Authors: Anita Claire
Sitting at my desk one morning, I hear a big commotion. It’s a couple of men’s voices yelling from down the hall. Like an idiot, I run over to see what’s going on. When I get there I see a couple of guys holding back Chris, the Marketing Director, as Sid stands red faced with his arms crossed. As Chris is led away, he breaks from his escorts and says, “Don’t bother, I quit.”
Sid puts his hands up and says, “The show is over, folks, everyone back to work.” I can still feel the anger rolling off of him as he heads into his office. I have no idea why Chris and Sid were arguing. As the day progresses, the rumors run rampant.
Meeting up with Caroline and Kami for lunch, Kami leans in and tells us, “The most logical rumor is that Terri dumped Chris and is now seeing Sid.”
Caroline adds, “She’s an overlapper. I think she’s one of those women whose boyfriend finds out she’s broken up with him when she’s dating someone else.”
“Why would you think that?” Kami asks.
“Carol over in finance told me that’s what she did with the last guy,” Caroline confides.
“Doesn’t dating Sid put her back in the chain of command again?” I ask.
“Only if this rumor is true,” Kami responds.
“How many guys are going to quit before someone gets rid of her?” Caroline questions.
Kami follows up with, “If Sid is getting some, do you really think he’s going to fire her?”
“I thought Sid was smarter than that,” I reflect.
Caroline shakes her head, “She has this thing about her. The guys all stop thinking with their big head when she’s around.”
“Damn, I wish she would share some of her mojo with me. Why do some people have so much sex appeal and some of us get none?” Kami laments.
Coming back to the office in September after spending the weekend in Chicago at Savi’s wedding, my head still swims with Indian songs, colors, and smells. Rajive, who is normally very quiet and never speaks to me sees my hands all decorated in henna and politely asks, “Hita, have you been to a Mehendi?”
I hold up my hands with the intricate henna designs that are starting to fade. “Yes, my childhood friend was married this weekend. I was part of her Mehendi.”
With a surprised look he asks, “Was this a traditional marriage?”
With a chuckle I respond, “yes, very traditional.”
I pull out my phone and show him pictures from the Mehendi. All the female family and friends are singing and dancing as the artist decorates Savi’s hands and feet with henna to prepare her for the wedding. Then I show him pictures of the wedding ceremony, pointing out my mom and dad all dressed in traditional clothes.
Shaking his head he says, “I didn’t realize you were a traditional Indian.”
I’m sure my American nature has confused him. Though it does give me reason to pause, I still don’t want an arranged marriage. But after spending the weekend all sucked up into the tradition and ritual of my culture, I wonder what my marriage will eventually be like.
Surprises continue, I get an e-mail from Juliette asking me if they filled the position she applied for three months ago. When her contract at the bank ends at the end of the month she’s planning on moving back. Remembering our conversation in the spring, I wonder if Juliette has finally woken up to Stephan’s irritating qualities. I remembered her telling me she was either headed for marriage or if things didn’t work out, she’d be returning home. I never thought it would happen so fast.
When interviewing here she got a unanimous thumbs up from this group, though she eventually turned down the offer.
Afterwards, Roger asked me, “Who’d she choose instead of us?”
I told him, “Her grad school boyfriend who’s living in London.”
He chuckled then replied, “There wasn’t really a better job offer then.”
After Juliette declined the job we continued to haphazardly interview. Over the summer we gave out a few offer letters, but in this competitive job market the offers were rejected. We got two interns this summer, which helped to fill some of the holes. I know Roger has said a couple times we need to get focused on hiring more people, but then he gets pulled away to work on other tasks and doesn’t bring anyone in.
After going back and forth a few times with Juliette, she doesn’t fill me in on any details on what happened with Stephan. She does confirm that if we update her offer letter she’ll accept it.
Heading into Roger’s office I tell him, “I was contacted by Juliette. I guess she’s had her fair share of London and is headed back here. She asked me if her job is still available.”
