Good Morning from Paradise (10 page)

Brit
woke me too early for a Sunday. She was feeling guilty about leaving me alone
last night I could tell. She wanted to spend the day together at her boutique.

“I’m
going to find you something divine to wear on Saturday, Dan won’t be able to
take his eyes off you.” She clapped her hands then carried on making breakfast.

“Brit,
I bought a dress yesterday, can I go back to bed now?” I pleaded but she shook
her head.

“Ella,
you bought that dress to shut me and Amber up, I could tell by your face that
you didn’t like it.” she said placing a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me.
My stomach swirled. I really wasn’t hungry but I knew by the look on her face
that I wasn’t going to get away with not eating anything. I settled for eating
a little bit and drinking the whole coffee. That was good enough for her. I
threw on some jeans and a top and we headed for her store. We locked the public
out and spent the morning trying on different things and doing fashion shows
for each other. It was actually quite a laugh and I enjoyed myself. I found a
dress I liked, I always find something at Brits, her designs are just my style.
The dress I chose was navy blue silk. It was fitted from the waist to just
above the knee with a split up almost to my bum so I could walk with ease. The
top was more risqué than I would usually wear but what have I got to lose,
right? It was plunged down to the waits front and back so there was no way I
could wear a bra, the ruffled material enough to cover my breasts at the front
and the perfect v shape to show off my tattoo at the back. Even
I
thought I looked alright in this one. My recent weight loss helped. The silk
showed every bump I had but luckily I didn’t have many. A silver lining to
separation. I made a promise to myself that once Saturday was over and the
dress was no longer needed I was going to eat lots of cake! I didn’t want to be
fat but my almost skeletal reflection had shocked me. I walked out of the
dressing room and twirled for Brit. She gasped

“I
need photos of you in that for my website,” she said and she ran to the back
room to get her camera. When she was done she said

“You
look fantastic Ella, no man stands a chance!” and we both laughed. Brit wrapped
up the dress and refused to let me pay for it. I agreed but only if she let me
pay for the silver strappy sandals I had worn to model the dress in. They were
sparkly and I loved sparkle, they looked amazing with the dress. She boxed them
up for me and I started to feel a small twinkle of excitement for the party. If
I can’t have him, I can drive him crazy with lust for the night in that dress
that’s for sure. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

We
went grocery shopping and then walked Bud together and I really felt better
after spending the day with Brit. I’m so glad I found her.

Thursday
4th July

Hi,

I know, I know I’ve missed days again but the
week so far has been the same old same. Work followed by runs with Bud followed
by TV alone, boring really. I haven’t seen Dan, haven’t heard from Amber or
Kyle. So far the week has been pretty uneventful which is just what I needed to
get some energy back before the party on Saturday so that I can deal with it
like an adult. Ha, who am I kidding?

Ella xx

Today
was pretty much the same as the rest of the week had been. Work, home and I was
just about to get my running gear on when Brit called.

“‘El,
I need your help, Jonathan is coming for dinner and I thought I’d be home
earlier to cook.” She sounded out of breath.

“Brit,
calm down, I’ll go shopping and cook, don’t worry.” I reassured her. “What time
is he coming?” I asked looking at my fob watch hanging from my top pocket.

“8
ish,” she replied between pants. Where the hell was she running to?

“Brit
I really hope you’re running somewhere and not doing something else to leave
you breathless.” I shrivelled my face up at the thought.

“Ella!
I’m running to catch Penny’s before she closes, I need some gift wrap for
Ambers present and hers is the sweetest. I’m almost there, catch you later.”
And she hung up.

“Well
Bud, sorry baby but I need to cancel our plans, Jonathan is coming for dinner,
how do you fancy Spag Bol?” I rubbed the top of his head and he wagged his
tail. He always understood. I managed to shop without any encounters or
breakdowns today which was always a bonus. I got everything I needed, got home,
showered and started cooking before Brit got back. She breezed in and hugged
me.

“Smells
delicious El, what would I do without you?” she asked. I handed her a glass of
wine and she gulped it down before she went to get changed. The doorbell rang
and Jonathan came in. It always bugged me that he rang the bell and then just
walked in anyway. Why ring if you’re not prepared to stand and wait until
someone answers? Anyway Brit came out on time to greet him, then it was my
turn. I hadn’t seen him since Bali but I wasn’t as hesitant as I had been on
previous occasions, maybe we could get along without me having to act like I
liked him. We were stood around the kitchen island when my phone rang. It was
Tom. He hadn’t tried to talk to me for months, why ring now? I stared in
confusion at the screen until I heard Brit say

“El,
press the button and say hi” as if I didn’t know how to use a phone. I answered
reluctantly.

“Hello.”
Silence, maybe I had let it ring too long. I was just about to hang up when I
heard crying in the background.

