Gangster (33 page)

    It was the first time I had seen a gangster at work. It was the calm with which Nico attacked more than the brutality that struck me. It was one thing to be told stories about violence and quite another to bear witness to a man's pain. I swallowed hard, felt warm bile rushing up to my throat and knew I needed to remain calm and not let what I had just seen affect the way I spoke or moved. I got up from the chair and squatted down next to the actor. Get the money, I said to him. It's all I want, and then I'll go. But if you say no again, I have no choice but to leave you alone with him.

    On the bureau in the bedroom, the actor said in between sobs, his eyes fixated on his busted hand and wrist. My wallet's in there. There's cash in it and next to it. I don't know how much, but there should be enough to cover what you need.

    I hope so, I said, standing and nodding to Nico. He stepped over the actor's body and walked off toward the bedroom. The actor crawled to the couch, lifted himself up and sat down, leaving his limp hand, now starting to swell, on his thigh. We stared at one another until Nico walked back into the room and handed me the cash.

    It's all there, he said.

    I took the money, folded it over and stuffed it into my jacket pocket. Then we're finished here, I said to the actor. Your debt's been paid.

    I need to go to the hospital, have a doctor take care of my hand, the actor whispered. Put a cast on it, ice it down; something to make it better.

    That's a good idea, I said, then I turned to follow Nico into the foyer and out of the brownstone.

    Help me get dressed and get me there, he pleaded. It's the least you can do for me.

    I turned back, looked at him, and shook my head. Get there on your own. Call one of your friends and have him come get you, I said. That's not what we do.

    You little fuck, the actor said, the pain from his hand now reaching high up into his arm. All you do is hassle people for their money and bust them up. That's what you do.

    I didn't respond. There was no need. But that's not all I do, I wanted to tell him. I also go to high school.

     *     *     *

NICO WAS DRIVING on the West Side Highway, heading downtown when I asked him to pull the car off to the side of the road.

    You okay? he asked, turning on an overhead light to get a better look at my face.

    I will be, I told him. Soon as I throw up. He got off on the Seventy-ninth Street exit and parked the black Cadillac alongside a stone embankment overlooking the Hudson River. I eased out of the passenger seat, leaned forward and vomited, my body coated with sweat, my new clothes splattered with stains. I stared down at my hands, holding them under the glare of the lamps illuminating Riverside Park. They were trembling uncontrollably and were unable to grip even the door handle on the car. The calmness I felt in the actor's apartment had long since abandoned me. I looked up and saw Nico standing over me, one hand resting gently on my back.

    I've never been this sick before, I said, wiping my mouth against the sleeve of my new jacket.

    You never been out on a job before, Nico explained. This happens to everybody the first time. You'll get used to it. It gets to the point where it comes as easy as taking a breath.

    Nico Bellardi leaned against the rear door of the Cadillac and lit a cigarette. He was tall, about six foot two, and carried a solid two hundred sixty pounds across his massive frame. He had a rich, thick head of dark hair, speckled by touches of white at the temples and along the sides. He was in his late thirties, always impeccably and stylishly dressed and spoke only when he felt the need. He was Pudge's top enforcer and the most trusted member of his crew.

    I wasn't scared in there until the end, I confessed. That guy had enough drugs in him, he could have killed you and me and not figured it out for three days. And when he came over and slapped me, I should have come back at him. Instead, all I did was sit there and sweat. If you hadn't bailed me out, I'd still be there catching a beating.

    Your job was to leave with the money, Nico said. Mine was to help you do that. The way I see it, we both did what we went there to do.

    If it was just you alone, having to go in there without me, what would have happened?

    If the money was there, I would have come out with it, Nico said, shrugging his shoulders and pulling on his cigarette. But the actor might have had more than some broken bones in his hand to worry about. Without you in the room, I might have left him for dead. So what you did was make sure we got the cash and, better yet, that we left behind somebody who's not going to tell anybody about it.

    How long you been doing this? I asked. You know, going out on jobs for Pudge?

