Healing Her Spirit (Serenity Springs Book 2) (5 page)

Taking a deep breath, Lacey clasped his hand and asked, “Do you hate me, Clint?  Because I lied to you?”  As she gazed at her son, Lacey waited for Clint’s response, terrified of the answer.

“I don’t hate you, Lacey,” Clint said gruffly.  “I do wish you would have told me a long time ago.  Maybe things would have been different.”

Lacey stiffened as his meaning sank in.  He did not hate her, but he didn’t want to be with her now either.  Bowing her head, she whispered, “I know I should have told you, Clint.  But I got scared for several reasons and I ran.”

“To Carl,” Clint said hoarsely, his hand tightening on hers.

“Carl and I were never more than friends,” Lacey admitted quietly.  “Please don’t repeat this, but Carl is gay.  He doesn’t want anyone to know.  He is afraid people will judge him and he doesn’t want to hurt his family in anyway.”

“How would being gay hurt his family?” Clint asked incredulously.  “Who gives a shit if he likes men or women?”

Lacey shrugged, “He said he doesn’t want to feel like an outcast and I support his decision.  Carl is a good person, Clint.  He’s a good friend.”  Raising her eyes to meet his, she said, “But that is all he has ever been.  My friend.”

When Clint looked away from her, Lacey lowered her eyes once again.  Sighing softly, she pulled her hands from his.  Standing, she picked up her purse and hooked it over her shoulder.  “I better get Ethan home.  He needs a bath and I told him we would read a book before bedtime.”

As she walked over to get Ethan, Lacey was aware of Clint’s gaze following her.  When she turned back in his direction, he stood waiting for them by the bench.  Lacey saw him wince when Ethan ran over and gave him a hard hug.  She did not say anything, even though her heart ached the pain in his eyes.  They walked over to their cars at a much slower pace than normal, Ethan between them holding onto their hands.  Once she had Ethan situated in the car, Lacey said a quick goodbye to Clint before heading home.  Looking in her rearview mirror, she saw him standing with one hand on his truck, staring out over the park lost in thought.  Shaking her head, she silently berated herself for screwing up one of the best things that had ever happened to her.

He could not wait any longer.  The need to feel the scalpel in his hand again as it sliced through soft skin was too strong.  It was time for his next choice to play the game with him.  But not the one he loved.  No, it was not her time just yet.  Her time would come, but he wanted to feel the wild exhilaration a couple more times before his final performance.

His next victim lived out on a country road in an old farm house.  He had watched her for the past week and was fairly certain he knew her routine.  He had also snuck into her home when she was at work one day, so he knew the layout of the house when he was ready for her.  It came to mind that it probably should have bothered him that he had only taken a week this time to stalk his prey, but he pushed the idea aside.  It didn’t matter.  He knew everything he needed to do to avoid being caught. 

Shutting his lights off, he eased down the long lane that led past her house.  The lights were out and all was quiet.  She had no protection out here, not even a dog.  He snorted as he thought about how easy it was going to be to sneak up on her.  Half a mile down the road, he parked his car behind an abandoned barn.  Removing his bag from the trunk, he slipped on his gloves and quickly made his way back up the road to the farm house. 

Stepping onto the back porch, he paused to look around one last time before opening the screen door.  Trying his luck, he slowly turned the knob and smiled in satisfaction when the door opened and he was able to slip inside the kitchen.  Quietly closing the door behind him, he crept from the kitchen into the living room.  After a quick look around, he made his way up the stairs to where he knew the woman slept.  Her door stood open and he saw her silhouette on the bed.  The moonlight shone in through the window and bathed her in a soft glow.  Her long, black hair was spread out over the pillow and she wore a short, light blue nightgown.  She would do just fine.  No, she wasn’t the one, but she would work for now.

Letting his bag drop silently to the floor, he took the syringe from his pocket and moved quietly across the floor.  Yes, he thought as he gazed down at her, she would do just fine for what he had in mind.  But first…clamping a hand over her mouth he laughed when her eyes sprang open and she tried to scream in terror.  First, he wanted to see her fear and feel her struggle.  He allowed her to fight for a few minutes before he finally plunged the needle in, then watched in satisfaction as she dropped limply back down on the bed.

