Authors: Jacqueline Paige
Chapter 18
“Hello?”
“Hey, sexy witch.”
“Dr. O’Reily I was just thinking about you.” “Really?”
“Yes I stubbed my toe getting to the phone.” Rachel chuckled softly.
He sighed. “Nasty.”
“So, what’s up?”
Steven leaned back against the couch. “Thinking about you, missing you...”
“Oh.”
“Haven’t heard from you all week.”
“It’s been kind of crazy for me.”
“Connie came in today.”
“Is everything all right with the pregnancy?” “Seems fine so far. She said they haven’t seen you at the house in the last few weeks.”
“I’ve been pretty busy.”
“Doing?” He stared at the wall on the other side of the room as he listened to her.
“Just going through some stuff, you know spring
cleaning, five months late.”
“I could definitely find better things to do with my free
time.”
“Anything to avoid something like cleaning is better to
you.”
“True.” He grinned and then stood up. “So what’s the
real reason why you haven’t been over to see them, Rach?” She sighed. “That is the real reason. I started looking
around here. Taking some stuff to Owen’s and then seeing
what was left there made me realize I have enough stuff for
three people. So I’m eliminating.”
“Do you need any help?” Something wasn’t right with
the way she sounded.
“No I’ve got it under control.”
“Okay, offers open if you change your mind.” He waited.
“So... was talking to Kasey, she said you skipped on girl’s
night again.”
“You’ve been talking to a lot of people haven’t you?” He shrugged and sat back down feeling more restless that
he could explain. “What can I say? I get around.” “I’ll bet.”
“Why didn’t you want in on the traditional shopping trip
for Lee to make those sexy-make-my-mouth-water outfits?”
There was a long silence he waited.
“To be truthful, I don’t know if I’m going to Mabon this
year.”
He sat up. “What? How can you not go? You’ve never
missed a gathering since you were, what, sixteen?” “Yeah I know. I just don’t know if I’m up for it right
now. I mean I want to help get this maniac and all but...”
Her voice was quiet.
Steven jumped up. “I can’t do this over the damn phone.
I’m going to come over.” He was already looking around for
his keys.
“Steven, don’t!”
He stopped. “Rach.”
What?
“Don’t do this to me, let me
come over and we can sit and talk about it.” He stood there
without moving, praying she’d agree.
She sighed. “It’s already pretty late. I have work in the
morning.”
“So do I, don’t care.”
“You’re a little more used to functioning without sleep.” “Why are you shutting me out?” He tried to keep his
voice calm, even though he wasn’t feeling calm. “I’m not, really. I don’t mean it to seem that way.” Steven sat back down and let out a frustrated breath.
“Angel...”
“Don’t! There is just too much going on. At Lammas,
that was... amazing, is one word to use, but Steven I just
can’t
. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to, I just can’t.” “Why? Just tell me why. Help me understand.” She was
silent a long time. “Are you thinking of not going to Mabon
because of me? Us?” His voice was hoarse.
“No. That’s not it at all.” He heard her hiss out a breath.
“I can’t explain it, but don’t think any of it is because of
you.”
“Any of what? Tell me what?” His fake calm was fading.
“Have you told the others you may not go?”
“No. I wanted to sort it all out before I mentioned it.” “Rachel, I’m really trying to understand...” He pinched
the bridge of his nose.
“I know. I can’t explain to you what I don’t yet
understand. I’m not trying to push you away or shut you out.
I just--I just need to know your there if I need you. I can’t
tell you how much it means at times just to know your
there.”
“Always. I’m not going anywhere.”
But are you?
The
thought entered his head. “Rachel, just let me come over, we
could get drunk. That’s always fun and we haven’t done that
together in a few years.”
“I had a headache for two days after that.”
“Well before it wore off it was fun.” He tried again. “Or I
could find other substances.”
“Steven, you’re a doctor.”
“Exactly, I can afford them.”
She laughed. “No, but thanks. I’ll take a rain check on
the hangover too for now.”
