Heroine: The Husband's Cologne (21 page)

“Sure, let me help you. But why do you have a washing machine in the house? Don’t you take your wash to the laundry?” Bruce was surprised about our European austerity. He called it stinginess when I told him that Daniel wanted it that way. In the bathroom I tried to move the washing machine. Of course, it wouldn’t budge. Bruce helped me and I made sure that he could touch me. It took less than five minutes until I’d seduced him. He
was a wonderful, tender lover. We made love until the afternoon and had a lot of fun together. Then it came to my mind that Daniel must be coming home soon. Before my lover left the house I gave him another hug.

“Next week Tuesdays?” He nodded. I was happy. And proud at the same time that I had insisted on Bruce as ‘bonus’ when I negotiated with Daniel. Despite the fact that I’d promised Daniel to tell him when I’d met Bruce I decided to hide my fling with his friend. But it didn’t work. My husband had seen Bruce leaving our house. He put one and one together and confronted me. First I feared that he was angry at me but when he insisted that I tell him everything, he became horny and wanted to have the same program as Bruce. It still surprised me that he liked knowing me fucking other men.

I let him do so but I showed him where I wanted to be caressed. He could learn something from Bruce, why shouldn’t he. Later in bed I still had to pretend having an orgasm with him because I was all spent for the day. After all, I had to do twice the program today.

“By the way, we’ll be going to Ingvar tomorrow”, I heard him say shortly before he fell asleep.

“He had asked me to repair something in his house because he knows that I am pretty handy. I told him that I would bring you along because I don’t like leaving you alone at the house. I can guarantee you that the repair will take a long time.”

“Do we have to? We just visited him last weekend. That
is the third weekend in a row.”

“I thought it would make you happy?”

“No, honestly I am afraid that our game might just grow over our heads.” After the beautiful day with Bruce and subsequently with Daniel I didn’t want to imagine Ingvar. Ingvar was easy to handle because he’d cum fast and was good for only one shot. But he was just not my type.

“Other people play with handcuffs or sex toys, the two of us play with our friends. You had your share today then I would like to have my share tomorrow”, he said in a gentle voice. It was not quite clear to me why I had only ‘MY share’ today but he was already asleep.

I didn’t like the idea of playing with Ingvar again on the next day. First I considered refusing but then I resigned. Daniel probably intended to punish me for my betrayal by that. I shrugged my shoulders and decided to stop thinking about it. Instead I tried to remember the wonderful afternoon with Bruce.

  
During the next few weeks I met up with Bruce more often though we couldn’t stick to Tuesdays any longer. Instead, Bruce visited me more often when he found the time. And it was always wonderful. Despite my promises to Daniel to share my ‘adventures’ with him I kept most of Bruce’s visits to myself. My affair with Bruce evolved into something like playful intimacy. I didn’t want to share that with anybody. We talked a lot and I listened to his stories with enthusiasm and sometimes with sadness when he talked about crimes he had reported on.

One morning, we still had coffee, the subject of our talks turned to the fact that many Americans have weapons in their homes. I didn’t understand what good should come out of that.

“We feel safer with that. The police only arrive when you had already been robbed or mugged and then ask you stupid questions. When I know that I can keep somebody at least in check, somebody who has just entered my home and threatens my family – it makes me feel safer.”

“But you don’t have a family”, I tried to counter his reasoning.

“No, I just wanted to express how an average family thinks in the USA. Does Daniel have a weapon since you do not want to have one?” I answered with no.

“Well, I think that is not right I must tell you. He can’t leave you alone in the house all day long. You couldn’t
even defend yourself if you were the victim of an attack. Just imagine that – one morning – a black journalist would be an intruder and pounce on you right here!”

I sat on his lap and gave him a big hug.

“I think I would really like that. If I had a weapon I would probably force him to do it a second time!” Bruce waved that off, grinning.

“Let’s be serious. I insist that you get yourself a weapon. It gives me the creeps imagining that you live here without means of self-protection.”

“Bruce, even if I had a gun I wouldn’t know how to handle it. I would possibly shoot myself when I pull the trigger.” He pondered that for a while.

“I know what we should do. You’ll be getting a
taser. That is a small electro-shock gun that shoots little darts. With that you can stop a bull in its tracks. Its effect lasts for ten minutes and flattens a guy. Until he wakes up again even the police will have arrived by then.”

