Authors: Marion Zimmer Bradley
Gravelight (21 page)
“The pins on the mapâthey're grouped around the sanatorium, aren't theyâaround Quentin Blackburn? Something
you knew and didn't think worth sharing with a deluded hysterical woman.”
you knew and didn't think worth sharing with a deluded hysterical woman.”
Truth felt a murderous cold rage boiling up in her, blotting out all trace of her earlier fear. In another moment, she knew she'd strike Dylanâor worse.
“Truth, honey, come back to bed. It's been a long day. I'm sorry I got us lost. Everybody's worn out and edgy. You'll feel better tomorrow, when we can both discuss this rationally.”
Dylan's voice and face were pleading with her to let the argument drop. Truth had no intention of obliging him.
“We can discuss it rationally now. Are the disappearances grouped around the sanatorium or aren't they?”
“They aren't. The sanatorium wasn't built until the end of 1914. Some of those reports go back to the first settlers who came hereâover 250 years. This is nothing to do with Quentin Blackburn.”
Truth put her hand over her face, unwilling to let him see her expression.
The sanatorium was built in 1914âbut the Gate's always been here, Dylan!
The sanatorium was built in 1914âbut the Gate's always been here, Dylan!
But even as she formulated the thought, doubts struck her. What was she basing her belief in the existence of a Wildwood Gate on? A vision that was subjective at best, open to misinterpretation certainly, and that might be partially mingled with a dream?
But no matter the reality of her belief, Dylan had withheld information from her, and that Truth could not forgive.
“If you're as wrong about this little theory of yours as you are about most things, Dylan, you're sure to find out very soon,” Truth said grimly.
“Come back to bed, Truth,” Dylan said gently.
The last of her anger-fueled strength drained out of Truth, and she felt tired, small, and cold.
And although Truth allowed Dylan to lead her back to the Winnebago, she spent the rest of the hours till dawn curled up in the driver's seat of the camper, staring sightlessly out through the windshield, into the night.
By the time he navigated the distance between the Jeep Cherokee's passenger seat and the front door of the renovated schoolhouse, Wycherly was gritting his teeth with every step. His ankle flared whenever he inadvertently flexed it, and Sinah had nearly had to carry him into the house. Fresh beads of sweat had broken out on his skin and his shirt was soaked by the time Wycherly lowered himself heavily into a chair in Sinah's gracious, designer-perfect living room. As usual, he'd overestimated his capabilities, and he was paying for it now. At times like this he generally craved a drink more than ever, but curiously, his craving had been blotted out, probably by the pain.
It was tacitly accepted that he would sleep here tonight, and Wycherly was too tired to object much, even though the beer was back at his cabin. At least his pain pills were here.
“Let me get you some ice for that ankle,” Sinah said. “It's a little late to do much good, but better late than never.” She moved away.
The only ice I want has a double bourbon wrapped around it
, Wycherly snarled mentally. He stared after Sinah malignantly. Sex was supposed to forge bonds of intimacy and trustâwell, intimacy, anywayâbut frankly, he'd liked Sinah better before he'd had her.
, Wycherly snarled mentally. He stared after Sinah malignantly. Sex was supposed to forge bonds of intimacy and trustâwell, intimacy, anywayâbut frankly, he'd liked Sinah better before he'd had her.
He glanced around the room again. Normally he would take no noticeâthis was the way people lived, after allâbut this interior was so out of place in the village of Morton's Fork that it constantly drew his attention. Cathedral ceilings, stained glassâa country home right out of
Architectural Digest.
Architectural Digest.
As a veteran of his mother's frequent forays into home decoration, Wycherly knew this look was not lightlyâor cheaplyâachieved. But why do it at all? Wycherly shifted position and was rewarded with a new flare of discomfort.
She'd hoped for this moment, prayed for it, and sternly lectured herself against believing it would ever happen. Now it wasâand she wished it weren't.
Her gift was leaving her.
When had it begun to fail? When she was around someone for any length of time, she learned to block out his or her thoughts and emotions, rather like turning down a too-loud television, but it was always
there
in the background, ready to be summoned to the forefront of her mind in an instant.
there
in the background, ready to be summoned to the forefront of her mind in an instant.
And now she couldn't. Not with Wycherly, anyway.
