Give Me a Reason (22 page)

Taking a stuttered breath, Laura looked around the bedroom
and the tiniest of grins appeared on her face. The room was vibrant and
comfortable, and by Laura’s standards, incredibly neat. The newly purchased
books were carefully stacked on the dresser because the floor was no longer
good enough for literature, and the bed was skillfully made with corners crisp,
and pillows fluffed until they were perfect. There were no clothes scattered
about or shoes on the floor, and the nightstand held only a clock, a lamp and
Toni’s wallet. The room was lived in, but just barely. Sitting there, Laura
wondered if Toni would ever allow her world to include more than just four
walls, some books and a carton of smokes.

Suddenly, a thought popped into Laura’s head. It was a crazy
idea...or was it? Before she could make up her mind, she heard the bathroom
door open, and Toni walked out, looking disheveled and incredibly tired.

“Hey,” Laura said softly. “I know you probably don’t want me
in here, but I couldn’t leave until I knew you were all right.”

For a few seconds, Toni just stared at Laura, and then she
said quietly, “Please don’t ask any questions. I can’t handle any more
tonight.”

“I won’t. I just wanted to make sure you were feeling
better.”

“Other than the fact that I just wasted perfectly good
lasagna and several glasses of Chianti, you mean?”

“Yeah, besides that.”

“I’ll be okay, Laura. I’m just...I’m just really wiped out.”

“All right,” Laura said as she got up and walked to the door.
“I’m going to make some tea. Would you like some?”

“That would be great. Thanks.”

No sooner had Laura left the bedroom when her idea returned.
Stopping a few feet from the door, she chewed on her lip as she weighed the
pros and cons. Turning back around, she returned to Toni’s room.

“Toni?” she said, standing in the doorway.

Staring at the floor, Toni looked up. “Yeah.”

“How’d you like to go on a holiday with me?”

Chapter Twenty

It had been a spur-of-the-moment idea, but lying in bed that
night, the more Laura thought about it, the more it made sense. Toni had locked
herself in a box. A dark, gray box filled with the noise and pollution of the
city and the chaos of crowds, with buildings blocking out the sun and people
too busy to remember what life was about. They had forgotten about green
pastures and rivers swirling with life, and being lulled to sleep by the sound
of insects buzzing in the darkness. They had dismissed from their minds forests
filled with the wonderment of God, containing trees so tall they seemed to
reach the clouds, and instead, they shuffled from pubs to cinemas, filling
their bellies with alcohol and their minds with make-believe. They didn’t know
that tranquility was within their grasp. A short flight or a long drive would
take them to a place where advertising didn’t line the roads. Where air still
tasted like air and where you could sit for hours amidst the fields of
green…and feel safe.

Every week, they talked on the phone, and rarely a day went
by without an email being exchanged, but Laura hadn’t seen her mother in
months. Too busy with work and with Toni, Laura had been remiss in her daughter
duties, and she knew it. With her father deciding he liked the life of a fisherman
more than that of a husband and a father, it had only ever been Laura and her
mother, and Laura had no regrets. While she had complained about her mother’s
concern over her marital state or lack thereof, in her heart, Laura knew that
her mother only wanted the best for her. So, in the wee hours of the morning,
Laura picked up the phone and told her mum she was coming home for a visit.

Four hundred miles away, Eleanor hung up the receiver, slid
her feet into her slippers and shuffled to the kitchen to make a cup of tea.
Turning on her laptop, she opened her email account and began re-reading the
dozens of messages she had received from Laura over the past several months.
They spoke of a job she seemed to love and of boyfriends old and new, but those
subjects seemed to be secondary to the one called Toni Vaughn. Although she had
never met the woman, through Laura’s words, Eleanor had come to know the
elusive teacher, a woman wrongfully convicted and sentenced to hell, and it
made her proud to know she had raised a daughter so willing to help someone so
wronged. But as the emails kept coming, she began to wonder how long it would
take Laura to realize what Eleanor already knew.

There had never been secrets between them. They only had each
other, and with that came a trust that most parents would give their right arm
for. Eleanor knew when her daughter had lost her virginity and to whom, and she
knew about Laura’s many boyfriends and all the failed relationships. She had
heard the complaints, dried the tears and giggled at her daughter’s
stubbornness when it came to the male of the species. She also knew that until
tonight, Laura had never asked to bring anyone home other than Abby, but Abby
was Laura’s closest friend. Toni Vaughn was not. She was something more, of
that Eleanor was certain.

