Read God's Doodle Online

Authors: Tom Hickman

God's Doodle (27 page)

And why? Because, as Diamond also points out, human sex isn’t just a biological imperative. Despite all the trouble and travail it causes penis-possessors and non-penis-possessors alike, sex is fun. A world without sex, the American humorist Henry Louis Mencken thought,

would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill.

Yet, increasingly, science is divorcing sex from reproduction. The
Journal of Australia
, an authority on in-vitro fertilisation, predicts that sexual intercourse will fade away as a means of procreation in favour of technology that can achieve genetic preferences and avoid genetic risks. Evolutionary biologist Robin Baker goes further, predicting that ‘if sex no longer has any biological benefit but is only acting out ancient scenarios’, its attraction could wane. Should that happen the penis would become less and less significant and in a thousand years could shrink to the gorilla-like dimensions from which it grew.

It’s a dystopian view. Penis-possessors everywhere can only hope that their descendants fight evolutionary fate every inch of the way.

INDEX

The page references in this index correspond to the printed edition from which this ebook was created. To find a specific word or phrase from the index, please use the search feature of your ebook reader.

10cc (pop group) 195

Aaron 12

Abbot, Henry 88

Abelard, Pierre 118

Abishag 153

Abraham 68

An ABZ of Love
(I. & S. Hegeler) 9

Acting My Life
(Holm) 42

Acton, William 133

Adam & Eve 74, 140, 171–2

adultery 7, 118, 140, 161

Aeschylus 72

Africa, Africans 70, 91, 120–1, 127, 128, 165, 166, 188

African Americans 17, 20

Aggression and Community: Paradoxes of Andalusian Culture
(Gilmore) 177

The Alarming History of Sex
(Gordon) 54, 106

Alaska 119

Albert, Prince 108

Alexandra, Tsarina 107

Allen, Woody 26

Aly Khan, Prince 192

Amazon tribes 155

America, Americans 11, 12, 13

American Gigolo
(film, 1980) 103

American Pie
(film, 1999) 181

Amis, Kingsley 151, 178

Amun 65

anal sex 141, 188, 210, 213

An Analysis of Human Sexual Response
(R. & E. Brecher) 195

Ancient Egypt 65–6, 68, 116, 131, 165

Ancient Greeks 24, 50, 66, 67, 68, 70, 75, 79, 83, 87, 139, 140, 165, 170, 184, 187, 188, 189, 190, 203, 214