“Tom?
Are you there? Is everything ok?” I was starting to worry.

“Eleanor?”
he sobbed “Eleanor, I’m here, sorry.”  

“Tom
what is it? what’s happened?” My heart was racing now. Brit and Jonathan had
stopped talking and were staring at me, anxiety flooded my system. It must have
been something pretty bad for him to ring me.

“Eleanor
it’s Lee. He got hit by a car on his way to work this morning. He’s in
intensive care, It’s bad Eleanor. He asked for you before but then he crashed
and now he’s not responding to anything.” I went cold, I sunk to the floor in
tears.

“I’m
coming home Tom, please tell him to hold on. Tell him in on my way.” I hung up
and looked up at Brit.

“It’s
Lee.” I didn’t have to say anything else. She ran to my room and started
packing my stuff, Jonathan got on his phone and told his staff to get his jet
ready, I searched through the drawer for my passport. Once I had everything
ready Jonathan drove us to wherever his jet was and before I knew it I was on
my way home. I hope he could hold on for me.

It
was a ten-hour flight give or take a few minutes but it was faster than commercial
thanks to Jonathan. I arrived in London at 6 am my time but I was behind by
eight hours. I changed my watch to 2pm on the way to the hospital. I was
shattered but determined to get straight to him. Jonathan had organised a
driver to take me to the hospital so it didn’t take long. I owed him a huge
favour. When I got to the Hospital Tom was outside smoking a cigarette. He
looked like shit. I called his name as I ran to him and hugged him tight. All
of the past was instantly forgotten, we were here for Lee and nothing else
mattered. Tom threw away his cigarette and we went inside, he warned me what to
expect, of course I had worked in hospitals before, I think that made me dread
seeing him even more. We went to the waiting room where my mother sat crying.
She jumped up and squeezed me to her when she saw me, I was shocked at the
contact.

“Oh
Eleanor, I’m so glad you’re home.” She sobbed. I had never seen my mother like
this, it felt surreal.

The
ICU doctor came in at that moment. We sat and waited for him to speak. The
doctor looked at us all in turn, I introduced myself and he shook my hand.

“How
is he?” Tom asked.

“We
have him in an induced coma, he is comfortable.” The doctor said.

“What
happened? Why is he in an induced coma? Convulsions?” I enquired.

“She’s
a nurse.” mum added. The doctor looked at me.

“Your
brother was having convulsions, yes. We put him into an induced coma to stop
the convulsions some time ago. We tried to rouse him to enable us to remove him
from the machines long enough to perform a CT scan but at the moment he isn’t
strong enough.” He paused as if waiting for questions.

“He
started fitting again when you brought him round didn’t he?” I asked.

“Yes.”
The doctor answered simply.

“Brain
damage?” I asked choked.

“At
best. Your brother took the full blow of the collision to the head, he has been
in a critical condition since, unfortunately brain injuries if left untreated
can deteriorate quickly and disrupt the brains normal function. This leaves us
in a tough situation because we can’t tell the full extent of the injuries
without the CT scan but at the moment he is relying on the machines to keep him
alive.” The doctor stood.

“It’s
a catch twenty -two, unfortunately. He is comfortable though and you can go in
and see him whenever you like.” I shook his hand and thanked him. Before I
could go in to see him my mother grabbed my hand.

“What
does it all mean Eleanor, truthfully?” she asked. I sighed.

“It
means he’s got one hell of a fight on his hands mum, we need to pray hard for
this one.” I hugged her and made my way to Lee’s bedside. It didn’t look like
him at all. His head was so swollen it was almost twice the size, his body was
bruised and he was hooked up to pretty much every machine ICU owned.

“Hi
big brother.” I said through the tears. I kissed his hand.

“What?
You can’t even wake up when I’ve travelled all this way to see you, just plain
rude.” I chuckled. “You know the longer you lie there the longer you have to
listen to me talking at you right?” I stroked his arm where my tears had
dripped onto him.

“I’m
so sorry Lee! I’m sorry I didn’t stick it out. I’m sorry for the things I said,
for leaving you. You’ve got to fight this Lee. You’ve got to fight hard.” I
broke down. Toms arms wrapped around me and pulled me close. “We got her back
for a little while Lee, look its Smellanor.” I elbowed him in the ribs for
using my childhood nick name but I understood what he was doing, trying to
lighten the mood, cheer me up and provoke some kind of reaction from Lee. It
didn’t work for the latter but it was worth a try. We talked to him for a while
and then I went back to the waiting room to let mum come in. I sent a message
to Brit, not really knowing if it would get there.

I’m here. Safe. Lee’s condition hasn’t
changed. It’s not good Brit. I’ll call you soon.

