Hit & Mrs. (24 page)

“Thank you.”

Dumb rubbed his head. “You're givin' me a headache.”

Gemma started to open her mouth, but Augusta reached over and grabbed her arm. “Stop antagonizing him,” she said under her breath.

“I know what I'm doing. Trust me.” Gemma cleared her throat. “Dumb, I think you're getting the raw end of the stick.”

He furrowed his brow. “Huh?”

“You've got a headache because you're carsick. You're stuck back here on the floor with the rest of us prisoners, while those two up front ride in comfort. I think you should demand your fair share. When we get to wherever we're going, Dumber should be the one who has to watch us. I think it's only right.”

Blue spoke up. “Did you say Dumb and Dumber?”

Gemma nodded.

“Now I know that dope was bad.”

Dumb didn't say anything, so Augusta started in. “She's right, you know. I think they take advantage of you. I didn't want to say anything before, but…”

“Ya think?” Dumb frowned.

“Oh yeah,” Gracie added. “I heard them laughing about you when we got in the truck. I thought it was mean.”

Dumb gave his neck a little twirl to get the kinks out. “Ya don't say.”

Blue didn't know he was being helpful when he said, “That sucks. I hate people who do that.”

They fell quiet, to let the conversation sink in. Poor old Dumb's face was a sea of emotion. They could practically see the wood burning.

Gemma wiggled herself a little closer to Gracie, who held her sleepy baby. She hardly moved her lips. “If we go back to where we were, I'm going to cause a ruckus. The car we first got into was parked by this van. I'll keep people busy on one side of the van and I want you to sneak around and get Augusta's cellphone out of the car's glove compartment. Then come back to us.”

Gracie nodded. Gemma sidled up to Augusta. She nodded too.

It took awhile before the van stopped. Gracie handed the baby over to Augusta. He snuggled in her arms. They waited for the doors to be opened.

Dumb banged on them from the inside. “Hurry up.”

Dumber finally got the back door opened. “What's your problem?”

They spilled out as Dumb, who jumped down first, jabbed his finger into Dumber's shoulder. “I ain't got a problem.
You're
gonna have the problem.”

“What are you yammerin' about?”

Candy looked perplexed. “What's goin' on?”

“I'll tell ya what's goin' on.” Dumb kept pushing Dumber. “He's an asshole.”

Candy went over to break them up. “What is this?”

“He's right,” Gemma said. “You have no business… “…I can attest to the fact that…” Augusta chimed in.

Blue jumped about. “This is freaky, man.”

Tiny Gracie slipped undetected around the back of the van and opened the car door as quietly as she could. She quickly opened the glove compartment and grabbed the phone, sticking it down inside her bra before she leaned on the door to close it and slipped back into view, immediately adding her two cents to the discussion.

It was over as soon as it started. Candy fired a gun into the air. They jumped out of their skins. Poor little Keaton let out one almighty scream and his mommy was there to comfort him.

“Move it.
Now
.”

Everyone was herded into the old room at the back of the ware–house. Dumb and Dumber glared at each other. Candy looked furious as he crunched on his Life Savers. He pointed at Gemma and Augusta. “I have a sneaking suspicion you two have been stirring the pot.”

Blue held his hands up. “Hey man, I gave you coke, not pot.”

“Shut up, you dough head.”

“Who is this kid?” Gemma asked. “Are you collecting innocent people just for the hell of it?”

Candy pointed to Blue. “This idiot tried to give me a bear with nothing in it.”

The ladies looked at each other.

“What do you mean?” Gemma asked. “I thought you said you talked to our friends. What's he got to do with it?”

“That's what I'd like to know.” Candy stepped closer to him. “Tell us again, genius. What happened tonight?”

Blue rolled his eyes. “I told you guys already. I waited for a phone call to tell me where to take that.” He gestured to the package Candy still had in his hand. “The phone rang and I couldn't reach it. A girl I know picked it up and said some guy told her he'd kill my friends if I didn't take a bear to Central Park. And since Starr is missing, I figured I better do what he said, even if it didn't make no sense.”

