FSF, March-April 2010 (2 page)

I wake with the sun on my face and the smell of fresh bread and olive oil hanging in the air. The mouser is curled up next to my feet at the end of my cot. I shove him off the bed and force myself up. The sun is high and hot already, and my head aches from too much wine. I've let myself sleep past dawn. I've missed Father's parting. Mother had no one to greet her. The goats will be sullen and stubborn when at last I get around to milking them. I pull on my ear in frustration and hurry to wrap my chiton around myself, stepping quickly toward the kitchen.

Mother's face shines with sweat, but she smiles to herself as she pulls a loaf of bread from our stone oven on a long, wooden board. She must have passed within a hand's breadth of Father as he was parting, in the confusion between night and dawn a heavy mist can cause. She straightens and slides the bread onto the table for cutting. A pail of cool milk rests on the center board.

"Why did you let me sleep so late?” I ask. Petulance sneaks into my voice. She's only being kind, giving me a morning off from my chores.

"You looked so peaceful.” Mother rests her hands on her hips. She's tucked the hem of her long skirts up into her waistband to keep them out of the fire and I can see the broad arch of her calves, thick and strong from walking. I wonder where her trek takes her each night. Does she always make for the same place or does she wander? Does she rest? She must. But when, and where?

Mother slices the bread and lays a plate of it on the table, next to a shallow bowl of spiced olive oil. She wipes her hands clean on a broadcloth, pours a small measure of wine into two mugs, and tops them off with water. She slides one to me and sits down at the table with the other.

"Drink up,” she says, sipping from her mug and reaching for a slice of bread to dip into the olive oil.

I wrinkle my nose at my own cup. I know the wine is for killing disease in the water, but my tongue curls at the slight, familiar bitterness of it. I sop my bread in oil and bite off a big, crackling chunk to scrub the taste from my mouth.

Mother has me practice my Latin as we weed the garden. We bend our backs under the heat of the late morning sun, yanking invading threads of root from the spaces between the arugula, spinach, and tomatoes. Mother kneels in the dirt and calls out infinitive verbs over their leafy heads.

"
Colere
,” she calls. She winds the stem of a prickly weed around her gloved hand and tugs.

"
Colere
,” I repeat, then string out the conjugation. “To cultivate.
Coleo, coleas, coleat, coleamus, coleatis, coleant
.” A bead of sweat drips over my eyebrow and lands on one of the flowering yellow weeds that try to take over our garden each year. I rip it out and toss it in my compost pail.

"
Amare
,” Mother returns, without missing a breath.

"
Amo, amas, amat, amamus, amatis, amant
,” I say into the dirt.

"
Consecrare. Exspectare. Invigilare. Demetere
,” Mother calls, and I send each of the words back across the leafy rows in turn.

After we finish weeding, we take small horsehair brushes and dust the stamens of our scarlet runner bean flowers with pollen from the pistils of a hearty green snap-bean. As she dips her brush into the well of each flower, Mother tells me how she hopes to breed a hybrid with the sweetness of the scarlet bean and the snap-bean's resistance to frost.

When the sun nears its zenith, we retreat inside to escape the midday heat. Mother prepares a meal of greens from our garden and lies down on a low divan by the cool north wall to wait out the worst of the heat. I pocket one of the newest books she has brought home for me and lie down with it in my room. I can never sleep through the midday, like Mother does. Even when I draw the shades and strip off my dress, I can only lie on my back and sweat into the bedclothes. I sit up and lean against the stucco wall, sweat gathering in the hollow of my back. I trace the gold-leafed imprint of words on the book's cover. Sometimes I will sneak out and read up in the olive orchard, where the breeze reaches.

I sit quietly until Mother's breath slows to a gentle snore. Then I slide my legs off the bed and walk barefoot through the common room, quiet and careful as a mouser on the hunt. As I pass the place where she lies, Mother's breath skips in her sleep. I freeze, looking down at her, and hug the book to my chest. Her lips move rapidly and her brow creases, as if she's arguing with someone in her dream. Then she breathes out. Her body relaxes into the divan cushions.

