Or, at least I thought I understood. No more than another few minutes went by before the screaming and snarling began growing higher inside me, stretching out of all proportion to what had been and was being done to me. I gritted my teeth, trying to keep it from rising even more, but it was simply no use.
My usual iron-bound self-control refused to cope with the problem, and I was left with a mad that made me more and more willing to strike out at anyone handy. In desperation to keep something ugly from happening I jumped to my feet and raced into my cabin, but Val followed me in almost immediately, bringing along the problem I’d been trying to avoid.
“Diana, are you all right?” he demanded, his voice sounding upset. “What happened? Why did you run like that?”
“You might say it was a call of nature,” I told him, standing with one hand against the far wall of the, cabin, the other over my eyes. I didn’t want to admit it was my own lousy nature that had called, the temper I knew I couldn’t afford to lose. “If you’ll give me a minute, I’ll be right back with you.”
“Don’t be an idiot,” he snorted, and then he was standing there next to me, pulling me into his arms and up against him. My hand came away from my eyes as I stiffened involuntarily, but I didn’t realize just how I’d stiffened until I saw the look on his face.
“Just calm down, little girl,” he said in a soothing way, his arms around me more supportive and comforting than intimate. “Remember me? I’m the one you don’t have to defend yourself against, so just let those muscles relax. I’m not going to hurt you, Diana, so just take it easy.”
I looked down at the way I was standing, at the double knife-hand my fingers had stiffened to, and couldn’t believe I’d actually slipped that far from control. That was when I really understood what Val had been trying to tell me, the message that said the sort of anger I’d bred in him got worse with the passage of time, not better. I hadn’t been justified in knocking him around, and it was time I admitted it.
“I’m-not doing very well with that agreement we made,” I got out, looking up at him with self-disgust and annoyance. “In case you were wondering, you made your point. I guess I’m just not built to take it as well as you did. I think I’m going to need more than that minute before we start again.”
“You don’t have to worry, we won’t be starting again,” he said, suddenly sounding odd. “You look like you’re coming face to face with an uncomfortable truth, Diana, but it’s nothing you have to be upset about. If you’re having second thoughts about the wisdom in choosing me as a partner, you don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings. It would hardly be the first time I was told something like that.”
His voice had grown very gentle and the look in his eyes was hooded. Val had totally misinterpreted everything that had happened, and was braced to take the bad news like a trooper, leading me to wonder fleetingly just how many times he’d had to take that news. The prejudice of the unwashed herd had obviously brought him a lot of hell, and I felt a twinge inside me that was stronger than sympathy. If I tried telling him that / was the problem, not him, he’d never believe me.
Silently I beckoned to him to follow me, then led the way out of my cabin and back into the salon. When we reached a low, squarish utility table next to one wall, I held up my hand at Val, then continued on into the galley alone. It took no more than a minute to get what I was after, and when I came out Val was frowning in confusion. He watched me step up on the utility table, which put my head an inch or so above his, then stood there in speechless shock as I emptied the large plastic container of water I had gotten, right over his head. Once the last drop had been emptied I tossed the container away, then put my fists on my hips.
“I’m not having second thoughts about anything,” I told him, watching calmly as his big hand wiped the water out of his eyes and pushed his sopping hair back. “How about you?”
He looked at me with thunder and lightning blazing in those eyes for about five seconds, and then a grin broke through.
“No, no second thoughts,” he said, tossing a lock of wet hair back out of his eyes. “How could I have second thoughts when I haven’t even come to terms with my first thoughts yet? I can see I’m never going to know what to expect from you, Diana, but maybe we can narrow the field a little.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about, and I didn’t realize I was about to find out. One minute that grin was right in front of me, and the next I was off the table, turned around, and held about the waist by one of those should-be illegal arms. Five or six hard, fast smacks were delivered to my bare bottom, and then I was set back on my feet on the deck carpeting.
“First you use words alone, and then, if that doesn’t work, you try something else,” he lectured with one finger pointing at me while I stood in outraged speechlessness with my hands rubbing behind me. “The next time I have to tell you that, you’ll spend some time standing up.”
