Highland Brides 03 - On Bended Knee (23 page)

“Colin,” she murmured without realizing, suddenly needing desperately for him to be there next to her.

She was vaguely aware that Meghan looked at her, but she didn’t know why and didn’t care. Her eyes were swollen from crying so much and her head ached almost as much as her heart.

The door to the room opened but Seana didn’t lift her head or open her eyes. She heard Meghan whisper to whomever it was that stood behind her, but Seana refused to accept what she heard. He couldn’t die. She wouldn’t let him.

Somehow, she fell asleep sobbing at her father’s side.

The last thing Seana remembered was the touch of a hand upon her cheek, but it wasn’t Meghan’s, she knew. It was a male hand, rough but gentle in its touch.

Somehow, she knew to whom it belonged and she reached up, daring to press it against her cheek.

The tears that slipped through her lashes were almost as much over that revelation as for her da. Somehow, he had managed to warm her heart and his presence alone comforted her—his touch fortified her. His whispered “g’nite” eased her to sleep… and just before she drifted… or mayhap she’d only just dreamed it… his soft kiss upon her brow soothed the worry from her face, if not from her heart.

In that instant, she knew Colin Mac Brodie was not such a heartless knave after all.

Seana’s father died during the night whilst she slept.

They buried him the next morning in a lone grave by the forest’s edge. Colin, along with Meghan’s husband and Broc, dug the grave where they laid him to rest.

Seana had never felt so alone than she did the instant they lowered his body into the soil he’d loved so well.

All her tears had been spent the night before, and she was stoic as they shoveled the last of the dirt over her da’s body.

The sun was bright, like days long gone when she and her father had spent hours sitting in the sun together… when his eyes had not been so poor and the light did not bother them so.

These people were good and kind, to be certain, but no one spoke to remember him. No one here knew him at all. They knew him only as Donal the Drunk, but Seana knew him as the most wonderful da any little girl could have known. Aye, he drank far too much and he passed out betimes and forgot to come home. And mayhap he hadn’t provided for Seana the way other fathers had, but Seana had always known he’d loved her, and he’d accepted her unconditionally.

She had been perfect in her da’s eyes—even when others had seen her as something pitiful. He hadn’t fixed her legs for himself because he was ashamed of her. He’d fixed her legs because Seana had begged him to.

“Will ye stay with me?” Meghan asked her, and Seana suspected that Colin had spoken to her about her home. She could see it in Meghan’s eyes, and yet… though pride made her want to refuse the offer, she couldn’t bear the thought of going back to that dark place all alone. Her father had made it a home. Now it was naught more than an overlarge pile of stones.

Seana nodded, and tried to thank her, but the words would not come.

“You’re welcome to stay as long as ye will, Seana.” She cast a glance at her brother, and then looked once more at Seana.

Tears stung Seana’s eyes, though she would not shed them.

Alison MacLean had come to pay Meghan a visit and stood at Meghan’s side as well, nodding her agreement. Seana didn’t know her, but the look in Alison’s eyes told Seana that Alison’s heart was as good and kind as Seana had always supposed. There were tears in her eyes, as well, though she hadn’t known her da at all.

With the last of the dirt shoveled and patted down, many of those who had come to pay respects began to wander away, giving her nods of condolence as they went… a few others, pats upon the arm. Colin stood there with his shovel in hand, leaning upon it, speaking low to Broc. The two of them talked at length together, about what Seana had no idea.

“If there is aught I can do,” Alison added.

Seana nodded in appreciation and tried to be brave in front of so many strangers.

“I shall be fine,” she assured them both.

Alison cast a glance at Broc. “Meghan told me how you feel about him,” she offered, “and I think he’s a fine man. It speaks well for him that he came to comfort you o’er the loss o’ yer da.”

It was kind of him, to be sure. He had always been there to help Seana when she had needed him. His presence this morning didn’t surprise her, but neither did it comfort her… as Colin’s did.

It was Colin who held Seana’s gaze more oft than not, and Colin who cast her reassuring glances while he worked beside Broc and Piers. It was Colin she yearned to have comfort her now. Colin’s arms she wanted to run to.

If he offered them now, and called her without words, Seana thought she would cast herself at him without the least hesitation, and crumble into his embrace. She yearned for him at her side and felt most reassured when he met her glance.

“I know what will cheer you,” Alison announced, and reached out to take her hand to pull her away.

“Oh, but I should stay,” Seana protested and resisted as Alison tried to drag her away. A very practical woman, Seana knew it was pointless to remain here weeping all day long when life must go on, but she needed to be near Colin. She didn’t dare say so, but she didn’t wish to leave him.

“Come,” Meghan demanded, and her tone brooked no argument. “We’ll visit together and sup soon. God’s truth it willna do ye any good to stay here.”

Seana relented, and let them take her away, but not without turning and seeking out Colin’s gaze.

