Goody Two Shoes (Invertary Book 2) (33 page)

“Come out, Caroline,” the voices outside called. “We only want a photo.”

“Josh, Caroline, what are you doing in there?” someone else called.

“What is this place?” a guy’s voice said. “It looks like a giant penis.”

“It’s a folly,” Danny shouted through the door. “It’s supposed to look like a penis.”

“Josh? Is that you?” a guy’s eager voice shouted. “Why won’t you come out and do an interview?”

Danny adjusted his tie as though he was about to step outside.

“Don’t you dare,” Caroline warned. “Josh told you no more standing in for him.”

He was so crestfallen she almost felt sorry for him.

“If we can get them out, we can take a picture of them in front of this giant dick. That will sell,” someone said.

“Give me a boost up to that window and I’ll see what I can do,” another voice said.

Caroline was out of time, and there was only one number, apart from her own, that she knew by heart. She opened the phone and dialled the community centre. It was time to call in the domino boys.

CHAPTER THIRTY

“Where the hell is she?” Josh spat. They’d called the castle, the pub, Kirsty’s shop and the community centre. No one had seen Caroline. “Invertary is not that big. Why can’t we find her?”

“Calm down,” Mitch told him.

It made Josh want to punch him. “Has anyone ever in the history of the world actually felt calmer when someone ordered them to?”

He could have sworn he heard Mitch mutter, “Smartass.”

Josh stopped pacing in the middle of Caroline’s living room floor. “You don’t think she was taken, do you? I’ve seen the movie. It didn’t end well. Liam Neeson went all ninja on the kidnappers. I don’t have those kind of skills.”

Mitch ran a hand down his face. “We’ve been over this. There’s no sign of a struggle.”

“Her bag is still here. Her keys. Why would she leave without her keys?”

“The back door was open. We were here. It’s not like she’d get locked out if she left. She’s probably gone for a walk. It’s a small town. Someone will have seen her.”

“Got her,” Donaldson shouted from the front of the house.

Josh and Mitch ran out. There was a decorating crew setting up scaffolding, but no Caroline.

“Where is she?” Josh demanded.

The cop ran a hand through his hair. It was obvious the job was getting to him. Josh didn’t need to be a shrink to recognise burnout when he saw it. “She’s stuck in Macgregor’s folly with your singing clone.”

Josh blinked hard as the words registered. “He took her?”

The cop shook his head. “He was rescuing her. The press cornered them at the local supermarket and they ran.”

“Great.” Mitch threw up his hands in disgust. “I bet they have some fantastic shots of your fiancée running with your doppelganger. People will think it’s you.”

Although Josh sympathised that his best friend had one more press relations nightmare to deal with, now wasn’t the time. “Focus on that later. Right now we need to go get Caroline.”

Mitch spun to face him. “Are you nuts? You can’t go. That will make things worse. It’ll be a paparazzi feeding frenzy if you turn up.”

Josh went toe to toe with his best friend. “Don’t even try to stop me.”

Caroline may think she could deal with everything, but being trapped by a screaming horde of photographers was scary as hell, even for the most seasoned celebrity. There was no way Josh wasn’t going to rescue his woman.

“Fine.” Mitch poked Josh in the chest. “I warned you. It’s your career. Your suicide.”

“Exactly.” Josh took another step towards Mitch.

There was a high-pitched whistle. Mitch and Josh turned towards the cop. “Boys,” Donaldson said. “Focus.”

Josh ripped his angry gaze from his best friend.

“We’ll follow you,” Mitch told the cop.

Donaldson sped away in his police car as Mitch and Josh climbed into Mitch’s SUV. The drive was short. As they pulled through the gates to the cemetery, Josh could see the rounded top of the phallic brick building above the trees.

“They should have knocked that monstrosity down, not restored it.” Mitch spoke Josh’s mind.

The noisy crowd of photographers and cameramen came into view. Amongst the paparazzi were a few reputable TV stations. They were riled up, acting with a pack mentality. They were out for blood. Preferably Caroline’s, but Josh’s would do just the same.

Mitch was grim-faced. “How we going to handle this?”

Josh studied the crowd. “I’m hoping they’ll see me and it’ll take their attention away from the folly long enough to get Caroline out.”

“I don’t like it.”

“I didn’t ask you.”

“You never do, but I’m always the one cleaning up after you.”

Josh ignored Mitch’s grumbling and climbed out of the car. He walked over to Donaldson’s cop car. The cop fell into step beside him. The two of them moved towards the crowd. Josh knew it was a matter of seconds before he was spotted. Except no one even turned in their direction. The crowd’s attention was firmly fixed on the building in front of them.

“Step away from the folly!” A loud voice, clearly shouting through a bullhorn, was aimed at the crowd.

Josh turned to the cop with a questioning look.

Donaldson shook his head. “It’s not one of my staff. Maybe it’s one of Lake’s guys?”

“What guys?” Lake jogged up beside them. “I heard and came right over.”

Josh pointed towards the building. “Is that one of your guys on the horn?”

Lake shook his head, his lips pursed into a tight line. “The only guys I have here are the ones I brought with me. Maybe it’s her bodyguard?”

“Can’t be.” Mitch stared at his feet as he spoke. “I sent him for a break when I arrived.”

The rest of the men glared at him, and he had the good sense to look apologetic.

“I said, step away from the folly,” the voice shouted again. “Right now, you bampots!”

Lake shook his head, seeming almost resigned.

“Oh no,” the cop groaned at the same time.

“What?” Josh demanded.

Lake cocked his head towards the crowd. “I know that voice. It isn’t a guy. It’s Betty.”

Josh pointed at the folly. “You said Danny was in there with Caroline, not Betty. What’s going on?”

