His Promise (Married in Montana Book 1) (5 page)

“I don’t understand.” She swallowed. “You said…”

“I said I got past it. The hurt, the betrayal. When you love someone so much and you trust them, it’s that trust that holds the relationship together. When I went off knowing that you were going to be here waiting for me, you have any idea how much it hurt, calling you, hoping you’d understand how important this opportunity was for me? It didn’t mean forever. It was just a little while longer. Talking with your mother about this trip and where I was going, and for her to say she’d have you call…and then you didn’t call. I had to go, because it happened so quickly. We were leaving, and I was wondering and worrying the entire time, flying over there. Then I hear Craig Edwards has set his sights on you and is spending time with you. I almost lost it, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do, halfway across the world. I almost got on a plane to come home to see you a dozen times. I would have thrown away everything I worked so hard for.”

“But you didn’t come,” she said. Why hadn’t he come? It was selfish, wanting him to have dropped everything to hop on the first plane over. She felt her eyes dampen and burn when the thought hit her that maybe she hadn’t been important enough to him after all.

“I had every intention…until one day this kid walked into our camp. There were so many orphans and broken families who’d lost everything. It was something I’d never seen before. The boy stood in the middle of the camp alone, and there was a line of younger children waiting for food, others medicine. There was so much need and not enough of anything. My professor, who’d made the arrangements—he’d been a doctor for twenty years, teaching, giving. I mean, he was an amazing man. He saw the kid, too, standing there.

“Just as I was about to walk over to him, Dr. Jackson yelled out at me to stop. Everyone was suddenly on edge. It was one of those moments where time slowed. I watched Dr. Jackson walk with his hand out in this calming gesture as if he’d recognized something, and I was standing there frozen with a bunch of kids, and he said calmly to me, ‘Bruce, move the kids to the other side of the camp.’

“I didn’t want to leave, but at the same time I wanted to get the hell out of there. Jackson was saying something in one of their local dialects, and then I realized the kid was holding a grenade. I was moving the kids, telling them to run, and the entire camp had cleared except for my teacher standing there with that boy. Someone had trained a gun on the kid, and there was so much yelling, and Jackson was saying no, no, he had this. The boy looked so lost, and I don’t know how, but whatever he said to that desperate little boy, he convinced him to put the grenade in his hand. There was Dr. Jackson with a metal bomb that could kill so many in one hand, and his other arm was around the boy, holding him.

“So no, I couldn’t leave, because in that moment, I saw a man risk everything to save one child, and if I left to come back to you, then maybe someone would have died or that child wouldn’t have been saved. Dr. Jackson said that if I hadn’t gotten the other kids out of the way, someone could have died,” Bruce said.

Well, crap. How could she have been so selfish? “I didn’t know,” she said.

“I know you didn’t, Kim. I’m not telling you this to hurt you but so you understand my decision to stay. I became a doctor to help people where there was a need, and even though I wasn’t a doctor yet, I was where I needed to be. I could make a difference. So I stayed. Unfortunately, after hearing about your wedding to another man, you made the decision easier for me, so I gave everything I had to making a difference. I stayed away because I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you with Craig, and I hated you for so long, believing you’d found it that easy to move on when I never could.”

“But I didn’t move on, Bruce, not really. I’m so sorry about Craig. I really wish I could go back and change what I did. He didn’t deserve to be with someone who couldn’t love him, but I felt torn, having my parents push me his way. I was confused and young and stupid and selfish.” She shook her head as she thought about the young Kim who’d listened to her father, believing fairytales really didn’t exist. He had told her that marriage was about compatibility, being with someone who could look after her, who had the right qualities to be a good husband. But what her father had never talked about was love. Where was love? She needed love, to feel it, to give it to a man she loved deeply, otherwise what was the point of marriage and being together? “I realized, after two years of eating my heart out, missing you and hurting a man I could never love, that my father was wrong, and unless I could have love, I’d rather be alone.” She paused. “Is that why you chose to be a pediatrician, your time in South Africa?”