He was watching her, and when she met his eyes, he smiled softly. Seana could not tear her gaze away; she held his eyes until she could no longer and they fell out of sight over the hill.

“Broc will not leave without bidding you farewell,” Alison promised, tugging at her hand.

But it wasn’t Broc she wished to see.

It was Colin.

Her heart cried out for Colin.

“’Tis the fashion of English women,” Alison was saying, as she covered Seana’s face with powder that made Seana sneeze.

“It feels like mud,” she said, wrinkling her nose as she reached up to feel the texture upon her fingers. Her face was soft, and finding it so surprised her. It felt as though her skin had weathered a decade of drought, and had half expected to find it cracked and parched.

“Close your eyes,” Alison demanded of her next. Seana hesitated, casting her a wary glance. Alison thrust her finger into a small pouch and withdrew it now with some black substance upon her fingertips. “They say men cannot resist a woman with a painted face,” Alison told her.

Seana wasn’t certain she wanted any man who needed her to cover her face with paint. She frowned at that thought, and Meghan smiled at her, and winked.

Seana closed her eyes, and Alison smeared the black ash around her eyes.

“Och, but you’ll be lovely!” Alison exclaimed.

“She
is
lovely,” Meghan assured her. “Any man would be a fool not to want you!”

Seana’s heart twisted a bit, for Colin had said the very same thing to her.

Next, Alison removed from her pouch something that looked to Seana like dried blood. Seana panicked as Alison’s hand drew near and she caught her wrist.

“Och, what is that?”

“For your lips and cheeks,” Alison disclosed, and Seana had this sudden vision of herself looking like a court fool.

“Aye, but what is it?”

Alison peered curiously at Meghan, questioning her.

Meghan shrugged. “I dunno,” she confessed, “but it was in the trunk Piers gave me that was filled with silk cloth.”

Seana swallowed and decided to trust them.

Meghan continued to smile, however, and Alison looked so pleased to be helping that Seana let her come near with the red paint. “I wonder what virgin was sacrificed for
that
,” she muttered beneath her breath.

“What did ye say?” Alison asked, preoccupied with her task.

Seana lifted brows that were stiff with drying paint. “I said… thank you for the time you’re taking to help me,” she fibbed, but Meghan had heard her, and began to giggle.

Her laughter was infectious and soon she had Seana giggling as well.

“If he doesna wish to kiss ye now with these ripe berry lips, I think he is a silly fool,” Alison declared.

Seana only hoped Colin didn’t laugh at her.

She suddenly didn’t care much what Broc thought. She no longer had a reason to wed with him, and didn’t have the heart to tell Meghan and Alison that they were wasting their time.

She didn’t need a man to care for her. She had her pot still and she knew how to brew. She could take care of herself just fine.

“There!” Alison declared and stepped back from her masterpiece.

Seana held Meghan’s gaze, waiting for her reaction, but Meghan merely tilted her head and said quietly, “Oh my.”

Seana wasn’t sure what that meant precisely. There was little about her expression that gave away her thoughts.

“Colorful,” she said, and smiled.

“Like a butterfly newly burst from her cocoon!” Alison declared.

Seana felt like she was about to burst all right, and she would have wiped away the mess upon her face at once, save that she didn’t wish to hurt Alison’s MacLean’s feelings. She rather thought by Meghan’s carefully bland expression that Meghan felt the same as Seana about Alison’s labors, so Seana merely smiled appreciatively and thanked Alison.

“You’re verra welcome!” Alison told her with a wink. “Broc willna be able to resist you!” she promised. “Just wait and see.”

Seana could scarce bear the thought. She smiled wanly and hoped again that Colin wouldn’t laugh when he saw her.

She needed a hug.

She needed her da, too, but that was impossible now, and it terrified her that the person she was most attached to now was Colin Mac Brodie.

He had broken her heart once, and he could do it again. He might not intend to but he was certainly capable of it. All she needed to remind her of that fact was to examine the trail of broken hearts he’d left in his wake.

Keep yer distance,
Seana, she warned herself. Colin Mac Brodie’s heart belonged only to himself.

Perhaps he was not the cruel, selfish boy she recalled, but he was not about to open his heart and pledge eternal love either—certainly not to the poor daughter of a
uisge
brewer.

Seana appreciated all that Meghan had done for her. Although her kinfolk had not known Seana’s da, Meghan bade them all take a day of mourning in respect for him and for Seana. And though Seana knew very well they hadn’t known her da enough to shed a single tear for him, seeing their show of respect somehow soothed her.

She left the manor, filled with people, to come outdoors and find a moment’s solitude to reflect upon the day’s events.

She had always supposed her da would die some day and that she alone would be the one to bury him and to mourn him.

Having braced herself for his death long ago had not made the reality of it any easier. Colin’s presence and comfort, and Meghan’s care, had been the keys to keeping her sanity today. Meghan had told her a thousand times, if once, that she was brave, but she was not. Inside she felt terrified and alone. For the first time in Seana’s life… she was truly alone.