Lake pointed at the parting crowd. “I think it’s a rescue attempt. Look.”

Mitch grunted with disgust. “No amount of PR will fix this.”

“Back off, you bunch of bloodsucking vampires,” Betty’s voice boomed out over the noise of the crowd.

Cameras flashed. People called out, hoping it would make Betty turn towards them as she parted the sea of reporters in front of her.

“Touch anyone and I’ll break you in two,” she threatened.

Behind her were two figures hidden under white bed sheets. They were flanked by the domino boys, who were armed with golf clubs. Josh could make out Caroline’s sensible cream-coloured pumps under the sheet the first person wore.

“Oh hell no, do you hear that?” Mitch said.

And sure enough, under the noise of the crowd they could hear singing. Danny was belting out “My Way” from under his sheet. Beside Josh, Lake struggled to hide his grin.

“This isn’t funny,” Josh told him.

Josh watched as the group of armed geriatrics, and two ghost people, made their way slowly through the graveyard.

“Take a good look.” Mitch pointed to the sheet-cloaked figures. “It’s the ghost of Christmas future. And it’s heralding the death of your career.”

“Do you think they plan to walk like that all the way home?” Donaldson took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end. “I don’t see any cars waiting.”

“Maybe they plan to use their old folks’ discount and take the bus?” Lake started laughing again.

“Keep your filthy hands to yourself,” Betty shouted.

“Okay, enough of this.” Donaldson sounded resigned to his fate. “Time to intervene.” He spoke to Lake: “You round up the rescue squad and I’ll get
Casper
and her little friend.”

Josh moved to follow the cop. Donaldson stopped him in his tracks. “Back in the car, Josh. This is enough of a mess without you making it worse.”

He gritted his teeth, but did as he was told.

“So now you listen,” Mitch moaned before going to help Lake with the old folk.

Josh climbed into the SUV and watched through the heavily tinted windows as Donaldson grabbed hold of Caroline and Danny. He marched their sheet-covered bodies towards the waiting cars. Lake and two of his men herded the crowd of reporters to stop them following. Betty helped by shouting at everyone through her bullhorn. Mitch worked his way up the line of domino boys, disarming them. Once Caroline was in the police car, Mitch jogged over to the SUV and climbed into the driver’s seat.

“Half of those guys think it was you under the sheet. How are we supposed to fix this?”

“We don’t. We tell them it was a stunt put on by the crazy locals to draw attention from the castle and from us.”

Mitch pursed his lips. “How much more of this are we going to have to fend off?”

“The wedding is Saturday. Then this will all be over.” Josh resisted the urge to cross his fingers.

“Yeah, right,” Mitch scoffed.

They sat in silence as they followed the cop car to the castle.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Josh was mad. He just wasn’t sure whom he was mad at. Caroline for calling the domino boys to rescue her instead of calling him? Danny for turning his fiancée into a spectacle? The press for hounding them? Mitch for sending away the bodyguard? There were too many options to choose from. Unfortunately, the only one available to shout at was Caroline.

“I’ve had it.” Josh pointed at Caroline. “No more going out on your own. No going to work this week. No going anywhere without your damn cell phone. Even if I have to glue it to your hand.”

Caroline sat tall and proud on one of his kitchen chairs. His mother pottered about in the background, pretending she was invisible while making emergency tea.

Caroline’s shoulders snapped back. “I’m sorry, but for a minute there I thought you were telling me what to do. I think I was mistaken, because you can’t possibly think that it’s okay to lay down the law with me.”

Josh stopped pacing in front of her. He folded his arms and glared down at her. He had the height advantage, but somehow Caroline seemed to have more power. He considered sitting at the table beside her, but he was too keyed up to stay still.

“You’ll do what I say. Your life is in danger. There’s a nutter out there sending you bleeding hearts and voodoo dolls. The town is overrun with paparazzi, who don’t care what damage they cause as long as they get their payday. You’re too available for people. You walk everywhere and you work in a public building. I’m not having it. How are we supposed to keep you safe until the wedding? You’re staying here, in this castle, where I can protect you.”

“No.” Caroline folded her hands in her lap. Her chin rose. “I don’t need you to look after me. What is this, the fifteenth century? I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself.”

“Yeah, right. That’s why you ended up stuck in that penis building with a guy I have a restraining order out against.”

Caroline shot to her feet. “That building is
not
a penis. It’s a folly.”

“Yeah, way to focus on the most important part here.”

“You are not my keeper, Josh McInnes. I can leave my house to walk around town any time I like. All I did was go to buy coffee. For you, I might add. I don’t even drink the stuff. I’m sure I could have handled the press. They just caught me by surprise.”

“So you ended up running through the streets hand in hand with my stalker.”

“He’s a nice man.” Caroline’s voice began to rise. “A bit deluded, but nice.”

“Great. A nice stalker. That makes it okay, then. There are photos of you both all over the internet.” Josh took a step towards her. He could feel the heat coming off her as her anger visibly grew. “There’s one of him with his hands all over your ass, while you climb a fence. Tasteful.”

“He was helping me!”

“He was groping you!”

Caroline’s hands fell to her sides and clenched into fists. “I don’t care about the stupid photos.”

“Well, I do. This is my career we’re talking about here. Half the world thinks it was me in the suit shoving my fiancée over a fence into a graveyard, the other half thinks you’re having it on with my stalker. And don’t even get me started on the old folks’ rescue. What the hell was that?” Josh threw up his hands in disgust. “You called the domino boys instead of me. Instead of Lake. Hell, instead of the cops. You called three geriatric old men, who came armed with golf clubs and an eighty-six-year-old psycho carrying a bullhorn. You’re turning our wedding into a pantomime.”

“Since when do you care about the press?”

“Since it started to affect my reputation.”