Home to Hope Mountain (Harlequin Superromance) (25 page)

“Summer, you shouldn’t talk to me like that.”

“Someone’s got to tell you the truth,” she shouted. “When Mom and I lived with you I saw how tired you were, how crabby. You worked at night and on the weekends, and you didn’t even seem to enjoy what you were doing. Now you want to do the same thing in a foreign country. But up here you’ve been different, laughing and relaxed and having fun.”

“Grown-ups can’t have fun all the time.”

“But you
never
have fun. It’ll be worse in Shanghai because you won’t know anyone there.” Summer’s face was drawn and white. “I don’t want to live with you if it’s going to be like that. Work is just an excuse for you not to have to deal with people.”

Her words hit him with a jolt. “That’s not true.”

She turned on her heel and ran out of the barn.

His gaze dropped to his hands. He didn’t recognize them anymore. Callused and dry, the nail broken on his right index finger, they were no longer the hands that tapped computer keys far into the night, or wrote budgets or did any of the myriad tasks associated with being a high-level architect. Where had he gone off track?

He looked around the mote-filled barn smelling of burned wood and smoke. Somehow he’d made a shambles of his life up here on Hope Mountain. What was he doing wasting his time pounding nails into boards when he had real work to do?

He got off the hay bale and brushed his jeans. He had to stop navel gazing and look over the prospectus Lorraine had sent him so he could talk about it intelligently when he phoned to accept her offer.

Back in the house he got himself a cup of coffee and sat down with the drawings, site report and budget analysis. This was his comfort zone. This was what he understood, what he’d groomed himself for over the past five years.

But the figures and numbers swam before his eyes and his mind drifted. He sat there for thirty minutes and couldn’t concentrate for a second. Was Summer right—had work taken over his life? And not just work but jobs that had little to do with the creative bent that drew him to architecture?

Certainly as his marriage had deteriorated he’d worked longer and longer hours until his life revolved around the office and the projects he was working on. He and Diane never should have been together in the first place, and that was what had led to him working too much, not the other way around.

But now that they were divorced, was he still using work to withdraw from people? Not just any people, but Hayley?

Logic told him that what he’d proposed made sense for two people recovering from troubled relationships. A cautious approach was only smart.

So why was no one but him happy about it?

The doorbell rang. Relieved at the distraction, he got up to answer it. Passing the mirror above an occasional table, he glanced at himself. And was shocked anew. Happy? You’d never know it from the grim downturned mouth, the twin creases between his eyes and the drawn face. His hair was a mess and he hadn’t shaved yet this morning.

The doorbell rang again. He shook his head to clear it.

Molly was on the doorstep bearing a covered basket that smelled delicious. She seemed taken aback by his appearance but quickly rallied. “I hope you don’t mind the intrusion. Hayley used to come for breakfast on Sundays. She hasn’t since she moved in here, so I brought over some fresh scones.”

“She’s not here. She moved back to her place.”

“That was sudden. She seemed so happy here.”

They’d all—he, Summer and Hayley—been happy for a time. Until he and his good intentions screwed things up.

“We, uh, had an accident last night. The barn caught fire. That might have had something to do with it.” It didn’t, really, but it was a convenient excuse.

“Oh, dear. I hope no one was hurt. Are the horses okay?”

“Yes, everyone’s fine. So are the horses.”

“Well, I won’t disturb you. I’ll carry on to Hayley’s, but I’ll leave a few scones.”

She bustled into his kitchen and deposited six scones on a plate and scooped half the cream she’d brought in a covered container into a bowl. “Do you have jam? I know what you bachelors are like. Oh, and here’s the local newspaper. Don’t know if it’s delivered out here. Some interesting items in the local government ads.”

“No, the paper isn’t delivered. Thanks. And yes, I’ve got jam.” He bit back a smile at her motherly nature.

She gave him a worried look, searching his face so hard it made him shuffle his feet. “Don’t give up on Hayley. She’s not as sure of herself as she appears. And she’s been through a lot. Not just with the fires.”

“I know. I won’t rush her. She needs time.”

“Really, you think so?” Molly tipped her head. “I think she needs... What do they call it in books? A grand gesture.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just think about it.” She gave him another worried stare. “Now, you take care of yourself. You’ve been through a lot, too. Are you really selling Timbertop?”

