Gone for Good (31 page)

They
released Ronnie from St Vincent's two days later. I spent those two days trying to get my life back to normal again. I lived at Dan's house for the most part. We drove to my apartment once, so I could get clothes and toiletries and my laptop. But otherwise I camped out with him. And we talked, mostly about the future. My future, not his and mine. I knew Ronnie was leaving the hospital. I knew he still had some recovering to do, both physical and emotional. He needed as much stability as possible. Frank Allison checked in with me. He told me Ronnie was free and clear, that everything on the legal side was in order. My brother was coming home to live with me.

And I talked to Paul about Ronnie … and about everything else. He and I had a long talk the night before Ronnie was discharged. I told him everything that Beth had told me, the whole awful story of why she'd left Haxton and how she'd slowly worked her way back to contact with Mom and Gordon again. Paul listened sceptically, and when I reached the part of the story when Beth said Mom knew about Gordon's crimes, Paul nearly jumped out of his chair.

‘No, no, no,' he said. ‘That's not true. No way.'

‘I know,' I said. ‘I'm with you.'

But he didn't hear anything else I had to say.

‘No,'
he said. ‘This woman is a liar. None of this is possible. None of it.'

On the day of Ronnie's discharge, I went to St Vincent's with Paul. There were papers to sign – lots of papers – and follow-up appointments to arrange. When all of that was finished, we began the long waiting process. Ronnie, like all the other patients, no matter their condition, had to be taken out of the hospital in a wheelchair. Strangely, the hospital didn't have enough wheelchairs to facilitate the release of all its patients. So we waited. And we waited.

At one point, Paul left to use the restroom. I leaned close to Ronnie and said, ‘You knew we had another sister, didn't you?'

He nodded. His skin looked a little pallid, and he'd lost some weight. But I saw the same life in his eyes he always had.

‘Why didn't you tell me?' I asked. ‘I thought we were buddies.'

‘Mom told me not to,' he said.

‘Figures,' I said.

‘She said she wanted to tell you,' he said. ‘She told me, “Ronnie, no surprises.” So I kept my mouth shut.'

‘Right. Mom didn't like surprises. She sure sprung them on us, didn't she?'

Ronnie wouldn't say anything bad about Mom, even as a joke. He changed the subject. ‘Where is Eliz– I mean, Beth? Where is she?'

‘She's coming over tonight,' I said. ‘Once we're home and you're settled in, she wants to see you. She's been worried about you.'

‘With
her family?' Ronnie asked.

‘Yes. She has a big one. It's not like our family.'

Ronnie seemed to consider this for a moment. ‘Mom said her family is our family now. Do you think that?'

I'd been thinking about it. And I wasn't sure how I felt about it.
No surprises.
A sister. Nieces and nephews. Their children. It was a lot to take on. ‘I guess so,' I said. ‘I guess we'll all have to get used to each other.'

‘A lot of change,' Ronnie said.

‘Yes. But we'll be in the old house. You can be back in your old room. It's just the way you left it.'

Paul came back into the room just then. He told us that he had seen an orderly in the hallway, and Ronnie was the next to go as soon as a wheelchair became available.

Ronnie shrugged, as if to say,
I've heard it all before.
Then his eyes opened wide, as though he just remembered something. ‘How are you going to go to school and stay with me?' he asked.

‘I've worked it all out,' I said. ‘I'm withdrawing from my classes this semester.'

‘You can't quit,' Ronnie said.

‘I'm not quitting,' I said. ‘Don't worry. I'm just taking the rest of this semester off while we all try to get back to normal. I'll figure out the next step around the holidays.'

‘I don't want you to quit school,' Ronnie said.

‘She won't,' Paul said. ‘Don't worry.'

But Ronnie's brow was still furrowed. I knew he tended to worry. He hated to upset people. He obviously felt a lot of guilt about the issues he'd had with Mom. I didn't want anything else added to that.

I
put my hand on his arm. ‘Ronnie, this is the best way. I'm happy about it.'

He looked at both of us. Paul and me. His entire support system.

‘What is it?' Paul asked.

‘Is it safe?' Ronnie asked. ‘You said the man who killed Mom is still out there. He hasn't been arrested.'