Retrieving his bag, he took out his rope and began to tie her arm to her bedpost.  After he had her secured to all four posts, he ripped her nightgown from her body and gloried in all of the gorgeous dark brown flesh he was preparing to cut into.  Wait, dark brown?  That wasn’t right.  It was supposed to be a nice cream color.  His love had beautiful, soft, cream colored skin. 

Shaking his head in fury, he grabbed a scalpel.  She would have to do for now.  But he was afraid he would not get the same satisfaction.  Closing his eyes tightly, he pictured the woman of his heart in his head.  Long, dark hair, soft green eyes, and pale skin.  When he opened his eyes, she lay before him, on display.  His Lacey, his love.  Feeling his dick harden, he reached down and palmed himself through his slacks.  Hell yes, she was his.  She had come back to him. 

When the woman beneath him opened her eyes, all he saw were Lacey’s green ones.  When she opened her mouth to scream, it made him want more.  Grinding his hand against his dick, he lowered the scalpel and made the first cut across the top of her full breast.  As she screamed again, he pushed into his hand, and threw his head back in pleasure.  When the woman started begging him to stop, he froze in confusion.  That was not his Lacey’s voice.  Looking down, he once again saw dark skin and brown eyes.  Not his Lacey.  She was not his.

Unable to control himself, he lashed out at the woman, again and again, until the ragged cries stopped.  When it was over, he carefully rose from the bed looking down at her in disgust.  Pissed at what she had made him do, he grabbed his bag and left the room, not realizing in his anger what he left behind.    

The sight of the huge log home in front of her made Lacey’s pulse sky rocket, but she made herself continue down the driveway and come to a stop in front of the barn.  She had left Ethan with the high school student she’d hired to take care of him for the summer, and come straight to the ranch before work.  She could not put it off any longer.  She refused to let Justice be called back to the Army before she had the chance to talk to him and explain who she was. 

Taking a deep breath, Lacey’s hands tightened on the steering wheel as she prayed for the courage she needed to get out of her vehicle.  When her car door opened, she didn’t move.  “We have to stop meeting like this,” Ryder joked as he knelt down beside her. 

Smiling weakly, Lacey finally looked over at him.  Shrugging, she whispered, “I can’t seem to let go.”

There was a moment of silence before Ryder responded quietly, “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong, Lace?  Maybe I can help.”  When she didn’t reply, he asked, “Why are you here?”

“Justice,” she finally managed to croak out.  “I’m here to see Justice.”

Lacey felt gentle fingers slowly loosen her grip on the wheel and then Ryder stood and guided her out of the car.  Putting a finger under her chin, he gently tilted her head up until she was looking in his eyes.  “Is Ethan his son, Lacey?” he questioned softly.  “Is that what you have been hiding from all of us?”

Lacey gasped as she realized they knew she had been lying to them about something.  “You knew I was keeping something from you?”

“Of course we knew,” Ryder chuckled softly.  “You wear your emotions on your sleeve, Lace.  We just aren’t sure exactly what it is you don’t want us to find out.”

Lacey bit her lip as she felt a tear slip down her cheek.  “I don’t want all of you to hate me for lying to you,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “I’m afraid none of you will want to speak to me again.  I’m afraid Justice will never talk to me.”

“Well, why don’t you explain to me exactly who you are and what you want from me,” Justice ordered in a hard voice from directly behind Ryder, “and then I will tell you if I want you gone.”

“Knock it off, Justice,” Ryder told him as he smoothed a hand down Lacey’s hair.  “Can’t you tell how scared she is?”

“Hell, anyone can see that,” Justice groused.  “Right now all I want to know is what the hell is going on.  I’ve never seen this woman before in my life, so I know that boy isn’t mine.”

Inhaling deeply, Lacey pulled away from Ryder and turned her gaze to Justice.  Clasping her hands in front of her, she smiled faintly, her whole body tensing in fear of rejection.  “No, Justice, Ethan isn’t your son.”  Talking a step closer to him, she asked, “Do you remember anything of your past before you were adopted?”

