Gods From the Machine (16 page)

That was no surprise.
Only four individuals at the Glenhaven Garrison had them. Receiving those beautiful white wings was the symbol of a knight’s full potential. It was granted to only the Supreme Commanders and archangels who would then pass on that knowledge to their disciples. Having wings also gave the ability to touch the sky itself, a feeling Nick knew would never be his as it required a pure soul. Nick was a bit envious, knowing he could never understand that feeling. Seeing the world in that perspective must be breathtaking.

“
You are so lucky! To be a descendant of angels means you will actually be able fly someday!” Joni spread her arms and flapped them like a soaring bird.

“
I guess so. But Nick is luckier. Everyone says they dream of flying, but who can say they have a role in saving the entire world? After all is said and done Nick’s going down in history as a legend!” Daniel’s eyes brightened and he threw his arms in the air. “The Inferno Bearer! Just hearing that title is way cooler than sprouting wings, don’t you think? I can’t wait to see the looks on those demon faces when we go to Fyria.”

“
Fyria. That’s right,” Nick said softly.

“
Three months we’re going to be stuck doing cleanup,” Matt said. “At least I get to do it with my girl by my side.” He took her hand into his and kissed it gently and Joni giggled.

“
Maybe even longer,” Daniel said. “But I’m so excited to finally experience field work firsthand. What about you, Nick?”

Nick
was watching Matt and Joni flirt. The two lovebirds had something he could never have with Quinn—a normal relationship. The looks on their faces could not have spelt it more clearly. Three months in another country without Quinn? By then she would have moved on. Trying to juggle his priorities would be hard, but things were made even more difficult with the fact that he couldn’t tell her he was a demon. Not only that, but he had an obligation to go into war, which meant he didn’t even know if he would return.

This is what Garreth must have felt and what he wanted to tell Matt. There were no more words
left to say. Venting his frustration to Joni was just going to be an opportunity for him to validate his relationship. But he was Agrian, Lord of Rage, and he was on the list as one of their most dangerous enemies. If they were hunting him, they would eventually find out about her. What then? He knew what he had to do. He had to end it.

8. A Compromise

“Do you know what it feels like to chase something, but in the end find out it doesn’t even matter?” Quinn asked as they were sitting on the edge of Heaven’s Peak.

They were at a spot overlooking the city
and watching all the tiny people intermingle in their daily lives. Nick loved that she always asked deep questions because they always led to learning more about her. He just couldn’t get enough. Whenever he trained he thought of her, whenever he slept he dreamt of her. Everything was Quinn. He ate, drank, and breathed her. There was something about her he couldn’t describe, the type of lightness he felt whenever she was around. It kept him at peace, especially lately when he was at war within himself.

It was the day
after his epiphany and he dreaded what was coming next.

They made plans to meet
at their special spot today, but now their day to spend freely was brought down by a terrible new circumstance: this would be the final time he saw her before they would be separated. His assignment was in Fyria, a city far in the west. It would take a week to get there then he would spend three months, miles apart and without any communication with the outside world. He knew this was just a prelude of things to come. Eventually he would be shipped to all corners of the world until the demons were eliminated for good. This was his ultimate purpose. He couldn’t ask her to stay with him, knowing full well that they wouldn’t be able spend time together like normal couples. It wasn’t fair to someone as amazing as Quinn. Once everything was said and done, how could they be a normal couple when he was actually a demon?

Breaking up was the only right thing to do, to end things before she felt as deeply for him as he
had come to feel for her. Because in the end she deserved the best, she deserved a chance at happiness.

“
I’m actually finding that out the hard way,” Nick muttered. His hands were shaking as he spoke. All this thinking had taken a toll on him physically.

“
What do you mean?”

“
I’m going to cut to the chase right now because I think it’s the only way before any of us gets hurt. Something has happened recently…and I—I can’t afford to be with somebody right now. I can’t go into the details about it, but it’s for the best,” Nick said.

“
You’re breaking up with me?” she asked.

Nick
heard the hurt in her voice.

“
Yes.”

“
And you thought telling me meant that I wouldn’t be hurt?” Quinn’s voice was rising. “Well it’s too late for that, and what’s worse is you won’t even tell me why.”

“
I wish I could, believe me I wish I could,” Nick said.

“
This is because you’re a knight now, isn’t it?” Quinn said.

Nick
only nodded.

“
I see,” she said.

Nick
sensed the sudden mood shift, and he felt inclined to ease the tension. “Before I met you, I always felt empty. Whatever I did or any type of happiness I was chasing seemed always out of reach. I thought becoming a knight closed that gap, but I now know it was you. And now that I’m right here with you, I can’t see why I ever wanted to be one in the first place.” He gazed into her beautiful green eyes. “It all feels like a big mistake now.”

“
I guess you never counted on being happy, did you?” Quinn touched his cheek. Nick shook his head sadly. “That’s the problem with working for a Garrison. Everyone has to play by their rules.”

“
Well up until this point, my life had been one train wreck after the other,” Nick said. “I never thought I would feel this way about anybody. I never had anything else to live for. I figured fighting for the world was something I had to do alone. I convinced myself that I could never find a reason to leave this all behind.”

Quinn
sighed sadly. “Now look where we are.”

Nick took her hand.
“Look, I don’t want to do this, but the truth is it’s the best for the both of us. I’ve taken an oath as a Glenhaven knight, and that means I now have enemies all over the world trying their best to hurt me and those I love. If anything were to happen to you I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I was responsible.”