“I can’t live here.”

“Because of the fire danger?”

“Because of Diane.”

Molly nodded. “I understand.” Then she surprised him by giving him a hug. He was also surprised by how much he needed it and how his eyes pricked as he embraced the woman’s plump figure. They drew apart a moment later, him slightly abashed, her brisk and tart.

“Now eat something. Tell Summer hello from me.” She went to the door and paused. “Oh, and Adam? If you hurt Hayley, you’ll have to answer to me.”

He found a wan smile because he could see she was half joking, trying to put a spark in him. “I know better than to cross you, Molly.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

H
AYLEY
WAS
GLAD
to be back in her garage. The familiar concrete block construction brightened by colorful knitted throws and dusty Persian carpets were
cozy,
not depressing. She refused to even think that
D
word. Or indeed, any of the
D
words—
discouraged, defeated, demoralized.

“We’re made of sterner stuff, aren’t we, Shane?” With one arm around the dog’s neck, she sat on the couch and sipped a cup of lemon-and-ginger tea. Shane licked her chin as if to say yes, they were.

Hayley mentally ticked off things to be thankful for: the horses were back in their paddock, busily chomping down the new growth of spring grass; she had a small but steady income at the café with the prospect of more to come as her horse therapy started up again; Graham had sent her a text message yesterday, which she’d only just read, saying the response to her grant proposal so far was promising. He hoped to be able to give her good news later in the week.

Hayley put down her cup and took up her knitting. She’d been secretly making Adam a sweater for Christmas. Now she didn’t know if he would even be in Australia then, but she would keep knitting.

Because other things were definitely looking up. The building contractor she wanted was finally available. He’d looked over Adam’s drawings and pronounced them “doable.” Work would start on her new house next week, commencing with leveling the site.

Shane barked excitedly and jumped off the couch to scratch at the door. A moment later Hayley heard the car.
Adam.
Heart racing, she stuffed her knitting down the side of the couch.

When the knock sounded she ran her fingers through her hair. “Come in.”

The door opened. Molly entered, carrying a cloth-covered tray. “Here you are. I can’t keep track of your comings and goings. I’ve just been to Adam’s house looking for you. I had to leave him half of my fresh scones. Poor man looks like he’s been run over by a truck.”

Hayley’s heart rate took a nosedive, along with her spirits. Covering her disappointment, she retrieved another teacup and some plates. Her stomach rumbled, and she realized she hadn’t eaten today. “These look fabulous. I don’t have any jam, though. Haven’t been shopping yet.”

Molly fished two containers out of her huge handbag, one of whipped cream, the other of her own raspberry jam. “Why did you come back here? I thought you would stay at Adam’s until you got your place built, or at least until he sold his. It’s so good for the horses.”

“Did he tell you about the barn catching on fire?” Hayley slathered a scone with jam and cream.

Molly nodded. “I don’t think that’s why you left.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” She took a big heavenly bite.

“Well, I do. I was thinking about your comment that you and Adam aren’t serious. I hope you didn’t feel you had to pretend not to care about him because of me. Watching you two dancing last night, I could tell there’s a whole lot more to your ‘friendship’ than giving each other a helping hand.”

Suddenly Molly’s delicious scone tasted like cardboard. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over.”

Molly ignored that. “I want you to know that if you do care about him, love him, then you have my blessing.”

Hayley’s eyes pricked. Molly’s approval meant the world, though it was too late.

The older woman rested a papery dry hand on Hayley’s. “This is hard for me to say because I loved my son, but don’t let Leif put you off getting married again.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“I know he ran around with other women.” Molly’s eyes were dark with sorrow. “Maybe I should’ve said something, but I thought you must have known—and truth be told, I didn’t want to rock the boat. You were the best thing that ever happened to Leif. Oh, he was a charmer, but he wasn’t steady, not till you came along. Rolf tried to talk sense into him but he didn’t listen.”

“I can’t believe you knew,” Hayley cried. “All this time I was trying to keep it from you, to protect your feelings. I didn’t want to lose you from my life. I thought you’d be angry with me if I sullied his name.”

