Forgotten Alpha (2 page)

I silently mulled over what he had said. It felt great to finally have the answers I yearned for; yet, they didn’t provide any insight. Now, I only wanted to find this guy and beat the shit out of him. Even that feeling was surprising to me. It seemed as if ever since that night I’d become more aggressive, more assertive than usual. I was no longer okay with sitting back or doing the “right” thing. That’s when it hit me.

“I got it!” I said louder than probably necessary.

Aaron jumped at my outburst then chuckled, “What do you have?”

“She’s feeling insecure, she should have had the reflexes to defend herself-myself, but she didn’t. It’s the reason I’ve been acting so strange lately. It’s a defense mechanism. My soul wolf, she’s guarding herself.”

“Do you feel insecure?” Aaron asked me, matter-of-factly.

I shied away from the question. It wasn’t about me. It was about my soul wolf and why she couldn’t shift.

As if reading my mind, he said, “You know that you and ‘she’ are the same. Your soul wolf is not some part of you that you have no control over, she
is
you.”

“Okay, fine, whatever you say. I just need to figure out a way to coax her out. I just don’t know where to start.”

“I say try your family. Word around town is your father’s top dog around here.”

“Top dog? What kind of werewolf are you? He’s an Alpha, not a miracle worker. No, he can’t help me,” I said, mulling over the situation.

“What about me?” he asked. I looked at him as I thought about his helpfulness. I didn’t know what look was on my face, but he quickly retracted, “Or not, it’s whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“No, no, you’d be perfect! Some loner wolf from God-knows-where, you’d be perfect!” I said enthusiastically.

His eyebrow cocked up in confusion, “Is that sarcasm? I honestly can’t tell.”

“No, I’m sorry it came out wrong,” I said, back-tracking. “What I meant is you’re a lone wolf. You’ve seen a lot more than any wolf in this town. I’ll need your…experience.”

***

“When I agreed to help you, I didn’t think you meant today,” Aaron griped. He and I made our way to the town’s edge, where there are miles of forest. It was where all wolves that lived in town came to hunt.

“Why not? I’m off, you’re off. The faster we fix this problem the better,” I said, determined. There was a sense of hope brimming inside me. I just knew that today would be the day I’d finally shift.

“Well, I was hoping to relax today, maybe get to know each other better,” he said, falling a step behind.

“Is that really something people do after a one night stand?” I said.

Aaron stopped in his tracks and I was forced to stop. We had time after breakfast for him to go home, shower, and change. He looked mouth-watering in his white V-neck and jeans. His hair had the perfect amount of disarray and his green eyes still burned; but, his mouth was set in confusion.

“Do you really not know? You have to know that this wasn’t just some one night stand.”

I sighed, I couldn’t face him. Of course I knew we were mates. I could feel it even then, pulsing through my being. In an ideal situation, I wouldn’t have let him leave my apartment or my bed, but it was a complicated situation.

“I do,” I said without looking. “It’s just complicated.”

“How so?” he asked softy, closing the gap between us. He smelled of sweet spices and his nearness alone made me tremble.

“There’s a lot to figure out. Plus the fact that you’re a lone wolf and I am part of the wolf hierarchy here,” I said.

“We can figure it out. It’s not like we’re doing anything today,” he said gently.

“Yes, we are,” I said, with a little more energy. “We are going to get my soul wolf back.” I grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him on until we were practically running for the forest’s edge.

***

That day wasn’t the day that I shifted.

Neither was the day after that.

I was starting to lose hope. I began to imagine the unimaginable, a life without my soul wolf. Aaron was a real trooper. He stepped into the role of trainer and coach. Somewhere toward the end of the second day, he also became a confidant.

I found out Aaron was incredibly versed in wolf lore. He had a brain behind that devilishly gorgeous smile. In fact, he was a borderline nerd. That’s probably why he was still single. It was endearing to me.

That first day Aaron had the idea that it was all in my head. According to him, I only had to reconnect with my soul wolf on her turf.

“How do you suggest I do that?” I asked, as we traveled deep into the forest.

He thought about it for a second, “What was your favorite part of shifting into a wolf? What do you miss most?”

“The hunt,” I said quickly, “the game, the back and forth of it.”

He smiled at me in a way that spoke volumes, “Then, we do that.”

“That” consisted of running around the forest, naked. Chasing each other like that for a few hours. Now, that sounds like a whole heap of fun, especially after I’d gotten out of my head. Yet, it still didn’t work. I hadn’t gotten that feeling, that fiery tingling that engulfed the body when you shift. I just was tired and sweaty. I ended the day in tears.

Aaron was there, he held me close. His long arms were so comforting. His lips found mine. His hands traveled my body, over my back and down my thighs. My tears dried up as my body lit up. His kisses became deeper as he pressed his naked body flush to mine. Before I knew it, he’d backed me up into a tree. The bark pressed grooves into my skin. He broke his kiss to give me a heated gaze, those emerald eyes practically glowing. With the strength and swiftness of a supernatural being, he’d lifted my legs, the back of my knees resting in the crooks of his elbows. His gaze never wavered, never relented.

“Fuck me,” I demanded when the anticipation had become too much.  He plunged into me with a groan and I melted against him. He filled me so completely. It was mere minutes before we both were coming from the avidity of our pace.

Aaron listed against me heavily. Though he didn’t put me down, neither did his arms give. He buried his face in my neck as he caught his breath. It hit me then, he was my mate. I found that I loved everything about him, no matter how little I knew of it. I loved his little nerdy catchphrases and his analytical mind. I even loved his crazy orgasm face, though I’d never ever tell him how crazy it looked to me.