I was so mad I couldn’t say a word, but having a chat wasn’t what I wanted to do with him. I actually took one step toward him before I had control of myself again, and then I turned and stalked away to my cabin, slamming the heavy but well-balanced door behind me. The nerve of that jerk! Go ahead and try to help someone, and see what you get for it! I stalked back and forth across the tiny cabin, trying to calm down, but it took quite a while before I made it. No one but a backwoods hick of a second from a backwoods outpost would be stupid enough to spank a Special Agent, but that was the second time that jerk had tried it. The first time had cost him a lot of blood, but he didn’t seem to learn from anything that happened to him! It was fairly clear I should have taken someone else in his place after all, but it was too late for that now. I’d just have to teach some manners to what I had, over and over again, if necessary, until the lesson stuck with him. I sat down on my bunk and drew my knees up for my chin to rest on, then began making a mental list of possible lessons.
I let a few hours go by before I left the cabin again, and when I did I made it very clear that Val had turned invisible. He was sitting on a couch reading a slim, leather-bound book when I passed him, and I paid no attention to the way he followed me with his eyes and a grin. I went into the control room and ran a quick systems and course check, made sure my double-check tape run was progressing properly, then went to the galley. A synthburger and coffee were enough to take care of what little appetite I had, and these I carried back to my cabin with me, slamming the door again behind me. When I’d come out of the galley with my food Val had been back on his couch, but it was obvious he’d left it briefly by the presence of the blanket he was wrapped in. He made sure to begin shivering violently as I passed, but he hadn’t done anything about that stupid grin. I swallowed my meal with my nose stuffed into a book of my own, read for a short while after that, then declared official ship’s night.
When I woke up I discovered it was past nine hundred hours Arbitrary Ship Time, but that didn’t mean much. I’d started the night early when I’d gone to bed, and there wasn’t anything on the ship that called for crack-of-dawn rising. I stretched hard and then lay still for a minute, grinning when I remembered the very discreet push against my cabin door the night before. I’d been lying in the dark for a while, waiting to fall asleep, when I’d heard the faint creak of the door in its frame. It had been trying to swing obligingly inward, but the lock I’d flipped on had kept it from doing so. I’d been wondering whether Val would try to catch me asleep and vulnerable, and now I knew; gentlemanly conduct goes by the boards when you’ve been heated up and not been given a chance to cool down. I’d had some of the same trouble myself the night before, but it was worth it if Val had suffered more.
I got up and visited the bathroom, got a cup of coffee and ran the routine control room checks, then went to start my morning loosening up. That was when Val showed up, looking well rested and fresh from the shower. His cobalt blue exercise shorts looked fresh and clean too, as though he’d been using the launderer. I still didn’t need the launderer, and Val’s eyes showed he was well aware of that as he sat down on a corner stool to watch me. As I’ve mentioned I’m considered big for a woman, but I’m also nicely well-endowed. The Absari clinicians didn’t have to touch my body when they’d matched me to Bellna, the Tildorian princess I’d decoyed for; that body went very well with the outstandingly beautiful face I’d been given to play the part of Bellna, the face that was now mine as well as hers. I still wasn’t used to being a redhead, but Val didn’t seem to miss my original brown hair and eyes. He watched closely as I twisted, bent, stretched and jumped, saying not a single word, but as the saying goes, his eyes spoke volumes.
When I finished the exercising, I went for a shower. I hadn’t skimped on anything I needed to keep up decent muscle tone, but I’d intended running through a couple of the stricter forms designed to keep your fighting muscles well oiled and then had changed my mind. To deny that Val’s stare had gotten to me would be a waste of time; if he hadn’t been there, I would have done those forms. I slapped the water-flow switch with more strength than was strictly necessary, absolutely disgusted with myself. So what if his stare was pure evaluation, the owner of a breeding ranch looking over his bloodstock, or a hungry carnivore considering the taste of the prey he was about to pounce on? Was I a placid broodmare or a cute little bunnyrabbit that I couldn’t tell him to go to hell and then ignore him?