I step carefully until I pass the threshold into the kitchen, and then I run, out the kitchen door, through the garden, over the gate, and up the hill behind our cottage, where a cluster of olive trees overlooks the valley. I settle at the base of the oldest tree, its branches curving over me like the whalebone parasol Mother brought back from her journeys one time. The canopy of tiny leaves shades my head, and a soft breeze cools my skin. I lay the open book across my lap and look down on the valley.

From here I can see the flat roof of our cottage, with its high stone wall squaring off the large garden in the back. The valley dips down, split by a dirt path. Our fields billow with wheat on one side, and on the other, a corral encircles our little herd of goats. They rest in the shade of a lemon tree, not far from our barn and silo. From here, it all looks like something effortless, a spread of wildflowers cropping up naturally by a roadway. You can't make out any of the muck and sweat from so far up. A light wind trails its cool fingers up my spine and across the nape of my neck. I lean my head back into a fork in the olive tree's trunk, stretch out my legs on the mossy grass, and close my eyes.

A muffled trill of laughter sounds somewhere behind me, waking me with a start. The book drops from my slack hand and snaps closed on the ground. I scoop it up and pick my way through the olive grove, toward the meadow that lies on the other side, and the sound of voices. The sun still rides high in the sky, but tilts a little more sharply than when I fell asleep. I've only slept a short time. I pause at the lip of the meadow behind the shelter of a broad, old tree.

"Ollie ollie oxen free!” a voice rings out from a low scrub bush only a few yards to my left.

Two girls in pale blue and pink frocks, with hair like tails of wheat, dash from the shade of the trees out into the blinding bright meadow. The smaller one chases the taller, her hands outstretched. The older girl turns back, shrieks in mock terror, and lifts her knees higher as she hurtles forward through the tall grass.

"Maria! Julia!” a woman's voice calls from the near corner of the meadow. I shift my gaze and see a matronly figure in a pale, fitted dress and a broad straw hat sitting on a checkered blanket. “Stop running around and come sit in the shade. You're going to give yourselves heatstroke."

"Yes, Mama,” the older girl says. The small girl drags her feet as her sister leads the way over to the blanket.

"Look at you, you're all red,” the mother says as they draw near. “You know young gentlemen don't want a wife with ruddy skin, right? Come out of that sun."

The girls drop down, obedient, to the blanket and begin making chains out of the same sort of yellow weeds my mother and I rooted out of the garden earlier. The mother reclines stiff-like into her resting place, as if something is hemming in her stomach and keeping her from moving in the natural way. Maybe it's all the lace and ruffles across her bodice, or the tight row of pearl buttons down the front of her dress. I look from the bare arms of my chiton to the patches of sweat darkening the sides of her dress and the fair curls at the back of her neck. She must be a strange one to wrap herself up this way in the dead heat of summer. I peer out from under cover of the olive tree, my palms pressed against its rough bark. I look at my hand on the wood. The sun has browned my skin the color of an oil-fried fish and dirt rims my fingernails. This woman must be rich, to never have to go out in the sun. She must have servants to milk her goats and serve her dinner. Father has told me about such people, and Mother has read to me about them from her books, but I thought they were fancy tales, like the cat who makes his master into a lord.

The small girl drapes a chain of weedy flowers around her neck, and the older one arranges a shorter chain on the crown of her head like a diadem. But the sun must be making them drowsy, for after a few minutes they rest their heads next to their mother's breast and close their eyes. The wind rustles the leaves, and the dappled sunlight ripples over their sleeping forms. They make me think of statues fallen to the bottom of a clear pond.

I step forward to the edge of the meadow, meaning to take a closer look at them in their strange clothes. As I move from behind the tree, something comes into view that makes me freeze, poised with one foot in the air and one hand trailing behind me. On the other side of the blanket, a young man lies on his back. He's clothed in white shirtsleeves and trousers of the same pale, striped material as the woman's dress. A vest crosses his middle, fastened with a row of brass buttons. A broad-brimmed hat tips back from his head, and under it, two dark brown eyes stare back at me.

I turn and flee through the olive grove. I hear a scuffle in the dirt as he springs up to follow, and a hoarse whisper calling after me. His shoes crackle over the carpet of twigs and small stones, where my bare feet pass silently. I round the last row of trees and am about to hurl myself forward into the safety of the sunshine, when he grabs my arm. My own momentum swings me around. He catches me about the waist with his free hand, and we stand face to face, gaping at each other. He can't be more than a few years older than me, around the age when my father says men should be off learning war. His eyebrows angle down into a troubled knit as he stares.

