please?
”

She couldn’t refuse Lizzie anything. Even something she really, really didn’t want to do. “All right. But I’ve got to get myself under control first.”

“No, you don’t. She’ll be waiting for you, and if you can’t drive, she’ll come get you.”

“Oh, no. My mom would have a fit. That’s the last thing I want.”

“Go, Jill. Go now. You need to get out of there.”

“You’re probably right. It gives me the creeps to even look at the house.” She started up the car and backed out the long drive. There was no traffic, and she easily got onto the main road and headed for the Davis house. “Okay. I’m on the way.”

“I’ll hang up so you can concentrate. Call me when you leave my mom’s, okay?”

“I will,” Jill murmured, enormously relieved to know that someone cared, deeply, for her.

***

By the time the car stopped, Janet was outside, hurrying towards her. Jill put the car in park, got out and was immediately enfolded in Janet’s embrace.

“I’m so sorry for all of the trouble my family’s caused you in the last two days. I’m ashamed of them.”

“It’s all right.” Jill wriggled out of the hug, embarrassed at how much she needed it. She put her arm around Janet’s waist and they walked towards the house. “I should have told my mother years ago, but…” She shrugged. “We’ve just never had that kind of relationship.”

“I know, honey.” They went into the house, the big, old place strangely silent.

“Is Mike out?”

“Uh-huh. He’s bowling with his buddies. Or watching them while he drinks beer. His friends came to pick him up a little while ago.” She let out a soft laugh. “Just like high school kids. They pull up and honk.” She headed for the kitchen. “Can I get you a beer?”

“Mmm, no I shouldn’t. I’m distracted enough.” She sat on the old sofa, the exact one she recalled from childhood. It was battered, but still comfortable, and she sank into it like a favorite pair of slippers.

Janet came back and sat next to her. “Want to talk about it?” She put a comforting hand on her leg and Jill started to tear up again.

“I don’t have much to say,” she said, wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands as tears started to fall. “Lisa grabbed her after church yesterday. Apparently just to tell her I was gay. I’m not sure how Lisa knew that would be a surprise, but it was.”

“She’s the least Christian person I know,” Janet said, her mouth set in a firm line. “She’s in damned near every parable—as the bad example. Mark would have been better off to stay single if she was his only choice.”

“But he chose her,” Jill reminded her. “No one forced Lisa on him. I think he wanted someone to lead him, and that’s exactly what he got.”

“I think he wanted someone who didn’t like you,” Janet said, gazing into Jill’s eyes with empathy.

“What? Why would he want that?”

“Because he had such a crush on you.” She gave her a fond pat on her leg. “You had to know that.”

“I didn’t. I swear I didn’t. I was oblivious to signals from boys.” She rolled her eyes. “From girls too. It took me until I was twenty-five to really see when someone was flirting with me. I didn’t have much emotional intelligence.”

“Yes, you did. You’ve always been a sweet, loving girl. But you were a little delayed in the dating game.”

“It’s tough being the only lesbian in town. I had no practice.”

“You weren’t the only lesbian, honey, but you were probably the only one in your class.”

“So why would Mark be drawn to Lisa? Just out of hatred for me?”

Janet shook her head slowly, thoughtfully. “No, not hatred. On Mark’s part at least. I think he wanted someone who’d verify his belief that you were…whatever he convinced himself you were. Cruel or uncaring or dismissive of him.” She took Jill’s hand and chafed it between both of her own. “Mark didn’t have much dating sense either, I’m afraid. I think Lisa made him feel special.”

“He accused me of being a pedophile,” Jill said quietly.

“Good lord!” She dropped her head back against the sofa. “Sometimes I wish I’d stopped at two kids. Which two I’d choose changes like the wind, but there’s usually two I can stand.”

“I hope you keep Lizzie,” Jill said. “I can’t imagine anyone would want to get rid of her.”

“Oh, she has her faults, but you’ll just think they’re cute. For a while,” she added. She put her arm around Jill and pulled her close, kissing her cheek. “You’re the only one of the bunch I’ve never wanted to bean.”

“How about when you caught us lying in bed together?”

“I didn’t want to bean you. Lizzie? Yes. But not you.”

“Why were you mad at Lizzie?” Jill sat up straight, intensely interested in Janet’s answer.

“I wasn’t mad so much as hurt. It’s hard learning something important about your kid, and realizing you didn’t know because she didn’t trust you.”

“She trusts you, Janet. I’m not sure what it was, but she was really uncomfortable admitting that she’s easily as gay as she is straight.”

“I guess I shouldn’t take her hang-ups as an indictment of my parenting, huh? That’s pretty self-centered.”

“No, you shouldn’t. This is Lizzie’s issue. It has nothing to do with not trusting you or anyone else in the family. Kristen’s upset with her too, not to mention Mark.”

Janet’s eyes closed at the mere mention of his name.

“Did you talk to him today?”

“No. He’s the kind of kid who eats himself up with guilt. I’m going to let him stew for a few days. I want him to have a few sleepless nights.”

She reached over and took Jill’s hand. “Let me see your arm,” she said, pushing Jill’s sweater up. She shook her head mournfully as her eyes briefly closed. “I wouldn’t have believed Mark had it in him to grab you like this.” She met Jill’s eyes. “Please don’t tell Mike. It would kill him to think he’d done such a poor job of teaching his boys how to behave.”

“I won’t. I’d really rather forget about it, to be honest.”

“More power to you, honey, but I can’t let it go. I already talked to Father Dowd about this. He’s going to recommend someone for Mark to talk to. I’ll pay for it, but he’s going to get this sorted out.”

“I don’t think you can
make
someone open up to a therapist.”

“Yes, you can. Even though he’s a mess at this point in his life, he’s not going to want to lose his family. And I swear to god, if he doesn’t get some of this childish nonsense out of his system, he’s not welcome here again.”