Andalusia 177

Anderson, Pamela 51

Antony and Cleopatra
(Shakespeare) 60

Antwerp 80

aphrodisiacs 153–4, 159

Arabs 28, 66, 68

Aranda tribe 137, 213

Archives of Sexual Behavior
37

Argyll, 11th Duke of 7

Argyll, Margaret, Duchess of 7–8

Aristophanes 68–9

Aristotle 70, 72, 74

Armenia 121, 129

Asher, Jane 53

Asia, Asians 20, 21–2, 48, 51, 121,
154
, 173

Asshur 66

Assyria 77, 155

Athenians 70, 87

Atlas of Human Sex Anatomy
(Dickinson) 14, 18

Atum 65

augmentation phalloplasty 22

aura seminalis
74

Auslander, Shalom 140

Australia, Australians 106, 137, 166–7

Australian Aboriginals 165

Ayckbourn, Alan 55–6

Aztecs 50, 116

Babylonians 116

Bad Sex Award for Fiction 211

Baden Powell, Robert 200

Baker, Robin 201–2, 218

Baldwin I, King 80

Bangkok Post
28–9

Bankhead, Tallulah 191

Barham, Patte 107

Barnes, Julian 43–4

Barnfield, Richard 9–10

Bartholin, Thomas 130

Bates, Alan 25

BBC Broadcasting House 90

Beardsley, Aubrey 85

Beatty, Warren 205

Bech: A Book
(Updike) 56

Bede, Venerable 78

Bedroom Farce
(Ayckbourn) 55–6

Before She Met Me
(Barnes) 43–4

Bennett, Alan 37–8, 42

Berle, Milton 39, 108

bestiality 180

Bible 12, 68, 77–8, 171–2

Bible Belt America 117

Bill, Elizabeth 89

Bindon, John 173

The Birds
(Aristophanes) 68–9

‘Bishop Percy’s Loose Songs’ (1650) 152

Biswell, Andrew 101

Black Death 79, 94

Black Diaries
(Casement) 18

Black Spring
(Miller) 77

Bloch, Ivan 96–7

The Blue Room
(play) 103

Bobbitt, John Wayne 118

Bobbitt, Lorena 118

body dysmorphia 29–30

Bogaert, A.F. 19

Boleyn, Anne 146

Bonaparte, Princess Pauline Borghese 31

bonobos 46, 47, 217

Boogie Nights
(film, 1997) 18

The Book of the Penis
(Paley) 55

Bordo, Susan 56

Borghese, Prince Camillo 31

Borneo 127

Boswell, James 89, 134–5, 175, 184, 207

Brazil
(Updike) 211

Brecher, Edward 195

Brecher, Ruth 195

Brida
(Coelho) 212

Brihat Samhita
(Sanskrit, 6th century) 13, 50, 186

Brindley, Giles 157

Brinkley, John 156

British Medical Journal
131

British Museum 112

Brooke, Rupert 175

Brown-Séquard, Charles Édouard 155–6

Browne, Sir Thomas 64

Bruce
, Lenny 179

Buddhism 76, 140, 191

Buff
(play) 103

Bulgaria, Bulgarians 207

Burgess, Anthony 101

Burma 108

Burton, Sir Richard 77

Bush, George Snr 25

Buss, David 46–7, 179

Byrd, William 10

Byzantium 122

Calcata (Italy) 81

The Call-Up
(Hickman) 183

Cambridge University 79

Campbell, Cameron Sergeant Thomas 100

Carew, Sir Thomas 38

Carib Indians 120

Caribbean 20, 166

Caro, Robert A. 90

Carrott, Jasper 166

Casanova, Giacomo 189

The Case of Impotence As Debated in England
(Curll) 147

Casement, Sir Roger 18

Castle in the Forest
(Mailer) 211

castration and castrati 122–4

culinary purposes 120

due to fear of other races 116–17

and eunuchs 120–2

executioners and torturers stock-in-trade 117–18

female emasculation of men 118–20

and hemicastration 164

and the hijras 163

and Japanese legend 164

as life-threatening 121–2

medical reasons 125

physical changes 123

as price for variety of crimes 118

and religious beliefs 124–5

self-castration 124–5

in Shakespeare 163

Catherine, Empress 89

Catullus 24

Cerne Giant 167–8

Chaggi tribe (Tanzania) 207

Chaplin, Charlie 39

Chapman brothers (Jake and Dinos) 104

Charlemagne, Emperor 80

Charles I 118

Charles II 38

Chartres 81

Chaucer, Geoffrey 93–4, 190

Chiang Mai hospital (Thailand) 29

Children in Need 20

chimpanzees 45, 46, 47, 147, 156, 217

China, Chinese 72, 73, 75, 83, 107, 118, 121–2, 127, 128, 139, 142, 154, 159, 168, 184, 187, 192, 203