I closed my eyes and let the cool water fall directly over my face and head, something that always made me feel as though I stood under a falls on a planet instead of in a sub-coffin-sized shower stall on a ship using recirculated water. I couldn’t help remembering the thoughts I’d had about how my body looked.
Once, when very young, I had gone with my mother to visit some friends of hers. The people had been animal lovers, and they had had dogs and cats and birds and rodents and all sorts of cute and/or cuddlesome pets scattered about in almost every room of the house. When my mother and her friends had begun talking business I was given the run of the house, something I wasn’t reluctant to accept. The idea of all those animals living together had fascinated me, and I’d wandered from room to room, admiring the comradely peace and calm-until I came to the rule’s exception. A small but beautifully colored bird was flapping around in a frenzy in its large, ornate cage, beating mindlessly against the bars and swings and perches, acting as though it were trying to get away from some horrible menace. I’d looked all around; trying to see what the menace could be, but hadn’t found anything at all to explain the bird’s behavior when a house servant entered the room. The bird’s frenzied flapping caught his immediate attention, and with a sound of annoyance he went straight to an orange and white cat lying quietly near the cage, picked up the animal up, then left the room with it. The bird’s fluttering hysterics had started quieting immediately, but I hadn’t understood why. The cat hadn’t been doing anything but staring at the bird . . .
I took my face out of the water so that I could sigh deeply, wondering what the hell I was going to do.
The cat in question wasn’t a housecat but a hunting cat, and the bird wasn’t a cagebird but a mutated hunting hawk. If they ever got down to it in a serious way more than feathers and fur would fly, but the cat didn’t seem prepared to back off, and the bird was beginning to feel her talons flexing in pure reflex.
If something didn’t happen to establish a truce between them, the upcoming months would not be at all pleasant, but the hawk didn’t want a truce on the cat’s terms. I damned well couldn’t accept a truce on Val’s terms, not and still look myself in the face when I brushed my hair. He could stare until he was blue in the face, but I’d be damned if I’d let it stampede me.
With which strong-minded resolve I finished my shower, let the air blowers dry me, then marched out of the shower stall. The small exercise room was empty, but when I turned the corner into the salon, I ran smack into the cause of my frenzied fluttering in the flesh.
“Hey, be careful!” Val said with touching concern, grabbing my arms to keep me from going over backward at the collision. Then he grinned faintly and observed, “Small ship, isn’t it?”
“Not that small,” I muttered to myself and began to step around him, but suddenly he was in my way again. I looked up at him with what must have been automatic talon flexing, and he immediately held up a conciliatory hand.
“I’m really not trying to crowd you,” he said. “It’s just that I have a problem, and I need your help with it.”
I studied his very innocent face for a minute, knowing damned well he was trying to con me, but still said, “What problem?”
“It’s right this way,” he said, stepping aside and gesturing with one hand. “Come on and I’ll show you.”
I half expected him to lead the way to his bunk, but his actual destination turned out to be the galley. He led me up to the synthoserver, then turned and gestured at it over his shoulder.
“I can’t eat what that thing puts out,” he said, the distaste in his expression testifying to the truth of his words. “No matter what color or shape or texture it comes out in, it all tastes the same and I can’t eat it.
If that’s all this ship has in the way of food, I’m not going to make it to your Federation.”
He was looking down at me in a strange way, obviously not kidding about the syntho, but at the same time pleased he had found something I couldn’t ignore him about. I was that close to telling him he’d get used to the syntho after a while and if he didn’t he could starve with my blessing, when I suddenly got a better idea. The ship was, after all, a luxury yacht, and I could do with a little luxury.
“If it’s fresh food you want, the dispenser’s over here,” I told him, pointing out the recess on the opposite side of the galley. “The ship needs about ten minutes to thaw out whatever you decide on, and operating instructions for the broiler grill-oven are in that cabinet, right next to the seasoning, utensils and plates.