Frozen Barriers (20 page)

Emily talks about her skating some more. She mentions she placed fourth at last year’s World Championships, but that wasn’t good enough for her parents. Because of that, she’ll be doing two international competitions this fall before the US Nationals hit Boston, which will ultimately allow her placement on the Olympic team in February should she medal. She says her parents have invested too much money and advertising into her career for her to not try her hardest. The more I hear about her parents, the more I hate them for not thinking of their own daughter as anything more than a money maker.

Outside of skating, Emily doesn’t have that much going on in life. She briefly talks about her days at Boston University and how much she loves to travel. If she didn’t have skating in her life from such an early age, she would have wanted to travel to Europe after high school to learn about its history and the beauty of the landscapes.

She really is an amazing woman once she finally lets down her guard. I ask her what she plans on doing once her skating career is over. That’s when I think I lose her. She sinks back inside her shell, and the walls she finally begins to let down, well, they quickly go right back up.

I stand outside the bathroom waiting for Emily to freshen up before we leave. I’m not really sure where I went wrong or how asking about her future was a bad thing, but my funny, sassy, light-hearted girlfriend is now gone. Somehow, my screwed-up mouth made this night shit, and I’ve got to fix it fast before she walks away for good and back out of my life.

Staring at myself in the mirror, I see what I am. I’m nothing but a commodity for my parents to use for their own self-worth. I’m disgusted with myself for never putting up a fight, even once I was old enough to realize it. So, why did I freeze up when Jeremy asked me what I wanted to do with my life once my skating career is over? A part of me saw that everything I’ve worked for in my life so far is going to be gone soon, and after that, I’ve got nothing. What
do
I want to do? I have enough money saved, but that doesn’t give me happiness, let alone a job. I have never considered my life or future. I’ve never once thought of
me.
I have a degree in geography from Boston University, but besides that, I’m qualified for nothing.

My reflection grows even more dejected than it was when I came into the bathroom. I’m almost certain Jeremy is wondering why the hell I’m still in here. Truth is, I’m not sure I can face him at the moment. My first official date, and I’ve ruined it already. He’s probably out there wondering why the hell he ever asked me out. This might go down as being the shortest relationship ever on record. Throwing my compact and lip-gloss back into my bag, I glance up and see the shimmering diamonds around my neck. His words sound in the back of my head. “You’re worth fighting for.” I’m not so sure of that anymore, but I know it’s time for me to face the music and head out of the ladies’ room.
Put on your big girl panties, Emily. The one guy you have actual feelings for might just be ready to break your heart once you open that door.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door and make my way out into the foyer. I see him sitting in the waiting area, his elbows on his knees holding his head in between his hands. He must have sensed my impending arrival because he raises his head and stares me in the eyes. I’m uncertain what I see in his eyes, but it isn’t good. Feeling a tightness in my chest, I step even closer until I’m directly in front of him. Reaching out, he grabs my trembling hand and slides his fingers into mine. Okay, maybe things aren’t as bad as I anticipated.

Walking out the front doors, we don’t head in the direction of Jeremy’s truck. Instead, we turn the opposite direction and head toward the boardwalk along the waterfront. Even after a few minutes, he still hasn’t said anything to me. The only sounds I hear are the ropes stretching with the pull of lines holding the boats to the docks and the metal dinging on board that almost sounds like bells.

Jeremy stops at an open bench that overlooks the water. Sitting next to him, I look out at the water and the illuminated dock lights that line the harbor. Still, neither of us has said anything, and he pulls me close so my back rests against his chest. Wrapping his arm around my waist, he leans his chin on my shoulder so we both look out at the lights on the water.

“You know you can do anything you put your mind to, right? Just because you haven’t had the chance yet to figure out your future, doesn’t mean it can’t be amazing. Dreams can come true. You just have to go after them and live them,” he says, finally breaking the awful silence. Tears sting my eyes, and moisture begins to coat my cheeks. I’m not sure what I’m happier about, the fact he’s not quitting on us just yet, or the fact that he believes I can accomplish anything I want in life.

Turning around so our knees are touching, I look at his face through the moonlight as I lower my hand to his thigh. “Jeremy, how did I ever get so lucky to find someone like you? My whole life my family has never once pushed me to believe I could be something else. You say the words, and I feel as though I’m going to be all right, that my life has purpose outside of what I know. How are you so sure of it?”

“Babe, life is one big trial and error. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but it’s just like skating. When you fall, you get the fuck back up and try again. Keep trying until you find what works. See what I mean?” I hear his confident words as he appears relaxed and runs his fingers along my back.

“I’m sorry I ruined our night,” I say as I wipe a stray tear from my cheek. “It was going so well, and then I had to go and screw it up. I didn’t ask you about your hockey…ehh…thing either.” I’ve never actually talked about hockey with anyone. I mean, I’ve seen the guys at the rink and watched them in passing on the ice, but I’m not well informed about how the sport is played.

