Heart of the Matter (Coming Home Book 3) (8 page)

Chapter 8

Todd

July 2nd

Other than the episode the other day, I don’t think I’ve seen my wife this upset since the night she called me all those years ago. She was a basket case then and is close to being that way again. It pains me to know that someone may be playing some sick joke by sending her an email with her ex-husbands name on it. Who would do something like that?

I look down at the computer screen and see his name—
Brian Collins
. I admit, it sends shivers throughout my body, too, but I know I have to keep my composure for Jennifer’s sake. I have to be the one who remains calm and thinks clearly and rationally before getting worked up if this is, indeed, a legitimate message from her ex. After all these years, why?

I help Jennifer get situated in the chair and slide it closer to me. I even wonder if viewing the email is the right thing to do. Maybe I should I read it first and see if it’s something she needs to know about? After all, if there’s really nothing to it, why put her through the emotional turmoil.

I look over at my wife’s pitiful state. “Do you really want me to read it, honey?”

All of these years we’ve never heard one thing from Brian. We’ve lived our lives as a family and never once felt threatened by him. It was almost too good to be true considering everything Jennifer had to go through to get away from him.

I drop down on one knee and wrap my arm around Jennifer’s shoulders. She leans her head over to rest against my chest and I feel her trembling.

“Let’s just get this over with.” She tells me with a quivering voice.

Using the mouse, I click on the screen to make it full-size and easier to read. I guess I was expecting to see some kind of link show up inviting me to click on it, which would send me to a spam site. Looking back at me from the computer screen, though, is a very long, lengthy message that looks like it took quite some time to type.

I read the words carefully even rereading some of them just to make sure I’m reading them correctly. When I’m done with the first page, I look over to Jennifer to see if she’s ready for me to scroll further. I see the computer image reflecting off of her eyes that are now glossed over with tears. It’s any wonder she’s able to read the words at all. Bringing her clenched hand up to her chin, she nods her head signally she’s ready to read more.

As I finish reading the message, I’m at a loss for words. I’m not believing it—the man who was so horrible to Jennifer all those years ago truly sounds like a genuine human being now.

“NO! No, you can’t see my baby.” Jennifer says angrily between gritted teeth.

I stand from my kneeling spot beside her and touch her shoulder. “Jenn, I’m not going to let anything bad happen to our family. Not to you and especially not to Chloe.” I know these are just meaningless words to her right now but I will do my damnedest to make sure Brian Collins does not interfere with our family.

“How can he just think I’m going to let him back into our lives?” She asks. “He’s lying. I know he is. This is just a sick scheme of his to get back at me.” I hear the pleading tone in her voice.

“Let me print out a copy of this. I know it’s a holiday weekend but I’ll put a call in to George and see if he can recommend someone who specializes in this area. He usually just handles all the legal stuff for work but I’m sure he can put us in touch with the right person. Don’t worry, dear. It’s going to be okay.” I make my best attempt to assure her our family will not be put through this; I just hope I don’t let them down. I hope there is something I
can
do to stop this nightmare before Brian does do something first.

I print out the email while Jennifer stares blankly at the computer screen. She reaches up to scroll down the page and I realize she’s reading it all over again. Tears slide over her cheeks and I notice her eyes are already beginning to show signs of puffiness. There’s no way I can bring the girls home tonight. They can’t see their mother upset like this.

“How can he, after all these years, want to see her now? How?” Jennifer continues staring at the monitor and I feel every emotion she is struggling with, too. “Damn you, Brian!”

I reach for her elbow and try to turn her towards me. “Come on, Jenn. The more you keep reading this, the angrier you’re getting. There is nothing we can do about this tonight.” I try to reason with her but I know she’s feeling like she’s at the end of her wits.

“I will kill that bastard before I let him see her.”

“Jenn, please. Listen to what you are saying.” I plead with her. “He’s not done anything. He’s simply
asked
you to see her.”

Jennifer jerks her head to look at me and I can tell by the cold, stern look from her glare that I’ve said the wrong thing. “Whose side are you on, Todd?”

“Babe, come on now. Don’t act this way. You know there is only one side and that is our family.”

“Brian Collins is not worthy of seeing Chloe. Ever! Do you hear me? Ever! He should’ve thought about the way he treated me before he even had the audacity to send me an email such as this. Does he think I’m stupid or something, to think I would let Chloe be a part of his life now? I don’t care who is sick or dying. It’s never going to happen!”

The conversation has taken a terrible turn for the worse. Now, Jennifer is not only upset, but she is making it far worse than it ever has to be. She’s literally losing her self-control.

