Her Reluctant Bear: A Hot Paranormal Fantasy Saga with Witches, Werewolves, and Werebears (Weres and Witches of Silver Lake Book 5) (16 page)

As Brian focused on the road, he thought about something more pleasant to help push his negative thoughts away. The night after their meeting with James, Jillian had stopped by his apartment bearing pizza and drinks. Once they ate and chatted a bit, they huddled next to each other and watched an Avengers’ movie that she was able to stream on her iPad. It made him realize how much he’d missed out on in life. If only his therapist could see him now, he’d have been proud.

Brian wasn’t as bitter as he thought he’d be about having been kept in the dark all these years about his true identity. Jillian kept talking about living in the moment, and that was what he planned to do.

The following night she stopped by again, but this time it was just to say hi, since she had promised Dalton she’d cook for him. Thankfully, she didn’t drop any more bombshells on him or pressure him into trying to shift. She seemed to understand what he was going through and that meant the world to him.

Then, last night, she came over and dragged him out to the Lake Steakhouse, which was a real treat. The food was amazing and the company exceptional. The more time he spent with Jillian, the easier it was to relax and just be himself with her. She listened to his stories about growing up but never judged him like so many had.

“Are you nervous?” Jillian asked, jerking him back to the present.

The white moon was full, the sky was clear, and the night unusually cold.

“Yes and no. What you said to me at dinner last night really resonated with me.”

“What was that?”

“I can see now how much I missed out on when I was growing up. Not only did I live in an institution for much of it, I didn’t live up to my potential.”

“You can’t blame yourself. You didn’t know you were a shifter,” she said.

“True. My whole life, I had this feeling that something was missing. I think if I can learn to shift, I’d have a chance at being whole.”

Jillian reached over and rubbed his arm. “You can do it. I know you can.”

He hoped so. Regardless of what happened tonight, it was time to move on and take responsibility for who he’d become. No longer would he allow his deceased parents’ previous actions to control his thinking.

Even though he was nervous about attempting this mind-blowing and physically challenging feat of changing from a human into a wild animal, he was excited. If he succeeded, his whole life would change. If he failed…

Don’t go there
.
Just concentrate.

He planned to, which was why he’d refrained from taking any anxiety medication. Not having that crutch however, added to his unease.

While this white moon was full and high, Jillian’s expectations seemed to be even higher. No one liked to fail, and Brian trying to do this in front of the woman he cared for—or rather the woman who’d already wormed her way into his heart—would most likely cause a lot of damage to his male psyche if he didn’t succeed.

“Pull up here,” Jillian said, pointing to a dirt patch on the side of the road. They were in the same neighborhood where Elana and Kalan lived and then had driven another mile past Elana’s house down a dirt road.

“I’m surprised your brother doesn’t rent a house around here if most shifters live in this area.”

“I asked him that,” she said. “He said he didn’t want anyone to know he was a tiger.”

“What difference should that make? The few shifters I’ve met seem eager to share their stories about who they are and what they are capable of. Like you. Besides, didn’t you say a shifter can detect another shifter?”

“Yes, but not what kind—other than that one woman you met.”

“Ainsley. I forgot that Elana mentioned that.”

“Dalton’s different from everyone around here and that bothers him. It’s why he’s kept to himself.”

“You aren’t.”

She smiled and dragged a hand down his arm. “Thank you, but that’s not quite true. In Los Angeles, I’ve always buried my shifter persona. Only one person in California even knows what I am.”

Brian twisted toward her, telling himself he wasn’t procrastinating, that the moon would be full for another few hours. “Didn’t it bother you to have to ignore who you were?” The light from the moon shone on her face, enough to see her slightly lowered chin and pinched brows. He wanted her to open up to him as much as he had to her.

“At times, but I try not to think about it. I will admit that when I shifted for you, something inside me kind of opened up. All the memories of Dalton and me running around as kids and chasing each other came rushing back. It was an idyllic time.” She sat up straighter. “Then dad died and things changed. I grew up, went to school, and put all of that behind me.”

“So you miss shifting?”

“Yes, but Los Angeles isn’t conducive to running around in my tiger form.”

All the more reason for her to stay here. Brian feared the day Jillian returned home. He wished there was something he could say or do that would make her want to remain in Silver Lake, regardless of him. “Then why live there?”

“The job’s great, and I have my friends—not to mention the weather is a lot warmer.” She twisted around and grabbed some clothes off the back seat. “Enough about me. Let’s do this,” she said, her voice sounding far off.

“You sure you won’t get cold being naked?” After she shifted, she would return to her unclothed human form, surrounded by patches of snow.

“Hell, yeah I will. It’s freezing out. It’s why I suggested we wear our crappy clothes until we shift. We’ll stay warmer longer. If I remember correctly, being in my animal form keeps me warm for a while after I shift back. At least we’ll have our winter clothes to put on afterwards. Come on.”

“Maybe we should wait until the weather turns warmer.”

She lowered her pile of clothes. “Brian Stanley, we are not waiting one more month.”

She was one determined woman. “Okay.” They both slipped out of his truck. “Where do you want to do this?” he asked, inhaling the cold that made his nose twitch.

“Dalton and I came here yesterday on his day off and scoped out the place. We figured it would be better to have an open field to run around in since our human bodies aren’t as sure footed as our animal counterparts.”

He stuffed both sets of clothes in his small backpack. “Lead the way.”

Jillian took him through a forest that opened onto Silver Lake. The bright moonbeams bounced off the flat surface and created a magical scene.

She stopped and grabbed his hand. “It’s really beautiful here isn’t it?”

“Not half as beautiful as you.” How that had slipped out he didn’t know since Brian normally wasn’t that bold.