The second day, it was a little harder for me to be hopeful about my chances of shifting. Aaron insisted it was a mind over matter thing. We spent the most of that day meditating in the forest. It only ended up with us rolling around on the forest floor, unable to get enough of the feel of each other’s bodies.

The next day, I woke up with scratches all over my body. It made me smile, but my smile was laced with sadness because it also reminded me that I wasn’t a real werewolf, not anymore. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed anymore. It was beginning to feel pointless. I was tired of the crushing disappointment. I didn’t have the energy to hope.

“Do you want to get a few hours in of training before I have to go to work?” Aaron called to ask a few minutes after I woke up.

“Nah, we can give it a rest today,” I said, letting him off the hook.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said.

“Hmm, are you sure? Because it sounds like you’re giving up, but I could be wrong,” he said.

“I’m not!” I said quickly and loudly, even though that had been my exact thought as he called. When he said it, it seemed more final than it did in my thoughts. “I’m just tired.”

“Well,” he said, “I’ll come over after work. You’ll be well rested and we can train by moonlight. Besides, I’ve got an idea that I know you’ll love.”

A part of me fell in love with him, “What idea?”

“I’ll see you later,” he said with a laugh before the line went dead.

***

“What’s your idea?” I asked when Aaron showed up at my apartment later that evening. He easily evaded the question with his charm. I asked three more times before we actually made it out to the forest.

“Okay, now tell me,” I said, as we reached the edge of the forest.

“I’ve underestimated your impatience,” he said, without stopping to tell me.

“Come on,” I pleaded.

He chuckled, “Okay, the idea came to me yesterday. You know, towards the end of our ‘training’ I was thinking, maybe you were right the first day. Maybe shifting is an instinct. So, if that is true then your problem lies in your human ability of denying your instinct, unconsciously.”

Aaron often made me feel a bit slow. My mind didn’t travel the same path as his. “So what does that mean for me?” I asked.

“Well, we’ll have to awaken those instincts.”

Aaron guided me deep into the forest. When he found a spot he deemed perfect, we undressed in preparation for shifting.

“Okay, you stand here,” he said, before taking a position parallel to me.

“Now what?” I asked.

“Clear your mind.”

“Aaron, we tried meditating yesterday,” I said, my faith in his idea dwindling.

“Just do it,” he urged. I closed my eyes, focusing on a blank slate.

“No, look at me,” he said and I obliged.

We silently gazed at each other. His eyes trailed my body and mine his. His body, I’d come to know every curve, muscle, and nook of it.  His pale skin nearly glowed in the moonlight. The muscles of his chest and abdomen were sculpted to perfection. His legs were long and thick. My mouth watered at the sight of him. My blood burned in my veins. My eyes found his face and his green eyes glowed with the spirit of his wolf.

“There she is,” he said softly. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t stop.”

It took me a few more minutes to realize that he must be referring to my eyes, the glowing of my spirit wolf.

“She’s gone,” he said. “Close your eyes.” I did as he told me and before long I could feel his presence at my back. He didn’t touch me, but I could feel him. It sent shivers through my body.

“Whatever you’re feeling, Iris, focus on it. Be truly present.”

I did what he asked. The shivers intensified into a familiar sensation, that of shifting. I was so excited, I opened my eyes. The shivers went away.

“Don’t stop,” he urged.

I closed my eyes again, focusing on his presence. It wasn’t enough anymore. He must have known it, too. His arms went instantly around my waist, his fingers spread on my abdomen and pulling me into him. I moaned from the heat of his skin on mine.

“Feel it,” he growled, close to my ear. I did, the burning desire engulfing me in the tingles. I didn’t stop when I could feel the shift. I didn’t stop when I felt my bones, muscles, and skin shift. I didn’t stop until all four paws were firmly on the ground.

When I opened my eyes, I howled with elation. Aaron was still in human form and his big grin made my heart soar. He quickly shifted into a majestic black and gray wolf with shining green eyes. I immediately nudged him to his side, nipping at the scruff of his neck.  In the next moment, he took off and I was after him. We chased and hunted each other for the rest of the night. I loved him then, fully and completely.

***

“Why did you leave your pack?” I asked him around a mouth full of pancakes.

We hunted into the morning. I was so afraid of shifting back into my human form. I feared being unable to shift again. I tried shifting back and forth with the aid of Aaron’s burning touch. Then, a few times by myself. I was elated to have control over it once more. Aaron took me out for victory pancakes.

“A lot of reasons,” he said after he finished his mouthful.

I simply gave him a look. He knew I wanted more answers than that.

He sighed, “I don’t really have some profound reason like most do.”

“Yeah, because I meet so many lone wolves,” I said sarcastically. “I have no expectations. You could have told me that it was because they closed down the Arby’s in your town and I wouldn’t have questioned it.”

He chuckled, “I felt trapped. I wasn’t unhappy, though. I was born and raised in Wallingford, Washington and-“

“Shut up! The Wallingford wolves? Don’t they have this huge slab of land they bought for all of the pack members, like a gated community?” I said, interrupting him.

“Yeah, I’m so glad you are so learned in your wolf geography,” he said.

I rolled my eyes at his teasing compliment. He continued, “I was content in Suburbia. My grandfather raised me. He was my only family. When I graduated high school, he sat me down and told me I was too smart to rot away in Wallingford. At the time I didn’t get it, but he took his life savings and he sent me off to Dartmouth College, even though everyone in the pack looked down on me and him. You see, most people went to Washington State, that’s if they even bothered with college. At Dartmouth, I became hungry for something other than life in Wallingford. When I went back, it was just so dull. I went from Technicolor to black and white. I went from all these new and exciting experiences to the same shit every day, but I did it for my grandfather. I did it to take care of him. A year later he died and there was nothing to keep me there.”