Forgiving Reed (Southern Boys #1) (5 page)

Chapter Eight

The rest of July went quickly, and before I knew it, the approaching school year was about to begin. Getting the call from the elementary school in town was a blessing. I had started to give up hope I would find a position when the phone call came.

The first grade teaching position had come up when the current teacher had to resign. Her husband had been transferred for his job at the last minute, and they were forced to move.

I was now gainfully employed with Brooklet Elementary School. The same school I attended and Rhett will be going to as well. I was nervous, but seriously, how bad could it be? I mean, they were first graders.

It would help that Maria was in the same school with me. She was the art teacher. The thought of spending the day with her so close helped ease the flutters of nervous energy.

What didn’t help was when I arrived on the first day of school to find Reed standing outside my classroom door. He was leaning against the wall just opposite my room, with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. As I approached, his gaze lifted and met mine. His lips slightly lifted into a gentle smile.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi. What are you doing here?” I looked from side to side, observing the hallways.

“I heard today was your first day in the working world. I just wanted to wish ya luck.” He pointed to the classroom to my desk. The vase of pink roses sitting in the middle of it. I started to tell him that we couldn’t go there, but he held up his hands to stop me. He began backing down the hall toward the front exit. “It’s just a friendly gesture, Kori, nothing more. A friend wishing another friend good luck on her first day at a new job.”

The moment Reed walked out through the front entrance, the hallway began to empty. I took one last deep breath before entering my classroom. Setting my bag on the desk next to the flowers, I let the uneasy feelings go. Biting my lower lip, I pulled the card from the holder, opening it with slight hesitation.

Kori,

These little rug rats are lucky as hell to have a teacher as amazing as you. Keep your head up and flash that gorgeous smile, because it can melt anyone…no matter what age. Good luck on your first day, Giggles.

R

I couldn’t help the warm feeling spreading through me as I read his words. Before things went wrong between us, he always said my smile did him in. No matter what his day had been, once he saw my smile and heard my laugh, everything felt right. He called me Giggles for years, and to have him say it once again, well, it only made it that much harder to remember how he once hurt me. Trusting Reed would not come easy.

I shook my head as the bell rang, and I looked up into the faces of all the curious little friends I had scattered out in front of me. This was it, the start of my future.

***

“Hey, darlin’, how was your first day?” my daddy hollered out from behind the truck as I pulled into the drive. He was chucking bundles of hay to the ground, as Hank, my daddy’s long-time friend and farmhand, carried them off toward the barn.

“It was good, actually. Much better than I thought it would be. I think I’m gonna love it. Where’s Momma and Rhett?”

He pointed toward the porch, and I looked up to find them swaying gently on the wooden swing. I stood for a moment observing them snuggling, as she held a book out in front of him.

Rhett began getting excited once I came into view. He reached out for me, his face filling with his daddy’s smile. This little man was gonna be the death of me when he got old enough to date. I could hear it now, all the little girls were going to turn to putty with that killer grin. Blake had the most amazing smile. The smile I could never tire of. It didn’t matter how mad I was pretending to be, I caved every time he flashed that dimple.

“Why you all smiles? It looks good on ya though, sweetie. I’m just wondering what brought it on?”

“I was just thinking about Blake, and how Rhett looks just like him when he smiles. I’m gonna be in trouble when he gets older.”

I looked up at my momma, seeing that she was watching me carefully. “It’s getting easier to talk about him. Easy to remember things without breaking down. I miss him, Momma, every day. I know those feelings will never go away. I just don’t wanna forget him. I want Rhett to know all about his daddy.” I took a deep breath. “I just wish I had more of his life to share with Rhett. The only thing I have is the almost year we had together. I never thought about how I would carry on his memory after he was gone…who would have planned for that?”

She pulled me down onto the bench next to her and placed her arm over my shoulder, the three us rocking together. “You’re doing amazing with him. I know things are hard for you. I also know you will do everything you can to make sure Rhett knows who his daddy was. That is all you can do, baby girl.”

We sat in silence for a long time, watching as Rhett tugged on the pages in his rubberized books, laughing and squealing in excitement.

Things were gonna be okay. I knew I would still have hard days and hard times. But I now believed I could get through it one day at time. I had made it this far. Of course it wasn’t without struggle, but I got here.

Chapter Nine

“Your first week as a teacher, and no one cried, that’s an accomplishment. I mean, hell, I had three of them cry on me, and I teach third grade.” I laughed as Maria went on and on. “Honestly, am I mean? I gotta be a bitch if I made three kids cry in the first week. I teach art, for shit’s sake, and they cried.”

I covered my mouth to hide my laughter as she threw her hands up in the air. “You are a bitch, I could have told ya that. You made me cry the first day I met you.”

