Healing Faith (11 page)

The routine of waking up early was getting
easier.

Up in the darkness, clothed and to the cows for their
milking, and I was learning a little more every day. Both Abigail
and Emma showed me how to gather eggs from the chickens and laughed
when I yelped at the persistent pecking.

The sun was just starting to break its way over the
horizon when we reached the kitchen door, and stopped at the
conversation in the other room.

"She does not understand our laws, Mother. She will
shame us."

I swallowed hard at Hannah's words.

"She is our guest. It is up to us to show her our
way. She has honorable intentions."

Fannie's words made me blush. She had so much faith
in me, a stranger. But Hannah’s logic made me want to get in touch
with my own sister that much more. I needed to get back on track.
Hannah had only clarified how much I didn’t belong here. She seemed
to be the only one who saw me for who I really was, an Englisher
simply pretending so she could hide.

"She dotes on Nathan. Surely you see the scandal that
would bring, and just before my wedding, Mother."

"Nathan needs something to pull him out of his
sadness. Perhaps a friend can do that. I think Nathan knows the law
well enough to keep a proper distance, Hannah. Perhaps that is why
he keeps his distance now. And if it were to become something
deeper, you should be glad for him, and for her. Perhaps that is
why God brought her to us. She needs something as well, or she
would have remained in her world. We are here to provide whatever
she needs to find her way."

"Just do not ask me to include her in my
wedding."

It was quiet for a moment in the kitchen.

"Your wedding is of course your own. I am sad you
would not welcome your sister into your celebration."

"She is not my sister."

The voices in the kitchen grew too low for me to
hear, but I had heard enough. Emma and Abigail whispered out my
name as I walked away down the hall. I was intent on going upstairs
to find my things and leave. Regardless of the friendships I had
made with this family, it was bound to end sometime. At least
Hannah had in her head that I would not remain here, and I
respected her for her standoffish behavior towards me. She had been
honest. The part of their lives that they had allowed me to
experience was well and good for learning about them. It didn't
mean I would make a life here. I was moving towards the front door
to avoid them when I heard footsteps ahead of me at the door.

"Pleasant morning, Katherine," came the booming voice
as the door opened towards me. Mark stood there, Jonah in his
shadow. I shuffled to a stop from my retreat, plastering a stilted
smile on my face at the men before me.

"Pleasant morning, Mark. Jonah," I replied, nodding
to both of them and turned reluctantly to make my way back towards
the kitchen.

I entered the kitchen to four sets of eyes watching
me. Emma tried to smile apologetically as Fannie moved towards me
and hugged me quickly before moving to set the table. Hannah simply
turned back around to finish cooking the eggs in the large skillet.
It was obvious that Emma had said something about us overhearing
the conversation. The tension was overbearing as I stood there,
watching Jonah and Mark take in the scene. It took Jonah's bright
voice to break the awkward silence.

"I am famished! Hannah, whatever you are cooking
smells delicious! I am sure Mark is excited to break fast with you
every morning if he has to look forward to this every day!" he
exclaimed and rested his hand lightly on my shoulder as if in
support for a moment before moving to his seat.

Mark moved past me and settled in next to Jonah,
speaking softly about the day's events. I helped Emma with bringing
out the meal, avoiding Hannah's cold stare every time I passed. It
was only once I was seated beside Emma that Hannah spoke up.

"I wonder if Nathan will join us this morning," she
said lightly, sitting comfortably beside Mark. Her eyes flicked
over to me for a moment, a knowing smirk on her lips at my
blush.

Jonah shook his head and reached for the
biscuits.

"I spoke with him at dawn. He sends his regrets at
not breaking fast. He wanted to be on his way to Elder Wittmer's,"
Jonah said pointedly and passed the biscuits around. I remained
quiet, focused on the eggs on my plate.