“I would never have been angry with you!” Molly seemed incensed at the very idea. “I was angry with Leif that he would treat you so shabbily. I never understood why you stayed with him, but I didn’t want to question it too deeply for fear you’d leave him.”

“I thought about it several times, but I always compromised.” She was sick of compromising—look where it had gotten her.

“Leif hurt you,” Molly said. “Please don’t let him ruin the rest of your life by making you afraid to take another chance on love.”

“But, Molly, I
am
afraid. Neither my parents’ marriage nor my marriage worked out. I don’t want to get hurt again.” Too agitated to sit still, Hayley paced to the sink to wash the jam from her fingers. “Adam’s proposal wasn’t much of an offer. I said I’d think about it.”

“But you really meant no.”

“That’s right.” She bowed her head, her wet hands resting on the edge of the sink. Adam had asked her to give up her safe cocoon of solitude for uncertainty.

Molly came up behind her and put her arms around her. “It’s normal to feel afraid,” she said gently. “What isn’t right is to know you’re hurting and broken inside and not try to make yourself better.”

Hayley should know that better than anyone. She’d even acknowledged it that day she’d realized Asha didn’t have a problem but she did. She’d been no different from Summer or any of her clients who buried their problems instead of facing them.

She had to ask herself now what she always asked them:
If you don’t confront the pain and take risks, are you prepared for the consequences? Are you willing to live with dysfunction and unhappiness?

She could be happy on her own—she had no doubt about that. But she wanted more. She wanted love and to share her life with a man who made her laugh and feel like she wasn’t alone. She wanted children. Was she prepared never to have a chance at having a family? No.

Maybe it wouldn’t work out with her and Adam. Maybe she would take the chance and fall flat on her face in six months or six years. But maybe it would work out, maybe she would find that perfect union of body, mind and soul with someone she trusted with her whole heart. She had a hunch Adam could be that man, but she’d never know if she didn’t take a risk.

Daring
was also a
D
word.

It all boiled down to one question: What was the point in being safe if she couldn’t be with Adam?

She turned into Molly’s arms and gave her a long hug. “Dearest Molly. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Molly blinked as she eased away. “I hope neither of us ever have to find out.”

As she saw Molly out, a quote she often told her clients came to mind:
Everything you want in life is on the other side of Fear
. She’d never thought it would apply to her. But it did. She was going to break through that fear and go after what she wanted. Adam.

* * *

A
DAM
FINISHED
HIS
coffee over the local paper. Summer had scoffed down three scones in almost as many minutes and gone back up to her room to finish a homework assignment.

Ah, this must be the ad Molly had referred him to. The Shire council was calling for tenders to design and construct a new community center. The center was to incorporate meeting rooms as well as recreation rooms and an indoor swimming pool. Ambitious, but no doubt the council was hoping to convince people to stay in the area.

He’d never designed anything like a community center. It appealed to him, though. He could picture kids like Summer and Zoe playing volleyball in the gym. Hayley’s knitting circle might even use the facilities. And his favorite winter exercise was swimming laps.

He wouldn’t be here next winter.

The thought sobered him.

But, hey, he’d be in Shanghai, the exotic and mysterious East. Suddenly the idea of living in a multistoried box surrounded by a bunch of other multistoried boxes was deeply depressing.

He wandered outside. There was still a faint odor of charred wet wood, but overall the air was fresh. The trees and mountains rose up around him, not brooding and claustrophobic, but friendly and sheltering. The view over the valley of the town strung along the river and the farms dotted with cows, horses and sheep was sensational.

There was only one view better than his. Hayley’s. No wonder she loved Hope Mountain.

He finally got it. Surrounded by the living forest and the mountains, he understood the appeal deep down in his bones. A man could breathe here. He could dream under that vaulting blue sky. He could balance life and work. He could have space for himself and time for a family. He could find love, happiness and contentment. He’d had moments of all three in the past month, tantalizing glimpses of what life could be like.

But to get that, he’d have to let go of his career dreams, his ambitions—partner of a big firm, CEO of an international architectural office. Suddenly those dreams seemed dry and dusty. He’d be chained to his desk practically 24/7 in a foreign land among strangers. Yes, he might make friends—if he found the time.