    About ten years now, Nico said. He spotted me in a street gang I was running with and pulled me out. A guy like me, all he can do if he works in the rackets is be the muscle.

    Little chance to ever be a boss. But I make good money and they treat me right. If I was still kicking with that gang, I'd be on my second swing upstate by now, doing multiple years of straight time. Instead, I'm paying off a mortgage and I get a new car every two years.

    You have a family? I asked, standing and leaning over the wall, breathing in the air coming up off the river.

    Came close a few times to sliding that ring on my finger, Nico said. But I broke away before it got that far.

    How come? I asked, watching as he stepped up alongside me and stared over at the uptown traffic.

    There's gonna be a night, no matter how good you are at this, when you just don't make it through a job. It's one of the first things I learned. And I never wanted to have somebody I cared about be on the other end of a phone call where they'd have to hear something like that from a stranger.

    Thanks for helping me out tonight, I said to Nico. I really appreciate it. Maybe the next guy Pudge sends you out with won't be as bad at it as me.

    There won't be a next guy, Nico said.

    What do you mean?

    I've been made your guy, Nico said. When they send you out on jobs like these, you'll be going there with me.

    Not too exciting for you, working with somebody who's probably going to throw up at the end of every job.

    Don't look for me to knock it, Nico said, walking past me and back toward the driver's side of the car. The pay's good and the hours are easy. And judging by what I saw today, you're only going to get better at this end of the game.

    Nico jumped in behind the wheel and slammed his door shut. He watched as I stepped toward my side and did the same. He gently slipped the Cadillac into drive and moved back onto the West Side Highway, easing the car into the speed lane and heading downtown toward Angelo and Pudge's bar.

    Will the radio bother you? he asked, clicking it on. You can pick the station, won't make any difference to me.

    Anything except opera's fine, I said, leaning back against

    the headrest and shutting my eyes. If you tuned in to some rock 'n' roll, I wouldn't be upset about it.

    Rock 'n' roll it is, Nico said, pushing buttons on the console with his right hand and steering with his left, moving up and down the dial until he found the station he wanted.

    We rode the rest of the way in silence, both of us listening to Sam Cooke, Frankie Valli and Little Richard, my jacket pocket filled with crisp hundred-dollar bills collected from an actor with a debt. I opened my eyes and looked out at the illuminated city as it sped by and I smiled.

    My first day as a gangster had been a success.

     *     *     *

THE GIRL WAS walking up Thirty-first Street, a leather belt wrapped around her books held tightly across her chest. She was dressed in her school uniform, black-and-white checkerboard skirt and white blouse, topped by a blue winter coat with a hood attached. She had short brown hair and hazel eyes, and her feet were clad in white socks and a pair of shiny lace-up Buster Browns. She was alone, her head down against an early afternoon wind, her coat unbuttoned and flapping to the breeze.

    There she is, Nico said to me. The girl of your dreams. Now comes the hard part. Making those dreams come true.

    Are you sure this is a good idea? I asked, sitting on the hood of a car, my feet resting on a bumper, the girl walking toward us from the other side of the street. I mean, what if she says no?

    I don't see how you have any other choice. Nico stood next to me, his hands in his pockets. Not unless you want me to be your date at the school dance.

    I looked over at Nico with a weak smile. You're always bragging about what a great dancer you are. Maybe I should give you a chance to prove it.

    You need a Ginger not a Fred, and that's not something you're going to find on this side of the street, Nico said. So get going.

    I sighed, slid off the car, straightened my jacket and ran a hand through my hair. Is there anything else I should know before I go? I asked, my eyes focused on the girl as she walked past the dry cleaner and turned to glance in our direction.

    If you remember her name, it would give you a leg up, Nico said. I gave him a playful shove, checked the passing traffic and walked at a fast clip toward the girl in the checkerboard skirt.

    She saw me coming, flashed a sweet smile that made my face flush and said, Hi, Gabe. What are you up to?

    Not much, Maddy, I said. Just talking with my friend. I pointed over my shoulder and saw her cast a glance at Nico, his foot up on a fender, a lit cigarette in his mouth.