I wasn't sure how to respond. It had been two days since the police came to Dan's apartment and explained everything to me, offering their assurances that Gordon Baxter was probably gone. And there had been no sign of him at Dan's apartment or mine. Nor in Reston Point, where Beth lived. No one had seen or heard from him. Neal's wounds were healing, and he too would soon be released from the hospital. Gordon Baxter faced a murder charge as well as two attempted murder charges. Why would he stay? And if he did, what could any of us give him?

‘Ronnie, are you sure you don't remember that man coming into your room and giving you some pills?' I asked.

‘I don't,' he said. ‘I don't remember any of that day.'

‘It's okay, Ronnie. And it's safe,' I said. I mostly believed it. ‘The police are going to arrest that man. And we'll be careful. I promise.'

‘And you can come visit my house anytime you want,' Paul said. ‘We still need to take that fishing trip, right?'

Ronnie looked slightly relieved. Some of the nervousness left his eyes.

I hoped I was managing to hide the nervousness that remained in mine.

Mom's
house felt less haunted by her memory when we all arrived. I didn't know whether it was because enough time had passed since I had been there or because I was going with Ronnie and Paul. Did our small little group bring comfort and ward off the bad memories? Would it be a different story in the middle of the night when I was staring at the ceiling cracks at three a.m.?

Ronnie was the calmest of the three of us. He went right to his room and checked all his drawers as well as the closet. He pulled the photo of him and Mom with Beth's grandchildren out of his bag and put it back on the shelf. Satisfied that everything was in place, he stretched out on the bed and picked up one of his crossword puzzle books and a pencil. When I checked on him again, his eyelids looked heavy and his chin was sinking down to his chest.

‘Tired?' I asked.

‘Yes,' he said.

‘You can take a nap,' I said. ‘You probably didn't sleep much in the hospital.'

‘I didn't.'

‘Can I ask you something, Ronnie?'

‘Sure.'

Maybe now wasn't the right time, but I wanted an answer.

‘Why did you confess to killing Mom? Why did you say that, when it wasn't true?'

He took a long time to answer. I thought he might not say anything. Finally he spoke. ‘I felt bad. I did hurt her by not listening to her. I wasn't as good as I should have been. I wasn't as patient. And I wanted the police to go away and leave me alone.'

‘You
felt
guilty even though you weren't.'

He
nodded.

‘Paul told me something once,' I said. ‘He told me that Mom knew I loved her no matter how we were getting along. That's true of you too.'

He looked at me, his eyelids heavy. ‘Thanks, sis.'

‘I'm glad you're home,' I said.

His eyes closed all the way. I left the door slightly ajar and went out to the living room to talk with Paul. He was sitting on the edge of the couch holding a glass of water. His legs were crossed, his foot bouncing in the air like a man waiting for a delayed flight.

He started to stand when I came into the room.

‘Where are you going?' I asked.

He set the water on the coffee table. ‘I thought I'd let you two get settled,' he said. ‘I'm sure you're both tired.'

‘I am tired. But it's nice having you around.'

He nodded, his face blank.

‘Are you okay?' I asked. ‘Is it difficult for you to be in the house?'

‘It's weird,' he said. ‘I associate this place so closely with Leslie. With everything that happened, really.'

‘I know.'

‘Can I convince you to come to my house?' he asked. ‘There's room. We can work something out.'

‘Do you think it's dangerous here?' I asked. ‘Really?'

‘I've been thinking about it a lot. Gordon Baxter is capable of anything. I don't know that my house is safer than any place else.'

‘Do you think he'd hurt you?' I asked.

‘I think he might want to hurt anyone associated with the past. Anyone who knows who he really is.'

‘I'm
going to try to stay,' I said. ‘The detectives promised extra patrols. I'll call 911 if I hear anything strange. A howling cat. A scraping branch.'

‘Would your friend come over? Dan?'

The question brought me up short. I had enough complications in my life. Enough relationships in need of attention. ‘He would,' I said. ‘But I don't think I want him to.'

‘Why not? He seems so nice. So steady.'

‘I know. But I've got enough here. My plate is full.' I left it at that, and Paul let it drop. I shifted gears. ‘Beth is coming over in a little bit. You'll get to see her.'

‘Yeah?' His voice sounded distant.

‘Thirty-seven years,' I said. ‘Crazy.'

‘Yes,' he said. His eyes glazed a bit, as though seeing something from the past. ‘A lifetime.' He snapped out of it. ‘How was it with the two of you? Is she … okay?'

‘Are you asking me that because you said she might be disturbed? You called her a liar.'