He already had friends here—Hayley and Molly and all those people in the town. When he’d first come to Hope Mountain he’d thought of it as a backwater, of little interest. Now he realized he’d barely scratched the surface of what it had to offer. Yes, it was a fire-prone area and people were at the mercy of the weather. He still didn’t like that aspect. But if he planned well, he could minimize the danger.

Because what was the point in being safe if he didn’t have Hayley? That was what all his logic and rationalization couldn’t dismiss. He loved her, in a forever kind of way. He wanted to marry her and have children with her. He wanted to bask in her loving kindness and wisdom—in her smile. He wanted to grow old with her.

What had Molly said? Hayley needed a grand gesture. He got that now, too. Oh, he could tell her how he felt, but talk was cheap. He needed to
show
her he was committed to her
and
Hope Mountain. He laughed out loud. Now that he understood the problem, the solution was easy.

He grabbed his car keys and headed out.

* * *

H
AYLEY
PARKED
AT
a skewed angle in front of Adam’s place and jumped out of her truck, ran onto the porch and stabbed the doorbell. Adam wasn’t Leif. And she wasn’t the same woman who’d married a ladies’ man thinking she could change him. Nor was she the same woman who kept quiet when she should have spoken up. She wasn’t the woman who put her man’s needs ahead of her own. She wasn’t a woman who let fear stand in the way of happiness.

She was a woman who knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. She was a woman who had a lot to offer the right man. She was a woman who loved Adam Banks with all her heart—and she was going to tell him so.

Impatiently she jabbed the bell again.

Summer opened the door. Her face brightened. “Hey, Hayley.”

“Is your father here? I need to speak with him.”

“He went into town to get some documents. He’s all fired up about something.”

For a moment her resolve faltered. The documents must have to do with his new job in Shanghai. Maybe Lorraine had sent a contract special delivery to the post office. Or Mort had found a buyer for Timbertop. Her mind could conjure half a dozen scenarios.

No, no, no.
Everything you want in life is on the other side of fear.
She was a woman who broke through fear.

“Do you want to come in?” Summer said. “I’m doing homework but I can take a break.”

“Thanks, but it’s important I see your dad right away. I’ll see you soon, though.”

“Okay. See you later.”

Hayley drove through town slowly, checking both sides of the street and the side roads for Adam’s dark purple Mercedes. Finally she spotted his car, parked outside Mort’s realty office. Her heart sank.

She got out of her truck and went inside. Mort was at the front desk, doing something on the computer. “Hey, Mort, have you seen Adam? His car’s out front.”

“He was here a few minutes ago. He’s gone down the street, heading north, I think.”

“Thanks.” She hurried down the sidewalk, checking shop windows as she went. Even though it was Sunday, most businesses were open, taking advantage of the trickle of tourists and day-trippers who’d begun to find their way back to Hope Mountain and the surrounding hiking trails.

Still, many other shops were empty and locked, their owners having sold up and moved out—these she only gave half a glance. So when she hurried past the darkened travel agency it took her a moment to register the movement inside.

She checked her long stride and backtracked to cup her hands against the glass and peer in. Adam was pacing the interior of the empty shop. She opened the door and went in. Her heart sped up. This was it, the moment she found out what she was really made of.

She didn’t ask him what he was doing, although she wanted to know. She couldn’t risk getting sidetracked. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Really? I was coming to talk to you once I finished here.” A slow smile spread across his face and he walked toward her.

She met him halfway and huffed out a breathless laugh. “Me first. Or I might chicken out.”

He tucked back a strand of her hair. “I’m all ears.”

Her heart was slamming against her rib cage and she couldn’t catch her breath.
Shoulders down. Breathe out.
She found the scrap of calm she needed to begin. “I love you, Adam Banks. I want to marry you, and I want you to live here in Hope Mountain with me.” With each sentence she sped up. “I don’t want some half-assed fly-in-fly-out relationship. I want a solid, everyday marriage where we sleep together in the same bed every night.”

“Hayley—”

She held up a hand. “I know. You have your big job overseas. I can handle you going on business trips but not for too long, or too often. You can work from here and let someone else run the show in Shanghai.”