He seemed to consider something. “Some of it, I suppose. You don’t really decide your specialty until your residency, and then something happens that helps figure out what you’re meant for. Kids are so innocent, and so much of what happens to them is beyond their control. I’ve seen a lot of things, neglect, abuse, and I needed to be one more voice that some of these kids need.”

He’d grown so much. He’d had a lifetime of learned wisdom, and it was something he’d done without her.

“You said before that there was someone else and you were together a long time?” she asked, trying to lay all the cards on the table. She didn’t know if she could feel any worse than she did right now.

“Grace, she was a good friend. We were roommates for a while, studied together, shared everything. It’s inevitable when you’re with someone day in and day out. There was always an attraction, and we just kind of fell together. After we passed the boards, I got an offer from the children’s hospital in Columbus. Grace was surgical, specializing in cardiology. Wexner was on the table, but she had other offers: Hopkins, New York Pres, Cleveland, too. She settled for me. Not that Wexner’s not a good program, but she wanted the best, and she settled so that I could have the best instead. We moved and stayed together as friends, and then suddenly fourteen years had passed and we were comfortable. Then one day I asked her to marry me because it felt so logical, like the next step.”

Kim couldn’t have been more shocked. It hurt to listen.

“She said no. I was angry and rejected, and after three days of having to deal with my wounded male pride, she said, ‘I didn’t turn you down to hurt you, but you don’t love me with everything. I’m not the love of your life. I know you care about me and love me, but it’s not enough. If you want to marry me, I have to be the one.’ Then she begged me to tell her she was wrong, and I started to, I really did, because I wanted to have a chance to be happy, too. But I couldn’t. She was right: I loved her, but she wasn’t the love of my life and she never would be, so we broke up. She ended up going to New York, and I decided it was time to come home.”

Kim didn’t know what to say. Her hands were so warm, surrounded by Bruce’s. He wouldn’t let her go, and she didn’t want him to pull away. “I wish I could go back in time and undo what I did.” Her voice sounded so weak.

“I was so angry at you for so many years, but I forgave you long ago. You didn’t trust me. I promised you I was coming back for you, that I would love you forever. You said you’d wait for me.”

“I’m so sorry!” She dropped her head as tears slipped out. She tried to pull her hands away, to cover her face, but Bruce pulled her forward and she slipped onto his lap, tucking her face into his chest, his chin resting on the top of her head. She fisted her hands in his shirt, feeling him pull her closer. She felt so secure in this place where she’d always wanted to be. She’d waited for so many years to be here. After all the heartache and loneliness she’d lived with for so long, she wasn’t willing to go back to that.

“I know you are,” he whispered as he held her, his arms telling her more than words ever could.

Chapter Eight

She ran a damp cloth over her face, wiping away the tears that had left her skin feeling raw. She could hear him in the kitchen as she left the bathroom, stopping in the doorway and watching him as he drank a glass of water. He set it on the counter beside the deep sink with the large single faucet that had to be over fifty years old, and then he noticed her standing there.

“You’re still here,” she said, finally able to speak without hiccupping. “I thought I would’ve chased you out, with the way I fell apart.” Kim had never cried in front of anyone like that before. Oh, she’d blubbered like a baby, but when she truly let down her guard to fall apart, she always did so alone.

“Are you okay?” he asked. He seemed worried, the way he watched her. Was he afraid she’d fall apart again?

“Yeah, sorry. I don’t usually carry on like that.”

“You mean you never allow yourself to be that vulnerable?”

“No, I don’t,” she said, wondering whether he had any idea how deeply she trusted him.

“Why not?” He seemed so curious, prying and pushing.

“Because I’ve never loved anyone like you. I don’t want to hide from you. I feel like I screwed so many things up.” She took a step inside the kitchen, closer to him. It was still so warm in the house, but her body felt chilled without his touch, without being near to him. “I don’t want you to leave,” she said, stepping closer still until she was in front of him. She was so nervous as she reached out and slid her hands up and over his arms. She shyly looked up at him, feeling his hands slide over her hips and hold her. She wanted him to lean down and kiss her. She remembered like it was yesterday what it felt like to have his lips on her. They were warm and firm and full—oh, and could Bruce kiss. The way his tongue teased her, tasted her, took all of her. That was how she remembered it, anyway.