“Do you want to hear me beg you to let me come and see
you for an hour? I will. I have no pride.”
“No I do not want you to beg. We’re going to see each
other in two days at the birthday dinner.”
“But I’m so used to seeing you twice a week for the last
four, no five months, I’m going through withdrawal. No one
hassles me like you do.”
“You’ve gone from wanting, to begging, to whining.” “I’m sure you’re mistaken.” He stood up and then sat
down again.
“No I’m not.”
Steven sighed. “Okay maybe I was a little. I’ll wait, I’m a
patient man.” He heard a clicking against the phone. “Oh really?”
“Most of the time, yes. Unless it involves that ring I just
heard, or your skin, yeah definitely your skin, then all
tolerance is gone.” He lowered his voice. “Then there’s that
little witch on your thigh. I would love to run my lips over
that right about now.”
“Steven, turning me on isn’t going to get you invited
over here either.”
He shook his head and sighed “No? But trying could still
be fun.”
“I really need to get going. I’ve got the bedroom tore
apart and I’ll need to find my bed to sleep on before I have
to go to work.”
“Need help? I never did get my bedtime story.” “You’re exasperating tonight.”
“I try.” He leaned back, looking at the ceiling. “Fine, I’ll
let you go. Call me if you need me?”
“I will.”
He just wanted to hold her. “Good night, Angel,” he
whispered.
“Night.”
He set the phone down quickly before he threw it. She
wasn’t going to let him in on what was happening. She was
very plainly avoiding him, yet wanted to talk to him. What
was going on? Why didn’t she want to go to gathering? And
the biggest question he thought why had she stopped going
to see the kids?
Steven sat there for more than an hour trying to sort it
out, the more he tried to the less he understood. Rubbing a
hand over his face and looked at the clock. It wasn’t really
that
late. He grabbed his keys and almost jogged to the car.
*
Dade opened the door wearing a sheet and not looking
happy to see him. He looked like he may have been in bed.
“Were you sleeping?”
Dade blinked at him. “It is night. There’s a good chance I
was.”
Steven stepped in. “Sorry. I had a long nap this afternoon
after my shift, so my sense of time is a little off.” Dade turned and watched him sit down. “And there’s a
reason for this visit or you were just driving by?” “You’re kind of grumpy at this time of night.” Steven
grinned.
Dade sighed and dropped down in the chair. “Might have
something to do with thinking my house was under attack
and falling out of the bed trying to get to the door.” Steven nodded. “Could be. So I needed to talk.” Dade gave him an exasperated look. “Now?” Steven nodded.
“Why not go drag Chris out of bed?” Dade groaned. Steven shrugged. “Well, he has a warm woman beside
him, so does Owen, so that leaves you, bro.”
Dade rubbed his face. “I had a warm pillow.” “Do you want a beer or a coffee or something?” “You mean something other than sleep?” he growled. Steven stood up. “Maybe I’ll come back another time.” Dade opened his eyes. “Fuck! Just sit and shut up while I
go find the damn kitchen.”
He grinned and sat back down. “Okay.”
*
A few minutes later Dade returned with two cups of
coffee. He handed one to Steven and sat down. “Talk.” “I talked to Rachel tonight.”
“Did you get her out of bed too?”
“No, it was earlier. There’s something going on with her
and it’s got me worried.”
“Something how?” Dade opened his eyes wider and
sipped the coffee.
“She wouldn’t let me go over, she hasn’t been to see
Connie and the kids since Ricky’s funeral, she’s thinking of
not going to Mabon...”
“What? She’s always gone to Mabon. When we were
sneaking off to...” He grinned. “She’s just always gone to
the gatherings.”
Steven nodded. “I know. She hasn’t told the women yet
but she ditched the traditional shopping trip for Lee’s
outfits.”
Dade nodded. “Yeah, Cora mentioned that.” “Of course, she’s told me all this in confidence so she
can’t know you know...”
Dade held up his hand. “I know that scene well now.” “She said she’s doing spring cleaning and going through
everything, Dade. I think she’s going to take off.” “What? Really?”