    He's a pretty big guy, Maddy said, crinkling her nose. Looks like he plays football.

    He likes to play all kinds of sports, I said.

    Did you finish that French report yet? I haven't even done the reading for it. I had such a hard time picking my topic.

    I can help you with it, if you want, I managed to get out. French and History are the only classes I'm any good in. I can barely stay awake for the rest of them.

    That would be great, Maddy said. I mean, if you have the time.

    I can make the time, I told her. How about after school Friday in the library? That'll give you some time to finish the reading.

    It's a date, she said. Friday, three-thirty, in the library. I'll sneak in some candy. That way we won't get too hungry while we work.

    She started to walk away but I screwed up my nerve, my fists clenched nervously by my side. So ... speaking of dates ... are you planning on going to the gym dance Saturday night?

    I'd like to, Maddy said with the kind of coy smile that comes so easily to teenage girls, but no one's been around to ask me yet.

    Would you go if I was the one who asked you? I tried to swallow with a mouth dry enough to hold sand.

    I'd love to go with you, Gabe. Her smile disappeared as quickly as it had come. I really would. But I can't.

    I was red-faced now and confused by her quick refusal. What, are you waiting for somebody else to ask?

    No, Maddy said, shaking her head.

    Then I don't get it. Why can't you...

    I can't go with you, Gabe, she cut me off. Then, starting to walk away, she said, Please just leave it at that.

    I reached out a hand, grabbed her by the elbow and held her in place. Whatever the reason is, I'd like to hear it. I don't know, maybe there's something I can do to help change it.

    Maddy looked at me and then over my shoulder at Nico, still in his place by the parked car, talking bets now with Little Angel, a neighborhood loan shark. My father would never say yes to it, she said. And there's nothing you can say, nothing you can do that will ever change his mind. It's just the way he feels about you.

    The way he feels about me?   I didn't bother to mask my anger or surprise. There's no way he could feel anything about me. I've never even met the guy.

    It's not about you, Gabe, Maddy said. It's the people you live with.

    I'll never forget the rush of emotions that flooded through my body at those words. It was a mixture of anger and humiliation. Anger that the men I knew and loved were not considered good enough for her or her family. Humiliated because even then, I understood why that was so. Things had changed since I'd come to live with Angelo and Pudge. But I was still on the outside looking in. I was still in a world that was somehow soiled, yearning to cross over to one that was nice and new and clean.

    Maddy must have seen my agony, because she said, quite gently, My father works hard, very hard to take care of his family. He takes a lot of pride in that. Goes to church on Sunday mornings with my mom and coaches Little League games on Saturdays. The only time I ever see my father get angry is when he talks about your friends. He says they live off other people's hard work and ruin every neighborhood they go into. And he says you're a part of them, Gabe. So as much as I like you, I can't go to the dance with you.

    I shoved my hands in my pockets, looked at this beautiful girl and nodded. I would never ask you to do that, I said. I've learned to stay away from places where I'm not wanted. I'm sorry I bothered you, Maddy. I won't do it again. I stepped off the curb, waiting for the traffic to clear.

    My father's a good man, Gabe, Maddy called out after me.

    He hates people he doesn't know and has never even met, I said, looking over my shoulder at her. If that's the way a good man is supposed to act, then I'll stay next to the bad guys where I belong.

    I waited for an opening and ran across the avenue, away from Maddy and back over to the smiling faces of Nico and Little Angel.

    Back to my side of the street.

     *     *     *

ANGELO LEANED AGAINST the edge of the rooftop and watched as his flock of pigeons flew in a wide circle above his head. There were two large buckets of feed by his feet and a dripping garden hose curled alongside the coop. I tossed a pail of soap and water into the coop, grabbed a mop and started to scrub it down. There was a portable radio resting above the coop's wires tuned into the Italian news hour. I listened to the announcer discuss the latest fiscal crisis to hit Naples. There were times when I felt I knew more about what was going on in a country I'd never seen than I did about events in my own city.