Did the Amish gossip as much as we did in our world?
Or was I simply that obvious about my conflicted feelings? I had a
feeling the day at the Frolic was going to be nothing short of
humiliating, with either him making a show of ignoring me, or of
providing gossip for this community and me stammering like an
idiot. And for that, I was determined not to embarrass Nathan or
myself at the Frolic.

I would behave myself and remain distant, regardless
of what Emma or Abigail thought.

The Amish man didn't need any more drama in his life,
certainly not from me.

Emma watched me carefully as we cleaned and packed up
everything to prepare to leave. I tried to offer her a smile, to
let her know I was fine with what I had been through, but her eyes
seemed to penetrate through me, as if she could see all my
sins.

Fannie ushered us out with our food, patting me
gently on the shoulder as we made our way outside to the waiting
wagon. We placed the food in boxes in the back of an open wagon,
where half a dozen chairs and piled quilts lay. Jonah finished
pulling the harness on his two large horses and turned to us, a
bright smile on his face.

"Shall we? The men are sure to be hungry when we get
there!" he said and climbed up into the bench seat in front.

Fannie followed, settling in beside him, pulling a
dark cover over her head. Hannah was already seated in the back of
the wagon, nestled between the chairs. Emma and Abigail scrambled
up and sat with their backs to the bench, smiling towards me
expectantly. I let out a sigh and climbed in.

Climbed in might be an understatement.

It was more like clawed and scrambled and stomach
rolled once I had a leg up gracelessly to hitch myself into the bed
of the wagon. By the time I had slid up and crawled over to sit
beside Emma, all eyes were on me. I shook my head and hunkered down
holding onto the box that held the pies as we started off. I could
only imagine having to get back down again.

I sat quietly as we rode, the sound of the horses and
the loud rolling of the wagon the only thing I could hear in the
bright day. The sun was already beating down fiercely, and it was
not even noon yet. It was bound to be a scorching day. I squinted
against the harsh glare of the sun to take in the landscape as it
passed by.

Iowa was the corn capital, and at a glance, it seemed
that the Amish did indeed grow plenty of corn. But as my eyes
adjusted to the glare of near midday, I noticed other fields,
brighter here, duller there as we travelled down the dusty road. It
seemed they also grew plenty of wheat and small pockets of leafy
vine plants: grapes and berries and tomatoes. And with every house
we passed, few and far between, there was a large garden beside the
house bursting with life.

There was a fair share of newly turned fields as
well. It was mid summer, I could only assume that crops had been
harvested already and the soil preparing for something new. I
didn't know anything about farming, but it seemed reasonable. I had
to wonder how the Amish survived on just their crops and quilts.
Did they trade with us Outsiders?

Surely they did, and then purchased what they could
not grow or make. There was so much to them that I did not
understand. How could something so simple be so mysterious and
complicated?

I let my thoughts drift as the sun beat down on us.
We made our way towards Elder Wittmer's farm in silence. Emma was
strangely quiet beside me, and Hannah merely ignored the two of us.
It wasn’t far, but with some of the blankets and food, it was
easier to ride than walk I supposed. It was fairly obvious when we
neared the Wittmer farm. The buggies on the side of the road and
the milling people around a field by the house gave it away.

That and Emma's sudden fidgeting.

I glanced her way, trying to offer her some
encouragement, but the look in her eyes gave me pause.

She liked the son, John, didn't she?

Why did she look suddenly ill?

"Are you all right?" I whispered near her ear,
watching as she swallowed and tugged her bonnet over her hair
nervously.

"Emma is nervous to see her John," Hannah teased.

Emma swallowed again and grew paler at Hannah's
words. I had had enough of Hannah and her teasing. But I remained
quiet, not wanting to cause any more problems. Instead I took
Emma's trembling hand and squeezed it encouragingly. I was going to
help her, whatever it took. The wagon slowed to a stop, drifting
backwards for a moment on the slight hill until we turned into the
hill and stopped with a jolt. A few of the men in the field started
to make their way towards us, their straw hats bobbing as they
walked. I glanced towards them, hoping for a sight of the black
hat, but there was none that I could see. I helped Emma with the
box of pies, slipping out of the wagon with a little more grace
than I had getting in. As the men joined Jonah, we followed Fannie
towards the house, where tables had been set up in the shade for
the bountiful spread of food for everyone.