His brow furrowing, Justice shrugged, “I remember some things.  Nothing much.  Why?”

“Do you remember me?” Lacey whispered, her eyes full of hope.  “We used to play outside all of the time together.  We didn’t like to be inside.  There was a park at the apartments, and the sand pile was your favorite thing to play in.”

Resting his hands on his hips, Justice glared at her, “I remember yelling and fighting.  I remember a fist to the back of the head.”

Vaguely aware of Justice’s parents, Charles and Cara, appearing beside them, Lacey nodded.  “I remember that.   Mom was passed out in her bedroom.  One of the men she had brought home that night came out and accused us of stealing money from him.  He hit you.”

Justice watched her closely as he said, “I remember this.”  Pulling up his shirt, he turned slightly to show her five burn marks on his lower back.

“Mom was angry because there wasn’t any food in the apartment,” she rasped.  “She decided you had to have eaten the last of it and started pressing her cigarette into your skin.”  Her eyes feeling with tears, she went on, “You were screaming and she wouldn’t stop.  So I…” stammering, she tried to continue, “I grabbed…”

“You hit her over the head with something,” Justice said quietly.

“A lamp,” Lacey whispered.  “I hit her so hard, it knocked her out.  I was scared she would never wake up, but she did, hours later.  I had already cleaned up the mess and took you outside.  She couldn’t remember what happened.”

“You left me,” Justice ground out.  “You fucking left me all alone.  I was scared to death.”

“I was nine years old, Justice,” Lacey cried, letting the tears stream freely down her face.  “Nine years old! There wasn’t anything I could do about it.  Mom packed us up and moved.  I had no idea where we were.  I have been looking for you for years.”  When Justice didn’t respond, she begged him, “Please, Justice.  I need you.”

“Yeah, well I need a lot of things right now,” Justice finally said before turning away from her.  “But you are over twenty years too late.”

Justice stalked off to the barn and was gone within minutes on one of the horses that had been saddled and waiting.  Lacey stared after him in shock before the realization hit her that she may have just lost the brother she had been missing for so many years.  The only family she had besides her son.  Falling to her knees, she wrapped her arms around her body and cried. 

“Oh, sweet child,” Cara murmured as she knelt beside Lacey and pulled her into her arms.  “Just give that stubborn son of mine some time.  He will come around.”  Unable to answer, Lacey leaned into her and sobbed.

Finally, when she felt like she could cry no more, Lacey pulled away from Cara and struggled to her feet.  As Charles helped Cara up, Lacey avoided looking at any of them directly.  “I need to get to work,” she muttered as she ran a hand over her tear-stained face.  “Thank you all for everything you have done for me and my son.  I really appreciate it.”

“Lacey,” Charles’s deep voice broke through her fog of pain, “we will always be here for you.  Justice is going through a lot right now.  Please, let him sort this out his own way.  He will come around.”

Afraid to get her hopes up, Lacey thanked them quietly before leaving the ranch.  Instead of going to her office, fifteen minutes later she found herself standing in front of Clint’s door.  When it opened after the second knock, she fell into his arms, the tears flowing once again.  Her world was crumbling down around her, and he was the only one she wanted to turn to.

Lacey was aware of Clint shutting the door behind her and then he was holding her close, gently stroking a hand down her back as he murmured softly to her.  She cried out in dismay when he tried to pull back from her.  “Hush, baby,” he whispered soothingly as he kissed her softly on the temple.  “I just want to sit on the couch with you.  I can’t carry you right now.”

When he tried to back away again, Lacey protested, softly, “No, Clint.  Please, don’t go.  I need you.”

“I’m right here,” he promised as he wrapped his arms around her again and held her.  “Come sit down with me and tell me what happened.”

