Fulfilled (6 page)

“Tell me.”

“I’m not sure where to begin.” She wasn’t prevaricating.

“Kennedy will want to talk when we get home. It can wait until then, and it’ll give you time to sort out your thoughts.”

Maybe her thoughts, but her feelings? How would she catalog those? She’d been a kid in a candy store, all those luscious treats close up and tempting. And she had no idea what she wanted despite her newly discovered sweet tooth. Yes, she did. She knew what she didn’t want. It was a start, except she didn’t know what it would cost her. And wanting something didn’t mean one received. Or if wanting was the same thing as needing. She was in way over her head. Well, nothing she could do about it right now. She relaxed and put things in order so she could share with Kennedy, leaning her head back against the seat and allowing her eyes to close. The imprint of those two Doms danced on the back of her lids, and she felt her mouth turn up despite her ambivalence.

The house was quiet when they got home. Graham immediately made his way to listen outside of Nathan’s door, cracked it open, then put his head inside. He withdrew, grinning broadly and motioned to her. Lois slipped her shoes off with a sigh of relief and tiptoed over. Nathan was sprawled on his little bed, bottom in the air, his sweet face turned to the door. His rosebud of a mouth puckered as if in response to being watched. Kennedy was sound asleep beside him, lying precariously on a slender fraction of mattress. Lois wouldn’t have woken her, but Graham had his orders. He pressed a kiss on her forehead, and his wife’s eyes fluttered open and focused in an instant. Her mouth dropped open on a yawn, and Graham crouched to slip his arms under her, straightening with his little burden, displaying no discernible effort. Lois wondered what it would feel like to be cosseted like that. She watched to make certain Nathan didn’t stir before quietly closing the door and following them to the kitchen. She put the kettle on to boil while the couple got seated, Kennedy on Graham’s lap. This room was indeed the heart of the home and the place for sharing and learning.

Kennedy knuckled sleep from her eyes. “How did it go? I thought I’d die from curiosity but the little tyrant decided he wanted his nanny and would only settle if I lay down with him. And of course I fell asleep. Probably before he did.”

Lois sucked in air.

“Oh for heaven’s sake, Lois. It’s okay! He’s a child, and we can expect lots of adjustments. Quit with the guilt trip.” Kennedy actually sounded a little cross.

“We’re going to have to rename Lois, honey. Jezebel comes to mind, or maybe Helen.”

“Helen? Oh, of Troy. Really?” Graham had distracted his wife.

“Not really, Kennedy. Graham’s being snotty. I’m hardly a Jezebel and certainly not someone who launched a thousand ships. Tonight was an experience. I’m meeting with Patrick on Monday.”

“You’d better not drop his title, Lois.” Graham was serious.

“I won’t. I just have to distance myself a little right now. It was quite the experience.”

“You keep saying that! What does it mean?” Kennedy was pouting a little. She flinched, and Graham was on it.

“What?”

“Nothing. Brat baby just woke up. And now I need to pee.”

Graham eased her to the floor, and Kennedy hurried off. Lois made the tea and set the table. He didn’t say a word, but she knew he was amused. Men. Doms.

“So tell me.” Kennedy clambered back onto Graham’s lap, and he laced his hands over her belly. Lois thought she’d cry from the sudden bite of envy but busied herself with pouring the hot beverage. Graham hated tea, but he accepted a cup. Lois bet the farm he wouldn’t touch it and got up to open him a beer to his pleased nod.

She took her seat again. “I met Maurice.”

“No. Not Maurice. Graham…”

“It’s okay, Kennedy. Graham just introduced me. I’m just telling you what happened.”

“Oh, okay. And if Maurice is what you want I won’t say anything, but he’s so dark.” Kennedy punctuated her comment with a shudder, and Graham cuddled her closer.

“Let Lois finish, Kennedy. She’ll choose what she needs. She’s made it this far in life without any input.”

Lois immediately spoke up. “Kennedy has the right to her opinion, and I welcome her advice, both of you, actually. I made it this far with lots of input and not all of it helpful. You have no idea.”

The couple waited, but she decided not to expound on it. She wanted to forget her soul-sucking childhood and lack of a social life because of her mother and her expectations. She didn’t want to remember how sad and boring that Lois had been. She wanted to talk about the club and find out what Graham’s smarty-pants comments meant.