“
I’m a big girl, Emberson. I can take care of myself just fine,” Quinn said.

“
No you can’t. You have no training, and you live outside with the rest of the world. If anyone ever found out about me—about us—they would come for you.”

“
What exactly makes you so special? What makes you different from the hundreds of other knights watching over us every day?”

Nick wanted to tell her everything right then and there. He wanted to tell her that he was linked by fate to
a struggle that was beyond his control. He wanted so desperately to let her know, but he couldn’t.

“
I can’t tell you any of the details but there is a crisis happening now, and the Garrisons need knights more than ever,” was all he could say.

“
Fine. I get it, I don’t need a chaperone. I’m not a little kid, but there’s no reason to lie to me.”

“
You know that’s not what I mean, but it’s the truth.” Nick looked into her sad face. “Even if I could protect you always, I still have to keep my promise to the Garrison and to my Supreme Commander.”

“
Why? What does he have to do with this?”

Nick dropped his gaze to the floor,
“Peter’s been like a father to me. He raised me, gave me a home. I can’t disrespect him by breaking the rules he set for us.”

“
Sometimes rules are made to be broken.”

“
You don’t give up, do you?” Nick smiled sadly.

“
No, but it’s kind of disappointing that you are.” Quinn pulled her hand away. “I’ve been through this before with Garreth and he chose being a knight. It hurt, but I knew deep down it was because we never truly belonged together. But with you…I know how much better we are together. We both feel something we’ve never felt before, but you want to throw it away? Because of someone else’s rules? Because you’re scared? If I knew that was the Nick Emberson I met on New Year’s Eve I would have steered clear.”

“
You know it’s not what I want, but—”

“
But what? What do
you
want? Honestly you’ve been talking about your servitude and what Peter wants, but what’s so hard? If you want to stop seeing me then don’t try to pin it on your stupid Garrison. You alone have a choice to make, and if it’s not going to be me then I guess we don’t have anything more to say,” Quinn said. She stood up, and turned to leave.

Nick sighed
. Someday she would understand that he only did what he had to do out of love. But then the lovesick eighteen year old in him kicked in, and before he could stop himself Nick grabbed her arm.

“
Wait. Sit down,” he said.

“
Why should I? You made yourself very clear. Don’t try to sugarcoat this, Nick. Just don’t. I’m not going to sit here and listen to more reasons why we shouldn’t be together.” Quinn tried to pull away.

“
Just stay please.” Nick held on tight. “I’m not finished yet.”

Quinn
finally relented and took a seat next to him, but she wasn’t speaking any longer. She was listening while avoiding his gaze. He couldn’t blame her for any of this. She had every right to be upset. But it wasn’t as if he wanted to do this, Peter’s granddaughter was almost murdered because the Crowned Princes wanted her dead before she could have any influence on their success. What lengths would they go if they found out about Quinn? She would be the next target. And what then? Could they just run from it? It was asking for trouble.

D
eep down, he knew he couldn’t let go of the best thing that happened to him. Was it selfish? Maybe. But he couldn’t bear to live without her now—she had become so integral to everything in his life. His world revolved around her now.

“
Forget Glenhaven,” Nick finally said.

She looked up at him, flustered.
“What?”

“
Forget them all. I don’t want to be a part of anything that doesn’t let me live the life I want. I’m going to tell Peter I’m through.”

“
What about your oath? You were chosen for a reason. You can’t honestly expect them to succeed without your help,” Quinn said.

“
I have no doubt they’ll take away my knighthood. If they banish me too, then so be it. I don’t want to be part of anything if I have to give you up,” Nick said.

“
That’s sweet, but leaving the Garrison after pledging your oath is treason. I’m being selfish. I can’t ask you to turn your back on your country; they’ll brand you as a criminal. Besides, there’s a crisis, which means the Glenhaven needs a knight like you. I know you, and if they need someone to help hold the world together from falling to pieces, then it’d be you.”

“
Why does this have to be so hard? I don’t want to leave…not without knowing that I could come back to you. But I can’t leave them either! There’s nothing I can think of!” Nick said, frustrated by the circles he was running around in.

“
Let’s just put it as a goal, the day they don’t need you anymore. I promise that day will come,” Quinn said. “Until then, we’ll keep everything a secret. How does that sound?”

“
A secret?”

“
Better than the alternative don’t you think?”

Nick leaned in and kissed her.

“Here, I want to give you something,” Quinn drew a simple black necklace with a white pendant attached to it. The pendant was carved to look like a small feather. “I made it from the Angel’s Feather we found the first time we came here. I thought it’d be best to give it to you at the exact spot where I found it.”

“
You carved it into an actual angel’s feather.” Nick marveled at the detail and professional craftsmanship.

She draped it over his neck.
“It symbolizes us. Angels born from Sanctuary are considered the epitome of perfection. Aside from god-like powers, what every angel has are wings. Every angel needs two wings to be complete or they can’t fly. They’re incomplete. Kind of like you and me, we need each other if we want to soar. Separated, we’re just two flawed people, but together we’re perfect.”

“
But there’s only one,” he said.

Quinn
pulled her hair back and lifted the feather pendant tucked under her shirt.

Nick smi
led as he took her hand and squeezed it. It was the single most thoughtful gift he had ever received. Though she’d never know it, he needed something like this, a token that would remind him he was still human inside.