I thought it was sweet how concerned he was about me. We kept on talking for a little while then he insisted that we’d drive to a gun shop as soon as possible. To keep our priorities straight we agreed to skip lunch and to buy some tacos while we were on our way. Then we stayed in bed and I let him indulge me. After that I was no longer hungry, quite in contrast to him. I still teased him a bit because of his onset of a pouch. He only shrugged his shoulders.

“Tacos, hamburgers, muffins. What do you want me to do?”

“I’ll serve you only steaks and salad from now on”, I whispered in his ear. That annoyed him and he gave me a slap on my derriere. I liked that but didn’t tell him about it. After all, one doesn’t beat women.

The gun shop was located in the south of San Francisco in an area I wouldn’t dare to enter by myself. I had driven through that neighborhood once before with Daniel and we understood fast that this was no place for European ‘
ignants’ to hang out. So I was quite anxious accordingly when Bruce drove into a courtyard where several small stores and a tattoo parlor waited for customers. Some guys hung around looking very much like some criminals from the movies.

“That is a scary area”, I said quietly as if somebody could hear me. Bruce matter-of-factly agreed with me but insisted that nobody here would attack us.

“These guys show tattoos all over and some of them had been to prison, I am sure. But they won’t bother you. You are on their turf, you know. They only hunt away from this area.” He winked at me.

The store where I was supposed to get my Taser was surprisingly big and light. We wandered through long rows of shot guns, hand guns and pistols that were kept in high cabinets. With enthusiasm the sales person described the properties of these weapons. He knew exactly about the range of each weapon in which it would stop a man.
He probably meant ‘kill’ a man.

I suddenly felt intrigued and I had to ask the salesman whether the guns would only stop men or perhaps women too. After all we had equal rights. The guy looked at me with his mouth open but didn’t seem to comprehend what I wanted to say. Then he turned again towards Bruce and continued with his sales pitch.

“Don’t you wonna try it out?” Bruce held a pistol in his hand and he appeared to be thrilled.

“No, I can’t stand these penis substitutes”, I retorted. At the time the thing in Norman’s hand had already frighten me to death. Neither Bruce, let alone the salesman understood why I associated a gun with sexual organs.

“Don’t be so pathetic”, my lover commented dryly.

“Just try to fire the thing a few times and you’ll see how easy it is.” Somehow he managed that I agreed.

“Where do we go to test the thing?”

“We stay here. The shooting range is right there. Go, pick a weapon.”

I looked around in the large cabinet with pistols and then pointed to one gun that looked somewhat familiar to me. It looked like Norman’s weapon.

“Ah, good choice. The police in Europe use those as service weapons.” The salesman mentioned a German brand name.

“This weapon stops men … “, you could actually see that he finally had registered … “and of course also women, if need be, at a range of 50 yards.”

A narrow but long hall of about twenty meters had been adjacent to the back of the sales room. Across a railing I saw some targets with silhouettes of men at the other end of the hall. The silhouettes featured numerous bullet holes glued shut with white sticky paper.

Then the salesperson explained to me how I should hold the weapon and what I had to do to fire the gun. Bruce put some heavy noise protectors on me and himself; they looked like head phones. I aimed at one target and pressed the trigger. It gave a loud bang and some sand spattered right before the black target disk. Both men grinned and busied themselves to show me how to handle the gun correctly. Eventually I managed to hit the silhouette on the target – but I had no fun with it. Therefore I soon returned the black thing to the salesman and I told Bruce that I didn’t want to have anything to do with those guns.

My playmates looked rather disappointed that I didn’t want to share their joy they had with these toys. We returned to the store and Bruce selected a Taser from the collection that the other man had offered to him. Its function was explained quickly. Aiming, press trigger, see where the arrow goes. That appeared much safer to me.

Back at home Bruce said good bye rather hastily since we had lost quite some time with the ‘toys’. I put the Taser away into the lowest drawer of the dresser and I was certain that I would never touch that gadget again.

The next rendezvous with Bruce started like the ones before. After a shower we lay down in bed. This time he was too tired. Therefore I let him sleep for a bit. Soon his gentle snores sounded and I pushed him a little bit so that he would turn to his side to stop the snoring.

I still liked Bruce quite a lot or rather more than in the beginning of our affair. If I’d be alone with him I could be falling in love with him. But to replace him for Daniel? No, never. I wouldn’t give up Daniel, ever. I wasn’t able to justify this rationally. This was a pure emotional decision.