Laura was her pride and joy. Eleanor had raised a girl to be
a woman the only way she knew how, and there had never been a day in her life
when she wasn’t proud that Laura was hers, and Eleanor was not about to start
now. Other parents could turn their backs on their children, give them
ultimatums or threaten their inheritance, but as far as Eleanor was concerned,
they were idiots. Children are much too precious to be tossed aside simply
because they want to live
their
lives.

Pushing aside the teacup, Eleanor opened a cabinet, got a
glass and poured herself a small brandy. Going out the back door, she stood on
the slate, looked up at the stars and smiled. Raising her glass to the sky, she
silently thanked God for giving her such a wonderful child, finished her drink
and then walked back inside.

***

“Why aren’t you packed?”

“I can’t bloody do this.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t,” Toni said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Laura, you’re asking too much of me. You’re pushing too hard.”

Laura frowned. Toni was right. It had taken months to get
Toni to take the tiniest of steps, and it had only been a few weeks since Laura
had suggested they go to Scotland on holiday during the last break at Calloway
before fall classes began. Sitting down next to Toni, she said, “I’m sorry.”

“I know you mean well, but things like this are hard for me.
I get so bloody scared.”

“I lose sight of that sometimes,” Laura said quietly. “You do
so well around here and at work. I forget that you’re still afraid of so much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”

“Go without me. Okay?”

“Is that what you want?”

Hanging her head, Toni said, “Yeah. I think it’s best.”

“Then that’s what I’ll do, but I’ll miss your company,” Laura
said, touching the back of Toni’s hand.

As Laura walked from the room, Toni stared at the floor,
unable to tell the woman that she’d miss her, too. When had Laura become so
important? When did conversations over breakfast and dinner seem to make each
day start and end so perfectly? When did pleasing someone else begin to matter?

Filling a travel mug with coffee, Laura tightened the lid and
walked from the kitchen, but stopped short when she found Toni standing at the
foot of the stairs with suitcase in hand.

Holding her breath, Laura asked softly, “Going somewhere?”

“Are you still planning to drive?”

“That was the plan.”

“You...you still keep a paper sack in your handbag?”

“Never leave home without it.”

“Well, then...you want some company?”

***

Although Laura had grown up in Stirling, after she had moved
to England, her mother purchased a home in an area called Carron Bridge. Just
north of Falkirk and south of Stirling, it offered a slightly quieter life in a
country setting. Near enough to the cities that Eleanor could continue her
duties as an estate agent, but far enough away that she could forget about work
when she got home.

Since climbing into the car, Toni hadn’t said a word.
Preferring to just stare out the window and watch the world whiz by, it wasn’t
until they were two hours into the trip, when she finally spoke. “Does your
mother know you’re bringing a guest?”

Startled, Laura glanced at her passenger. “Yes, she knows.”

“Does she know about me? I mean…the way I am?”

“I’ve told her a bit. She and I have never had many secrets,
but I didn’t give her all the details. I told her you had spent some time in
prison, but you were released when evidence proved you innocent. I didn’t tell
her what they did to you. I just said you were shy around strangers, and you
had some trust issues.”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“You’re getting better.”

“Around you.”

“Well, she’s just like me, only taller.”

“Everyone’s taller than you.”

“Hey!”

“Just joking.”

“I know. I like it,” Laura said, giving Toni another quick
glance. “So, you feeling better? Not so nervous?”

“We’ve only been in the car for a couple of hours. Ask me
that again in about six more.”

***

The trip was long and thankfully uneventful. As Laura
expected, Toni never offered to drive, and Laura knew it was for the best. Her
friendly banter was met with blank stares or mumbled replies, and when gas or
restrooms were needed, unless the stations were small and practically deserted,
Toni could not bring herself to get out of the car.

Having spent most of the trip either staring out the window
or at her lap, when Toni felt the road conditions change, she raised her eyes.
Peering through the windscreen, she saw they were on an unpaved road, and
sitting straight in her seat, she said, “Are we there?”

“Yeah, well we are if I can find the bloody driveway,” Laura
said, slowing the car to a crawl. “Oh, there it is.”

Turning onto the gravel drive, Laura drove up to the house
and parked the car. Turning off the engine, she looked in Toni’s direction. The
sun had long since set, but between the brilliance of the full moon and the
light streaming from the windows of her mother’s home, Laura could see Toni’s
jaw was set. Reaching over, she placed her hand over Toni’s. “So, you ready for
this?”

“I guess asking you to turn around isn’t an option, is it?”

Giving Toni’s hand a squeeze, Laura said, “Afraid not, but if
you feel the same way tomorrow, I’ll take you home. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Toni said in a whisper. After running her hands down
her jeans to dry her palms, she reached for the door handle. “Right, well let’s
do this.”

