Jane nodded. “I will.”
“And what will happen then? How will Matthew's role in your new vocation be employed if he is here and you are there?”
Jane opened her mouth to respond, but Matthew spoke first.
“Why does that concern you?” He glared at Elizabeth's turned cheek. “Will you not be leaving the village as soon as possible after Christmas too?”
Elizabeth snapped her head around, her gaze angry and her cheeks red. “I believe that is still to be discussed, is it not?”
Their gazes locked. Unable to bear witnessing their heated words a moment longer, Jane stood. She might need to speak with him, but she would not tolerate being subjected to matters that were only Matthew and Elizabeth's to overcome.
“If you will excuse me, I think I will go and ask if I can do anything to help Mrs. Seton.” She dropped her napkin on the table. “Why don't we reconvene in half an hour or so in the drawing room for a game of charades?” She looked down the table and met Monica's suspicious appraisal. “Monica? Would you show Matthew and Elizabeth into the drawing room?”
Monica stood, her chin high. “Of course.”
Leaving the table, Jane walked into the hallway and as soon as she was out of sight of the dining room, she hurried to the study and closed the door. Walking to her father's desk, she gripped its edge to steady herself. Her burgeoning courage to tell Matthew how they could have everything they wanted, with a little compromise and a lot of planning, suddenly felt futile.
The piqued and angry interest in Elizabeth's gaze could not be denied. It seemed that now she suspected Jane and Matthew's intimate involvement, her own infidelity had fallen by the wayside. Would Elizabeth's once-sweet nature become overrun with jealousy? The look of possession in her eyes led Jane to believe Elizabeth might well try to reclaim Matthew as her own.
Jane closed her eyes.
What if Elizabeth attempted to thwart any plans Matthew might have with Jane in the future, by ruining him financially?
Jane pressed her hand to her stomach as nausea rose bitter in her throat. If she had suffered love's hurt when she thought there no way of Matthew being hers, it stung so much sharper now that she had known him and might well lose him.
Footsteps on the wooden flooring sounded outside the room. Jane snapped her eyes wide open. She drew up straight and smoothed down her dress with trembling fingers. Whatever was said between her and Matthew now, she would be entirely honest and forthright. She loved him, but she would not continue an illicit affair, even after their one night of weakness.
There was a knock on the door.
Jane forced her chin high. “Come in.”
From this moment on, she would do all she could do to be together with Matthew the right way . . . or not at all. If he wanted her to wait, to ply away at her work in Bath in subservient silence, he could think again. As much as it seared her heart a second time, if he expected that, she would sever all ties and do her utmost to move on without him.
The door slowly opened.
Elizabethânot Matthewâstepped over the threshold.
Jane stiffened. “Elizabeth. Is everythingâ”
“There is no need to pretend, Jane.” She closed the door and walked forward. “I would have to be blind not to see what has clearly arisen between my husband and you since I have been away.”
The haughty tone of her voice bit at Jane's fragile patience. “You have been away with your lover, Elizabeth.”
“And that makes you lying with Matthew acceptable?”
Jane moved away from the desk to stand in front of the window, humiliation scratching at her heart. “Of course not, but I won't stand here while you judge me.”
Elizabeth laughed. “Why would I judge you when we are one and the same? We both hanker after men who are not our own.”
Insult and anger lashed at Jane and she shook her head. “As much as that notion might alleviate your guilt, we are not one and the same. You were married when you betrayed Matthew, whereas I am unattached and in love with a man whom I believe will soon be divorced. Let us not forget this situation would never have happened if you had stayed faithful.”
Elizabeth narrowed her gaze. “You do not know that. Neither of us can predict a future that hasn't taken place.”
“Maybe not, but I do know Matthew did all he could to make your marriage work. The only thing he can be accused of is marrying you when he didn't love you. That was his mistake when deep in his heart he knew it to be wrong. He would've stayed faithful to you, Elizabeth. I know it, and I am quite certain you do too.”
Their gazes locked as Jane's legs trembled, but she would not allow Elizabeth to paint her as a scarlet woman. Jane did not shirk her decision to give Matthew every part of her, regardless of the fact that he might never be hers.