“We don’t have to respond to his message. We don’t owe him anything, Jennifer, but I need you to stay rational about this, okay? Just let me talk to our attorney.”

“How can you be so calm about this, Todd? Don’t you see what this could do to our family? To Chloe, our daughter?”

“I am upset about it, but I have also got to make sure I’m doing the right thing. I don’t like you being upset and I surely don’t want Chloe finding out, but my God, Jenn. Just please let me see what I can do.”

At that moment, Jennifer raises her hand and slaps me across the face. I am completely caught off guard by this response from her. I reach up to touch my jaw, not believing what my wife just did. Never, in all our years of marriage, has either of us encountered a situation that has caused one of us to act this way. Of course, I would never raise a hand to Jennifer, or any woman for that matter, but for her to react this way throws me for a loop.

“My God, Todd. I thought you cared for our family.”

“I do care for us. You’ve just got to give me some time to figure this out. Please.”

“We have a daughter to protect. Promise me you won’t let him take her. Please, promise me,” she begs.

Jennifer drops down to her knees and covers her eyes with the palms of her hands. I feel so terrible my wife is having to go through this.

She begins to sob like a child. I kneel down and wrap my arms around her as tightly as I can.

“Shhhh, baby. I’m not going to let him do this to you. I promise.” I whisper softly. I just hope I can be true to my word. She rocks back and forth and I know we are in for a long night.

****

I don’t know how long we’ve been like this, but I will continue to hold my wife as long as she needs me to if it will reassure her I won’t give up without a fight. I will not let my family down. Jennifer’s hair is in disarray and is sticking to my hands as I slowly try to pull away from her clutch. I look down into her eyes and all I can see is pain and sorrow.

“Let me help you up.” I offer and reach for both of her hands. “Let’s get out of this room.”

Jennifer stands and I walk alongside her, guiding her in the direction of our bedroom. When we are next to the bed, I reach over and pull back the covers. Before Jennifer sits down, I attempt to remove her bathrobe that she’s still wearing.

“Let me grab something for you to wear. You’ll be more comfortable,” I tell her as I drop my arm from her waist and head to our closet. Jennifer always keeps an oversized t-shirt on a hook on the back of the closet door. She’s always joking how sexy her t-shirt is and right now, I would give anything to hear my wife joke about her bedroom attire. To have my wife back, instead of this fragile woman right here before me, the woman I hardly recognize.

I turn and sneak a glance at her. Jennifer looks so feeble and so helpless as she slouches on the side of the bed. Her shoulders are hunched forward while her hair hangs unruly around her face. She lifts her head just enough for me to notice how much pain she’s in—not the physical kind, but the kind of pain that no mother should ever endure over her child.

I help her slide her arms into the t-shirt, the cool, soft fabric against her bare skin causing her nipples to leave an imprint the front. I pull back the covers as Jennifer slides her legs underneath the sheets. She turns to lay on her side then grips the pillow tightly.

I lean down and brush my lips against her cheek.

“I love you,” I whisper.

Without saying a word, Jennifer nods her head up and down. I know she loves me, too.

Being a pharmacist, I don’t always agree with all the medications doctors prescribe, but right now, I wish Jennifer had something just to take the edge off. Just something to help her rest.

I go into our bathroom and look through the medicine cabinet. I find a bottle of an over-the-counter sleep-aid and take out a few. I fill a cup with tap water and go back out to her. She willingly takes them from me, without putting up a fight.

Instead of turning off the bathroom light, I pull the door so it’s cracked. We normally don’t sleep with any lights on, but tonight, the faint glow will allow me to keep an eye on her. I just hope the medicine works quickly, for both our sakes. I’m sure tomorrow’s going to be even more stressful and we’re both going to need all the rest we can get.

I make sure the house is locked up before joining her in the bedroom. I slip out of my clothes and slide in beside her. I wrap my arm around her curled up body and pull her close.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. I promise.”

What am I going to do? Can I save my family from being torn apart, all because of an email? Can Brian do this to our family?

Chapter 9

Brian

July 3rd

I sit in the waiting room for what seems like hours hoping to hear something from the doctors. It’s bad enough to have one parent admitted, but to have both of them here in completely different parts of the hospital, it’s almost more than I can handle alone. I pace the room, going from one side to the other. I look down at my watch, surprised to see it’s only a little after midnight. I just knew it was later than that.

“Mr. Collins?” I hear my name and look up to see a nurse standing at the doorway with a clipboard pressed firmly against her chest.