Finally allowing Clint to guide her over to the couch, Lacey sat close to him, unwilling to move away from his gentle touch.  She needed to feel his hands on her.  It grounded her, made her feel like there was hope.  After several minutes, Lacey was able to calm down enough to tell Clint what had happened with Justice.  “He just walked away from me,” she whispered raggedly.  “He walked away and didn’t look back.”  Shaking her head dejectedly she said, “I can’t really blame him.  We left him on the front steps of a church, Clint.  My mom just drove away and moved on like she’d never even had a son.”

“That was your mother, Lacey,” Clint ground out, “not you.  You were a child.  What the hell did he expect you to do?”

Shrugging, Lacey murmured, “He’s right.  I should have fought harder for him.  I should have made Mom go back.  I should have called the cops.  I should have done
something
!”

Tilting her head back to look in her eyes, Clint said, “There was nothing you could do, baby.  You were nine years old.  You are not responsible for your mother’s actions.  You have been looking for Justice for years.  Not once did you ever forget about him.  It may have taken you awhile to find him, but you are here.”

Lowering her gaze in shame, Lacey muttered, “Yeah, I’m here.  But Justice wants nothing to do with me.  He won’t even let me show him how much I love him.”

“You love the little boy he used to be, Lace,” Clint warned softly, “you know nothing about the man he is now.”

“That’s not true,” Lacey declared, shaking her head.  “I may not know him personally, but I have learned so much about Justice this past year.  I know he is a good man, an honorable man.  He would die for his country, do anything for his family.  I am so proud of him and the person he has become, Clint.  So damn proud.”

A slow smile spreading across his face, Clint whispered, “Listen to yourself, Lacey.  Does the man you just described seem like the type of man that would just walk away from his sister?”  Feeling hope once again begin to rise in her, Lacey slowly shook her head.  “Exactly,” Clint said in satisfaction.  “I do know Justice Caldwell.  I have known him for years.  Give him time to sort this out, baby.  He will find you when he is ready.”

Slowly wiping the tears from her eyes, Lacey whispered, “That’s the third time you’ve called me that.”

“Called you what?” Clint questioned as his gaze wandered over her face before stopping on her mouth. 

Lacey’s breath hitched and she caught her bottom lip between her teeth.  Sliding a hand up his arm, she leaned into him.  “Baby,” she moaned softly as she raised her lips toward his.  She wanted this, needed it. 

“Fuck,” Clint rasped as he reached up and threaded his hand through her hair.  Tightening the thick strands in his fist, he groaned, “We shouldn’t do this, Lacey.  You are too vulnerable right now.”

Letting the tip of her tongue sneak out to wet her suddenly dry lips, Lacey whispered, “Kiss me, Clint.  Touch me.  I need you.”  She had waited so long to feel his hands on her, caressing her bare skin.  She was done waiting.

Clint felt his will power slowly draining out of his body as he watched Lacey’s light pink tongue slide over her plump bottom lip.  He may go to hell for this, but it was a chance he was willing to take.  When she caught that full lip between her teeth and started nibbling again, he groaned deeply.  Swiftly claiming her mouth with his, Clint used his own tongue to trace her soft lips, before slipping it inside her hot, wet mouth to tangle with hers.  He had wanted this for so long…had wanted to taste her for months. 

His cock hardened when he felt Lacey’s small hands moving tentatively over his chest.  His heartbeat thundered in his ears when she started to undo the buttons on his shirt.  Clint shrugged out of it impatiently, and shuddered at the feel of her fingertips tracing his chest.  He flinched when she ran her palm over his gunshot wound, but when she tried to pull away, Clint let go of her hair, and palming the back of her head, continued his assault on her mouth.

Breathing heavily, Clint pulled back slightly and rested his forehead against hers.  “Are you sure this is what you want, Lace?” he rasped.  “I need to know this is about you and me, nothing else.”  Staring into her big, green eyes, Clint waited for her response. 

A shiver ran through him as she reached out and lightly traced the bruised area around his scar.  “I almost lost you,” she whispered softly as she stared at his chest.  “There are three people in this world that matter to me more than anything or anyone else.  You are one of them.”  Raising tear-filled eyes to his, she said, “My life is so out of control right now, Clint, but one thing I know for certain is that I want this.”