Where was he? Did he not suspect with her absence and Elizabeth's that they were together?
Elizabeth exhaled and slumped her shoulders. She walked to a wing-backed chair and sat. “You are right. Matthew would only have ever done the decent thing by me.”
Surprise jolted her and Jane stared. “Do you mean that?”
“I do.” Elizabeth smiled wryly. “I have suspected your love for Matthew for a long time, but there was little I could say or do to make you, me, or him feel any the better for that knowledge. I had no idea he held feelings toward you too. I was never going to be what he needed, Jane. Not really. I tried but ultimately failed on the most appalling scale.”
Uncertainty rippled through Jane. How was she to know Elizabeth acted sincerely? Her actions in the past, toward village affairs, spoke of loyalty and kindness, yet she had betrayed and lied to Matthew for many months. Jane moved away from the window and settled in the chair behind her father's desk.
She met Elizabeth's expectant gaze. “Any feelings Matthew might have had for me, he ignored because he was married to you.”
“I am neither surprised nor happy about that. I could see his love for you the moment you were in the room together.”
Warmth spread through Jane's heart and cheeks. “I'm thankful my love is no longer one-sided. So what happens now?”
“Matthew has asked for a divorce, and I will give it to him. I regret I was never destined to be what he wanted or needed in a wife.”
Unease clenched in a tight knot in Jane's stomach. “Which is?”
Elizabeth softly smiled. “You. A woman who strives to be a devoted wife, mother, and servant to the people of Biddestone.”
Elizabeth's sentiments niggled at Jane's conscience. Was she that woman any longer? Being Matthew's wife, the mother of their children, and squiress to Biddestone no longer filled her with the innate sense of satisfaction it once would have. She was changed. Much changed.
The study door banged open, and Jane and Elizabeth leapt to their feet. Jane put her hand to her racing heart. “Matthew.”
His stormy gaze locked onto Elizabeth. “What are doing? What did you say to her?”
Chapter 25
“W
ell?” Matthew closed the door and stormed across the room to Jane. He placed his hand at the base of her spine and she trembled. He held Elizabeth's gaze. “I love her, Elizabeth. I won't let you taint our future together.”
“I was doing no such thing. In fact, I was just telling Jane how much more suited she is to being your wife than I ever would have been.”
Matthew frowned and looked to Jane. “Is this true?”
She nodded, her eyes wary and not soft with happiness, as he wanted.
“Jane?”
“Elizabeth has been most amenable, but . . .” She slipped from his grasp and moved quickly past him to the door.
“Jane, do not leave.” Matthew took a step toward her. “I want you to stay with me.”
She opened it and smiled at Elizabeth. “Would you mind leaving us, Elizabeth? I would like to talk to Matthew. Alone.”
Matthew looked from one woman to the other, his unease expanding with each passing second. Jane looked different. Angry. Afraid. Most of all, unhappy. His heart kicked painfully, even as Elizabeth walked to the door.
She touched her hand to Jane's arm. “Please be assured I wish neither of you ill. Together, I am sure we can work out a plan that suits us all.”
Plan? Matthew crossed his arms. Did Elizabeth think his love for Jane held a plan? He wanted to be with her, no matter what. Plans didn't come into it. Everything felt embroiled in whether or not he could control his heart now that it was entirely Jane's to do with as she would.
Jane closed the door behind Elizabeth and walked toward him. She gestured with a wave toward her father's chair. “Please, sit down.”
“What's happened?” He clenched his jaw, fear creeping through him that this was the end. After the precious time they'd spent together, he would lose her anyway. “Has Elizabeth said something to upset you?”
She shook her head. “No. She said something that has made me question if what we are embarking on is the right thing to do. For either of us.”
“What we're
embarking
on? Jane, I love you. You make the love between us sound like a nonsensical business arrangement.” He came around the desk, his hand outstretched to take hers. “We will be together. It's just going to take some time.”
She raised her hand as if warding him off and walked to the huge open fireplace. She stared into the smoldering embers and Matthew's unease grew. Could she not even bear to look at him?