Roger leans back in his chair, he gets a small smirk on his face, finally proclaiming, “I guess grad school boyfriend didn’t work out.”
Nodding my head, I’m surprised by that comment. Roger never says anything personal.
“Yeah, let me see what I can do.” He then turns back to his computer, his sign that the conversation is over.
I e-mail Juliette, “Roger’s working on it. I’ll keep you posted.”
Texting the rest of the princesses: Juliette’s heading home. Has anyone heard what went down in London?
I get a number of surprised texts. Only Isabelle has more information: She e-mailed me about signing up for soccer.
I text back: Any details on the breakup?
About five minutes later I get a phone call from Isabelle. It’s surprising since we never call each other. Answering with a friendly, “Hey”, I stand up and head over to the small room near me that has supplies, a printer, and a cold drink dispenser.
Isabelle’s voice echoes strangely, “I was about to send out a text when I got yours. What do you think is going on?”
“Where are you?” I ask her.
“Oh, I’m in the ladies room. It’s the only place where I can have some semblance of privacy at this place.”
Leaning against the cold drink dispenser, I can’t argue with that. “You know as much as I do. We went back and forth e-mailing this morning. She was asking if her job offer was still available. She wouldn’t answer any of my questions about Stephan. I guess we’ll need to wait to hear about it when she gets back.”
I try to remember back to when Juliette was breaking up with Chris. Was she one of those friends who was tight lipped, or did she regal us on every detail? All I can remember is her frustration that the only thing he ever talked about was gaming.
At lunch I tell Kami and Caroline about Juliette while Caroline tells us about this guy she met, Jeremy. Of course she jumped into the sack with him right away, and now she’s starting on her cyber stalking routine and sending him too many texts, sexts, and e-mails.
“Caroline, have you ever thought that maybe you should give the guy some room? Let him contact you,” I say.
She looks at me annoyed before responding, “Then he might not follow up.”
“Then you dodged a bullet, since he’s not that into you.”
Angrily she spits back, “We slept together, he was very interested in me.”
“Maybe you should wait until he shows more interest before you sleep with him.”
She purses her lips before responding, “You have too many old fashioned Indian notions.”
Thinking back to my encounter with Gray last year, I figure it’s not worth getting into a ridiculous argument. I drop it, wondering when she’s going to wise up.
A week or so later, Savi Skyps me with a big smile on her face all excited about her romantic honeymoon in the Virgin Islands. She actually says, “They’re not virgin anymore.” Not wanting any more details than that, since I didn’t think she was a virgin to start off with, I make a quick exit off the call.
***
Juliette flies back to the Bay Area and starts working a couple of days later. After so many years as my study partner, I hope Roger eventually puts us on the same project. Juliette fits right in. She joins Kami, Caroline, and me for lunch. Our lunch group soon expands again as we meet Jessica at one of our corporate meetings, and Juliette invites her to join us at lunch. Jessica is responsible for ordering and managing all our corporate apparel. I’m hoping that knowing her will help influence some of the free stuff we get. I’m getting tired of guy sized T-shirts and polo shirts, though I get a lot of use out of the hoodies, and my favorite swag to date is my cycling helmet. Jessica invites Megan, a funky web designer she rides with on the bus down from San Francisco, to join us at lunch. They round out our lunch group bringing in some alternative points of view and experiences.
A big bug hits our product. Roger assigns the two most recent hires to support Jim and Mark, the senior guys tasked with fixing the bug. I silently cheer that Juliette is now in the group since I have more seniority and am not stuck running their stupid test suites. Impressively, Juliette maneuvers the situation so Rajive has to work with Jim, an insufferably arrogant guy, while she gets to work with mellow Mark. Working with Mark sporadically pulls Juliette out of the lunch group.
On a day when Juliette’s locked in a conference room with Mark, Terri walks by. Megan’s eyes narrows as she says, “I hate that bitch.”
Kami responds, “Strong feelings or what?”
