Yet she couldn’t stay.
“You’ll see him again.” Matthew’s voice held a measure of comfort.
“Jah. He wants to go to the movies again soon. There’s another one he wants to see.”
She didn’t think she did, though. If only she had Internet access here to search for reviews and see if it was as bad as the previews had seemed to indicate.
If only she could decline Nate’s invitation and maybe do something with Matthew, instead. If only he were interested. She didn’t see any sign of jealousy in his quiet, calm answers.
Well, she could say no to Nate and suggest he find another date for that movie. But Matthew…. She was doing something with him. Right now. Whether he wanted to or not.
Was there anything more romantic than a walk down a moonlit dirt road?
***
It took a while, but Matthew finally figured out what bothered him about the kiss. It’d been too casual, suggesting that this Nate person had kissed Shanna before. It was bad enough that he’d seen this one. And now, to imagine all those that had come before…. Matthew squinted through the darkness at the dirt road. At least the moon lit the way enough for him to avoid stubbing his bare toes.
If only he dared tell her the things her mamm should have. Like the fact that first kisses were special and shouldn’t be given away casually. That boys liked to do the chasing. That the purpose of dating was to find a spouse, not simply to go on outings that seemed to be the equivalent of setting a mousetrap. In his experience, the mice ate the peanut butter and escaped anyway. Unscathed.
That was why God had made cats and owls. Why had He made mice? Matthew pondered that for a moment. To feed the cats and owls. Must be.
His mind rambled worse than a nervous woman’s mouth. What did any of this have to do with Shanna? He struggled to straighten out his train of thought.
“I’m glad I came home.”
“You are?”
She laughed. “Well, except for Daed. He and I…it’s like trying to mix salmon and chocolate.”
Matthew couldn’t hold back his soft chuckle. “That’s a combination I don’t even want to consider.”
“Exactly.”
He shook his head. “Nein, Shanna. He loves you. Someday, you two will reach each other. It might help if you tried a little harder. You’ve left his faith and his community for a lifestyle that he doesn’t understand, that goes against everything we—uh, he believes.” He hesitated, regretting having to bring up the next point, but it needed to be said. “Not to mention, you love a man who will hinder you from ever returning.”
“Love? I’m not in love with Nate.”
“You’re not? Then, why—”
“We’re friends. That’s all. Friends do things together. Like you and that Jacob you mentioned.”
“Maybe so. But I’ve never kissed Jacob. And never will.”
She exhaled loudly. “I don’t even want to imagine that. Nate’s going to somewhere in Europe to study. Required for his major. He’s leaving in August.”
Matthew couldn’t think of anything to say. Relief flooded through him. Nate would be out of the picture in a short time. On the other hand, so would Shanna. She’d be returning to her Englisch world in mere months. He fell silent, hearing the wings of an owl as it flew overhead.
Shanna glanced up. “I’ve missed that.”
***
Matthew must be a little jealous, or he never would have mentioned the kiss. Though why a little peck would merit a mention by him, Shanna didn’t know. Unless he wished it had been he, not Nate, kissing her….
A thrill shot through her. What would it be like to kiss Matthew? Maybe she’d find out tonight. She moved a little closer to his side. He glanced at her, maybe out of alarm, but didn’t try to increase the distance between them. Nor did he reach for her hand.
They must have hiked for miles. The blacktop was two miles down the dirt road, based on what her car odometer always read, and they’d reached that point and kept going. Mostly in companionable quiet.
She didn’t feel inclined to break the silence, either. They walked down to the Amish grocery store, closed at this hour of the night.
A car drove slowly by in the darkness. The headlights blinded Shanna for a few moments, and she stumbled over something in the road. A hand closed around her elbow, steadying her. Matthew. She smiled with gratitude but doubted he saw it.
He released her and moved away. “We need to get back.” He stopped and turned around.
Shanna pulled in a long breath, letting her diaphragm expand. “Jah, I guess you’re right. Morning will be here before I’m ready. I have to open at the restaurant tomorrow.”
“What do you do there?”
“Depends on the day. Breakfast, they usually have me up front, taking orders and filling them. In the afternoons and evenings, they put me at the drive-through window. Same job, different location.”
“Do you like it?”
Shanna shrugged. “It’s a job. I need the money. It isn’t something I want to do for the rest of my life.”
“Do you want to be a nurse for the rest of your life?”
Did she? She pondered that for a bit. She imagined herself working for a while, then marrying and settling down, raising young ones with a good man—an Amish man was what she pictured, surprisingly. Funny how that was what came to mind when she thought of marriage. Being home. Being Amish. Probably due to how she’d been raised.
It certainly didn’t correspond to her plan of becoming a registered nurse.
She couldn’t discuss questions for which she had no answers. “I don’t know. What do you want to do for the rest of your life?”
Matthew hesitated. “I want to raise blueberries.”
“Yum.”
“Not sure how they’d do around here. I noticed most of the Englisch farms are cattle. The place I’m considering was a cattle ranch. Owner died. Son didn’t want the property. He auctioned off all the cows already.”
“The Amish raise more than cattle.”
He made a movement with his hand, but the dimness and the distance between them made it difficult for her to make out the gesture. “I know. I’m still studying up on it.”