In my mind I started to compare Bruce with other men who had been true part of my life. I didn’t count Tom among those although remembering him was still quite exciting.
Erich? In looking back I could not consider him a serious contender any longer. He probably needed more a mama than a woman. The way I felt I was still quite angry with him, even though he was still paying for me.

Norman? Bruce and he were totally different. Bruce was a gentle anarchist whose charm and wit compensated his sometimes rather
confuse actions. Norman would go nuts if he saw how clumsy Bruce was in certain things. Also in bed. The sex with Bruce was beautiful. He was gentle, he always tried his best and when he couldn’t perform now and then there were his fingers to finish off the job.

Contrary to that, Norman was the perfect lover. He could fuck a woman till she would lose her mind – as I remembered and suddenly I felt quite hot. He always knew what he wanted. He started something and he
succeeded. He had a sensational build, in particular between his legs. Norman radiated power and at the same time he was charming. And incredibly self-assured. The perfect man. The only annoying thing was his desire to have children – and that was not for me, I thought. Bruce was in far distance compared to Norman’s build and behavior. Also to the length of Norman’s ‘equipment’.

Once more to Daniel.
He was good in bed. In addition to that he was stubborn in a way that made him reliable and lent me a feeling of security. Contrary to me he found new friendships very quickly. All my relationships during the past few years – except for the one with Irene – were contrived by him. Indirectly also my relationship to Erich because it was Norman, Daniel’s best friend, who introduced me to the professor. Friendly and pleasant as he was he had never started a fight with me during all of our marriage. If he only wouldn’t have his sexual fantasies. Or better – if he wouldn’t insist to act them out. And still more precise – if he hadn’t made ME acting them out. But after all that is how I found a lover who I really liked. So, he wasn’t the perfect lover. But he was a good lover.

For a short while I weighed the thought if Daniel was possibly a bit gay. From my studies I knew that heterosexual men might also entertain homosexual relationships. It ought to be normal. Perhaps sometimes he wishes to be in my place when he watched me secretly? Then I found this thought ridiculous and dismissed it.

Bruce was happy that I let him sleep into the afternoon. I woke him up because I knew that a lot of work was waiting for him this evening.

“Thank you for letting me sleep,” he said when he said good bye. “The last night was really hard.”

As if my pondering thoughts at the side of my sleeping lover had triggered a process – Bruce addressed our relationship when he visited the next time. We were in bed. But he remained soft and I felt that something was bothering him.

“Let’s talk,” he asked me. We got dressed and sat down at the kitchen table.

“We can’t go on like this. I’ve fallen in love with you and I can’t tolerate to continue our relationship as is. I need to know you on my side, just for me.” I was horrified and shook my head.

“That won’t work. I would never leave Daniel.” Bruce nodded sadly.

“I knew it all along but I wanted to take the risk though I feel like a pig with all of that. Daniel is my friend and I’m grateful to him for many things. I don’t want to go behind his back any longer. Julie-Anne, please try to understand me. When you gave me your first hug it was for me like I had landed in paradise. I never anticipated that a beautiful woman like you would ever pay attention to me with my looks.”

“You are acting as if you were ugly. You are not ugly. I like you very much”, I tried to cheer him up. I wasn’t quite sure whether I was going to like what he was saying after that.

“Please, let’s end this affair. I will be sad but if I can only be your ‘come-along’ friend, my longing for you will tear me apart one day.” Even before that I had felt that he wanted to end this relationship. But I didn’t want to let go of him altogether. For that we’ve gotten too intimate with one another. I would miss his warm voice when he told me stories and his laughter when he told me jokes, sometimes inexplicable even for him.

We kept on debating for a while then I admitted my defeat. But I wanted to keep up our friendship – as I called it. He should stop by once in a while at least for a coffee. Logically he insisted that then we should have coffee on neutral grounds.

Therefore we arranged future meets at a café in the center of
Roquetas. Once he showed up when Daniel was home. In the end I was happy with it because I knew him well enough that he couldn’t be as persistent as he wanted to. Thus we landed in bed twice during our withdrawal phase, as he called it. But afterwards he was embarrassed and therefore I stopped provoking him in the future. Unfortunately from there on we met again less frequently. Daniel also left me by myself more often since his job involved extensive business trips, mostly to New York.