“Whatever, hooker, you tried to take my cookies.” She looked at me over the top of my car hood as we reached for the doors to leave for the week. “Nobody messes with my chocolate chip cookies, I don’t give a shit who they are. I don’t share those bitches with anyone.”

“I was five, and you pushed me backwards out of my chair. I fell and hit my head.” I started the car and turned to look at her. “All you did was sit there at the table and shovel the damn things in your mouth, like you were starving. You didn’t even check to see if I was okay.”

“I. Don’t. Share.” She attempted to be serious, but it was useless. Once our eyes connected, she lost it. Hunching over, she held her stomach tightly. Every breath she snorted only led to further laughter from both of us.

After she was finally able to hold herself together and refrain from sounding like a pig having an asthma attack, we began to plan our weekend.

“Okay, so I bumped into Ben and Reed last night.” I continued to stare forward as I drove toward her place. I was hoping she didn’t notice my face flush at the mention of Reed. “They’re having a get together tomorrow at Ben’s place. He bought the Thompson’s old farm, and he has all that land now.”

She was stalling, and I knew it. I remained silent waiting for her to continue.

“They invited us both. A whole mess of people will be coming. Old friends, people you may like to reconnect with. What do you think?”

I took a deep breath, running the entire scenario through my head over and over. After a moment of silence I shocked us both. “Sure, why not, let’s go have some fun. Meet up with old friends and make new ones.”

***

Saturday afternoon came way too fast. I went through all the stages of pre-party jitters. I would be taking Rhett with me until my parents came back to town after the auction. They agreed to swing by Ben’s place and pick him up.

I had gone through his bag at least half a dozen times, packing and unpacking. I could pack this damn thing on my worst day, with a blindfold, and not have a problem. Today was an entirely different situation. I knew this party would hold everyone from my past. I would see old faces, hear old stories, and laugh at old jokes. But my heart ached so heavily.

My dream was to convince Blake to move back here after I graduated. I wanted us to start a life here, raise our family. I never imagined I would be doing it alone.

I met Maria at the entrance to the farm. It still held the old sign staked above on the wooden arch.
Fresh Apples.
I remembered walking through this very farm picking apples with my momma when I was younger. Now it was owned by an old friend. I made a promise to myself to bring Rhett here when he was old enough to pick apples.

I spotted Maria’s Jeep parked along the edge of the road. She was waving her arm out the open window, acting all crazy. She motioned for me to follow along behind her as she began driving up the long gravel road.

The cars and big old trucks were lining the field, stacked two deep, with people sprawled out over every inch of the property. All the old country traditions surrounded me as I slowly took it all in. A game of horseshoes was going on to the left of me. Coolers overflowing with beer. Bundles of hay scattered around, being used as seating for all the guests.

There had to be at least six grills cooking every kind of meat possible, and a pig roasting just to the side of the barn. Table after table of dishes filled with anything you could imagine. It was a little overwhelming at first.

Maria met me at the side of my Escape and took Rhett from me. “Hand over the best looking man here. Right here,” she said and pointed toward Rhett. “This little cowboy, he’s my date.”

I rolled my eyes, following behind her as she walked off toward the crowd. We had both grabbed a beer from the nearest cooler and began making our way around the yard.

“Oh hell, is that you, Kori?” I heard a familiar sweet voice. One I hadn’t heard since my junior year. I twisted around quickly to find Leann Mitchell, a friend and fellow classmate from my high school years. She wrapped her arms around me as we exchanged a friendly hug.

“Yeah, it’s me. How are you? I thought you moved to Houston?” I asked her as I stepped back to get a good look at her.

“I moved back last year, and well,” she pointed down to her protruding stomach. I hadn’t even noticed that she was obviously pregnant.

“Oh wow, congratulations, how far are you?”

Before she could answer, Ben walked up from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist, snuggling the side of her neck. “We got a little over four more months before we meet our little lady.” I smiled looking at the two of them together. I felt a small ache deep within my chest. I missed the feeling of being in Blake’s arms. I used to love when he held me like that.

“I’m glad you could make it today. It’s really good to see you, Kori. Where’s your little one, anyway?” Leann asked.

“Oh, he’s around here somewhere. Maria took him the moment we got here. I’m sure she’s using him as a ploy to gain attention.” I began scanning over the sprawling ground, my eyes landing on the back of a tall built figure I knew well. The fact that he could really wear a pair of jeans made it hard to look away. The cowboy boots and Stetson only made the vision more appealing. I mentally lectured myself over the thoughts that for a moment overtook my mind.

It was almost like he could feel me watching him. He turned his head slightly, and our eyes connected. A grin pulled at the corner of his mouth just before he winked.

“There’s Maria.” I turned back to Leann just as Maria approached, carrying a messy, chocolate cheeked little boy.

