A mariachi song announced a call on his cell phone, which sat in a holster in the cab of his pick-up truck. Benny ignored it, as I’d seen him do before. He only answered his phone selectively and looked at voice mails in batches two or three times a day.
I needed to ask him about borrowing a chain saw for the weekend, but something in his face held me off. Damn. Sitting in Maggie’s office, desperate, saying anything to get Mom into The Haven, borrowing a chain saw from Benny had seemed possible. But suddenly, it didn’t look that way.
I had to have a chain saw this weekend. None of us had yet turned ours in for the evening, but he was always careful about collecting them from us.
I glanced into the back of his pick-up truck. He had three spares lying in the bed. If I borrowed one of the extras and then put it back Monday morning, he’d probably never know the difference.
It was ten minutes to seven. Once you’d been paid, you could usually leave. “Hey, Benny, can I go?”
“Yeah.” He waved, his back to me as he headed off with Tiny and Rammer’s pay envelopes; they were finishing up about a hundred yards away.
I moved fast and silently, exchanging my chain saw for the extra one in his truck and sliding my contraband into the trunk of my car. But what if he realized it was missing before I returned it? He’d never believe my story that I’d only meant to borrow it.
Like a movie scene rolling in my mind, I saw my father again, lying on the floor of our apartment, being handcuffed and taken away to jail. Except, when he turned his head, it wasn’t him. It was me.
I couldn’t take the risk. As I drove away, I called Benny’s cell. “Hope you don’t mind,” I told his voice mail. “I borrowed a chain saw to use for a charity project—a women’s shelter needs me to clear a lot for them. I’ll return it Monday morning. Thanks, man.” I clicked off, hoping he wouldn’t get the message for a few hours.
And that he wouldn’t go ballistic when he did.
##
On Saturday morning, I brought my two duffel bags and a cardboard box full of belongings down to my car and hung our apartment keys on Mrs. M’s doorknob, leaving behind our few shabby pieces of furniture. They were her problem now.
And, with that simple act of handing over my keys, I became homeless. I drove to Discoverers in a weird, disoriented mood. Losing my home, as crappy as it had been, had unmoored me. No mailing address. No protection from the California wind and sun. I belonged nowhere, had nowhere to go.
But tonight I would see Zoey. That was a happy thought, my first in a while. And maybe I’d spend the night with her.
Brandon greeted me as I walked in the fire station. “Dude, I gotta talk to you.” His face wore a pleased, almost gloating, expression. He jerked his head toward the men’s room, and I followed him.
The sink area of the bathroom felt too small for us. At six foot four, Brandon was taller than me, but soft, with love handles and a little double chin. He cracked his knuckles a few times. “They said you don’t go to Perdido. There must be some mistake, right?”
I stalled. “Who said that?”
“In the principal’s office. At Perdido High. They said you weren’t enrolled there anymore.” A strange half-smile lit his face.
It was over. I was caught. I had lost my home, and now I would lose my chance for a decent future. But I was sick of lying and sneaking around. “I had to quit school. To work full-time. I went there last year, though.”
“But Discoverers is for high school students! Is that why you lied? To be in the program?”
I was so tired. I wanted to be at Zoey’s. I wanted to fall asleep with her arms around me. “I never said I was currently enrolled at Perdido. People just assumed it.”
“And you let them!”
The triumph on his face creeped me out. “It just sort of happened,” I muttered. What would he do now? My knees felt weak, so I put a hand on the wall to steady myself. “You’re gonna tell Perkins?”
He snorted. “Are you saying I shouldn’t? I’m supposed to keep your secret?”
“No. You’re not.” My head ached from the fluorescent lights glaring off the white tile of the bathroom.
“You’re
gonna tell him,” Brandon said. “Today. Or I will.” He turned on his heel and left.
I followed him down the corridor and out to the training yard. Perkins wasn’t there, so I went to look for him in his office. Not there.
“He’s taking a few days off,” said a firefighter who happened to be walking by.
My feet felt as if they were encased in concrete. I dragged myself out to the training yard and pulled Brandon aside. “Perkins isn’t here. I know you don’t owe me anything, but I’d like him to hear this from me. In person. Would you keep this quiet until then?”