Laura quickly climbed out of the car and opened the boot, but
before any luggage could be removed, she heard her mother’s voice.

“That can wait just a bit, don’t you think?”

Spinning around, Laura’s face lit up, and running over, she
fell into her mother’s outstretched arms.

“Oh, I missed you, Laura,” Eleanor said, giving her daughter
a hug. “I’m so happy you’re home.”

“Me, too.” Giving her mother a kiss on the cheek, she said,
“You look great.”

“It’s dark, sweetheart. Wait until we get inside. I’m a
wreck.”

Watching from the car, Toni pulled the luggage out of the
boot and took a deep breath. Aware introductions would have to be made, and
ritual greetings exchanged, her heart began to race as she approached the two
women.

Seeing the woman slowly walk toward them, Eleanor pulled out
of Laura’s hug and smiled in Toni’s direction. Holding out her hand, she said,
“I’m Eleanor MacLeod. You must be the friend Laura’s told me about.”

Pausing for a moment, Toni set the suitcases on the ground
and cautiously held out her hand. “Toni Vaughn,” she whispered. “It’s very nice
to meet you, Mrs. MacLeod.”

“Likewise, my dear, and please call me Eleanor,” she said,
eyeing the tall woman standing in the shadows. “How about we go inside?”

Hustling them into the house, Eleanor shut the door and
motioned toward the stairs. “Laura, why don’t you take Toni up and show her
where she’ll be staying, and I’ll make us some tea.”

“Would you like some help?” Laura asked.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m sure you both need to freshen up
after that drive. Go up and get comfortable and I’ll fix something for us to
nibble on.”

Watching as they disappeared up the stairs, Eleanor went to
the kitchen and mentally chastised herself for being so stereotypical. The
portrait of Toni Vaughn she had painted in her mind couldn’t have been more
wrong, and Eleanor couldn’t have felt more stupid. With the knowledge that the
woman was gay and had spent time in prison, she had imagined Toni to be rough,
masculine and plain, but she was anything but. While her stooped shoulders and
obvious hesitation even to shake hands had proved that prison had taken its
toll, the woman was nonetheless, beautiful, and Eleanor found that Toni’s
soft-spoken ways seemed to add to her charm. Although many people would have
reserved judgment until more than ten words had been spoken, after working
nearly thirty years as an estate agent, Eleanor’s ability to judge a person’s
character within minutes of being introduced was uncanny. Meeting and greeting
hundreds, if not thousands of prospective sellers and buyers through the years,
she had learned how to pick the winners from the losers…and Toni Vaughn was no
loser.

Reaching the second floor, Laura led Toni down the hallway
and opened the first door on her left. “This will be you,” she said, leading
Toni into the room. Seeing the woman’s delighted expression, Laura added, “I
thought you’d like it.”

The room was just large enough to comfortably hold a bed,
dresser, armoire and nightstand, and matching the walls, all the furniture,
except for the bed frame, was white. The woodwork throughout the room had been
stained a light cherry, as were all the tops of the furniture, and the brass
hardware displayed on the doors and drawers matched the large shiny spheres sitting
atop the corners of the black iron bed frame. The bedside lamp had a base
decorated with a swirled blue and white design, and the colors were repeated in
the patchwork quilt that covered the bed.

“Be careful of that wall though,” Laura said as she pointed
to the one slanted to follow the pitch of the roof. “I can’t tell you how many
times that I’ve walked into the one in mine.”

“I’ll do that,” Toni said quietly, looking over at the sloped
ceiling. “Speaking of rooms, where’s yours?”

“Right next door,” Laura said, opening a door in the room
which led to a small bathroom.

“You’re staying in the loo?”

“No, silly,” Laura said as she pointed to another doorway
across the small toilet. “That door leads to mine. I hope you don’t mind, but
we’ll be sharing a bathroom.”

“No...um...that’s okay,” Toni said, running her fingers
through her hair.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“If you don’t like the room, we can switch.”

“No, the room’s fine. I’m just a bit on edge. You know me.”

“Yes, I do,” Laura said softly. “How about we unpack and then
have some tea? It might help calm your nerves.”

“If it’s all the same to you, I think I’d just like to stay
up here for tonight. Get my bearings.”

One of the many things Laura had learned over the past
several months was when it came to dealing with Toni and her phobias, slow was
the only option. Even after going to the market a half dozen times, all it took
was a few too many people or a new employee, and Toni would retract faster than
a switchblade.

“If that’s what you want.”

“Yeah, I...I just need a bit of time. That’s all.”