“Yes, that’s me,” I reply and walk over to her. She’s dressed in aqua colored scrubs and bright-colored matching tennis shoes. I’m amazed how the attire of nurses has changed over the years—no longer the white polyester outfits with white, rubber slip-on shoes.

“Please, have a seat,” she says and motions for me to take a chair. She sits down across from me, placing the clipboard in her lap.

“How are my parents?” I ask before she has a chance to speak. I look around the room and realize we’re the only two people here.

“Right now, Mr. Collins, the only thing I can report about your mother is she’s resting comfortably. Her leg is broken in several places and we’re waiting on the surgeon to arrive. Once the doctor and his team reviews her x-rays, they’ll perform a procedure inserting a steel rod into your mother’s leg. It’s going to be a long recovery for her, but given her good health and several weeks of physical therapy, we’re confident she’ll be as good as new. As for your father, …” she hesitates and I know the news isn’t going to be good.

I drop my head and pretend to pick at lint on my shorts.

“Mr. Collins, I’m afraid the news about your father isn’t good. It’s apparent from his high white blood cell count that he has an infection. He’s being administered a high dosage of antibiotics but there’s also some internal bleeding that they’ve been unable to pinpoint. It’s very likely the cancer has attacked somewhere else in his body, thus causing the bleeding. If you have any family that you’d like to call in, now is the time because it’s only a matter of hours for your father. I’m sorry to have to report this news to you.”

Hours? Did she say hours? No, he can’t die yet. I haven’t told him about Chloe yet.

I knew the news wasn’t going to be good, but I had no idea it was going to be this devastating. It’s not supposed to be this way. I’ve just gotten the courage to contact Jennifer. I can’t have my father die before he’s had the opportunity to meet his granddaughter. He can’t die yet. No, I need more time.

The nurse stands then turns to look back at me.

“If there’s anything you need please let us know, Mr. Collins. The nurse’s station is at the end of the hallway. I’ll be on call until seven, then the new shift nurses will make their rounds, checking in with the patients. I know it’s late and after visiting hours, but given your circumstances, would you like to see your father?”

“Yes, please, I’d like that. Thank you.” I follow her from the waiting area, all the while struggling to hold back tears. A grown man’s not supposed to cry.

She stops a few doors down from her station. The door isn’t closed all the way. “You can have a few moments. He’s sleeping right now and needs his rest but I’m sure he’ll know you’re there.”

I stand at the door, almost afraid to enter. I’m scared to see my father for what may be the very last time. He may never make it out of here. I take a deep breath and step forward.

I almost don’t recognize him. His face is swollen and his coloring seems off. I’m not sure if it’s his cancer or the medicine or just the lighting of his room, but it’s the worse he’s ever looked. I slowly walk over to his bed, careful not to bump it.

“I’m so sorry, dad.” I mumble softly. A lump has formed in my throat and I try to clear it without coughing. The pressure inside my body is so intense right now, I’m good mind to run out of the room. I…I don’t know how much more I can stand.

I grab ahold to the bed rail to steady myself. It’s killing me to see him like this. Several monitors beep and hum from the pole next to his bed while fluids and medicines are steadily pumped into his body.

His chest rises and falls underneath the sheets. As the oxygen continues to pump life into his body, I can’t help but wonder how much longer we have together. His dying body is at its final stages before he goes…before he goes to sleep, forever.

When I can no longer watch him—when I’m at my own breaking point—I walk back down to the waiting room and pull out my phone. There’s just enough battery life left to make a few calls. Rather than call Grace, I type out a text message updating her with the latest. I don’t have plans to leave the hospital any time soon, at least until I can get a report from the doctors, so she’ll see my message as soon as she gets up in the morning.

I punch in Daryl’s number, double checking the time again. I know I should’ve called him sooner, but my head just wasn’t thinking clearly. If he can come sit with mom, I won’t feel quite so bad about leaving her alone.

As for my other brother, James, I leave a message on his voicemail. He works overnight at an automotive assembly plant just down the road from here so I’m fairly certain he’ll check his massages when he goes on break.

It’s rather odd that all three of us boys are so different. While both of them were successful early on in their adult lives, I was the oddball. Even now. I know I’ll never have the same relationship with my parents that Daryl and James have, but there’s two things where I have them beat. I’ve made mom and dad grandparents—not once, but twice.

Just thinking this causes my mind to wonder in so many different directions. I knew my time was limited when I sent the email to Jennifer, but now I’m looking at merely hours to get this taken care of. Why didn’t I do it sooner?