Meeting his eyes, she exhaled. “When we were together . . . in Bath, it was the most amazing time of my life. I love you too. I don't want you to doubt that for a second after you have heard what I have to say, but say it I must.”
He dropped his hand and returned to the desk, curling his hands around the edge to stop from reaching for her. “After everything it has taken for us to get this far, please don't throw away what we have now. Tell me what it is that has put such distance in your eyes. I have made a huge mistake by bringing Elizabeth here, but I didn't have it in me to leave her alone at the house on Christmas Day. I'm sorry.”
She smiled softly. “And I wouldn't expect anything else of you. You are a good, kind, and loving man. It is I, not Elizabeth, who has brought forth doubts. I don't think I can live in Biddestone, working side by side with you. Not anymore. It isn't fair to you if I am not entirely honest about that. I'm . . .” She came toward him and touched her hand to his cheek, her eyes glinting with unshed tears. “I can't risk falling back into the dutiful role I so desperately wanted to escape. I love you, but I can't trust that you will not want a wife entirely devoted to you and your work one day. I want . . .” She shook her head. “I need my own work too.”
He drew her hand from his face and grasped it tightly. “You must trust that I will never ask anything of you that you do not wish to do. If our being together means I leave Biddestone and come with you to work permanently in the city, I will make it so.”
“Why would you do that when you love this village more than any person I know?”
“Because I love you more.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “I have wasted too many years, too many moments, trying to be everything to everyone. I don't want that anymore. I want you.”
“And I you.” She blinked and a tear rolled over her cheek.
Relief loosened the knot of panic in his chest. “Then we must come to a compromise.”
She smiled at him, hope shining in her beautiful eyes. “I am so glad to hear you say that. If we are to be happy, we must find a way to divide our time between the village and the city.”
“Absolutely.”
Her smile faltered. “But we are not to make promises to one another. You are yet to divorce. That will not be a smooth path to travel, no matter how much we might wish it. I won't be seen with you until you are legally separated, Matthew. I can't.”
“And I wouldn't ask that of you.” He thumbed the tears from her cheeks and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I will do whatever I can to prove how much I want us to be together.”
She pulled back. “And I you. First, though, I want to return to Bath in the New Year and help reunite Billy with his mother.”
Matthew smiled, his heart full of love and admiration for a woman unrecognizable from the subservient daughter who had cared so diligently for her parents. His entire heart loved her. His entire body wanted her. “Billy? This is the little boy you have fallen in love with deeper than I suspect me.”
She laughed and playfully swatted his arm. “I do love him. I want to do everything I can to reunite him with a mother Mrs. Cage told me didn't want to give him up but had no other choice. Billy's mother has slowly gotten her life on track over the four years she has been separated from her son. It would be for the best for them to be together. I cannot imagine the anguish the poor woman has endured. She is working at a shop and has a small flat in town. She desperately wants her little boy back.”
The words tumbled from her mouth, her eyes wide.
Matthew frowned. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“So much.”
“Tell me.”
“I'd like you to come to Bath as soon as possible and use whatever influence you can with the Board. They need to listen to the poor woman's pleas and previously dire situation. This is just the beginning, Matthew. I'm sure, between us, we can do so much more than Mrs. Cage would ever manage without us. Let us show her we meant what we said when we first came to the house. Her work is so important. I don't want to fail her or the children.”
He pulled her forward, the hunger to kiss her flowing hot through his blood.
As though sensing his intentions, she stiffened and pressed her hands to his chest. “Matthew. No, not here.”
“Not here? Not for a single kiss?” He stared at her tempting mouth before dipping his head to nip at her neck. She trembled, and God help him, his body caught with every inch of passion he felt for this fantastic woman.
“We are going to have a wonderful life together, Miss Danes. A wonderful life.”
He slowly inched closer. She met him halfway and their lips met. He kissed her gently, praying she understood the depth of his love and commitment.
After a few moments, she eased him back and looked deep into his eyes. “If we work together to get that little boy reunited with his mother, I promise I will divide my time equally with the demands of the village. I will be everything you want in a wife . . .” She blushed. “If you want me as a wife, that is.”
He grasped her waist. “I want you as my wife.” He kissed her firmly on the lips a second time. “I want you as my everything.”