“Graham told me about ménage, and I saw some D/s couples and a few single Doms. I wanted to ask Graham about one of them, but Patrick interrupted us and told us about a scene. We saw one of the house Doms flog a sub who is retraining or something. It was an evening I won’t forget in a hurry.”

Silence reigned. Lois tried to outwait them and succeeded.

“Lois isn’t always honest.” Graham had that Dom voice going on.

“I am so!”

“Nope. You avoid and omit. You won’t like what happens if you pull that with your Dom. Or Doms.”

Kennedy looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Lois wanted to run away and put her head under her pillow. This kind of friendship was so new to her. But it was time she went all in.

“The house Dom,
Master
Jonathon Spence was amazing. He was hot, to use the vernacular. Sizzling. And he seemed to know what he was doing.”

Graham laughed. “I thought she’d bite him. If I hadn’t grounded her she might have.”

Grounded her? Oh, the hands on her when she wobbled.

Graham continued. “And Jon didn’t fuck the sub. That was out of context.”

“Love at first sight?” Kennedy bounced on Graham’s lap, and he winced.

“Easy, honey. I have plans for this later.”

He was talking about his penis. Lois should have been mortified. Jon’s penis was big like the rest of him. And he didn’t have sex with the brunette. At least not in front of them. Who knew what transpired later?

“He didn’t fuck her, Lois. Bet on it and take it from somebody who knows. You put your feelings and thoughts right out there. It’s okay. Easier than learning how to show them. You’ll learn to trust certain folks with them.”

“Are you interested in Jon, Lois?” Kennedy was very serious.

“I’m something, Kennedy. Attracted for sure. But he’s with other women, and I can’t stand the thought of him touching them and then me.”

“I get it. Me, too. Graham had to change jobs.”

Lois looked at Graham.

“True. Whipped.”

“You were not! You worked with Doms and their subs, just not single subs, and you only had sex with me!”

Lois couldn’t help it. She laughed, nearly hysterically. She was having a cup of tea in a beautiful suburban home with a nice couple who were expecting their second child and talking about training people to have a dominant-submissive relationship. It was too bizarre. After a startled look, Kennedy began to laugh, too, followed by Graham.

When she could catch her breath, Lois continued. “Anyhow, it won’t work. I’m thinking maybe there might be a single Dom who’d be interested. Do they stay loyal?”

“That varies between Doms, Lois, but it would be your hard boundary. One of them. Patrick will explain further.”

Graham was hedging. Where was the man who offered to answer all her questions? Lois stared at him, and he had the grace to look a little uncomfortable. Kennedy squirmed a bit more in order to look at him, too.

“Graham?” Kennedy had her back.

“Trevor Braun noticed her, too. Cameron Fraser’s friend and regular third until Olivia. He’s been looking for a sub for years or so he says. Word is he’s tired of being a third, although he really hasn’t been looking, because that’s the only role he ever plays. Or he dicks around with the temporary singles.”

Kennedy smiled her sunny, pleased smile. “Belle of the ball, Lois. Not Jezebel or Helen. You’re too sweet. It’ll all work out.”

Oh god, it was kind of like an auction. No. She had the reserve bid and thus the final say. Well, she wasn’t going to worry about it. She wasn’t even going to inquire more about Trevor. If she hadn’t seen Jon later, she might have indicated her interest to Patrick. Looks were only skin deep after all, and physical attraction wasn’t the most important thing. It made her feel like a really bad person to be equally interested in such disparate people and not want to choose. She would meet with Patrick first and see if she could even become a member. She’d move on from there. Taking a final swallow of tea, she stood to clear the table.

“Good night, Lois. We’ll talk some more in the morning. We should go shopping and let Graham be daddy.”

“You’re resting.” Graham laid down the law.

Kennedy stuck her tongue out at him and headed for the master suite. Lois was forgotten in Graham’s rush to follow. She smiled to herself, stacked the few dishes in the sink, and shut off the lights. She was really tired, primarily emotionally drained.

She washed up and brushed her teeth before pulling on a nightgown. If Kennedy won and they went shopping tomorrow, she was spending some of her savings on lingerie and nightwear. And maybe a couple of new outfits. And shoes. Lois Wright had emerged from her shell. If only she could remain safely exposed and capitalize on her actions.