Candy looked at Gemma. “Did you give me the wrong number? Because so help me…”

Gemma got annoyed. “As if. I want you to have your dumb bear more than you do, so I can get the hell home to my family. Why would I give you the wrong number?”

Augusta said, “Maybe it's your fault. Maybe you dialled incorrectly.” Candy opened his mouth as if to speak and then shut it again.

Dumb rubbed salt in the wound. “Yeah.”

Candy spun around to face him. “Did I tell you to open your trap? Did I?”

Dumb looked at the floor.

“Or maybe our friends got their cellphone mixed up with Blue's somehow,” Gemma suggested.

Candy took his cellphone out of his breast pocket and pointed at Blue. “So if they got their cells mixed up and I call your friend's number again, this idiot's phone is going to ring, right?”

Gemma nodded.

A hush fell as Candy punched in the numbers. Blue's phone rang.

His eyes lit up. “Maybe it's Starr.” He reached into his pocket. “Hey babe, is that you?”

“Yeah, it's me,” Candy answered.

“You sound weird. Are you okay?”

Candy shut his phone. “Someone kill this moron.”

Blue put his hand up to cover his ear. “Hey Starr, are you there? I can't hear you.” He looked up. “I lost her.”

They had to pull Candy off him.

Once the dust settled, everyone went back to their corners. Blue was very indignant and Candy's face was the color of a mottled plum. He took a few deep breaths, threw more Life Savers in his mouth, and tossed his head from side to side, as if to chase out the cobwebs. “Okay, so that means…”

“…the cellphones got mixed up. It's as simple as that,” Gemma said.

“So where's my phone?” Blue wondered.

“I don't care about your phone,” Candy exploded.

Augusta put her hand up.

“What?”

“Maybe you should call his number. Bette may answer.”

Blue groaned. “Oh boy, I'm in trouble. If Flea and Tony called an old lady, my ass is cooked.”

Gemma stamped her foot. “Bette is not an old lady. She's my age.”

“Yeah, that's what I said. Old.”

“Smartass.” Gemma turned to Candy. “Call the number and see if Bette answers. Do you want me to talk to her? I'll tell you if it's Bette or not.”

“I ain't givin' you a phone.”

Gemma shrugged her shoulders. “Whatever. The last time a woman answered, you thought it was Bette, and look what happened. We have Blue here instead.”

Candy hesitated. “All right, but no smart moves.” He adjusted the gun that was shoved down the front of his pants.

Gemma and Augusta exchanged glances. Just to hear Bette's voice would be enough. Candy passed Gemma the phone. Her hand trembled as she pressed the numbers and the phone started to ring.

Bette and Linda's situation was now desperate. They couldn't move.

When Bette screamed into the phone to Miriam, Flea jumped across the kitchen and batted the cell out of her hand. It landed on the pizza box filled with diamonds, and the gems were scattered across the room.

Greed overrode anger as a distracted Flea and Tony scurried around and made sure they had all of the precious stones. Once they were gathered inside an empty jam jar, Flea turned his attention on his prisoners.

“That was a dumb move, lady.”

He tied Bette and Linda to their chairs and turned them back-to-back before he roped the chairs together. It made things worse, not to be able to see each other, but they entwined their hands together to keep their spirits up.

Once the women were taken care of, the men weren't sure what to do. They stared at the diamonds in silence.

Bette got impatient. “Do we have to sit in this kitchen for the rest of our lives? You have to give those back. Haven't you ever seen
The
Sopranos
? Believe me, you don't want to mess with these people.” Flea sat there biting his thumbnail. Tony smoked one cigarette after the other.

Linda spoke up. “You know, you should play it this way. You stumbled on these through no fault of your own and expect a reward for their return. Tell them you didn't have to give them back, but you are. Would that help?”

Tony gave Flea's shoulder a quick flick with the back of his hand. “That makes sense.”

Flea slammed his fist on the table. “What makes sense is to take these diamonds, leave the country, and never be heard from again.”