“Gut instinct says so.”
Dade looked at his coffee. “She’s really screwed up
about all this isn’t she?”
Steven nodded. “I’m afraid so, and I don’t know what to
do about it.”
Dade shook his head. “Neither do I, but I know who
will.” He set down his cup and got up and stood looking
around with a confused expression. “Okay, you’re driving.
Just let me call her so we don’t scare her half to death
banging on the door at this time of night.” He looked at the
sheet around his waist. “Clothes would be good too.”
*
Cora opened the door. “Come in,” she said softly. Dade stood there looking at her. “Now how do you fall
out of the bed and look that good when I looked like I’d
been tossed off a ship?”
Cora grinned. “Don’t suck up, the coffee’s already
made.”
He kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks and sorry to wake
you but we had no clue what to do.”
“That’s fine. Go grab a cup of coffee and come sit
down.” She went over and sat on the couch and curled her
legs beneath her.
*
After Steven explained why they were there Cora shook
her head. “You might be right. She won’t let me too close to
her. I think she’s afraid I’ll sense something.”
Steven set his cup down and leaned back. “So, what do
we do?” He looked at one and then the other. “Aside from the fact it’s dangerous right now for her to separate from all of us, I don’t think I can just--I just can’t... not have Rachel there.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “She’s just always been there, when I came home from college, she was there
and then university, she’s just always been there.” Cora sighed. “I know, Steven. I’m not sure what we can
do. We can’t confront her, that will just upset her further.”
She thought for a minute. “We are going to have to tell the
others though.”
Steven winced. “If she finds out I blabbed she’s going to
set my ass on fire.” He looked at Cora. “But you’re right
everyone is going to have to be involved this time.” He
glanced at the clock and winced again. “I have to go. I have
to be at the hospital in an hour.”
Dade looked at the clock. “You start work at four in the
morning? No wonder you don’t know day from night.” Steven grinned at him as he stood up. “You think? You
want a lift back to your place?”
Dade groaned. “No. Cora is going to throw a blanket
over me and then kick me when she gets up for work.” Cora laughed. “With pleasure.”
Dade grinned. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Steven nodded and went to the door.
*
Dade looked at Cora and moaned. “We have to get those
two sorted out so I can sleep. Everyone comes to me when
they have a crisis.”
She walked over with a cover in her hand and draped it
over him. “I know. Poor, sweet, Dade.” She leaned down
and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “Have a nap and I’ll get
you up for work when it’s time to get up.”
He nodded and slumped down further.
Chapter 19
Steven watched Kasey run past everyone again to the kitchen.
Dade looked at Chris. “Don’t you ever get dizzy?”
Chris laughed. “Actually, I’m getting use to it.”
Dade shook his head.
Leena came wandering in. “Are we sure Rachel’s coming?”
Steven nodded. “I talked to her earlier, to see if she wanted a ride. She’ll be here.”
Kasey ran past again.
Leena called after her. “Can I help with something?”
Kasey came back in a few seconds later. “No, no the birthday girl doesn’t have to do anything.”
Leena grimaced. “We weren’t mentioning that, remember?”
Dade grinned at Kasey. “So what did you get the old guy by the way, we missed that?”
Chris snarled at him.
Kasey blushed. “Um--I can’t tell you, really. Cora took me shopping at this interesting little shop.”
Cora chuckled. “It was a lingerie shop.”
Dade grinned. “Really?”
Kasey shrugged. “I didn’t know what to get him, so I got something for me, f-for him.”
All three men swung their heads to look at Chris, who grinned. “Let’s just say I have new found adoration for leather.”
Dade’s mouth dropped he looked at Kasey for a moment. “I need a beer.” He got up and left.
Rachel walked in. “What’s wrong with Dade?”
Steven smirked. “He just found out what Chris got from Kasey for his birthday.”
“Oh yeah, I totally forgot. She looked amazing in it too. So how’d it go?” She grinned at Chris.
Chris laughed. “You got to see her in that?”