You’ve changed since meeting her
that little voice in his head said.

She spun around and then lifted her arms around his neck. “Why Brian, I think you’re becoming romantic.”

He grinned. “It’s easy when I’m around you.”

Kiss her
that pesky voice urged.
You want to.

When Jillian looked up at him, he shoved his past aside. This was where he wanted to be—needed to be—with her. As if an invisible magical hand pushed down on the back of his head, their lips finally met. Despite the winter air, warmth spread throughout him, and his body swam with endorphins. That, or the blood had rushed straight to his cock and left him breathless.

Jillian tightened her hold around his neck and when she drew him closer, he deepened the kiss and savored her taste. Inhaling her sweet scent, his body seemed to change from the inside out. He let his hands roam up and down her soft, yet firm body. Man, did she fit perfectly in his arms or what?

Brian wanted to drag her back to his truck and explore her thoroughly, but she deserved more. They deserved more. Before he lost control, he broke off the kiss.

A smile lifted his lips as pure passion continued to envelope him. “That was nice,” he said.

“It was more than nice,” Jillian said.

He cleared his throat. Her touch and taste had pushed away his nerves. “You ready to show me how it’s done?”

“Absolutely. The field is a little beyond those rocks and then behind a small copse of trees.”

Probably because it was cold, Jillian jogged and Brian loped right beside her. The stars winked brightly in the sky as the clouds gave the moon a wide birth. His body warmed as he inhaled the fresh scent of pine and the loose loam on their path.

Jillian had told him to clear his head of all bad thoughts, and to his surprise, he was able to picture bright colors instead of the dull browns of depression.

She eased to a stop at the edge of the forest. “Let’s leave our change of clothes here.” He slipped off the backpack and set it next to a large pine tree. “You know what to do?” she asked as she peeled off her jacket and set it on top of the pack.

“Yes, think furry thoughts.”

He removed his coat and tried not to worry about the cold. Because Jillian was rubbing her hands up and down her body, all he could think of was holding her tight and warming her up, but if he started, who knew whether he’d be able to stop.

She laughed. “Yes, but it’s more than furry thoughts. Your bear is inside of you, so all you have to do is give him permission to let loose. Think free. Think wild. Think powerful.”

If he ever met this Naliana woman, he’d give her a big hug for bringing Jillian into his life. “I’m ready.”
I think
. When the familiar tingling in his gut began, signifying his anxiety was building, he growled to keep it at bay.

“That’s it. Stay fierce. I won’t shift until you do, okay?”

He gave a thumbs-up sign, “Gotcha.” He studied the terrain, needing to be sure he didn’t trip and fall. Despite not participating in any team sports, he was unusually strong and rather coordinated. Only now did he understand why.
I can do this.

“Catch me if you can,” Jillian said with a laugh.

A split second later she was out in front.

Move
. Wanting to catch her, Brian’s chase mechanism clicked in. For a moment, his only thought was to grab her and kiss her again. Then he remembered why he was there. He was a bear—an animal who needed to be freed.

Focus on being one with the earth
.

As his feet pounded the ground, his heart rate increased.
Think bear
. He curled his fingers like his inner beast would and hunched over a little, hoping to coax him out. A second later, his foot tripped on a root and he stutter-stepped but managed to stay upright. With her back to him, she hopefully hadn’t noticed the change in his gate.

He’d run a good half-mile yet nothing had happened. Hadn’t James and Jillian said he should shift within seconds? She looked back over her shoulder as if to check on his progress, but when he looked down, his hands were all human.

Brian had to be realistic. He wasn’t going to shift, so he slowed and then stopped, angry that he’d failed. It was the story of his life.

Stop it.
As Jillian would say,
Pity has no role in anyone’s life
.

Be a man
, that voice chided. He huffed out a throaty growl and planted his hands on his thighs. It was about time he listened to that little voice.

‡

W
hen Brian’s footsteps
stopped, Jillian spun around. He was bent over, causing her heart to crack. She rushed over to him. “Are you okay?”

Jillian worked hard not to sound disappointed because Brian really wanted to shift.

He stood and held up a hand. “I’m fine. I don’t know what happened. Maybe my bear is too deep inside me.”

The angst in his voice tore at her, and she rubbed his back. “It’s okay. James warned us that you might not succeed on the first try. Let’s grab our jackets and get out of here.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry for anything. For thirty-eight years, you’ve denied your bear access to your mind. You can’t expect him to suddenly jump out and go for a romp.”

“Yes, I can.”

She grabbed his hand, and together they walked across the field to where they’d stashed their clothes. Neither of them said anything more. Clearly, he needed time to process what might have gone wrong.

Once they donned their jackets, they returned to the truck. “What do you think happened? Were you distracted?” she asked. As much as Brian would want to forget he’d even tried, it wouldn’t solve anything. Facing the problem head on was the only solution.

“Don’t know.”

O-kay
. “You pictured yourself as a bear and—”

He jammed the key into the ignition and then faced her. “Yes. Yes. Yes. I did everything right. I really believed it would happen, and I did keep trying and then—nothing. I guess it’s not meant to be.”

His frustration cut through her. “Don’t say that. We can try again.”

Brian put the truck in gear and took off, his focus straight ahead and his jaw clenched. He was headed toward Dalton’s, but she had another idea. “I think I know what happened.”

“What’s that?” he said with too much bitterness.

“Your muscles were too tight. Do you stretch a lot?”

He glanced over at her. “Stretch? Fuck no. I lift wood all day. That’s all.”

“Then that’s the problem. Let’s go back to your place. I’ll give you a good massage to loosen up your muscles.”