“Maybe we should take some time, take this slower.”

Was he serious? “After twenty years, eighteen of them alone with only memories, you want to take this slow?”

“No, what I want to do is scoop you up and take you to bed and do what I’ve dreamed of doing for what seems like half a lifetime,” he said.

She slid her hands up higher over his shoulders and stood on her tiptoes, but he still didn’t bring his head down to kiss her. Man, did he have a will of steel. She would have thought he was immune to her, but then, he couldn’t hide the desire pressing into her as she stepped closer still.

“Kiss me, Bruce. Put your hands on me. Make me yours like you promised to do so long ago.” She slid her hands into his hair, sliding her fingers up the back of the messy short waves, trying to pull his head down. She loved feeling the silky strands as they wrapped around her fingers. He still hadn’t moved his hands from her hips, where he was holding her.

His expression was stormy, far from the composed Dr. Siegel, the friend she’d been acquainted with the past two years since he’d been home. Good! She wanted to get to him, to be under his skin, to rattle his composure. She slid her other hand up over his ear, trying to pull his head down—and there was give, just a bit, as he lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers.

Then the kiss exploded. It was hot and slow, and she could feel his warm breath, taste him, and he lifted his head just a bit, his eyes burning into her as if he were memorizing every detail of her face. He scooped her up in his arms, and she shrieked, looping her arm around his neck, holding tight. And he kissed her again.

***

Chapter Nine

She never would have believed he was as strong as he was. Kim was slender and curvy, but she wasn’t light. Nevertheless, he carried her into her darkened bedroom and laid her across the queen-size bed. The only light came from the moon shining through the small window that was cracked open. The parted sheers rustled in the breeze.

He reached out and flicked on her bedside light when all she wanted was to feel him in the dark. What is it about having a light on that makes you so vulnerable?

She started to sit up and pull her knees up, but he crawled over her, his arms on either side of her, hovering just inches above her. He’d taken off his glasses. This Bruce was older, more mature, but she could still see the young Bruce she’d fallen in love with. Gone was the cocky smile she loved right before he kissed her. Here now was a man who seemed to have mastered his emotions and was studying her, which was so unnerving.

She was breathing heavy, feeling the motion of her chest as it rose and fell. Her heart was beating so hard she was trembling as she waited for him to finish looking her over. She squeezed her fists, feeling a jumbled bundle of nerves as if this were her first time being with a man. “I’ve waited for you for so long. Please don’t keep me waiting now.”

He didn’t kiss her as he reached one hand to her shirt and unbuttoned it, pulling it free from the waistband. He parted it and moved beside her, still leaning over her as he ran his hands over her bra. She was embarrassed for a minute and tried to cover herself.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as she lay there, watching him watching her, his hand resting on her stomach, rubbing in circles.

“I don’t have pretty lacy bras and underwear. I wasn’t planning…”

His lips twitched as if he found it amusing, but she hated the fact that he was seeing her in a granny-style Wonderbra, nothing flattering. It was bulky and full coverage, giving her firm support. For the first time, she wanted pretty, sexy underthings, but all she had were granny panties and serviceable bras, mainly the ones on sale twice a year at Walmart.

“It’s not the bra I want to see,” he said as he reached around and unfastened the back. It slipped loose, and then he urged her up so he could slide off her shirt and pull her bra down to toss it to the floor. She didn’t know what made her do it, but she went up on her knees, showing him her generous breasts. They were bigger, fuller than they had been when she was seventeen, the first time he’d seen her. She’d been thinner then, more athletic, and she worried that her stomach might not be as flat as it once had been.

But the expression on his face was one of approval as he lifted one of her breasts in his hand, feeling the weight. She slid her hands in her hair to open herself up to him as he ran his thumb over her nipple. Of course it shot a jolt through her, and she leaned her head back as she gasped her desire. Then he touched her other breast, both hands on her.