Rachel nodded. “All of us girls did. We ended up having a day of it trying stuff on.”
Steven cleared his throat. “So what did you buy, Rach?”
Rachel grinned. “That’s a secret, Doc.”
“So unfair.” He groaned. “I’m gonna have visions of leathers and so many other things now.”
Kasey laughed. “As long as it’s not me in those leathers and things...”
“Better not be!” Chris growled.
Owen grinned over at Leena. “While we’re on that topic, the topic of outfits that is, I just wondered how the Mabon outfits were coming, baby. You’ve locked me out of the sewing room.”
“You kept trying to peak.” Leena turned to Rachel. “I’m going to need you for a fitting soon.”
Rachel fidgeted with her hands before answering. “You have to know my measurements by now. You’ve stuck that tape measure of yours everywhere on my body at least fifty times.”
Steven groaned and stuck his face into a cushion. “The visuals are going to have me crying soon here people.”
Rachel laughed at him. “A little suffering never hurt anyone.” She flicked her tongue ring out at him.
“You nasty witch! That’s just mean.”
Dade walked in. “Oh good we’ve moved on from leather to mean. What did I miss?”
Cora smirked. “Rachel’s teasing Doc with her tongue piercing.”
Dade sighed. “I had to ask. I can’t go there, new topic.” He waved his hand around as he sat down.
Leena looked over at Kasey. “Is it just me or are the males here having hormone issues tonight?”
Kasey nodded. “No it’s not just you.”
Leena took a breath. “Back to what I was trying to say before Doc started measuring Rachel.” Steven groaned again. “I almost have the outfits finished, but I’m trying something different and need your body, Rachel.”
Dade grabbed a cushion and screamed into it. “Stop. Stop. Stop, I’m only a man. I admit it and I can’t take this.”
Everyone tried hard not to laugh when they looked at him.
Rachel looked at him. “Were you all doing healing circles again?”
“Oh!” Owen raised his hand. “Could we?” Leena smacked him and then took a deep breath and looked at Rachel.
“This is ridiculous. I’ll say it really fast. There are only two weeks left before gathering, please come by the damn house so I can finish sewing!” Leena waved her hands around. “There I got to finish.”
Steven grinned at her. “Oh we’re entering the hormonal flux of pregnancy are we?”
Leena sighed. “Is that what it is? I’m not losing my mind?”
Steven shook his head. “No you’re not. It’s normal. You’re just going to feel a little unpredictable for the next while.”
Leena sat down. “Good.” She sent Rachel a serious look. “I’m really going to need your help after the baby. I truthfully have no clue what I’m doing.”
Rachel leaned against the wall. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She looked around at everyone watching her. “Are we going to
eat
at this dinner?” she asked slowly.
Kasey jumped up. “Oh! Yes. I got all distracted with the sex stuff going on.”
Dade glared at her as she walked by. “I’ll help carry stuff in if you don’t speak.”
She grinned at him and nodded quickly.
He got up and followed her.
*
Rachel wandered into the dining room and sat down with a sigh. Steven waited and then sat beside her instead of his usual spot at the other end of the table.
“You okay, Rach?”
She nodded. “Yeah fine.”
Leena came running in with Owen chasing after her. She turned and pushed him towards the chair. “He did not mean hormones in that way.”
Steven covered his smile with his hand. “Not yet anyways.”
Leena looked at him. “Really?”
He nodded and smirked at Owen. “After the first trimester she’ll be all over you.”
Dade cleared his throat. “Doc, don’t make me smack you silly in front of the women.”
Steven held up his hands in surrender. “It was a medical discussion.”
“Medical my ass,” Dade muttered while setting the tray down.
Cora walked in shaking her head. “Dade Jones, will you please get laid soon so we can have normal discussions again...”
Dade spun around towards her. “Are you volunteering?”
Cora’s mouth Dropped open. She snapped it shut and shook her head. “I am not,” she muttered.
Dade threw up his hands and went to sit down.
Chris leaned over to Owen. “Has everyone just lost all sense of control tonight? Is it a full moon?”
