Homecoming (12 page)

“I get that. I really do,” Jill said. “Too much work.”

“Exactly. He just wouldn’t let it go, so I had to break up with him. Two years—down the drain.”

“I’ve been there,” Jill said. “You think you’re close, that you’re building something, but something critical stops you cold.”

“Ice cold. So, for my next boyfriend, I chose a guy who wasn’t into having three-ways, but didn’t mind if I slept with a woman once in a while.”

They’d grown close enough that Jill felt comfortable teasing her. “And that didn’t work either, since he’s not here.”

“Nope.” She drained her drink, then let out a sigh. “He was a heck of a nice guy. An ob/gyn resident at Mass General.”

“Cool. At least he knew the terrain.”

“Oh, yeah. He was a good lover. And he didn’t complain when I hooked up with someone from a dating app. But then he kept asking me questions, comparing what she did with what he did. All of a sudden, he had performance problems. Every time we had sex he’d check with me every two seconds. ‘Is this okay? Does this feel good?’ I ruined him, Jill. I inadvertently destroyed his confidence.”

“Damn, who knew it would be this hard to find a guy who wanted an extra woman once in a while?”

“I sure didn’t. I assumed a guy would think it was like Christmas.”

“And then you met Jon.”

“Yeah. I was willing to focus on him, but he just didn’t believe me.”

Lizzie’s posture had gotten much more relaxed. Now she was leaning against the wall, too tired to hold herself up. Or maybe she was sad. “Did you really think you could go the rest of your life without a woman?”

She slumped towards the table, and dropped her chin in her hand. No doubt about it. She was sad. “I thought so. I would have given it everything I had.” Shrugging, she added, “But how do I know? I might have started to crave a woman. But I wouldn’t have cheated on him. I don’t
do
that.”

“But he probably didn’t want to think of you wanting a woman, even if you didn’t act on it.”

Lizzie sat up, her normal energy back in place. “Like he wouldn’t be attracted to other women? You don’t act on those desires for the security of monogamy. It’s a trade-off. For
every
one.”

“I guess it is,” Jill said thoughtfully. “I still had occasional fantasies about other women when I was with Becca. I just ignored them.”

“Yeah. Or you can use the fantasies during sex. You can talk about them,” she said, clearly frustrated. “I wanted to do that with Jon. To talk about women and what I wanted to do with them as a way to turn him on. But he wasn’t into it. At
all
.”

“You’ve had bad luck three times in a row. But there’s no need to give up. A guy I know likes to be with two guys at the same time. He uses a dating website for kinky people. Have you tried that?”

She shrugged. “I’m rethinking. It might be time to turn in my active bisexual card and go into the inactive category.”

Jill reached over and covered her hand. “I’d hate to have you do that just because you’ve had trouble finding the right guy. Give it another try.”

“We’ll see.” She waved the server over and said, “Do I have time for another shandy?”

“Last call,” the bartender yelled out from behind the bar.

“Must be my lucky day,” she said, with a happy grin making her look like she’d won a prize.

While they waited for the server to return, Lizzie checked her phone. After a minute Jill snatched it from her hand and held onto it. “If you’re not a trauma surgeon, you can’t ignore me to text people you’d rather be with.”

“I wasn’t,” she insisted, twitching her fingers, clearly anxious to get it back. “I was looking for a survey I read about. I thought we could do it.”

“A survey?” Jill handed the phone back. “What kind of survey?”

“It’s a thing a psychologist devised to let people get to know one another quickly. A bunch of questions that most people wouldn’t ever ask, but probably should.”

“Uhm, I guess I’m game. But don’t embarrass me and ask what I do in bed. I’m not telling,” she insisted, glowering playfully.

“Fine, fine,” Lizzie said, still searching. “Okay. Here it is.” She cleared her throat and said dramatically, “First question. Would you like to be famous? If so, for what?”

“No. Nothing,” Jill said immediately. “Hey, this is easy!” She took a sip of her water. “Now you.”

“Mmm…” Lizzie screwed her face up, making her look like a kid. “I wish I’d had the talent to be good at one of the arts. But I didn’t. I guess I don’t want to be famous either. Certainly not just for the thrill of it.”

“We’re in sync. Must be a Sugar Hill trait. We’re not fame seekers.”