“Hockey ‘thing’? You mean my job? We’ll get to that in due time. Right now, I’m going to tell you straight up. Tonight’s not ruined. We’re learning more about each other. That’s what dating is.”

Relief. That’s all I feel as a slow smile forms on my lips. “So, we’re good? I thought you might have changed your mind about being my boyfriend. I can’t say I would have blamed you. Why would anyone want to date me?” I say as I rest my head against his shoulder.

“Are you kidding? I didn’t spend all these years wishing you’d somehow walk back into my life, only to let you go in less than a few hours. And, I’m kind of hoping to see what other ways I can make you moan like you did the other day,” he says, winking my way.

My face must show either total shock or mortification. First, did he just admit that he’s been waiting for me for years? And second, I can’t believe he’s bringing up our bedroom activities. I slap him on the arm, and he makes a wincing face as though I really hurt him.

“Keep it up, and I’ll make you work harder the next time you want to hear me
moan
.” I feel his lips against my neck seconds later. He licks along the sensitive spot just below my ear as he softly pushes my hair off my neck. The minute his mouth makes contact with my earlobe, my eyes roll into the back of my head, and a throaty moan leaves my mouth. He laughs softly by my ear, and I realize what he just did.
Bastard!

“Well, if that’s all it takes to get you to moan, I’ll consider myself a lucky man,” he says, his lips hovering over my ear. He stands and adjusts his pants before reaching out to take my hand.

“No fair.” I stand with my hands on my hips, facing him. “You cheated. I wasn’t ready for the sneak attack!”

He pulls my body into his, and I’m instantly weak in the knees. Grabbing my ass, he whispers into my ear, “I haven’t even shown you how sneaky I can be yet.” Gasping softly as my heartbeat races, I realize I’m actually eager to find out how sneaky he can be.

As Jeremy and I walk back to his truck, we talk about random insignificant information in the form of a game. He says it is like playing
Twenty Questions
, but with a twist. If I can’t come up with an answer to one of his twenty questions, he gets a free pass to show me another one of his sneaky talents. I agree without any reservation. Who can’t answer the questions in
Twenty Questions
? Thinking I have this in the bag, I tell him the rules go both ways, but if he can’t answer one of my questions, I get to cancel out his sneaky clause. Game on! The questions start easy enough.

“Favorite color?”

“Easy. Green.”

“Favorite television show?”

“No problem.
Friends
.”

“Favorite band?”

“Hands down. The Civil Wars.”

“What one item would you take with you if you were stranded on a deserted island?”“That’s tougher. Sunscreen.”

Easy enough, right? That’s what I think until he raises the ante on question twenty. “What song was on the radio when I dropped you off at your house after Margaritas?” he asks me. What the hell? How am I supposed to know the answer to that? Nothing comes to mind except remembering being completely mesmerized by his eyes. “Give up?” he asks. Like I have a choice.

I can guess, so I say, “Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Since You’ve Been Gone.’”

Shaking his head no, he reveals, “ It was ‘Lonely no More’ by Rob Thomas.”

“How was I supposed to remember that?” I raise my hands up in defeat before releasing a long breath.

“Well, I remembered it, and you were in the car with me, so therefore, fair question. I guess it’s time for me to get sneaky,” he says playfully.

While we drive back to my house, I try to think of nineteen questions to ask him before I lay on a trick question myself. I’m not going down without a fight. No way! I start with the simple ones.

“Favorite Color?”

“Blue
.
”

“Favorite hockey team?”

“Monarchs
.
” He winks after that one because I know he most likely wants to say the Bruins.

“Favorite sexual position?”

He hesitates, clearly not expecting me to ask that. “Letting the girl ride me.”

I’m guessing he’s done this before with other girls, but at least I know what he likes now. Next comes question twenty, just as we pull onto my street.

“I have a tattoo. What is it?” By the shocked look on his face, I’m guessing the past few times he’s seen me partially naked, he hasn’t noticed it. It’s not large, but you can see it if you are truly looking for it. “I’m going out on a limb by saying the lack of an answer means you don’t have a clue, and therefore, cannot answer the question.”

Putting the truck in park outside of the garage, he turns to stare at me in the dark, only illuminated by the spotlight mounted on the garage. He shakes his head, and I can tell he’s trying to replay all the places he hasn’t seen me naked. “I can’t answer the question, but when the hell did you get a tattoo, and
how
the hell have I not noticed it yet?” he says with some frustration behind his voice. I cannot contain the smile on my face because he’s unable to answer the question.

I tease, “Guess this means I’m able to cancel the clause of the bet, unless…” I watch as his eyes widen. “…unless, of course, you want to come upstairs, and I show you where my tattoo is hiding.”

The last sounds I hear from Jeremy as I push open the truck door to hop out are a low growl and the muttered words, “Woman, you are such a cock tease.” We’ll see how much of that statement is true when he realizes where my tattoo really is.