Kasey came in and set a tray down. “It’s close, but I don’t think that’s it. I just think our little family is kind of out of balance or something right now.”
“Or something,” Chris muttered sitting back. He calmly picked up the rolls. “Anyone want a roll?” Steven nodded. Chris picked up one and threw it to Dade, who almost missed it then tossed one to Steven who caught it quickly.
By the time he tossed one to Rachel and she caught it she was laughing so hard she Dropped it onto her plate. “The look on Kasey’s face.” She pointed at Kasey and then grabbed her stomach and leaned over laughing.
Steven laughed just seeing her laugh again. He needed her, plain and simple and he hoped she would forgive him for what was coming. He glanced around the table at the others as they watched her, their emotions plainly written on all of their faces. They were in.
Forgive me
,
Angel
, he thought.
When she finally straightened and took a few sips of water she had tears in her eyes. “Whew! I love you guys.” She huffed out a breath and looked at Chris. “If I ask for the carrots are you gonna throw them at me one at a time?”
Chris shook his head grinning. “Do I look like I want to get smacked?”
Rachel grinned. “Not yet, but the night is still young.”
*
With stomachs full everyone just kind of lulled around the table. Steven wanted to find a spot and lounge, but he knew the agenda tonight and they’d put it off long enough.
Kasey leaned against Chris. “I want to get the list figured out for Mabon; it’s more detailed with the food sacrifices and such.”
Steven nodded. “I volunteer Rachel and me to do the shopping this time.”
Rachel looked at him. “I’m sure you’re able to shop on your own, Doc.”
Steven shook his head vigorously. “You don’t understand, sending me for snacks and munchies would be a mistake. I have no control. I’m a weak man with cravings.”
Rachel smirked at him. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Good.” He searched her eyes. There was something she was hiding. He didn’t need to be an empath to sense it. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg her to talk to him. He could feel her pulling further and further away.
*
Rachel looked back at him trying to figure out what he was thinking.
What did that look mean?
Sighing, she turned and then looked around the table. Everyone was looking at her with something she couldn’t define in their eyes. “Okay what’s going on? I feel an ambush coming on.” She looked back at Steven for a second and then to Cora.
Cora set her glass down. “We’ve just been picking up some interesting vibes with you lately or maybe its lack of vibes because you’ve hiding yourself from us, Rachel. We’re worried. We want to help.”
Rachel took a sip of her water to stall answering. “I’m fine. There’s no reason to worry.” She didn’t look back at Cora, afraid she’d see that she was lying.
Kasey frowned at her. “There is, you don’t go to the community center. You don’t do want to do girl’s night or shopping, when we were at the lingerie shop you stayed long enough to buy one thing and then took off. Have you been to see Marie and Haley?”
Leena reached over and touched her hand. “Have you been to see Connie? It must be hard on her too and now to be pregnant as well.”
Rachel pulled her hand back and put it in her lap. “I’ve been busy, really, I went through all the stuff at my place, been getting rid of what I don’t need...”
“Why?” Chris asked quietly. “You’ve been a pack rat as long as I’ve known you, why do it now?”
Her eyes darted around looking at everyone hesitantly before she looked down at her hands. “I just needed to--to eliminate some things...”
“Are we part of those things, Rach?” Dade all but whispered.
She looked over at him and shook her head. “No! No, how could you think that?” She pushed her chair back and stood up. “How could you think that? I could never do that.” She paced to the end of the table.
Steven turned in his seat. “Then what are you doing, Rachel?”
She could avoid the others’ questions, but she honestly didn’t know if she could with Steven. He knew her better than anyone. She looked at the floor in front of him. “I--I just had to make some changes.”
Owen sat back in his chair. “Why?”
“I just did,” she shrugged, trying to look more nonchalant than she felt.
Kasey grabbed Chris’s hand. “Do those changes involve you going away?”
Rachel turned and looked out the window.
Did it?
Hadn’t she thought about it more than once since Ricky was taken from her? “I don’t know,” she whispered. “Maybe. I’d be coming back if I did.”