* * * *

Nathan was screaming with laughter when she awoke in the morning. She struggled out from under the linens to sit on the side of the bed and stretched luxuriously. She felt well rested, a bit of a surprise, seeing as she thought her dreams would be full of her previous evening’s experiences. But she’d fallen asleep almost immediately and slept heavily. She could hear Graham’s deep voice remonstrating with his son, and the back door slammed. He’d taken Nathan outside to play, so she and Kennedy could sleep in on a Saturday. It would be amazing to find a man like him.

What a turn of events. Barely two weeks ago she’d been a boring, staid nanny with no thought to the future other than to continue in her chosen career. Today she was actually considering a relationship with a man. A Dom. She couldn’t think much past that.

She showered and got dressed, leaving her hair loose to dry. Maybe she’d get it cut and styled, too. Kennedy would know best. Once she’d made her bed and tidied her suite, she headed out to survey the debacle of the kitchen. Graham and Nathan had made breakfast. Every available surface was covered in dishes or utensils, flour also graced the counters, and the stove was a disgrace. The floor was tacky with syrup in places. Lois stepped between the worst of the drips and opened the oven door. A stack of French toast sat shriveling on a cookie sheet.

“The boys make breakfast again?” Kennedy shuffled into the kitchen and dropped into a chair, shoving the dishes away to make a little room at the table. Without waiting for an answer she whispered, “Coffee, Lois. Please.”

Lois hastened to power up the single-cup coffeemaker Kennedy purchased over Graham’s protests. He monitored her diet with single-minded purpose, and caffeine wasn’t on the menu. Although dried-up French toast soaked in syrup and butter apparently was. Lois surreptitiously pulled a decaf coffee pod from the container ostensibly labeled regular breakfast roast and dropped it into the slot, positioning the cup beneath it. She was a superb mediator, unknowingly trained by her parents. The fresh smell of coffee instantly permeated the air, and she dug one out for herself. Kennedy added a dollop of fresh cream and inhaled the piping-hot brew.

“Oh my god. Lois, you saved my life. Nectar, I say. What’ll we have for breakfast? And don’t say French toast.”

“Scrambled okay? With rye toast?”

“Sure. And then I’ll get ready and we’ll go shopping.”

“I thought Graham wanted you to rest.” Lois located a clean frying pan and set it to heat. She took eggs and milk from the fridge and chose the cleanest of the bowls to wash and reuse. The bread was in the freezer.

“I need to get out for a while. Graham needs to get with the program.” Kennedy slurped the rest of her coffee and looked far more satisfied with life. She looked longingly at the coffeemaker but visibly decided against asking for more. She stacked the dishes on the table and carried them to the sink, grimacing at the assortment already reposing there. She grabbed the cloth and wiped the table down.

Lois popped the toast in and stirred through the eggs a final time. She shared the pan’s contents onto two plates and put them on the table. By the time she’d poured two glasses of water the toast was up.

“Thought any more about last night?” Kennedy crunched toast and forked up eggs.

“I’m strangely calm, Kennedy. I freaked a little last night. I’m pretty boring and a plain Jane, I know, but I felt I fit in at the club in the end.”

“I wondered if there was a passionate woman under your calm exterior, Lois. At one sad point in my life I could see myself out in the world alone while you and Graham got together.”

To say the air choked up in her lungs and her heart stopped wouldn’t be much of an exaggeration. Lois was stupefied. “What?”

“Nothing.” Kennedy shrugged. “Graham was stupid and now he isn’t.”

“I’m not interested in Graham.” Lois nearly leaned right into Kennedy’s lap in her agitation. “I’m old enough to be his, well, an older sister. Oh my god, Kennedy.”

“It wasn’t you. It was me. I was a mess and wanted Graham to be happy, and you are so good with Nathan. I wrapped it up like a package. But it’s passed. I’m only saying this because you can’t fall into those ‘what would other people think’ patterns that will screw you up royally. My only advice, girlfriend. For now.”

They sat quietly for some minutes. The clock ticked over in the background, and the faint voices of Graham and Nathan sifted in from the backyard.

“I’ll try to take it, Kennedy. It’s like my life is planned out though, albeit in a different way, and it’s going to be okay. And I have you and Graham to thank for that.”

“Don’t thank us yet! You might be blaming us.”

“I doubt it. I’ll clean up here while you get ready.”