As we approached, the women around the tables turned
and regarded us quietly. I felt every eye turn to me when they
noticed me just behind Fannie. One woman, who seemed to be the one
giving the orders turned and nodded towards Fannie as we drew near.
She was an older woman, stocky and grey haired; she stepped forward
with a brisk smile.

"Welcome, Fannie! We are happy to see you and your
kin today," she said, her voice gravelly with age. She looked my
way, waiting for my introduction. I couldn't help withdrawing just
a bit into myself at her perusal.

"Sarah, this is Katherine," Fannie said simply,
motioning towards me. "She is visiting and welcome in our
family."

Sarah moved closer, several of the older women
falling in line behind her as if in solemn judgment. I turned my
eyes down, not sure if I should look her in the eye or simply be
the obedient outsider. Which may be why I was surprised when strong
arms wrapped around me. Sarah held me briefly before pulling away
to smile down at me.

"Welcome, Katherine. We are happy to have you with us
today. Please, come. We will get you settled with a duty for the
day," she said and just like that, I was making my way down the
long table with Emma to set out the pies before being shuttled off
to gather water for the men in the field.

Emma came with me, still pale as she looked around
timidly. I noticed that no one spoke with her and she seemed more
withdrawn as we walked amongst the women. The younger women, those
that were about our age, stared at us as we passed, some frowning
before turning away. I waited until we were at the water pump to
ask Emma.

"Why are the other girls like that? Why do you look
so upset, Emma?" I asked softly, pushing on the pump to get it
started. The water gushed out, filling our bucket quickly.

Emma glanced back towards the house and shook her
head, grimacing.

"It is nothing. We should go. It is hot and the men
will want a drink," she replied and struggled to pull the heavy
bucket out of the basin.

The bucket's handle was shaped so that two people
could carry it, as if it were made especially for two women to
haul. I put my hand on my hip and refused to lean over to pick it
up until she answered me. She looked at me pitifully, her eyes
pleading for me to drop it. When I didn't she finally let out a
long breath and looked at me hard.

"I said no to John Wittmer."

I blinked at the hard edge to her voice, and to the
words she had said.

"I don't understand. No to what?" I asked, stepping a
little closer to her. She huffed and dragged the water bucket out
of the basin, splashing it over the edge roughly. I jumped forward
and helped her before she spilled it all over herself. For someone
so small, she had a lot of force when she used it. I followed along
beside her for a moment, walking towards the field where the men
worked on the fences. She finally let out a breath and slowed
down.

"I am sorry. I do not mean to be rude. It is
something that I will regret it for the rest of my life, I
know.”

"Emma," I said, slowing her down to a stop to look at
her. "Can you please speak without all the drama? What did you say
no to him about? And why do the other girls look at you like
that?"

We both glanced back to where the women busied
themselves with laying out food for the mid day meal, catching
quite a few of the younger women looking after us. When Emma turned
back at me, she shrugged and let out a pained laugh.

"They do not like me because I broke John's heart. I
told him I did not wish to be his wife," she said and pulled us
along again.

"Wait," I said and pulled her to a stop again,
sloshing water over the side again.

"Katherine, we have work to do."

"Tell me why."

Her exasperated look turned suddenly to shame and she
looked away towards the men.

"I did not want to leave him a widow. He said he
would love no other.”

I walked beside her when she pulled us along,
realizing what she had done. Emma had thought she was going to die,
and chose to deny her love, John. And to see her, who always seemed
so excited about everything, now so at odds with being near him
once more, it made my heart hurt.

"But you're better now. He can ask again, can't he,
or is that forbidden?" I asked, speaking a little quieter as we
drew near to the first group of men.