“What about today? You’re staying for the training?”
I shrugged. “I guess.” I wanted to punch the kid’s lights out. He could act all perfect and make a big deal about how I was such a bad guy, but he had no real problems. He wouldn’t be sleeping in his car any time soon.
He didn’t give a shit about the program. He didn’t hold the fire service as his hope for a decent future, like I did. I was
good
at this, dammit. I loved it.
Brandon stared at me, his eyes mocking me.
“Gimme a break,” I said. “I’ll stay for training today, and I’ll tell Perkins as soon as I see him. Okay?”
“All right.” He didn’t sound happy about it.
Passion
“What’s wrong?” It was the first thing Zoey said as she opened her door for me.
So much for keeping a poker face. “Do I look like something’s wrong?” I stepped through the door and reached for her.
“You look like a truck just missed hitting you.” She put her arms around my waist, her face nuzzling my chest. “Stunned.”
Well, I’m homeless now and about to get thrown out of the Discoverers program, meaning I’ll probably lose you too, but otherwise, I’m fine.
“No truck, but boy, am I glad to see you.” I lifted her up, so I could kiss her, hard, using my tongue, our mouths open, her feet now off the ground. “God, you smell good,” I said. “You taste good. I could just have you for dinner.”
“Go ahead,” she said, breathless, her teeth grazing my neck.
A second later, my t-shirt hit the floor.
She put out her hand and ran it over my bare chest. Her fingers drove me nuts as they moved across my skin. “I’ve wanted to do this ever since I first saw you.” She sounded awestruck. “You’re so beautiful.”
I had to say, I was in the best shape of my life. Six percent body fat, with every muscle defined and hardened through heavy labor. Zoey gulped and ran her hands along my arms.
It excited me almost more than I could stand. This beautiful girl who I loved, her lips, her hair, the safety and comfort of her home….
I wonder if Brandon’s told anyone?
I squashed the thought. Right now, for this moment anyway, I would push everything else… not out of my mind, but into a corner at least.
“I thought you didn’t like me at first,” I said.
“I didn’t. I thought you were a pain, asking me to run notes to Kat. But I also thought you were drop dead gorgeous.”
“But…. you like me now?” My voice cracked.
“Yeah.” Looking up at me, open and sincere. “I do.”
Reaching for the lower edge of her shirt, I eased it up over her head and arms. Her hair came out of the shirt in a mass of crackling static, which she tried to pat down while my eyes caressed her pinky-white shoulders and arms.
She wore a white bra that was really plain, with this simple lace along the edge. I caught my breath.
“That lace is hot.” I traced my finger along the edge where the lace met her skin, then followed the same path with my tongue and lips, while Zoey stood, head thrown back, her fingers digging into my shoulders.
The bra came off as I fell to my knees and buried my face in her breasts, her fingers now weaving through my hair.
She had the easy pull-off kind of pants, which flew away into a corner. Bikini underwear that matched the bra. “That lace again!” I nibbled along the edge of lace that ran low along her belly, then slipped a finger in the waistband and pulled down, while she laughed and gasped at the same time. Off came the panties.
“You’re gorgeous.” I kissed her hip and waist, moving up and coming to my feet while her hands went to the button of my jeans. She hadn’t seen me naked yet. She pulled off my briefs almost shyly, then stepped back to have a look.
Watching Zoey look at my naked body for the first time was the most exciting thing I’d ever seen. I think my dick tripled in size right before her eyes. I half-tackled her and we staggered over to the bed together.
Suddenly modest, she pulled a sheet over us as we lay down together, kissing and touching each other’s bodies.
“Zoey” I said into her shoulder. “Do know how much you turn me on? You’re so freaking hot.”
A dinging noise from a timer in the kitchen.
“Oh, no! The pot roast.”
“Fuck the pot roast.”
“Let me just take it out of the oven.” She eyed the distance between the bed and the kitchen and then looked over at her clothes lying scattered on the floor.
“Don’t mind me,” I said, smirking and lying back on the pillows with my hands behind my head.