Oh, she could still feel the tidal press of his emotions, but anyone could read someone else's emotions from face or body or voice. The inner monologue of his thoughtsâthe endless first-person story that all people told themselves through most of their waking hoursâhad faded from her mind as if she'd never been able to hear it.
How could she judge him without that? People's actions, their emotions, and their words rarely bore any relation to each other, and she already knew how conflicted Wycherly was. No matter what he was feeling at the timeâand usually it seemed to be irritationâthere was always something else beneath the surface of his emotions, something he was hiding not only from her, but from himself.
And now she'd never be able to find out what it was.
She concentrated on her surroundings, trying to blot out the inner life with the outer. Even without her gift, she knew Wycherly must be in pain. Maybe an ice-water soak and a couple more pain pills would take the edge off it.
She remembered that he'd prefer iced tea to soda, but she wouldn't give him liquorâat least not if he didn't ask for it, and she knew his queer, twisted arrogance wouldn't let him ask. Let him steal it, then, if he had to have itâSinah knew he knew where it was.
She opened the refrigerator and got out the tea pitcher, selecting a tall glass and filling it with chunks of lemon and lime, then pouring it full of iced tea. No sugar. Wycherly only took sugar in his coffee.
It created a false sense of intimacy to know so much about another person; a bizarre one-way relationship, like the ones fans created with soap opera stars. She didn't really
know him, because he didn't know herâshe was possessed of all the minutia of his life, but she was still a stranger to him, and he would treat her as such.
know him, because he didn't know herâshe was possessed of all the minutia of his life, but she was still a stranger to him, and he would treat her as such.
She could change that. Even with her gift's peculiar fading, she could make him like her. She could make him
love
her. She could be his perfect dream girl.
love
her. She could be his perfect dream girl.
But it would all be an act, tailored to his expectations, and when it was done he still wouldn't know her at all. Even Jason Kennedy had never gotten quite as close as he thought he had, though their shared experience made her count him a friend.
Her relationshipâlove, hate, or something in betweenâwith Wycherly didn't have to be like that. But did she have the courage to play it straight, not to trade on what her gift had gained her, to let him get to know her for what she really wasâwithout misdirection and half-truths-and respond to that? Sinah looked down at the sweating glass in her hands. She didn't know. How much did she need Wycherly? That was the bottom line.
Sinah took the glass back out into the living room, to where Wycherly was waiting.
Lunch was something clever and civilized, served with more iced tea. Wycherly picked his way through it, feeling sleepy from the codeine he'd taken and all the morning's exercise. The air-conditioned air was cool and dry, and the painkillers were starting to blunt the ferocious ache in his ankle. They spoke of safe impersonal thingsânot the sanatorium or what had happened thereâuntil the meal was over.
“I'd like to talk to you about what happened today,” Sinah said. “Shall we go into the living room?”
He shouldn't be asked to face anything like this without a drink in his hand, Wycherly thought, but curiously, he was not even tempted to ask her for one. The part of his mind where the black beast lived was occupied by the dark vision of a man in flames.
Who had offered him power.
Sinah fluttered around the room, unable to settle. Wycherly recognized the restless avoidance of the nondrinking alcoholic, but he knew he'd have known by now if she was “recovering,” as they called it. The few “recovering” alcoholics he'd known missed no opportunity to flaunt their amethyst jewelry, tell people that alcoholism was an illness, and explain for exactly how long they'd been “recovering.”
It was peculiar, Wycherly thought idly, that alcoholism, like cancer, was something they never pronounced one recovered from. For the rest of their lives they were always recovering, never quite reaching recovery.
What did she want? Why wouldn't she come to the point after setting him on edge the way she had?
“You wanted to talk?” Wycherly finally said.
Sinah settled into the chair placed at right angles to the couch, leaning toward him. The baggy T-shirt masked her body, but the lovely fine-boned hollows of her gleaming throat were close enough to touch. A faint edible fragrance rose from the surface of her skin, bringing back muted flashes of what they'd done on the altar.
“It seems like such a stupid question,” she admitted sheepishly, “but I have to ⦠todayâup at the ruinsâdid you ⦠Have you ever heard of something called The Antique Church? Church of the Antique Rite? Something like that? Or Quentin Blackburn?”
