Full Circle (32 page)

“Interesting, isn't it?” The attorney she sat next to on the second day leaned over and spoke to her in an undervoice as they listened to the governor discuss an issue she had been arguing about with someone the night before. He was taking exactly the position she had herself and she wanted to stand up and cheer.

“Yes, it is.” She whispered back. He was one of the attorneys from Los Angeles. He was tall and attractive and had gray hair. They were seated next to each other at lunch the next day, and she was surprised to discover how liberal he was. He was an interesting man, from New York originally, he had gone to Harvard Law School, and had then moved to Los Angeles. “And actually, I've been living in Washington for the last few years, working with the government, but I just came back out West again, and I'm glad I did.” He smiled. He had an easy way, a warm smile, and she liked his ideas when they talked again that night, and by the end of the week, all of them felt as though they had become friends. It had been a fascinating exchange of ideas for the past week.

He was staying at the Huntington. And he offered her a drink at L'Etoile before he left. Of all the people there, they had had the most thoughts in common, and Tana had found him a pleasant companion on the various panels they'd been on. He was hard working and professional, and pleasant almost all the time.

“How do you like working in the D.A.'s office?” He had been intrigued by that. Generally, the women he knew didn't like it there. They went into family practices, or other aspects of the law, but female prosecutors were rare everywhere, for obvious reasons. It was a damn tough job, and no one made things easy for them.

“I love it.” She smiled. “It doesn't leave me much time for myself, but that's all right.” She smiled at him, and smoothed back her hair. She still wore it long, but she wore it in a knot when she worked. She was given to wearing suits and blouses when she went to court, but she still lived in jeans at home. And she was wearing a gray flannel suit now, with a pale gray silk shirt.

“Married?” He raised an eyebrow and glanced at her hand, and she smiled.

“No time for that either, I'm afraid.” There had been a handful of men in her life in recent years, but they never lasted long. She ignored them for weeks on end, preparing trials, and just never had enough time for them. It wasn't a loss that had bothered her very much, although Harry kept insisting she'd be sorry one day. “I'll do something about it then.” “When? When you're ninety-five?”

“What were you doing in government, Drew?” His name was Drew Lands and he had the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. She liked the way he smiled at her, and she found herself wondering how old he was, and correctly guessed that he was around forty-five.

“I had an appointment to the Department of Commerce for a while. Someone died, and I was filling in until they made a permanent change.” He smiled at her, and she realized again that she liked the way he looked, more than she had anyone in a long time. “It was an interesting job for a time. There's something incredibly exhilarating about Washington. Everything centers around the government, and the people involved with it. If you're not in government, you're absolutely no one there. And the sense of power is overwhelming. It's all that matters there, to anyone.” He smiled at her, and it was easy to see that he had been part of that.

“That must be hard to give up.” She was intrigued by that, and she herself had wondered more than once if she would be interested in politics, but she didn't really think it would suit her as well as the law.

“It was time. I was happy to get back to Los Angeles.” He smiled easily and put down his scotch again, looking at her. “It almost feels like home again. And you, Tana? What's home to you? Are you a San Francisco girl?”

She shook her head. “New York originally. But I've been here since I went to Boalt.” It had been eight years since she arrived, and that in itself was incredible, since 1964. “I can't imagine living anywhere else now … or doing anything else.…” She loved the district attorney's office more than anything. There was always excitement for her there, and she had grown up a lot in her five years on the job. And that was another thing … five years as an assistant D.A. That was as hard to believe as the rest … where did the time run to, while one worked? Suddenly one woke up and ten years had drifted past … ten years … or five … or one … it all seemed the same after a while. Ten years felt like one felt like an eternity.

“You looked awfully serious just then.” He was watching her, and they exchanged a smile.

She shrugged philosophically. “I was just thinking how quickly time rushes by. It's hard to believe I've been out here this long … and in the D.A.'s office for five years.”

“That was how I felt about Washington. The three years felt more like three weeks, and suddenly it was time to go home.”

“Think you'll go back one day?”