Studying? On what to raise? Shanna scratched an itch on the left side of her nose, then brushed the left side of her mouth when the itchy spot moved. “So, why blueberries?”
Matthew chuckled. “Long story. The short version is, I love them. They’re my favorite fruit. And I know blueberries. My parents grew some.”
“Some?”
“Jah. Not a lot, just some. Mostly, they raised wheat. That’s another reason I signed up for the man swap. I wanted to raise blueberries on my own patch of ground. My brothers wanted to specialize. All wheat. They ripped out the berry patch last fall.”
Shanna touched his arm. She intended it to be a compassionate gesture, but those unexpected sparks flared again. Still, she didn’t pull back.
After a moment, Matthew did.
Shanna swallowed her disappointment.
They remained silent the rest of the way home. Matthew walked with her to the barn door and opened it for her. The scent of warm hay wafted out, mingled with the more earthy smells of the animals. Still, it was comforting. For a moment, she let herself think about what it might be like to come home to things so familiar.
And then a shadow moved in the darkness.
Shanna shrieked and stepped back against Matthew’s chest. Instinctively, his hands rose to grip her shoulders. He was trying to be supportive, but in reality, he felt as nervous as she seemed. Maybe he should shove her behind him and face whoever it was.
“Hey! Sorry, Shanna. It’s me. Nate. My car broke down on the road. I think I turned the wrong way, because I drove and drove and never got to the highway, so I walked back. Could you take me to Springfield?”
Ach, Nate. Matthew released Shanna and moved away. They hadn’t passed a car stranded on the road while they’d been walking, he realized. He hesitated, trying to study the other man’s expression, what he could see of it in the moonlight.
“I have to open tomorrow at—” Shanna stopped. “Jah, um, yeah. I can do that. Just give me a moment, okay?”
That would make a late night for her. She wouldn’t get back until the wee hours of the morning. Matthew frowned and slipped his hand into his pocket, feeling for his cell phone. Maybe Nate could call another friend for a ride.
Didn’t Nate have his own cell phone? Surely, he did; he was an Englischer. Why hadn’t he used it to call for help? That made Matthew even more curious.
Shanna pushed past Nate and disappeared into the barn.
Without a single word to Matthew. Not a “Gut nacht,” not a “Good-bye,” not anything.
Matthew turned and started toward the house. He was almost across the yard when she called after him. “Hey, Matthew. Want to go with us to Springfield?”
Matthew turned to her and waved his hand in dismissal. “That’s the stuff nightmares are made of.” Yet, in a way, he wanted to be there for her. To keep her from being alone with Nate.
Nate, who wasn’t being entirely truthful about something.
She laughed, not sounding at all upset, even though he’d been serious. “Please? I don’t want to go alone. I promise the traffic won’t be as bad as it was when you went through. It kind of dies down after a time.”
Matthew frowned. Seeing Nate standing behind Shanna, he almost refused again. After all, he would be with her. But only for the trip there. After she dropped him off, she would be alone for the drive back. And she’d said that part of town was dangerous.
The silence stretched between them for a moment longer, and then he nodded. “Jah. I’ll go. Give me a moment to get my shoes.” And wash his muddy feet. No way would he stick them into clean socks. Besides, he hated to go to bed filthy. He’d washed up already that night, but that had been before his barefoot walk down the dirt road.
Clean was a distant memory.
“Gut. Danki.” Shanna turned and darted back into the barn, leaving him and Nate standing there in the yard, staring at each other through the darkness, dimly lit by the bright moon.
Matthew moved first. “Give me a moment. I’ll be right back.”
“Take your time,” Nate said. His displeasure with the plan was clear by the disdain in his voice.
And that made Matthew glad he’d agreed to go. He didn’t trust Nate.
***
Shanna drove the car around the barn. In the glow of the headlights, she saw Matthew and Nate waiting next to a row of poplars. A considerable distance, and Daed, separated them. He stood a little closer to Matthew than to Nate, and his arms were crossed over his chest. He held a flashlight in one hand.
Shanna pulled in a breath. She didn’t want Daed to join them on her excursion, but why else would he be standing there? Hoping to judge her in the Englisch world, no doubt. Ach, she would be so much more nervous if he started criticizing her driving, the city, the traffic, and her friends.
Should she get out of the car and go to him? Or wait until he forged the narrow drive? Shanna shifted into park and pressed a button beside her to unlock the doors.
Daed crossed around in front of the car and waited as she pressed another button to lower the window. He peered inside and frowned at the car door handle. “They make everything so easy for the Englischers. I remember the day when they had handles that needed to be turned manually. Some even had little triangle-shaped air vents that pushed out. Manually.”
Shanna considered her car, then looked up at Daed. Surely, he hadn’t come out here to comment on the evolution of automobile technology.
He leaned closer and lowered his voice. “Your mamm says I was too harsh on you yesterday and said some unkind things. I was wrong, and I say I was wrong.”
Shanna blinked, surprised to receive an olive branch instead of a lecture. “Jah. I’m sorry about my part, too.” Not that she knew exactly what her part was. But Matthew had said she wasn’t really trying to connect with Daed. If a complete stranger could see that, then it must be true.