Heart-Shaped Bruise (26 page)

This book may have been written, but it certainly wouldn’t have left the confines of my hard drive were it not for the support and guidance of the following people. First, Cristin Moor, not only for encouraging me to write, but for making me fall in love with books again. Liz de Jager and her Red Boots of Awesome for feeding me tea and holding my hand through this whole process. Dawn Klehr and Kathryne Del Sesto for reading the various drafts of this story and making sure that I wrote the best book that I could. Kelly Bignall, Sarah Genever, Jade Bell, Fiona Hodge, Martha Close and Ros Lawler for telling me I could do it, then crying when I did. Jo Burton, Sarah Platt and Debbie Kilbride for cheering me on when I left a perfectly decent job at the BBC to write a book. Sue Hyams and all my friends at the SCBWI. John and Kerry at La Muse for giving me the time and space to write this book. Camille Gooderham Campbell at Every Day Fiction for taking a chance on me and publishing my first short story. Tracy Marchini for telling me that the first draft needed more tension. Without her, Emily’s story would never have been told. My wonderful and ceaselessly patient agent, Claire Wilson at Rogers, Coleridge & White, for never dropping olives on slate floors. Jane Morpeth, Hannah Sheppard, Sam Eades, Vicky Cowell, Lucy Foley and the rest of the team at
Headline who are brilliant and seem to love this book as much as I do. My mother, who loves me in a boundless and incorruptible way, whatever I do or want to be. And finally, my brother Martin, who knew I could do this before I did. Okay. You can read it now, bro.

Have you always wanted to be a writer?

Oh dear. My first author interview and I’m already contemplating lying. This does not bode well.

The truth is, I haven’t always wanted to be a writer. I’ve always been creative. I loved Art at school and seemed to permanently have paint under my fingernails or be peeling PVA glue off my fingers, but I didn’t read much as a child. I grew up in a house without books and don’t remember ever being read a bedtime story or being encouraged to read for fun at school. In fairness, I think the teachers struggled to get us to read the books we had to read and if they did suggest anything else, I was more concerned with split ends and the fine art of applying eyeliner to listen.

But then I got Miss Briggs for English Lit. Miss Briggs used to act, so when she read aloud in class we were rapt. (Her Lennie from
Of Mice and Men
was particularly good, if I recall.) I had no idea books could be so entertaining, so
exciting
, and when she took us to the theatre (it was the first time I’d been to the theatre to see something other than a pantomime), all of a sudden, the stuff we were reading in class was being played out in front of me and it began to make sense.

But as much as I enjoyed seeing the play of
Jane Eyre
, reading the book was still arduous. That sounds awful given what I now do for a living, but, to me, books were written by solemn – usually
dead
– people who said things like
ergo
and
methinks
. Girls from East London who get detention for wearing DMs don’t say things like
ergo
and
methinks
. So watching a play was one thing, but spending weeks reading a thick book with tiny writing was quite another.

Then someone brought a copy of
Forever
, by Judy Blume, into class and when we heard what it was about, we were hysterical. I had to wait my turn, but when it was finally passed onto me, I
devoured
it. Obviously, the subject matter held some appeal, but more than that, it was about teenagers, teenagers who spoke like me and talked about things my friends talked about. I didn’t think books could be like that. Some people will say that they shouldn’t, that teenagers should be reading the classics, but I think there’s room for both. After all, if I hadn’t read
Forever
, I don’t think you would be holding my book right now. So read. Read everything you can get your hands on. And if it makes you happy, read it again.

How did Emily’s voice develop?

I’ve been asked this
a lot
by writerly friends and I wish I could say that I did this, or I did that, but really, I just wrote and wrote. It’s a bit like trying to tune in an old radio; for a long time all I heard was staticstaticstatic then
this voice
. I had the plot, so I knew
what was going to happen to her, and I kept asking myself, How would Emily react to that? How would Emily react to that?

The friends who read early drafts would sometimes say to me,
Emily wouldn’t do that
and I’d raise an eyebrow and think,
Um. Excuse you. I created Emily, I think I’d know what she’d do
. But then I’d read it back and realise they were absolutely right. By the time I was done, they knew Emily as well as I did. I hope readers will too.

What were your influences when writing
Heart-Shaped Bruise?

Hamlet is one of my favourite plays so, with hindsight, it’s no surprise to find so many of its themes in
Heart-Shaped Bruise
– morality, corruption, betrayal. Emily’s need for revenge, her procrastination, her madness, for want of a better word. I think it influenced me more than I realised, as did all the books I love. Characters like Scout Finch, Briony Tallis, Lyra Belacqua, Will Parry, Katniss Everdeen, Holden Caulfield, Alaska Young and so many others, all shaped Emily in some way.

What was the inspiration behind the novel?

Initially, I wanted to write a novel about a girl who has to join the witness protection program when her father is murdered, so
Heart-Shaped Bruise
was originally from Juliet’s point of view. But then, in an effort to create more tension, I introduced Emily, Juliet’s new friend at college who wasn’t quite what she seemed.
I quickly realised that Emily’s version of events was more interesting, so I started again.

How do you want your readers to feel about Emily?

This is such a hard question. I want readers to love her, to see that she’s broken, that what she did isn’t
who
she is. And while I’m sure most people will see that, not everyone will love her for it. After all, Emily did a terrible thing – lots of terrible things, actually – I don’t expect anyone to be TEAM EMILY, but I hope no one just dismisses her as evil.

What do you want your readers to most remember about
Heart-Shaped Bruise?

People ask me all the time why I write about young adults and I tell them it’s because they feel things so
intensely
. The first time their best friend betrays them, the first time a boy doesn’t love them back and, even deeper than that, the first time they realise their parents are human, which is what triggers Emily’s downfall in
Heart-Shaped Bruise
. I hope readers remember how that felt and understand how it was enough to make Emily do what she did. I also hope
Heart-Shaped Bruise
reminds readers that bad things happen to everyone, but it’s how we react to those things that matters. Whether we overcome them and move on – like Juliet did – or if we let them fester and infect everything in our lives, like Emily did.

What advice would you give to aspiring novelists?

Read, read and read some more. Read everything, not just books in your genre, not just
books
, read newspapers, magazines, graffiti. Inspiration comes when you least expect it. You don’t even have to finish a book if you’re not enjoying it, just remember why you abandoned it and don’t make the same mistake with yours.

Most of all, be honest. If you’re not proud enough to stand on a chair, hold your book up and say, I WROTE THIS, then start again. Don’t write what you think will sell. Don’t write what you think readers will like. Don’t write what other authors write. Just write. Write until your hands shake, until the words begin to weigh on those bruised parts of you that no one else knows about and when they do, keep writing.

Which writers do you most admire, past and present?

I read pretty widely. I didn’t do a creative writing degree, so I learned to write from reading other people’s books. I read everything. I’m not sure if it shows in my writing, but if
Heart-Shaped Bruise
has even a little of Kurt Vonnegut’s honesty, Suzanne Collins’ energy, John Green’s humour or Nabokov’s bone-meltingly beautiful prose, I’d be happy. I’ve also recently become besotted with Melina Marchetta. I love the way she writes boys. They’re such, well,
boys
. I hope people will say the same of Sid.