He smiled, and there was something there she couldn't quite read. “For a while anyway. My kids are still there. I didn't want to pull them out of school halfway through the year, and my wife and I haven't resolved yet where they're going to live. Probably half and half, eventually. It's the only thing that's fair to us, although it might be difficult for them at first. But kids adjust.” He smiled at her. He had obviously just gotten divorced.

“How old are they?”

“Thirteen and nine. Both girls. They're terrific kids, and they're very close to Eileen, but they've stayed close to me, too, and they're really happier in L.A. than they are in Washington. That's not really much of a life for kids back there, and she's awfully busy,” he volunteered.

“What does she do?”

“She's assistant to the Ambassador to the OAS, and actually she has her sights on an ambassadorial post herself. That'll make it pretty impossible to take the kids with her, so I'd have them then. Everything is still pretty much up in the air.” He smiled again, but a little more hesitantly this time.

“How long have you two been divorced?”

“Actually, we're working it out right now. We took our time deciding while we were in Washington, and now it's definite. I'm going to file as soon as things settle down. I'm hardly unpacked yet.”

She smiled at him, thinking of how difficult it had to be, children, a wife, traveling three thousand miles, Washington, Los Angeles. But it didn't seem to shake up his style. He had made incredible sense at the conference. Of the six attorneys involved, she had been most impressed with him. She had also been impressed with how reasonable he was about being liberal. Ever since her experiences with Yael McBee five years before, her liberalism had been curbed considerably. And five years in the D.A.'s office was making her less liberal by the hour. She was suddenly for tougher laws, tighter controls, and all the liberal ideas she had believed in for so long no longer made as much sense to her, but somehow Drew Lands made them palatable again, and even if the actual positions no longer appealed to her, he didn't alienate anyone expressing his views. “I thought you handled it beautifully.” He was touched and pleased, and they had another drink, before he dropped her off at her place in his cab, and went on to the airport to go back to Los Angeles.

“Could I call you sometime?” He asked hesitantly, as though he were afraid there might be someone important to her, but at the moment there was no one at all. There had been a creative director in an ad agency for a few months the year before, and actually no one at all since then. He had been too busy and too harassed and so had she, and the affair had ended as quietly as it had begun. She had taken to telling people that she was married to her work, and she was the D.A.'s “other wife,” which made her colleagues laugh. But it was almost true by now. Drew looked at her hopefully, and she nodded with a smile.

“Sure. I'd like that.” God only knew when he'd be back in town again anyway. And she was trying a big Murder One case anyway for the next two months.

But he astounded her and called her the next day, as she sat in her office, drinking coffee and making notes, as she outlined her approach for the case. There was going to be a lot of press involved and she didn't want to make a fool of herself. She wasn't thinking of anything but the case when she grabbed the phone and barked into it. “Yes?”

“Miss Roberts please.” He was never surprised by the rudeness of the people who worked for the D.A.

“That's me.” She sounded playful suddenly. She was so damn tired, she was slaphappy. It was almost five o'clock, and she hadn't left her desk all day. Not even for lunch. She hadn't eaten anything since dining the night before, except for the gallons of coffee she'd consumed.

“It didn't sound like you.” His voice was almost a caress, and she was startled at first, wondering if it was a crank call.

“Who's this?”

“Drew Lands.”

“Christ … I'm sorry … I was so totally submerged in my work, I didn't recognize your voice at first. How are you?”

“Fine. I thought I'd give you a call and see how
you
were, more importantly.”

“Preparing a big murder case I'm starting next week.”

“That sounds like fun.” He said it sarcastically and they both laughed. “And what do you do in your spare time?”

“Work.”

“I figured as much. Don't you know that's bad for your health?”

“I'll have to worry about that when I take my retirement. Meanwhile, I don't have time.”

“What about this weekend? Can you take a break?”