“Question two. If you could change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?”

Jill could feel her lip curl up in distaste. “I should plead the fifth on this one.”

“Come on,” Lizzie said, taking Jill’s hand as their eyes met. There was something safe in that open gaze. Nonjudgemental.

“All right.” It was tough to spit out, but she forced herself. “I wish I’d had a different mother.”

She closed her eyes, afraid to see the look on Lizzie’s face. Her hand was tenderly stroked, then a soft, warm voice said, “I wish you had a mom just like mine. One who was always on your side. Always interested.”

“Yeah,” Jill agreed, her mouth dry. “It would have been nice to know I mattered.”

Lizzie looked like she was about to cry, but she scanned down her list, probably ignoring all of the other questions about families. “Here’s a good one. Go back and forth and tell your partner something you admire about them.”

“Easy,” Jill said, warming to the subject. “I like how mature you are. The first time I saw you at work I could tell you didn’t have that goofy ‘I’m just a dunce’ thing so many young women have.”

“Nice. I know just what you’re talking about, and I’m damned glad it doesn’t seem like I do that.” She put the phone down and stared at Jill for a moment. “I admire how kind you are. And thoughtful. You don’t have a mean bone in your body.”

“Oh, I probably do,” she teased. “They’re just hidden under my skin.” She thought for a moment or two. “I admire how you’re planning your life. Knowing what you want and trying to get it is very mature.”

“I have my mature moments. But I’ve made some dumb mistakes too.” She pointed at Jill. “I admire you for coming out when you were young. That wasn’t very common for Sugar Hill at the time.”

“I like to be honest,” Jill said. “Hiding something important makes me feel…bad.”

“It was still a risk. And you took it.”

Jill gave her a smile. “I’m gonna get a big head from all of these compliments—but I don’t want to stop.” She let her mind go over all of the things she liked about Lizzie. “I admire that you do a job where you don’t make a lot of money—just because you believe in the organization.”

“Jobs aren’t that easy to get,” she hedged. “I might give it up tomorrow if someone offered me a big raise to sell crack to school kids.”

“Uh-huh. That sounds like you.”

“Well, I admire that you work at the U. You could make more as a comptroller at a big corporation. And no one would know your salary,” she teased.

“Probably true. But I like the environment. It’s collegial.” She found herself laughing at her silly joke. “It’s a college, right?”

“You’re endlessly funny,” Lizzie agreed, her attention already diverted to her phone. “I like this one.” She looked up at Jill. “If we were going to be very close friends, what should I know about you?”

Jill leaned back on her stool, her mouth slightly open. “Damn, that’s a tough one!”

“Come on. I know you’ve got an answer in that pretty head.”

“Uhm,” Jill found herself scrambling, the answer just not coming. Then she took a cleansing breath and said the first thing that came to mind. “I’d like you to know that I’ll never screw you over, or play games with you. When you need me, I’ll be there, even if it’s difficult. I’ll be on your side, Lizzie,” she said, the force of her answer catching her by surprise.

“Good answer,” Lizzie said, her pretty eyes blinking slowly. “My turn.” She took in a breath and let it out. “You should know that I’ve always tried to be the woman my parents want me to be. They were very good influences, and I know if I do what they’d like—I’ll be fine.”

Jill reached across the table and gripped her hand, feeling her eyes well up with tears. “We could both do that and save a lot of time worrying about things. What would Janet and Mike do?”

“I’ll have T-shirts made,” Lizzie said, reaching up to cuff Jill playfully on the chin. “Okay. We’ve skipped about thirty-five questions, but there’s one final thing you’re supposed to do.” She leaned over, her face just inches from Jill’s. “We need to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes.”

“Four minutes!”

“Yep. No cheating. I’m going to set my timer.”

Jill could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She tried to always look people in the eye even though it didn’t come naturally to her. But to do it for four minutes? She might pass out before they were halfway done. Then Lizzie reached over to hit the damned button, and Jill set her mind to playing the game. She hated to lose—at anything.

Leaning in, she settled herself, preparing for a long slog. A sweet half smile curled Lizzie’s lips, and her eyes radiated warmth. That Jon guy was a moron. Who wouldn’t want to look into those beautiful eyes? And if you could be kissing her gorgeous mouth at the same time? Who cared if Lizzie dreamed about women? If she was sleeping with you—make her not want anyone else. Man up!

