Authors: Tammy Letherer
She took a step back. “What good will
that
do?”
He whirled on her. “It’ll teach him he can’t go around messing with peoples’ sisters!”
“Oh
pleeease
.” But she was touched. He wasn’t blaming her, he was blaming Cash.
“I’ll knock him into next week!” He swung as if he had his bat in his hands, except that he wasn’t carrying his bat anymore.
Wow. She liked the idea that she could have Cash beaten up. It would serve him right. Then he’d know there were people who cared about her. People who understood that she was not the kind of person to let this happen.
“I just wasn’t myself, and…”
“Spare me the details,” he snapped, pacing beneath the clothesline. When it bumped against his head he swatted it like it was out to get him.
“Guess I’d better get my bat,” he said finally, heading toward the house.
“Wait!” He was serious! “You can’t do that! You’ll ruin everything.”
“Ruin what? You planning a lacy white wedding? Happily ever after? I don’t think so.”
She ran after him. “You want to end up back in jail?”
“It’ll be thanks to you!”
“Lenny stop!”
He lunged at her. “What the
fuck
is wrong with you? You stupid, immature, selfish little creep!”
“I’m sorry!”
“Don’t you understand? I
have
to go kick his ass!”
“No you don’t.”
“It’s the way things go, which is something you’d know if you weren’t so stupid.”
And he was off, punching at the air.
“Don’t hurt him!” she cried.
He stopped and whirled around. “Why not?”
She hesitated. “If you go after him I’ll never see him again.”
“You’ll probably never see him again anyway.”
“Don’t say that!” She knew he was right, but
God
, did he have to be right?
“He’s all I have.” She hated the way her voice caught.
Lenny stared at her a moment. At last he threw up his hands. “So what the hell are you going to do?”
She had to tell him! If Lenny found the idea of abortion despicable, then she’d know she couldn’t do it. If he didn’t, well, maybe he could convince her why it was the best choice.
With a cautious look around, she said quietly, “I have an opportunity to get rid of ...the baby. If that’s what I decide.”
He narrowed his eyes. “An
opportunity?
”
Of course that wasn’t what she meant. “Lenny, don’t. I’ll get all the preaching I need from Nell.”
If
she even told Nell.
“You’re the one who said it.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“How the hell do I know? People don’t usually come to me for advice.”
“Well, I am. What do you think?”
He sighed. “You better give me some details.”
So she told him about Pastor Voss and his offer to take her to the doctor in Grand Rapids. And how Prudy thought she should consider it.
“Jesus. Nothing surprises me anymore. How much will it cost?”
He wasn’t against it. She felt an inexplicable pang of disappointment.
“Three hundred dollars,” she said. “I think Voss is going to pay it.”
Lenny whistled. “What about Cash? What are you going to tell him?”
“The truth.”
“Why bother? He doesn’t need to know.”
“A person fathers a child, you think he’d like to know.” She shrugged. “It’s like having spinach on your tooth, only worse.”
Anyone else would take satisfaction in pointing out what a dumb statement that was. Not Lenny. He was nodding. He knew how a person could want to do right, even while doing everything wrong. Besides, imagine not telling Cash. Imagine him parked out at the beach with some skanky Zeeland High School pompom girl while Sally agonized over committing a mortal sin. Imagine never giving him the chance to say that he was crazy about her, and that he wanted to do the right thing too.
“So will you do it? Will you tell Cash to come see me?”
He shook his head. “Nope. Sorry.”
“Come on! Just this one little thing!”
“I’m not doing it. Not without kicking him in the balls first.”
His face was stony. She could try to chip away at him, but it wouldn’t work. She waved her hand.
“Oh forget it then. I’ll take care of it.” She’d call the station. If Richard answered, she’d hang up. When she got Cash, she’d do it just like in the movies.
I need to see you right away. Meet me at Tunnel Park at eight. Don’t be late.
But in the movies something bad always happened.
Lenny shrugged. “Fine.”
She followed him inside and watched him throw himself into a kitchen chair. He put his elbows on the table and squeezed his head between his hands. She pulled a chair out slowly and sat across from him. The thing in her belly was already like a lump between them.
“Where is everybody?” he asked finally.
“I think Mom’s working an extra shift. I don’t know.” She rolled her eyes and Lenny saw.
“You can’t really judge her,” he said quietly.
She snorted. “Why not?”
“Everyone screws up.”
“Nell doesn’t.”
“Nell lets herself down all the time. That’s worse than letting someone else down.”
“What are you, Dr. Joyce Brothers?”
He gave her a rueful smile. She tried to smile back, but it was frightening, hearing this kind of talk from Lenny.
“Have you told Nell?” he asked.
“No.”
“Frannie?”
“No.” She put her hand up to hide the sudden quiver of her chin.
“It’ll be okay,” he said.
She nodded vigorously. “Yeah.” She didn’t believe it for a minute. But she was thankful.
“I’m glad you got your dad back,” she said, wiping away a tear she hoped he didn’t see.
They sat in silence. At last Lenny sighed and said, “I guess I can talk to Cash.”
“You won’t hurt him, will you?”
He pursed his lips. She could see him imagining the fight, how he’d lay into him with a howl. But he shook his head.
“I’ll leave that for you.”