“I don't know … I…” She usually worked weekends, especially right now. And the panel had cost her a whole week she should have spent preparing her case. “I really should…”

“Come on, you can afford a few hours off. I thought I'd borrow a friend's yacht in Belvedere. You can even bring your work along, although it's a sacrilege.” But it was late October then, and the weather would have been perfect for an afternoon on the Bay, warm and sunny with bright blue skies. It was the best time of the year, and San Francisco was lyrical. She was almost tempted to accept, but she just didn't want to leave her work undone.

“I really should prepare.…”

“Dinner instead … ? lunch … ?” And then suddenly they both laughed. No one had been that persistent in a long time and it was flattering.

“I'd really like to, Drew.”

“Then, do. And I promise, I won't take more time than I should. What's easiest for you?”

“That sail on the Bay sounded awfully good. I might even play hooky for a day.” The image of trying to juggle important papers in the breeze did not appeal to her, but an outing on the Bay with Drew Lands did.

“I'll be there, then. How does Sunday sound?”

“Ideal to me.”

“I'll pick you up at nine. Dress warmly in case the wind comes up.”

“Yes, sir.” She smiled to herself, hung up, and went back to work, and promptly at nine o'clock Sunday morning, Drew Lands arrived, in white jeans, sneakers, a bright red shirt, and a yellow parka under his arm. His face already looked tan, his hair shone like silver in the sun, and the blue eyes danced as she followed him out to the car. He was driving a silver Porsche he had driven up from L.A. on Friday night, he said, but true to his word, he hadn't bothered her. He drove her down to the Saint Francis Yacht Club where the boat was moored, and half an hour later they were out on the Bay. He was an excellent sailor, and there was a skipper aboard, and she lay happily on the deck, soaking up the sun, trying not to think of her murder case, and suddenly glad she'd let him talk her into taking the day off.

“The sun feels good, doesn't it?” His voice was deep, and he was sitting on the deck next to her when she opened her eyes.

“It does. Somehow everything else seems so unimportant all of a sudden. All the things one scurries around about, all the details that seem so monumental, and then suddenly
poof …
they're gone.” She smiled at him, wondering if he missed his kids a lot, and it was as though he read her mind.

“One of these days, I'd like you to meet my girls, Tana. They'd be crazy about you.”

“I don't know about that.” She sounded hesitant, and her smile was shy. “I don't know much about little girls, I'm afraid.”

He looked at her appraisingly, but not accusingly. “Have you ever wanted children of your own?”

He was the kind of man one could be honest with and she shook her head. “No, I haven't. I've never had the desire, or the time,” she smiled openly then, “or the right man in my life, not to mention the right circumstances.”

He laughed. “That certainly takes care of pretty much everything, doesn't it?”

“Yup. What about you?” She was feeling breezy and carefree with him. “Do you want more?”

He shook his head, and she knew that that was the kind of man she would want one day. She was thirty years old and it was too late for children for her. She had nothing in common with them anyway. “I can't anyway, or not at least without going to an awful lot of trouble. Eileen and I decided when Julie was born that that was it for us. I had a vasectomy.” He spoke of it so openly that it shocked her a little bit. But what was wrong with not wanting more kids? She didn't want any, and she didn't have any at all.

“That solves the problem anyway, doesn't it?”

“Yes,” he smiled mischievously, “in more ways than one.” She told him about Harry then, his two children, Averil … and when Harry came back from Vietnam, the incredible year of watching him fight for his life and go through surgery, and the courage he had had.

“It changed my life in a lot of ways. I don't think I was ever the same after that.…” She looked out over the water pensively, and he watched the sunlight dancing on her golden hair. “… it was as though things mattered so much after that. Everything did. You couldn't afford to take anything for granted after that.” She sighed and looked at him. “I felt that way once before too.”

“When was that?” His eyes were gentle as he looked at her and she wondered what it would be like to be kissed by him.

“When my college roommate died. We went to Green Hill together, in the South,” she explained seriously and he smiled.

“I know where it is.”

“Oh.” She smiled back. “She was Sharon Blake … Freeman Blake's daughter, and she died on a march with Martin Luther King nine years ago.… She and Harry changed my life more than anyone else I know.”