Tony looked fed up. “We've got enough trouble. We have to get that coke to you-know-who; they'll hunt us down if we don't deliver. We don't got a lot of time.”

That's when the cellphone rang.

The four of them froze for a few seconds, then Flea said, “No one touch it.”

“It's probably Blue. They've no doubt figured it out by now.” Linda said. “Answer it. It's not like they know where you live, if that's what's bothering you.”

Flea hesitated at first, and then grabbed it. “Hello?”

“Is Bette there?”

Flea put the phone to his chest. “Someone wants to know if Bette's here.”

“So tell them I am.”

Flea spoke into the phone. “First tell me if Blue's there?”

“Not until you tell me if Bette's there.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Flea cursed. “Yeah, she's here.”

“Let me talk to her. I can't know for sure until I hear her voice.”

He held the phone to Bette's ear. “Hello?” she said.

“Oh Bette, it's Gemma. Are you okay? Don't worry, Augusta and I are together…”

“Yes, Linda's with me…”

Flea took away the phone. “Where's Blue?”

A man answered him. “He's here.”

“Let me speak to him, to make sure.”

A voice came on, “Hello, Flea?”

“Blue, you stupid bastard…”

The other male voice came on the line. “Who's this?”

“Who's this?”

“Cut the crap,” Candy said. “Who am I dealing with?”

“Well, who am
I
dealing with?”

“Look, I think we both know what's happened. I believe you have something of mine and I have something of yours. Am I correct?”

“Maybe.”

“Stop with the fucking games.”

“Hey, I didn't ask for this,” Flea yelled. “It fell in my lap, and you need my cooperation.”

“And you need mine.”

“I think you need mine more than I need yours. Your something is a whole lot more than my something. I think a reward is coming to me, don't you?”

Silence. Flea waited him out.

“What kind of reward?”

“The memorable kind.”

“Don't push your luck.”

“
Sayonara
.” Flea clicked the phone off.

“Whatcha do that for?” Tony yelled.

“I'm the brains of the operation. Wait for it.”

Two whole long minutes went by before the phone rang again.

“Yeah?”

“Let's talk.”

Stuart painstakingly told Detective Ames everything he knew about what his wife had been up to. Ryan yawned and moaned a lot.

“Can we get out of here? My ankle is throbbing.”

He whipped his head around. “Just five more minutes, please. Please.”

“You said that ten minutes ago.”

The detective's phone rang. Ames picked it up. “Detective Ames.”

“Yes, hello, Detective. My name is Miriam Weinberg. You were talking to my husband, Mordecai, earlier this evening about my sister-in-law Bette.”

“Oh yes, Mrs. Weinberg. Did you get a hold of her?”

“Well, she got a hold of me, in a matter of speaking.”

Miriam told him about Bette's call, and how Bette's family was driving to New York and would get in touch with him when they arrived.

He thanked her for calling.

“Please find her. You don't know my in-laws. This will kill them.”

“I'll do my best, Mrs. Weinberg.”

He hung up the phone and looked at Stuart. “Bette called home. She's been kidnapped. She's a thirty-minute drive from Washington Square Park.”

Stuart rose from his chair. “I told you where we last saw the car. We chased them for probably five minutes anyway. Did she say anything about Linda?”

“No. It was only a moment's conversation and then the line was severed.”

“What can we do now?”

“‘We'? What do you mean, ‘we'?” Ryan complained.

“I have to do something, Ryan. How am I going to explain to my son that his mother is missing and I let it happen?”

“You tell him his mother is completely stupid and wouldn't listen to a thing you said. It's not like you didn't warn her.”

Stuart dropped back into his chair and sighed.

Detective Ames said, “You can't do anything at the moment, Mr. Keaton. Just keep your cellphone on in case she calls you, and let me know right away. I have your number. If I find out anything, you'll be the first to know.”

“All right.” Stuart stood again and held out his hand. “Thank you for all your help, Detective.”

“Sure.”

Detective Ames hurried away after signalling to another detective to come with him. They both went out the door.

Stuart and Ryan looked at each other.

“So
now
do I get some attention?”