Christians, Christianity 76–9, 80–3, 94, 112, 117, 124, 140, 170, 184, 187

Christie, Lynford 20, 98–9

Churchill, Winston 8, 209

circumcision 18, 80, 117, 144, 162–3, 165

Cleaver, Eldridge 101–2

Cleland, John 14, 51, 199

Clift, Montgomery 31

Clinton, Bill 1, 10, 43, 86, 183

Clisyphus 181

clothing

and athletes 98–9

and elongated shoes 94–5

sheaths and codpieces 91–4, 95–6, 99–102, 116, 132

sporrans and kilts 100–1

theatrical context 96–7

and trousers 97–8, 101

and which side a man dresses 51, 96

Cocteau, Jean 172

Coelho, Paulo 212

Colombia 165

Columbus, Christopher 131

Comfort, Alex 9, 23, 57–8, 87, 183, 196

conception 72, 74–5, 107, 164, 213–14

condoms 134–5

contraception 210

Cooking with Elvis
(play) 42

Cooper, Alice 181

Cosmo, Saint 82–3

Cosmopolitan
magazine 23, 25, 26

Costner, Kevin 103

Coucy, Thomas de 117

Couples
(Updike) 59, 185

Craig, Amanda 85–6

Cromwell, Oliver 84, 167–8

Cruikshank, George 195

Crusades 117

cuckolds 33

Culpeper, Nicholas 73–4

Curll, Edmund 147

Cybele cult 124

Dalí, Salvador 31, 85

Damian, Saint 82

Dani tribe (Papua New Guinea) 92

Daniélou, Alain 77

David, King 68, 153

David (Michaelangelo statue) 162

Davis, Sammy Jnr 108

Dawkins, Richard 172

Day, Beth 17

De Beauvoir, Simone 3, 53, 60, 130–1

De Quincey, Thomas 33

De Sade, Marquis 181

De secretis muilierum
(On Women’s Secrets) 128

De vita sua
(Guibert de Nogent) 117

Deep Throat
(film, 1972) 184

Definitive Penis Survey (Edwards) 19, 21, 34–5, 60

Delacroix, Ferdinand 59

Delos 66

Denmark, Danes 214

Denning, Lord 8

Denver, Maryanne 105

Descartes, René 176

Diamond, Jared 23, 47–8, 59, 92, 217

Diamond, Marie 92

Diana, Princess of Wales 162

Dick for a Day
(Denver) 56, 105

Dickinson, Dr Robert Letou 14, 18

Diogenes 140

Disney, Walt 193

Dodson, Betty 51, 138

dosijinas
(phallic monuments) 66

Duncan, Sarah 211

Durex survey 19, 21, 34–5, 60

Dydley, Sir Charles 88

Edward IV 94–5

Edward VII 136

Edwardians 97

Edwards, Richard 19

eighteenth century 32, 64, 73, 100

ejaculation 211

final moments 193–4

force of 194

and learning self-control 191–3

masturbatory speed 181

premature 147–8, 152

quantity of ejaculate 194–5

spontaneous 175

Eleven Minutes
(Coelho) 212

Elizabethan period 9–10, 33, 96, 155, 163, 164, 180, 187, 191

Ellis, Havelock 69

Enki 65–6

Enlightenment 17, 69, 141

Epic of Gilgamesh 129

Equatorial Guinea 214

erectile dysfunction agents of 148

and alcohol 150, 151

and divorce 148–9

horse-riding and cycling 150–1

as humiliating 151–2

impotence 146–52, 165

infertility 151

medical reasons 149–50

premature ejaculation 147–8, 152

psychological 149, 151

treatments 152–7

women blamed for 148

Ethiopia, Ethiopians 116, 188

ethnicity 17–22

Eumenides
(Aeschylus) 72

eunuchs 120–5

The Evolution of Desire
(Buss) 46

Fairbanks, Douglas Jnr 8

Falcon, Jonah 14

Fang tribe 214

Fanny Hill
(Cleland) 14, 16, 43, 51, 58, 146–7, 199

Far East 20, 21

Fathers and Sons
(Waugh) 22

Faure, Félix 161

Fear of Flying
(Jong) 43, 55, 65

Feast of Circumcision 80, 81

Feast of Fools 80

fellatio 7, 9, 183–6, 210

feminism, feminist 3, 46, 107, 111, 136, 137–8

FHM
magazine 52, 55, 56–7, 199

Fiji 113

Filipinos 108

Finland, Finns 206

First World War 100–1, 106, 144, 203