*
When she said that Steven couldn’t breathe. “You’d just walk away? From us? From Connie? The kids?”
Rachel shook her head and then finally looked right at him. “It’s not like that, not the way you’re saying it.”
Steven pushed the chair back from the table, but didn’t get up yet. If he stood up now he’d shake her. The crushing feeling he was experiencing was panic and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. “Then what is it like? You’re cleaning out your house, keeping to yourself. You’ve turned your back on your friends, on children that need you right now. As much as you don’t want to admit it, you need them too.” He shrugged. “And you’re just going to walk away.”
“It’s not like that!” Her voice was shaking.
Steven opened up his arms in frustration. “Then tell us what it’s like, Rachel, because we want to understand.” His heart pounded in his chest, he didn’t know how much longer he could watch her hurting.
“I can’t do it anymore,” she whispered. She wrapped shaking arms around her waist. “I can’t keep watching them die or move on to new homes. The few that stay behind, they’re so withdrawn they fade into adulthood and barely exist or they stay behind and get into trouble because that’s all they’ve known.” She paced back and forth a few times and then looked at him. The pain on her face stunned him. “I can’t do it, but without it I don’t know who I am.” Her lips began to quiver.
It was the hardest thing he’d ever done to sit there and let her finish. His hands shook with need of wanting to hold her.
Rachel took a shaky breath. “I won’t do magic anymore either. What good is it?” She looked at him with a single tear rolling down her face. “What good is it when I can’t even use it for something that really matters?” She looked around to the other women. He glanced at them to see they were barely holding back the tears. “I can’t stay and watch all of you look as you are now every time you look at me.” She looked back at him, the tears slid down her face. “I can’t stay,” she whispered and ran out of the room.
Steven stood up finally. He could feel the adrenalin pumping through his system. Without looking at the others he stated as calmly as he could manage. “Stay here.” He walked out of the room.
He watched her grab her purse from where she had dropped it beside the door. She stumbled over to the door and was opening it as he raised a hand towards it. The door slammed shut at his silent command. “I will do magic,” he said quietly coming up behind her.
Rachel spun around and leaned on the door shaking her head. “Let me go, Steven.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
Stopping a few feet from her, he shook his head. “No. I’ve been letting you go for too long and I’m not doing it again.” He put his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her. He couldn’t let her go, not now. Not ever. “I’ll use magic. I’ll use words. I’ll use anything, everything I can to make you understand and to keep you here until you do.” He fisted his hands in his pockets, trying to keep them there.
Rachel put her hands over her face and shook her head. “No. I have to go. I have to think.”
“Think about what?” he asked her in a whisper. “More reasons why you shouldn’t love? More reasons why you shouldn’t care? More reasons why you think you don’t need anyone?” He fought to keep his voice soft, not knowing if he let his emotions out would his power burst free with them. She looked at him with tears running down her face and he felt more of his control slip.
“You don’t understand.”
“The hell I don’t!” He snapped. “Do you think Ricky is the first child I’ve lost? He’s not. And it hurts to say I know he won’t be the last.” He took a breath, trying to stay calm. “Don’t you think I want to just give up at times? To just say ‘well I tried’ and walk away.”
He watched the tears roll down her face and his shoulders began to shake. “Do you know what I’d give if I could use magic to help those children that need it the most? I’ve cursed my so called gifts more times than I can remember, usually when I’m trying everything,
everything
in my power, in my knowledge to not have to watch another child die in my hands.” His voice cracked as the emotions began to spill out. “Don’t tell me I don’t understand!”
He could feel magic soothing over him. Most likely from Kasey, but he didn’t turn to look. Shaking off the mystical touch, he took a deep breath and lowered his voice again. “But for you to walk away that’s even more wrong then if I did. Every child that’s ever been near you loves you, wants to be with you.” He tried to control his voice and keep it gentle for her. “Every child that’s been beaten and abused, that’s had a life that no child should ever know, you’ve helped just by being