She winced.
“It looks like you’re not the only black sheep in the family,” she said.
He leaned forward and held his hand out. “Welcome to the flock.” She shook it and he smiled, but it was a sad smile. He got to his feet.
“It’s not your fault you know,” she said. “You didn’t rub off on me or anything like that.”
He grabbed her and threw an elbow around her neck. “No? Guess I’d better try again.” He ground his knuckles into her scalp in what they called a Dutch rub. It was one of his favorite torture methods, going back to when they were kids.
“How’s that?” he said.
He wasn’t being too rough, and anyway, her scalp ought to be tough from years of Dutch rubs. But she grimaced and said
Ow!
because it did hurt.
It surprised her how much it hurt.
Sally waited at the bottom of the sand dune at Tunnel Park, beside the wooden-slated fence that ran along the pitted sidewalk. The place was quiet, forgotten, now that the chill of fall was in the air. Eventually she wandered, too nervous to stand still. First into the cool dampness of the tunnel, where her steps echoed off the wet, grafitti-covered walls. Then through to the expanse of gray blue water, where seagulls, shrill and complaining. swooped overhead. Finally over to the boarded up snack shop, to a wobbly picnic table worn bare by loitering teenagers. She sat down reluctantly.
Where the hell is he?
Next to the building was a chain link fence marking the end of the park. And there was the tree Sally remembered so well. The first time she saw it, the trunk had just begun to grow into the fence, its bark bulging through the chain links, looking like a burnt waffle. Sally was always sorry for it, as if it were in pain. The tree was still there, the fence now completely embedded in its side.
Absorb and move on.
When she heard the sound of Cash’s car, she sat up straight and tried to breathe normally. He parked, leaped out, and came toward her.
Striding
. She was sure of it. It gave her the wild idea that they might go into the bushes and make out. But when he got close to the picnic table he stopped abruptly and put his hands on his hips.
“Hey,” he said with a flip of his chin. As in
get to the point
.
She looked at him. “I’m pregnant.”
He grimaced like she’d told a bad joke. His mouth opened, then closed. He shook his head.
“You’re
what?
”
“Jeez! Why does everyone make me repeat it?”
He came closer. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve been to the doctor.”
Now he seemed stunned. “But…”
“You don’t love me, do you?” she blurted. It wasn’t what she planned to say.
“Love?” Like it had never occurred to him.
“Yeah, you know. Intense feeling. Like you want to be with someone. Like you care.”
“I care,” he said.
“Then where have you been?”
“You know I’ve been working. With your dad.”
She frowned. “He’s not my dad.”
“He calls himself that.”
She was startled. “He talks about me?” Silly, she felt like she’d been given a compliment.
“He doesn’t know about
us
, if that’s what you mean.”
Us
, like they were a couple! For a moment she felt the way she had in Cash’s car, driving to Kalamazoo, when she had believed everything would work out so perfectly for her.
It wasn’t too late.
“Haven’t you wanted to see me?” she asked.
He looked away a moment. “I thought I’d give you some time.”
“Time for what?”
He shrugged. “You know, to work out your family stuff.”
She stared at him.
“You know. Like who your dad is gonna be. Stuff like that.”
As if she could just decide! She wished it were that simple. But she couldn’t make up her mind about anything. Big stuff, such as, whom did she love? Who deserved a second chance? And little stuff, like when to use the word
dad
.
“Why are we talking about this anyway?” she said.
“I’m just saying I work with the guy now. It would be a little awkward, okay?”
“I’m telling you I’m
pregnant!
That’s about as awkward as you can get!”
Cash started pacing around. “Jesus,” he said finally. “Are you sure? Are you really absolutely sure?”
Sally nodded and he smacked his fist against his hand. “Damn it! I can’t deal with this now.” He spun in a little circle, like he was looking for a way out.
“Sorry,” Sally said angrily. “Is this a bad time? Did you get a scholarship to Harvard? Hey, I know! NASA called and they want to send you to the moon. Or did you get drafted?”
“That’s not funny. What if I am drafted? You’re lucky I’ve got such a high number.”
“You’re right,” she said. “I’ve never felt so lucky.”
He looked hurt. “If that’s the way you feel I’ll go volunteer right now. Go get my head blown off. That make you happy?”
“Calm down. I didn’t mean it.”
He put his hands in his hair. “This is totally fucked up. I gotta get my head around this.”
“I didn’t think you’d take it so hard.”
“Why not? You think I’m such a scumbag? You think this sort of thing happens to me all the time?”
She looked away. Okay, maybe she hadn’t thought that exactly, but something close to it. Mostly she’d thought of how her own life would be ruined.
“Lots of people would like to believe it,” he said, “but… I’ve got my job. I…I can find us a place to live.”
So he had thought of her! A person doesn’t say something like that unless there’s been some thought.
“I’m only sixteen!” she said. But it
could
happen. They could get married with their parents’ consent. Would she have to ask Pastor Voss for his permission? Or Richard? She had
his
last name. Maybe legally he was responsible for her. She might be stuck with both of them. Imagine, Pastor Voss performing her wedding. Richard walking her down the aisle. It was almost funny, except that Cash was looking wild-eyed and distraught and far from funny.
“What do you want me to say?” he cried.