Fitzgerald, Scott 30

Fitzgerald, Zelda 30

Flannelled Fool
(Worsley) 175

Flaubert, Gustave 182

Flowers, Gennifer 1

Flugel, John Carl 92

Flynn, Errol 39, 90

Forbidden City (Beijing) 122

Foreign Bodies
(Craig) 85–6

Foreskin’s Lament
(Auslander) 140

Forum
journal 26–7, 32

Franklin, Sydney 30

Frazer, James 124

French Revolution 81, 96, 112

French West Indies 19

Freud, Sigmund 69, 84, 86, 128, 137, 155

Frey, Julia 40

Gabor, Zsa Zsa 39

Galen 17, 64–5, 71, 72, 73, 74

Ganymede 180

Gardner, Ava 39

Gargantua and Pantagruel
(Rabelais) 115, 171, 174

Gathorne-Hardy, Jonathan 174

gender transformation 63, 163–4

Genet, Jean 173

Georgia 121

Gere, Richard 103

Germain (or Marie) (French peasant girl) 63

Germany 107, 121

Germinal
(Zola) 119

Gibson, Ian 31

Gieves & Hawkes 51

Gilbertine order 118

Gill, A.A. 52

Gill, Eric 52, 53, 89–90, 101, 153

Gilmore, David 177

The Godfather
(Puzo) 57

Godson, Suzi 114

Gogol, Nikolai 182

The Golden Bough
(Frazer) 124

Gordon, John 54, 106

gorillas 45, 47

Goto, L.T. 21

Graaf, Regnier de 74

Grable, Betty 39

Graham, Laurie 106

Graham, Robert 202–3, 214

Graham, Sylvester 142–3

Greer, Germaine 56

Grote, George 111

Guardian
newspaper 177

Guibert de Nogent 117

Hadrian, emperor 117, 162

Hair
(musical) 103

Halpern, Ralph 207

Hamilton, Emma 195

Hamilton, Sir William 82, 195

Hannay, J.B. 83

Harold, King 116

Harriott, Ainsley 20

Harris, John 88

Hasson, Oren 201

Hastings, Battle of 116

Hazlitt, William 32

Hebrews 66, 68, 116, 140

Hegeler, Inge 9, 55

Hegeler, Sten 9, 55

Hellman, Lillian 57

Heloïse 118

Hemingway, Ernest 30, 48, 148, 152–3

Hendrix, Jimmi 39–40

Henry IV Part I
(Shakespeare) 11

Henry V 81

Henry VIII 117, 146

Henry, Walter 40

Hercules 83

Hermes 66, 83

Herms (phallic monuments) 66, 111–12

Herodotus 67, 129, 179

Hickman, T. 183

Hindus 13, 66, 72–3, 76, 140, 191

Hippocrates 71, 72, 148, 150

Hirschfeld, Magnus 135

The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
(Hite) 27

Hite, Shere 27

Hitler, Adolf 167

Hodson, Phillip 59

Holles, Denzil 167

Hollinghurst, Alan 26

Holm, Ian 42

homosexuals, homosexuality 10, 18, 31, 70, 86, 118, 125, 173, 180, 188

homunculus 74

Horney, Karen 106

Hottentots 164

Howard, John 104

Hox gene 16

Hugo, Victor 207

The Human Zoo
(Morris) 84–5

Hundred Years War 116

Hungary, Hungarians 121, 207

Hunt survey (1970s) 27

Hunter, John 186

Hutchins, Reverend John 167

Hutchinson, Leslie ‘Hutch’ 131

Ibn-Saud, King of Saudi Arabia 192

Ice Storm
(Moody) 190

Iglesias, Enrique 32

in-vitro fertilisation 218

India 12, 13, 20, 108, 118, 121, 122, 124, 127, 128, 184, 187, 188, 191

Indiana University 15

Indonesia 154

Innocent III, Pope 81

Inquisition 117

Institute of Urology and Nephrology (London) 29

intercourse
see
sexual encounters

International Journal of Impotence Research
178

Internet 12, 19, 27–8, 51, 102, 103, 159, 186

Interpretation of Dreams
(Freud) 84

Intimacy
(Kureishi) 175

Intimate Behaviour
(Morris) 97

Islam 140, 148

Isle of Wight 131

Israelites 117

Italy, Italians 12

Izzard, Eddie 42

Jacobson, Howard 208

Jake’s Thing
(Amis) 151

Janowitz, Tama 51

Japan, Japanese 10, 21, 29, 51, 66, 67, 72, 105, 107, 108, 118, 166, 176, 185, 187, 207