"Let go,” I say, and push him. He lets my arm slip from his hand and stumbles back a step. I should run, but I don't.

"Who are you?” he asks. The words are soft in his mouth, not clipped like the woman's. He holds his hand out, as if asking me to wait.

"Ourania,” I say.

"Have you come from a play?” He turns to look around the wood. “Or do you belong to the Classical Society?"

"I don't know what you mean,” I say, creeping back against the nearest tree. “Why would I want to be in a play?"

"Your dress,” he says.

I look down at my chiton. Mother and I painted it with beeswax and dyed it blue so a pattern of cream-colored birds and flowers shows through. Some of the flowers have come away smudged a muddy green from my leaning against tree trunks and falling asleep in the grass. I lick my finger and try to rub at the stain, but it's set in already. I sigh. He must think I'm part of a paupers’ troupe with my dirty robe and bare feet. I reach up to retie the bands around my hair and pull away a dead olive leaf. I crumble it in my free hand and drop the shreds to the ground, hoping he hasn't added that detail to my catalog of shames.

"I've been working,” I say. “I fell asleep on the grass."

He blinks at me, then swallows and blinks some more. “What are you?"

I feel a scowl cloud my features. “I'm Ourania, like I said. What are you?"

"Aaron Lyell. I'm an apprentice engineer."

"A what?"

"An engineer. You know, for locomotives."

I stare at him.

He clears his throat. “Trains. You know.” He shuffles his feet over the rocky ground.

I cock my head to the side and wait for him to explain himself.

"If you don't mind my asking, where do you come from?” He raises his eyes and looks at me with pure, innocent curiosity.

"Down the valley,” I say, nodding to the slope beyond the break in the trees. “This is our olive grove."

"I'm sorry,” he says. He runs his hand through his mess of short, curling hair, the same burnished yellow as the girls’ braids. “The company was surveying this tract of land for railway development, and I found this lovely meadow. Looked like a nice place for a picnic. I didn't know anybody was living here. We'll have to go back over the property records now, naturally....” He trails off, staring at me again.

"Should I draw you a picture?” I say.

"What's that?"

"I said, should I draw you a picture,” I repeat. “That way you wouldn't have to look so hard."

"Sorry,” he says. His pale skin goes a deep red and he looks down. “It's only...I've never, well, in books, but I've never seen anyone like you before."

"You're a strange one,” I say, leaning against the tree behind me. “I've never seen anyone like you either. It's like you stepped out of a wives’ tale or—"

"You're lovely,” Aaron interrupts, looking up at me suddenly.

I feel my own face go hot and I look down at my bare feet. A peddler said something like that about me once, when my mother and I traded him some eggs for ribbons, but it didn't mean the same.

I hug the book to my chest. We stand in silence, avoiding each other's looks.

"May I ask,” Aaron says to break the long pause, “what is it you're reading?"

I hold the book face-out so he can read the lettering.

"
On the Origin of Species
,” he reads aloud. His eyes light up the way Father's do when he's telling how he brought down a hart after a daylong stalk through the forest. “You're interested in natural history?"

I shrug, then lift my eyes to look at him sidelong. “Have you read it?"

"Oh, yes,” he says, a grin parting his lips and tugging up his serious brow. “Engineering science is my trade, but I've a great interest in naturalism. Mr. Darwin is marvelous. Here.” He digs in his back pocket and produces a thin leather-bound volume. He holds it out at the tip of his fingers.

I step forward warily and take the book. It opens up to reveal small, cream-colored pages crowded with precise drawings of flowers and birds, sketched in graphite. Below each likeness, the name of the specimen flows in Aaron's neat hand. I sit down on the ground and begin to page through from the beginning. “You did these?” I ask.

"Yes.” Aaron sits cross-legged beside me.

"I've never had time for drawing. Mother calls it a hobby.” I lift a page and stop with the book open to a sketch of the two girls I saw in the meadow. The older one is sitting with her feet up under her on a plump cushion, her head bent over an embroidery hoop. The younger leans against her, fast asleep, her hand resting on a cloth poppet.