Shooting Kami a narrow look she continues, “I was friendly with Samantha. She worked in finance. There was this guy. I’m not kidding, his name was Thor, and he was this gorgeous, tall, blond Scandinavian guy. We all called him Eric Northman, though I don’t know why we needed to give him a different hot Scandinavian name since Thor is a rather hot Scandinavian name on its own.”
Kami breaks in, “Megan, you lost me, what does Thor and Samantha have to do with Terri?”
Megan grinds her teeth before answering, “Samantha was nice, real cute, olive complexion, dark hair, Greek, or maybe Italian heritage.”
Kami starts rolling her hands. “And this is pertinent to Terri how?”
Megan refocuses. “Okay, well, Thor had this thing for Samantha, but it turns out that Terri had her eye on Thor. I only figured it out after Samantha left. But it had to be Terri. It started out little, comments here or there. But there was this insidious rumor mill about Samantha. Nothing in your face, little comments about her not being cooperative, or her work being sub-par. Terri never said anything, but her DNA was all over it. After a while, it undermined Samantha’s credibility. Everyone started looking at her askew. I think at some point Samantha complained about Terri, but she never had anything concrete, people thought she was being jealous and bitchy. Terri’s like that. She never says or does the nasty stuff directly. She’s good at manipulating unsuspecting guys to do her dirty work.”
“Did Thor and Samantha get together?” I ask.
Megan looks at me blankly before answering, “I have no idea,” as if this is the first time she’s even thought of this. “Eventually they both left the company. But Terri, she’s like napalm, she walks through the office as sweet as could be, leaving total destruction in her path.”
“Why do they keep her if she causes so many problems?” Caroline asks.
Megan purses her lips, “She’s Teflon, what she does is under the wire. They’re too busy growing this company to pay attention to her games, and she always sets herself up to look like a casual bystander.”
Savi calls all giddy with married life. It’s all “Arav this and Arav that.” I’m happy for her, but I’m wondering where my sassy independent friend has gone. I listen to her gushing while I wallow in loneliness. At some point she asks if she can pass my contact information to one of Arav’s friends. According to her, this guy was at the wedding and saw me, and is now interested.
Asking Savi more details she says, “We had over six hundred people at the wedding. Over half of them were people I had never met before. I have no idea which friend he was.”
“Arav must have an opinion. Is the guy cool or is he some kind of crazy rapist or something?”
“Yeah, Arav would hang out with crazy rapists,” she replies. “Hita, he’s some guy Arav knows from grad school who now lives near you.”
“Is he American?”
“Hita, I met him along with all the other people I met that day. My wedding day is now a crazy blur in my mind.”
“Can you ask Arav?” I ask. She huffs in response. Finally I watch her get up from her computer and stalk off. Now all I see is her bedroom. I can hear her talking in the other room. She comes back with Arav in tow.
He moves so I can see part of his face and politely says, “Nice to talk to you again, Hita.”
I smile and start in, “Savi says a friend of yours has asked her for my number?”
Arav gives Savi a sidewise look and then says, “I don’t really like playing matchmaker.”
“Did this guy ask for my number?” I question.
Savi jumps in front of the camera, “Yes, he was asking about you.”
“My mom didn’t put you up to this?”
With an exasperated sigh she says, “No.”
“Savi, can you ask Arav what he’s like?”
Arav pops back in front of the camera, “He was a fellow finance major. He’s now working at a company out near you.”
“How American is he?” I question.
Arav shrugs before telling me in a firm voice, “He’s an Indian from a good family. He’s a modern man.”
Realizing I’m not going to get any good information from Arav, and Savi doesn’t know anything, I finally relent and say, “He’s not some weirdo or something?”
Arav gets an annoyed look on his face, “I told you, he’s a good guy. I wouldn’t give him your information if he was some weirdo.”
“Is he tall? I’m five ten, I don’t want to be dating some short guy”
I can tell my questioning is annoying Arav, though he says, “Yes, he’s tall.”