It was not what he'd expected to hear. The words resonated in Wycherly's mind with an awful importance, like the pronouncement of doom. The name “Blackburn” was oddly familiar to him, and the Church of the Antique Rite had the ring of one of those semi-illicit New Age scams that the rich constantly seemed to fall for. Theâvision?âhad been like a brief, bright pulse of lightning, but the more he thought about it the more it seemed to unfold, as if a vast amount of information had been unloaded into his mind in a lightning stroke.
A psychic flash? In Wycherly's experience such nebulous unreliable things belonged to the realm of television
fantasies, but there must be something objectively ⦠strange ⦠about Wildwood Sanatorium. Satanic chapels with black altars weren't a normal part of any hospital he'd ever been in!
fantasies, but there must be something objectively ⦠strange ⦠about Wildwood Sanatorium. Satanic chapels with black altars weren't a normal part of any hospital he'd ever been in!
“Quentin Blackburn?” Wycherly asked carefully. “Why?”
“Oh, no reason ⦠.” She stopped, turning away. Either she was the worst liar of any actor he'd ever met, or she hated the thought of trying to lie to him. Wycherly found either alternative hard to credit.
“I just ⦠did you ⦠was there anything out of the ordinary up there today?” Sinah asked haltingly.
Sinah's question brought him a vivid flashback of that afternoonânot when he'd taken her on the altar stone. Just before that, when he'd â¦
“No. Nothing. Why do you ask?” Wycherly lied easily.
“I ⦔ Her face was turned toward him, serious and sad. As if she'd expected his answer, but was still disappointed by it. A desire to change that expression made him say:
“But I've heard of The Church of the Antique Riteâor something like it, anyway.”
“You have?” Her relief was a palpable thing, like sunrise.
“It's one of those neo-Satanist things: you know, sex, drugs, and orgies all dolled up as the search for higher truth. You're the one from California. Aren't New Age religions and nut-cults a dime a dozen out there?” he asked.
“Yes ⦠.” Sinah said slowly, still trying to feel for the truth beneath Wycherly's emotions. She'd joined such groups more than once, but she'd always been disappointed, discovering that none of them believed the occult truths that they proclaimed so plausibly to their members.
“Herewardâan actor I dated for a while in New Yorkâwas really into that sort of thing, but I just wasn't interested,” she said, groping for the words to explain.
Or to be more accurate, the images she'd seen in Hereward Farrar's mind had frightened her to death, even if she could no longer remember quite what they'd been.
He'd had a deep interest in magic, as a lot of theater folk seemed to, ritual and theater being so closely intertwined. But nothing in the books Hereward had given herâor those she'd bought laterâhad been able to explain or control her power, and the rituals that some of them advocated seemed sort of like Zen cooking to herâan elaborate and finicky process producing no visible results.
He'd had a deep interest in magic, as a lot of theater folk seemed to, ritual and theater being so closely intertwined. But nothing in the books Hereward had given herâor those she'd bought laterâhad been able to explain or control her power, and the rituals that some of them advocated seemed sort of like Zen cooking to herâan elaborate and finicky process producing no visible results.
“He loaned me a bunch of books, but I never got around to reading them,” she said, cautiously shaving the truth. “I think I brought them with me when I shipped my things here from the Coast. Maybe they're still here somewhere.”
“You'll probably find your church listed in the
Whole Magick Encyclopedia
or something like that,” Wycherly said, sounding bored. “Fortunes bilked while you wait, that sort of thing.”
Whole Magick Encyclopedia
or something like that,” Wycherly said, sounding bored. “Fortunes bilked while you wait, that sort of thing.”
“Maybe,” Sinah said reluctantly. Her ability to read Wycherly's mind might have dwindled to the point where she could only feel his emotions and not hear his thoughts, but she'd still felt the flash of recognition he'd had when she mentioned The Church of the Antique Rite.
He knew what it was. And he was lying to her.
Sinah lay awake in the dark, hearing Wycherly's drugged, even breathing beside her. His mind was stilled now, the dreams moving like bright fish just out of her psychic reach. She reached out to the nightstand, where the ancient leather of the pouch crackled through the modern fabric of the neck purse as she closed her fingers on it.
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