El xx

We
spent a little more time with Lee but I was dropping to sleep sitting by his
side. The nurse attending Lee told my mum to take me home to rest, she would
call us if we need to come back. We travelled home in silence, I took my stuff
to my old room, showered and crawled onto the bed.

I
lay looking around my old room, it was strange to be here again. My mum hadn’t
changed the layout but she had wallpapered and she had chosen a pattern that
was way too big for the tiny room. Obviously spent too much time watching day
time decorating shows. I looked at my watch, 6pm. That would make it perfect
time to call Brit. I took out my phone, it was dead. Crap, calling Brit would
have to wait. I think I’ll catch up on some sleep while my phone charges.

Saturday 6th July

Well today was supposed to be a very
different day. I was meant to be going to the nail bar with Brit then on to the
hairdressers and then home to make ourselves beautiful for the evenings’
festivities. My elegant silk dress is hanging on the wardrobe door waiting to
be worn, my fabulous glittery sandals on the floor underneath it and I’m a
million miles away waiting for news. I just hope its news worth waiting for.

Ella xxx

After
my nap I called Brit and told her what was happening, told her to thank
Jonathan for me, he didn’t have to help me the way he did. Brit said everyone
was asking after me, sending their good wishes and all that crap you say to
make someone feel better in times like these. Mum, her partner Nigel, Tom and I
had fish and chips for lunch/dinner/supper whichever meal of the day it was,
while we were eating the hospital called, Lee’s condition had deteriorated and
they advised us to visit in case it was the end. Of course we rushed to his
side, well, the waiting room. The doctor was coming to explain something to us.
It can’t be anything good. We waited patiently for him to arrive and I could
tell by the look on his face that it was bad news, Tom looked at me, he knew
too. The Doctor spoke we stared blankly we took the news we didn’t want to
hear. Lees vitals had changed. His body was shutting down. He was leaving us;
the fight was too hard. I held Tom as he wept, Nigel did the same for Mum. The
doctors asked our permission to turn off the machines. We pulled ourselves
together and joined Lee at his bedside. The nurse turned off the machines. Lee
left us within minutes, we all said goodbye and held his hands and told him not
to be afraid. He looked peaceful afterwards, like he had been released. The
nurse took us back to the family room and brought us coffee. We all sat, numb
waiting to see what happens next. The nurse came back to tell us the tubes and
machines had been removed and we could go in and see him whenever we liked. Mum
went first, Nigel held on to her, her devastation was visible and I thanked God
that she had Nigel. Tom looked at me. He held my hand.

“I
can’t believe he’s gone Ella.” He started to cry again. “It’s so unfair!” We
sobbed together until mum returned. She had stopped crying now, she just looked
vacant. I went in next. He looked more like Lee now without the tubes screwing
his mouth up. I kissed his forehead and whispered

“I
love you big brother, always have, always will. I wanted to thank you really.
If you hadn’t fallen in love with Tom, I would have lived my whole life in my
little comfortable bubble. You forced me out of it. You and Tom burst that
bubble and at the time I hated you both for it. Truth is Lee, if you hadn’t I
would never have moved to America. I wouldn’t have met Brit. You’d love her Lee
she’s so funny. If I hadn’t met Brit, I wouldn’t have met Dan. I wish you could
have met him too. You would have loved him Lee. He’s smart, strong, sensible
and beautiful and he really looked after me while we were together. I found
love after I had lost all hope. I found love because you set me free. So, thank
you Lee. I miss you so much.” I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead then
left him so that Tom could come and say goodbye. I needed air, I went out into
the night and sank to the floor in utter devastation. My brother was gone. I
didn’t get to say what I needed to say while he was here and I will always
regret that. I can’t change it that’s for sure. I know he’ll be watching over
us and I know how to make it right. I need to give Tom all of the help and
support he needs, all of the love I would have given Lee, always.

I
didn’t know what time it was here or there but I called Brit. I let her know he
was gone. My brother was dead. I would be staying in England for the
foreseeable future to help with the funeral, to take care of mum and Tom. This
put life into perspective like nothing else could. After a while I dried my
face, went back inside and joined the others. The police had joined us because
of the circumstances of the death. We went through the motions and went home.
It was quiet, I could hear mum sobbing downstairs. This was hell. It was awful
and it hurt. I hated it. I didn’t know what to do, I had no one to turn to. I
was alone.

I
must have drifted to sleep because I was woken by the sound of my phone
ringing. It was Brit. It was so good to hear her voice. I asked her to tell me
about the party to take my mind off things and she did a good job, bless her.
It sounds like they had a blast. The plan didn’t work though, Dan and Rachael
hadn’t turned up, nobody knew where they were and for the first time in ages I
didn’t care. I thanked Brit for calling and hung up on a promise to call soon.
I don’t know what happens next but I’m not looking forward to it.