Considering I’m not doing that well finding guys on my own, I finally relent. I figure it’s one evening. How bad can it be?
***
A few days later I get together with Jennifer. “How come you’re not out with the lawyer?” I ask.
She frowns as she tells me, “That guy was a financial nightmare. I was over at his place waiting for him to get ready and….” She looks at me and puts her fingers up as if she’s going to recite the Girl Scout honor code, “I swear I wasn’t snooping. But lying on the table, were three different credit card bills. They were all maxed out. He was paying minimum on them. I didn’t want to say anything to him since I didn’t want him to think I was prying into his private affairs. He took me to this fancy restaurant. It made me really nervous. I didn’t want him buying me an expensive dinner when he was so deep in debt. But then again, what could I say? I ordered an appetizer and told him I wasn’t that hungry.”
I nod, thinking how awkward that would be. Jennifer continues, “When he pulled out another credit card, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. He got all annoyed at me. Hita, I know it’s his business, but I didn’t feel right spending all that money on dinner when he should be using it to pay down his debt. That guy has a real shopping problem. I swear he has more shoes than Olivia.”
Knowing Olivia’s extensive closet, I start laughing.
“It’s not funny. The next day he was pulling tags off a new shirt. I told him he had plenty of clothes and would be much better off if he practiced some impulse control.”
“And how’d he react to that?” I tentatively ask.
“Yeah, we had big a fight. He called me a nag. Said he had one mom, and he didn’t need another.” She has a scowl on her face as she continues, “We haven’t spoken since.”
“That’s what Anil did. Once the going got rough he dropped me. No goodbye, no closure, he drank all my beer and took off. At least you ended it on a fight.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t call that closure. Anyway, it started off so well. He has a great job and always dressed so nice.”
“Actually, I thought he looked kind of gay.”
“Really?” she says. “But I like my men well-manicured, professional. Lawyers and bankers have this great energy, they’re so confident and in control. Anyway, he definitely wasn’t gay, if you know what I mean.”
I nod as an answer. “Was it easier in college?” I wishfully ask.
“I think we were all together, so it was more fun.”
“No, guys. Was it easier to find them in college?”
Jennifer snorts. “Find them maybe, but date them…remember Tristan Hall?”
I laugh as she wistfully says, “Man I had such a crush on that guy.”
“What ever happened with him?”
She shrugs as a wistful look passes over her face. “He’s my dream guy. In college I never had a chance, he had that girlfriend.”
“Oh yeah, the queen mean girl on campus, Kate somebody.”
“He’s my guy that got away. If I could do college over I’d have hooked up with him.”
“Really?”
She shrugs again. “I’d love to have him as my boyfriend. But if we had hooked up, at least I’d have something more than a fantasy to remember him by. If I ever run into that man again I’m going to date him. If I’m married, he’ll be my one exception.”
“Tristan Hall?”
“Oh, yeah. That man is beautiful. He’s my idea of the perfect man.” She then lands her eyes at me. Do you have an exception? Even if you’re married. The one guy you could sleep with.”
“Right now it’s been so long I think almost any guy would be my exception.”
“No really, who would you never turn down?”
I think about this for a bit before answering. “I guess it would be the Doctor.”
“Doctor who?”
“Exactly, though I’m not sure if it’s the tenth doctor, David Tennant, or the eleventh doctor, Matt Smith. Maybe Sherlock, you know Benedict Cumberbatch.”
“Really? I didn’t realize you had a thing for British guys. Too bad Anil didn’t work out.”
“I think it’s more a thing for British shows and Anil was devoid of humor, that’s why he didn’t work out.”
“What is it with us? Why can’t we find good guys now?”
“Is it that the good guys our age haven’t matured, or are we considering the wrong type of guys good?” I reflect.
***
A week later as I walk to the cafeteria with Juliette, she tells me, “Did you hear the latest? Jennifer’s dating this tatted up wild friend of Kelly’s.”