She shot me a mock glare. “You’re going to watch?”
“Oh yeah.”
She wavered for a minute, but then her shoulders squared and her face got that expression that I knew meant
Step out of the way; Zoey’s on a mission.
Tossing back the sheet, she sauntered off to the kitchen, moving her ass from side to side and throwing me a saucy look over her shoulder as she pulled the pot roast from the oven. She turned and sashayed back toward me, her eyes lit up and dancing with fun, her lower lip caught in her teeth.
I didn’t say anything because I was falling in love all over again with this funny, fearless, amazing girl. When she reached the bed, I flipped her so she was on her back and I was up on my elbow, leaning over her, drinking in her face, her warm eyes, her small pink mouth. She was just as hot, ready, and wanting it as I was.
“I’m on the pill.” Her hands moved downward from my chest, making me crazy.
“Good. I’ll use a condom anyway.” I was clean but had an unbreakable no-condom-no-sex policy.
“But….”
“For now, it’s better that way. It’s safer for you.” I smoothed a strand of hair behind her ear with my finger.
Tenderness filled her eyes. “You’re so good to me, Travis.”
“Baby.” I got out the words with difficulty. “I haven’t even started being good to you.”
We reached for each other at the same time.
##
Zoey was still asleep when I woke up. I lay there for a minute, trying to reconcile all the odd, ill-fitting jigsaw puzzle pieces of my life. It didn’t make sense that I was so happy and in love and in so much trouble and so scared all at the same time.
I was starving. I looked over at Zoey, who lay on her side with her back toward me. The slope of her waist and hip seemed like some miracle of nature, like the Grand Canyon, except way more interesting. I wanted to kiss my way along that slope and wake her up for Sunday morning sex.
I let her sleep. Slipping out of bed, strangely restless, I picked my jeans and felt an unfamiliar lump in my front pocket. It was cash, my pay from Benny.
I had just discovered the bright side to getting evicted. I didn’t have to pay rent.
Which meant that, for the first time in a long while, I had a pocketful of spending money. I was so used to handing all my pay over to Mrs. M that I felt suddenly, bizarrely rich.
Thinking of Benny, I checked my voice mail. Nothing from him. He’d for sure gotten my message by now. His silence must mean he was okay with my borrowing the chain saw, right?
I pulled on my clothes and left, leaving a note for Zoey and her front door unlocked. It felt good to enter the Milt’s Bagels down the street just like a normal person would, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to go in and pick up breakfast.
Fifteen minutes later, I was back at Zoey’s with two bagel/scrambled egg combinations, orange juices, and coffees. Zoey was standing at the table in a big t-shirt, reading my note.
“Hey!” She took the bag from me, set it on the table, and crawled into my arms.
“I brought you breakfast.”
“Thanks. We never got to the pot roast, did we?”
We sat crosslegged on the bed, stuffing ourselves, then lay down, hugging each other. Zoey toyed with my belly button then slid her hand south while I groaned, instantly on fire but also worried about the time. I thought of the partially cleared lot that I’d started yesterday and had to finish today, so I could return the chainsaw to Benny tomorrow. “I better go. Sorry. I wish I could stay.”
“Is there something you have to do?”
“Yeah. It’s, um, for my mom.”
“Okay.” The word hung there, as if to say
Are you going to tell me what it is?
But I didn’t.
“No problem,” she said after a second. “I have a test to study for anyway. So I’ll just see you at work tomorrow, okay?”
We kissed for a while, and I went down to my car, and then I ran back up and kissed her some more in her open doorway. As I drove away, my thoughts turned to the day ahead, a little ball of nerves forming in my chest.
Tonight, there would be no hot, tender moments with Zoey.
I would sleep in my car.
Dirty
For ten hours, I worked until every muscle in my back and shoulders quivered. My arms aching, I slashed through branches and bark with my contraband chainsaw, pulled networks of knotted roots from the ground, and tossed all of it into the dumpsters I’d asked Maggie to get me. And that was just the tree. I also cut and bagged the weeds and grass from the rest of the lot, working methodically, not daring to take a break or slow down for fear I wouldn’t finish the job today.