Jill’s mind had definitely wandered. Forcefully, she concentrated on Lizzie. Just Lizzie. She seemed so smart. So quick. Like she had all sorts of talents and skills she could whip out whenever she needed them.

The phone was lying right there, but she’d have to break eye contact to see how much time was left. Of course Lizzie didn’t seem anxious in the least. That little smile had departed, and now her eyes bore into Jill, making her feel utterly exposed. But this was good. It was good to be vulnerable with a friend. To show you trusted them enough to open up.

If only the time would go faster!

Okay. She could do this. The time had to be over soon.

Jill took a breath and focused again, trying to look into Lizzie’s soul. What made her tick? What did she want out of life? What would make her happy? The answers were all in there. Jill just had to wait—everything would be revealed as they got to know each other better. That thought made her smile. A rich, warm smile that immediately had Lizzie smiling back. They sat there, staring into each other’s eyes, big grins on their faces. Then the buzzer sounded.

“Whoa!” Jill gasped, dropping her head onto the table. “That was hard.”

“Not for me,” Lizzie said softly.

Jill craned her neck from her uncomfortable position, and met Lizzie’s eyes.

“You looked so open. So approachable. I could have done that for another five minutes.”

“Let’s work up to that,” Jill said, relieved it was over. “I’m glad we did it though. It was…” She didn’t want to admit it, but her whole body was tingling. Like she’d been given a burst of energy. It was strangely similar to the way she felt when she’d been on a great roller coaster.

“I’m stoked,” Lizzie said, getting right to the heart of the matter. “I could run home.”

“You know, I could too. But Freyja gets her feelings hurt if I don’t take her home and put her in her stall.”

Lizzie looked at her phone one last time. “Here’s an easy question I don’t have to ask. Who in your life would you be most upset to lose. The answer is clearly Freyja.”

***

They didn’t get to Lizzie’s building until two thirty. “My boys are going to have called the police to file a missing person’s report.”

“I like your cats. If I had a little more room, I’d get one.”

“They don’t take up much space.”

Lizzie laughed. “You’ll have to come up to my apartment some day. Then you’ll see why I can’t have a cat.”

“Hey, I’m going to have a barbecue to celebrate the beginning of summer. Want to come? You can bring your friends. It’s going to be big.”

“Sure,” she said, giving Jill a wide grin. “I love parties.”

“It’s two weeks from tomorrow. I’ll have a couple of kegs of beer, and I’ll provide burgers and dogs and sausages. So bring a side dish or a dessert. Cool?”

“You’re on. And I promise to only bring my well-behaved friends.”

“It’s a really big party, so you can bring anyone. And if it rains on Saturday, the rain date is Sunday.”

“Sounds great.” Lizzie leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I had an awesome time. Thanks for chauffeuring me in your limo.”

“I had a very memorable evening,” Jill said, finding herself edgy about saying what was on her mind. But she gutted it up and got it out. “Your last question? About who I’d miss?”

“Yeah?” Lizzie asked, her voice soft and gentle.

“I’d miss your mom,” Jill admitted, with tears coming to her eyes. “Now that I have her back in my life, it’d kill me to lose her again.”

Lizzie leaned over and wrapped Jill in a gentle hug. “You won’t. Promise.” She kissed Jill’s cheek again, her lips warm and soft. “We’re never going to let you go.”

“Thanks.” She sat up and wiped at her eyes, feeling a little foolish. “Freyja and I enjoyed ourselves a lot. See you in two weeks.”

“Bye,” she said, those piercing eyes lingering on Jill for a few long seconds.

Jill watched her walk up the path to her apartment, shaking her butt to the beat that obviously still played in her head. Mark had always been her favorite Davis sibling, but he was no match for his little sister. They weren’t even in the same league.

The next day, the
weather app on her phone promised warm temps and clear skies, but not until afternoon. Jill pondered her options, certain she didn’t want to waste a Saturday morning and hoping the drizzle would stop. On impulse, she called Janet. “Good morning,” Jill said when Janet answered. “I was thinking about driving down. Are you up for a visitor?”

“Always, Jill. Could you tell I was thinking about you?”