She then starts ruminating about the two great guys she’s dating, while I’m thinking that Jennifer followed through on my off the cuff comment. Finally pulling my head back into Juliette’s conversation, I listen to her get all twisted up about which great guy she should choose. Yeah, like the biggest problem out there is deciding which great guy to date.
Even Kelly, who’s heading off to Brazil in a couple of weeks, has landed a guy. While the other princesses are busy with their guys, Isabelle and I get together. We spend most of our time lamenting on our lack of decent men to date. I know she’s been hanging out with Paul, her on again off again college boyfriend. I hope she doesn’t go there again.
***
About a week later I get a call from “Dick,” Arav’s friend. He has an accent that sounds like a combination of British and Indian that’s been flattened out by living in the US. We agree that he’ll pick me up and we’ll go to dinner and a movie.
Since I’m not sure what to wear, I decide on jeans and a sweater. Juliette tells me boots can dress up jeans. Considering I don’t own any, I figure I’ll wear my ballerina flats instead of sneakers.
Arav was right, Dick is a tall guy, a bit over six foot. He, too, is wearing jeans, but paired with the kind of high quality button down shirt I only wear for interviews. He takes me to Sakoon, a nice Indian restaurant in downtown Mountain View. He reminds me of Juliette’s old boyfriend, Stephan. I’m not sure if it’s the accent or if he’s kind of pretentious. Anyway, the dinner starts out well. He’s not much of a talker and I’m not the most outgoing person, so we don’t say too much at first. Trying to bring him out, I figure I’ll start with something easy like his name.
“Dick isn’t a very Indian name. I assume it is short for something?” Thinking about it nothing comes up.
“It’s short for Diksheet.”
Of course I totally crack up. Finally mumbling out, “No way.”
He looks at me surprised, “Diksheet is perfectly proper name, it means one who attains Deeksha, a preparation for a religious ceremony.”
Trying to hold back the laughter I finally ask, “Do your parents speak English?”
“Of course, my family is educated.”
“Then how could they name their kid Dick-shit? Come on, they had to know what that means in English.”
“It’s not considered a funny name in India.”
“Yeah, but I bet your business card doesn’t have Dick-shit on it,” I say as I cover my mouth in an attempt not to giggle.
In a very practical voice he says, “I use Dik in this country, it’s easier for American’s to remember.”
Unable to stop myself I ask, “Did you pledge a fraternity?
He shakes his head. “I came to America for grad school. We don’t have the foolishness of fraternities in India.”
“Well that’s a good thing,” I earnestly tell him. “The brothers would have a field day with your name.”
He gives me an impenetrable look as my brain twirls and my mouth blurts out, “Hey wait, the fraternity brothers couldn’t even make fun of your name. How do you make fun of a name like Dick-shit?” I start laughing again and then grasp his arm, as I lean in. I tell him, “You’d, never have to suffer through a stupid nickname. You’d have the most popular name in the Greek system. All the brothers would love to call out, ‘Hey Dick-shit….’”
Dik looks at me mystified. “American’s don’t act as ridiculous when they find out about my given name as you currently are.”
With a big smile I proudly tell him, “Don’t you see, that’s the benefit of being American and Indian. American’s don’t want to be culturally insensitive, or even worse, racist. I have no false pretense. I can experience the full humor when Indian and American cultures collide.”
He looks at me like I’m somewhat insane as I realize that he’s as humorless as Anil. Too bad Anil didn’t have a name like Dick-shit. It sure would been fitting, and I’d have saved myself from making that whole crappy dinner before I found out he had no sense of humor.
Realizing that maybe I’m being rather insensitive with his name, I try to reign in my laughter as I say, “I’m surprised you haven’t gotten a better sense of humor with your name.”
He shakes his head before replying, “I’ve never really needed to.”
Needless to say, my sophomoric sense of humor with his name did not endear me to him. Now I can add another man to my list of those who will never call me back: Brandon, Gray, Anil, Dick-shit…. Damn, this list is getting long. Am I starting to sound like Lindsey Lohan?