“Seriously, woman, we’ve been here what, fifteen minutes. Where’ve you been? How did Rhett get covered in chocolate?” I pulled him from her arms and she laughed and shrugged. “Oh, don’t act like you don’t know how this happened. You have chocolate on your face too.” I found the nearest place to sit and began cleaning up a very dirty little boy.

Over the next few hours I was able to reconnect with a lot of old friends and even some new faces. The feelings of home slowly washed over me. This is where I grew up, these were my people. There was just one thing missing, one thing I could never get back.

I dark shadow fell from over my left shoulder. I didn’t have to turn around to know who it was; I could smell him. It pissed me off that I could remember his scent, that manly outdoorsy fragrance. The desire deep in my stomach rolled though me, sending unwanted chills over my skin.

“I was wondering, can I introduce myself to this handsome little guy?” Why did his voice have to affect me? Deep, husky, still so sexy.

Looking back over my shoulder I forced a smile. “Sure.”

Reed took a few steps and came around the front of the bundle of hay I had claimed as my own. He knelt down before us. “Hey there, buddy.” Rhett gigged and bounced in my lap. He was such a happy boy. He laughed and smiled so often. He loved when people talked to him and showed him attention.

Reed chuckled and looked up at me. “He’s a happy boy, isn’t he? Kor…he’s a good baby.”

I was too choked up to speak. This was hard, having another man this close.

I knew it had been almost a year. It didn’t make it any easier, though. My love for Blake still overpowered every other emotion. I found it hard to feel anything for anyone else, without feeling guilty. Reed showing Rhett attention just broke my heart.

I couldn’t help wondering what it would feel like if I saw another woman with my son. A woman who had an obvious interest in his daddy. I knew to some it may seem so childish to think that way, but I couldn’t make it disappear. Losing someone the way I lost Blake wasn’t something you got over quickly. He was ripped from our lives in the most agonizing way. When Blake died, I felt like I had, too. I’d tried so hard to let go of the guilty feelings, but every day they’re present, beating down my front door.

It was all too much, and I stood, quickly gathering up my things. “I’ve gotta get going. Rhett’s getting tired, and he needs a bath.”

I rushed past Reed, walking toward my vehicle. Once inside I sent a text message to Maria letting her know I wasn’t feeling well and had to leave. Then I sent a similar message to my parents, before starting up my car and driving home.

***

After getting Rhett fed and put to bed, I grabbed a bottle of wine and went out to the front porch. The tears began quickly. Knowing that the distance between my house and anyone else was widespread, I let loose. The chances of anyone hearing my sobs were slim. Torturing myself, I held on to the one photo of Blake and me in the park. I began drowning my heartache in the bottle of Pinot.

The headlights flickering along the tree line grabbed my attention. The access road to my house was off the main road, and there was nothing else along it but me. The only reason to take it was to come here, and right now I didn’t want company.

As the vehicle got closer, my heart sank. The big black truck with huge tires and dark windows pulled in next to my SUV. I quickly began wiping at the tears on my cheeks.

The sound of the door shutting made me jump, followed by the crunch of gravel under his boots.

I looked down, squeezing the photo just a little tighter to my chest. A sob broke out uncontrollably, and I covered my mouth, trying to hide it.

“Kori,” a pained whisper filled the silence. “Talk to me. Yell at me, something. I know you’re hurting, I wish I could help.”

“No one can help, Reed, not unless you can go back in time. Change the past and bring Blake back to me. That’s the only thing that would help me right now.”

He knelt before me and looked up into my eyes. “Sweetheart, if I could, I would. Because seeing you hurting like this, it’s breaking my heart.” He paused and squeezed my knee tightly. “Let me be here for you. Let me be a shoulder to cry on. Let me be your friend.”

Once again those unwanted feelings of guilt washed over me. “I can’t Reed. I need you to leave, please.”

I refused to look up at him. I stared at the almost empty glass of wine in my hand, gripping the neck tightly. After a few silent moments he stood and took a step back. “Whenever you decide you need a friend, when you feel like you just need to get it out, lean on me, Kori. I’m not trying to push you in any way. All I want to do is be your friend. You’re hurting, and no matter what you do, that hurt will never completely disappear. Something, or someone will always trigger a memory or a feeling. Something will always pop up that reminds you of him. It will get easier to carry on, but you never have to forget him.”

I looked up as he walked away. I watched the back of him until he crawled up into his truck. His headlights slowly backed down my driveway before turning back out on to the main road.

I realized he was talking from experience. He had lost his momma only a short time ago. Reed knew just what it was I felt. He too carried the guilt, for different reasons of course, but it was still guilt. He knew what it felt like to carry the guilt you got to live with when they didn’t.