Please, God, just give me a little more time. That’s all I’m asking for.

When I’m finished with my phone calls and text messages, I sit down in one of the chairs and stare blankly at the walls. I’m completely at a loss as to what I should do next.

Staring at my phone, I browse through my email hoping by some miracle there’s a response. It’s the not-knowing that’s killing me. Just to know she’s read my message, that she didn’t delete it or scroll right on past it. I’d even settle—though not happily—knowing she’s read the email but hasn’t made her mind up yet. It’s a tough decision to make, and she’s not the only one who’s got to consider how it will affect the rest of the family. I do, too.

I know I should’ve tried to find Chloe a long time ago but I couldn’t. Not until I was sure of
me
, that I deserved to reconnect with my daughter. Without a doubt, I’m a much better person now than I was back then.

I know I am.

I am a changed man no matter what anyone else thinks.

I must’ve dozed off in the waiting room chair because I jump when I hear the sound of chairs being shuffled across the floor. I look around the room and rub my eyes. For a brief moment I’d forgotten where I am. At the doorway to the waiting room, a man is pushing a cart that’s loaded down with cleaning supplies, including a mop and bucket. When my vision has cleared enough, I see the floor is freshly mopped and still wet in certain areas. The janitor must’ve mopped all around me and I never even knew it. One thing that hasn’t changed, though, is the disinfectant smell in the air.

I sit up straight in the chair and stretch my arms in front of me. My body is stiff and cramped from being slouched in the chair for so long. Honestly, I probably would’ve been more comfortable sleeping in my car but just the thought of that sends a dull ache to my head. All of those nights I used to sleep there, moving from parking lot to parking lot, just so no one would find me. How did I allow myself to get that desperate?

I stand up and walk to the window. The sun is just coming up, and I can’t believe how beautiful the sky looks this morning. Looking out from the sixth floor window, I can see pretty far out. Off in the distance I can easily see the mountain that serves as a divider between the two cities. Even though the mountain is further away than what it really is, to me, it’s a divider between me and my daughter. This mountain is the only thing separating me from Chloe and I need to figure out how to reach the other side. Like, right now. I need my dad to meet his granddaughter.

“Sir.” I feel someone tap my arm and I look around to see a middle-aged woman standing beside me. “Sir, is that your phone over there?”

“Huh?” I reply not realizing how long I’ve been staring out the window, lost in my own thoughts.

“That phone over there,” the lady points to the chair I was sitting in earlier. “It’s been ringing for a few moments. Thought since you were the only one in here maybe it was yours.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s mine. Thanks.” I turn and walk over to the chair I’d claimed all night. I pick up my phone and see I’ve had three missed phone calls as well as a couple of texts. It must’ve fallen from my lap when I stood up to walk to the window.  I listen to my voicemail first and learn that both of my brothers are on their way here. The other one is from Grace. As I listen to her sweet, caring voice, there’s not a doubt in my mind that I’m a lucky man. As soon as her mom gets to the house, she’ll be coming to sit with me as well as bringing some breakfast and a change of clothes. She also wanted to know if there was anything else I needed her to bring. I immediately text her back, asking for my cell phone charger. Before I can click off the message, she replies that it’s already in her purse. Grace—she doesn’t forget a thing.

I click on my email again and there’s still nothing. Why can’t I get a damn response?

I reach for my wallet and pull out the folded slip of paper tucked behind my driver’s license. Not sure why, but there was some reason I jotted down Jennifer’s contact information. Now, as I stare down at the numbers, I know the reason why. Today may not bring good news for my father and I’m not sure I could live with myself knowing I didn’t do everything I possibly could. I can’t wait around checking my email numerous times a day. I’ve got to act now.

It’s not quite eight o’clock yet and I feel bad for calling so early in the morning, but if I’m going to do this, I need to do it while I still have the courage. I tap out the numbers of the first phone number and hit the call button. It’s now or never. After the sixth or seventh ring, voicemail picks up.

“Hi, this is Jennifer. I’m unable to take your call but you know what to do. Thanks and have a great day.”

I sit completely frozen in my chair. It’s been so many years since I’ve heard that voice and it takes me back to another place in time—a time when I had so much growing up to do. A time when I had something so good but I let it slip right through my fingers.

I truly did care for Jennifer. I really did. I was just a damn asshole who felt the world owed me.

I look down at the paper again and punch in the second number. Before I hit the send button, I ask myself if this is what I really want to do. Am I ready to deal with the past and all of those painful memories if someone answers this time?

“Hello?” a male voice says on the other end.