Jefferson Medical College, Philadelphia 214

Jeremy, Ron 40

Jesus 80–1

Jews 162–3, 165, 214

Joan, Pope 78

Jobson, Richard 18

Johnson, Lyndon 90

Johnson, Samuel 89

Johnson, Virginia 15–16, 17, 29, 57, 138, 192

Jolliffe, Gray 91

Jolmes, John 40

Jones, James H. 90

Jones, Paula 43

Jong, Erica 43, 55, 65, 137

Journal of Australia
218

Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health
(2005) 164

Journal Research in Personality
19

Journal of Sexual Medicine
150, 189

Journal of Urology
36

Journal of Zoology
112

The Joy of Sex
(Comfort) 9, 23, 57–8, 183

Joyce, James 52, 60

Jupiter 180

Justine
(de Sade) 181

Juvenal 61, 123, 147

Kafka, Franz 41–2

Kafka’s Dick
(Bennett) 37–8, 42

Kagaba tribe (Colombia) 165, 213

Kama Sutra
13–14, 27, 77, 180, 187

Karamojong tribe (Uganda) 124

Keeler, Christine 7

Keeraki tribe (New Guinea) 213

Keesling, Barbara 216

Kellogg, John Harvey 142–3, 144

Kenya 162

Keuls, Eva 111

Khartoum 127

Kidman, Nicole 103

Kierkegaard, Sørenson 182

Kikuyu 162

King James Bible (1611) 11, 191

King Lear
(Shakespeare) 42

Kinsey, Alfred 14–15, 16, 17, 18, 34, 55, 58, 90, 136, 137, 177–8, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 188, 192, 194, 206, 208, 210

Kinsey Institute 20, 22, 27, 34, 37, 183

Konrad, Lorenz 54

kora
127–8

Korea, Koreans 108, 159

Kournikova, Anna 32

Kreuls, Eva 24

Kurds 129

Kureishi, Hanif 175, 179

Kyoto 67

Lactantius (Roman poet) 68

Lady Chatterley’s Lover
(Lawrence) 10, 51, 54, 130, 136

Langtry, Lillie 136

Larkin, Philip 178

Law, Jude 41

Lawrence, D.H. 10, 51, 54, 130, 136

Lawson, Mark 42

Lee, Tommy 51

Leeuwenhoek, Antonie van 74

Leo III, Pope 80

Leonardo da Vinci 1–2, 57, 64, 73, 95–6, 170, 171

Leopardi, Giacomo 209

L’Ethnologie du Sens Genitale
18

Lette, Kathy 213

Lewinsky, Monica 1, 86, 183

Liber amoris
(Hazlitt) 32–3

Liber (Roman god) 66

Liberalia festive holiday 70

libido 216–17

Libya 116, 129

The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy
(Sterne) 73

Lifestyle Condoms 32, 35–6

Lincoln, Abraham 59

lingam, cult of 76

Literary Review
magazine 211–13

Lolita
(Nabokov) 33

London 206

Long Dong Silver 30

Louis XIII 174

Louis XVI 144

Lovelace, Linda 184

Lowry, Malcolm 33

Luo tribe (Kenya) 162

Lysistrata
(Aristophanes) 139

Macbeth
(Shakespeare) 150

McGregor, Ewan 17, 91

McInerney, Jay 196

McLynn, Frank 40–1

Macmillan, Harold 7, 8

Mailer, Norman 191, 211

Malaya 108

Malaysia 127

The Male Body
(Bordo) 56

Malleus Maleficarum
126

Mandingo tribe 18

The Manipulated Man
(Vilar) 51

Mansfield, Jayne 39

Margaret, Princess 173

Margulis, Lynn 47

Marie Antoinette 144

Marie (or Germain) (French peasant girl) 63

Marks & Spencer 99

Marlborough School 175

Martial (Marcus Martialis) 24

Masters, William 15–16, 17, 29, 57, 138, 174, 192, 208

masturbation (or spermatorrhoea)

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