‘I worry about people's motivations. What might have happened to her over all that time.'

‘The police hinted at the same things.'

‘Then it's worth heeding their advice, isn't it?'

He was right, of course. I didn't know anything about her. I didn't know what I was getting into. I knew I might end up looking like a fool.

And yet …

‘I understand,' I said. ‘But all I can think of is Mom.'

‘You mean she would have wanted this?'

‘Yes. That. And that I said no to her. I pushed her away. I pushed her away when she needed me. And Ronnie … I don't want to do that again.'

Paul
fidgeted a little, but seemed to understand. He pressed his lips together into a tight line and scratched his chin. He seemed to be leading up to a pronouncement.

‘I think I'm going to let you all get acclimated first. Is it overwhelming for Beth? All of this craziness?'

‘I'm sure it is. But she's held it together pretty well. She seems tough.'

‘Well,' he said. ‘I can see her another time. I think the three of you need to get to know each other. I know Beth. The three of you don't know each other at all. I think it's important that you do. And you and Ronnie have to get used to this new life you're going to be living. It's a different phase for both of you. You know … Leslie would have liked this. She would have liked this very much.'

Something caught in my throat. I closed my eyes, letting it pass. ‘I know,' I said. ‘I feel like we're driving you out.'

‘Not at all,' he said. He looked around the house, taking in the door, the walls, the windows. ‘Do me a favour? Lock the door after me.'

‘You don't even need to ask.'

I
woke up in the chair. The sun was down, the house quiet. I had fallen asleep without any lights on, and the whole place was dark. Only an ambient glow leaked through the windows from the streetlights.

I listened. I didn't hear anything. I reached up and turned on the lamp next to me. My back and neck were stiff from the awkward sleeping position. I was hungry too.

I walked down the hallway, stopping at the door to Ronnie's room. I saw no signs of light or life. The door remained ajar, just as I had left it. I gently pushed it open. Ronnie was still in bed, the covers pulled up to his chin. His chest rose and fell. He was worn out. I looked at the large digital clock by his bedside. It was almost seven. I'd slept for an hour and a half.

Wasn't Beth supposed to be at the house?

I walked back out to the living room and found my phone. I sent her a text.

Hey. Are you going to be able to stop by? No big deal if you can't.

I turned on some lights in the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Nothing there. Mom was long gone, the house long empty. I needed to go to the store, and find out what Ronnie wanted. I'd deal with it when he woke up. I looked through the cabinets, which were pretty well stocked. I found a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew. Mom
usually cooked, but every once in a while she'd take the night off and serve us something like that. I could picture her in the kitchen, working the manual can opener, peeling back the lid, and dumping the contents into a pan. How fascinated Ronnie and I could be just watching her live her routine life.

I did the same thing Mom would have done. I heated the beef stew, then sat at the table spooning it into my mouth. It always tasted better when Mom made it. Even from a can. I checked the phone again. Still no sign of Beth. Maybe her plans had changed. Or maybe …

I tried not to let doubts cloud my mind. I knew Paul and the cops were being cautious. Too much crazy stuff had happened not to be. But I meant what I had told Paul. I wanted to do what Mom would have wanted. I wanted to try to be some kind of family.

The phone buzzed. A text from Beth:
B there soon.

I cleaned up the kitchen, then walked down the hallway to Ronnie's room again and went all the way inside. I gently touched his arm.

‘Ronnie?' I whispered.

He opened his eyes. He looked at me for a moment as though he didn't recognize me.

‘Do you know where you are?' I asked.

‘Home,' he said, his voice confident.

‘That's right. Do you want to get up? Beth is coming over. She wants to see you.'

He groaned and yawned. ‘I'm tired.'

‘I know. Do you just want to stay in bed? I can tell her you're resting.'

He groaned again. ‘I'll get up. In a minute.'

‘Whatever
you want.'

I knew he'd get up soon enough. He wouldn't want to miss seeing Beth. He wouldn't want to be left out of anything. He hated that.

It wasn't long before the doorbell rang.

‘She's here, Ronnie,' I called out as I went to the door and opened it.

There was Beth. Eyes red rimmed, her face streaked with tears. She'd been crying. She looked like hell.

‘What is it, Beth?' I asked.

I stepped back and she came in past me.

And then Gordon Baxter emerged from the shadows, following her. He stepped right into the house and closed the door behind him.