Forgiven (14 page)

He stepped closer until he was right in front of my face, my fists twitched the closer he got to me. It took everything I had not to level him. “Fuck you,” he roared as he swung at me.

I threw my left arm up to block his punch and swung my right fist into his jaw. I could hear Angie screaming at us in the background, but I couldn’t control my reaction.

I followed him to the ground, and saw that I’d broken his nose. He cupped his hand over his face as the blood flowed freely. He wasn’t done and tried to take another swing at me, but this time I was prepared for it and pulled his arms behind his back. I really didn’t feel like getting arrested, so I gave him a clear warning. “You stay the fuck away from her, or next time you’ll have more than a broken nose,” I snarled at him.

I looked up to see Angie heading into her apartment. I let go of Nick and ran to catch up with her before she could lock her door, keeping me from talking to her. “Angie, please don’t walk away from me.”

I reached the door just as she was trying to shut it in my face—but I was quicker, and placed my foot between the door and the frame.

She tried to pull the door closed, but I had about one hundred pounds on her. “Caleb, move your foot and go home,” she demanded.

“Not until you listen to me,” I responded.

“Your stupidity knows no bounds. I have nothing to say to you, and I don’t want to listen to any more of your bullshit,” she shouted.

“What the fuck is all the shouting about?” Emily called from the living room.

“Nothing,” Angie called back.

I used this distraction to push the door open and wrap my arms around Angie’s waist. I picked her up and carried her toward her room. “We’re going to talk…even if I have to hold you down so you’ll listen to what I have to say.”

She tried to kick and slap me as I walked through the apartment, “Put me down, you asshole!” she yelled.

We walked passed Emily and Heather sitting on the couch—both of them too shocked to react. Emily shot off the couch, but I made it to Angie’s room before her. I turned to shut the door in her face, and locked it before stepping away. Emily started pounding on the door. “Caleb, you open this goddamn door right now,” she screamed.

I was getting sick of this shit. I knew I’d fucked up, but the only way I could see to fix it was if we had the chance to talk. I set Angie down in front of me so I could look her in the eye. Without moving my gaze from hers, I called out to Emily. “I’m not leaving until I talk to Angie. If she still wants me to leave after that I will,” I promised. “I promise,” I confirmed to Angie in a low whisper.

She looked really pissed, but I was hoping she would take my promise at face value.

Emily wasn’t done. “Do you want me to call the police to come get this asshole?” she yelled through the door.

Angie looked into my eyes like she was trying to see down to my soul. She took a step back from me and crossed her arms over her chest. “No Em, its fine. Caleb is going to say whatever he has to say and then get the fuck out.” She looked at me, rage written all over her face. “Right Caleb?”

“Yes,” I said, relieved that I was going to get a chance to explain things—although Angie still looked like she wanted to rip my balls off.

She looked at me expectantly. “Well? What do you want to talk about?”

Shit! I needed her to calm down so she would actually listen to what I had to say.

“Can we sit down?” I asked gesturing to her bed.

She lifted her hands to her head to rub her temples. “Caleb, just get to the point. I’ve had enough of this shit. I want you to say what you came to say, and then get the hell out of my life.”

This was not going how I planned. I just had to say it. “Angie, I think that there’s something between us.”

“There is
nothing
between us, you made that very clear the other night.” She looked away from me for a moment, a blush staining her cheeks. She turned her head back to me. “Is that it? Is that all you wanted?” she asked as she tried to get to the door. I blocked her path.

“Shit, Angie, would you just let me finish?” I begged.

“So now you want something from me? I gave you a chance the other night, but you walked away from me. I was so ashamed that I let you touch me…” Her voice trailed off, and I saw her take a deep breath, as if she was trying to swallow her emotions. Watching her draw breath, I was momentarily distracted by her lips—so much so that I didn’t realize that she was still talking. “…And now you can’t even let me have a date with a nice guy without ruining it. What the fuck—”

Remembering how well it worked the last time she had freaked out on me, I grabbed her and kissed her. I realized I wasn’t going to be quite so lucky when she pushed against my shoulders to try and get away from me.

I pulled my lips from hers and quickly tried to explain. “Look, I know I fucked up the other night, but I was scared shitless of the feelings I have for you.”

She looked shocked, but I kept going before she had a chance to interrupt me and start yelling again.

“I have never been attracted to someone the way I am to you, but I’m scared to death because last time I let myself fall for someone…” I paused to take a deep breath and calm myself. “My world was destroyed, and I’m just not sure I’d be able to handle that again.” I ran my hand through my hair. “That first day I saw you, you shook my hand, and the spark I felt was unbelievable. I know I walked away,” I looked away from her, embarrassed about the way I’d acted. “But I did it out of fear. Then when you came down to the field, I figured we’d be able to finish the assignment and walk away.” I met her gaze with mine and smiled. “But we both know that’s not what happened.”

I knew I was rambling and I wasn’t sure if my words were having the effect that I wanted but she hadn’t tried to interrupt me yet, so I kept going.

“When I saw you dancing with Josh at the party that night,” I shook my head, remembering the feelings. “I’d never felt so jealous in my entire life. You weren’t mine, and I knew I had no right to you. You didn’t need to deal with the shit that was my fucked up life, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting you. And that kiss…” I cupped her face with my hands. “I have
never
felt like that after a kiss. All I wanted to do was to take you home and kiss you all over.” I stroked my thumbs over her cheeks. “From then on, no matter where I was, all I could do was think of you. By the time I saw you again at the library, looking so sexy, it took everything I had to keep my hands to myself. I knew that my feelings for you were growing and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to control them much longer.” I couldn’t tell what she was thinking and, starting to lose hope, I dropped my hands from her face.

Slowly Angie walked over to her bed and sat down. I followed, sitting down next to her. She looked up at me, uncertainty and hope in her eyes. I started to relax—maybe, just maybe, I still had a chance. “Caleb…”

I took her hand in mine, and it gave me the strength I needed to keep going. I looked down at our entwined hands as I slowly brushed my thumb over the palm of her hand.

“Before you say anything, I need to tell you how sorry I am for what happened on Friday night. I’ve never regretted my actions more.”

She gasped and tried to pull her hand away. I snapped my head up to see the look of hurt in her eyes. How many more times was I going to fuck up with her? “Angie, that’s not what I meant,” I said quickly. “I don’t regret anything we did that night. I regret leaving the way I did. I wanted nothing more to stay here with you, but once again I was letting my fears control me.”

I saw the tears in her eyes. She blinked and one slid down her cheek. I put my hands on either side of her face and used my thumb to wipe it away. “Baby, please don’t cry,” I whispered.

She shivered, trying to get her emotions under control. “Why didn’t you talk to me before?” she asked sadly.

“I tried. At the bar, remember? But you were so pissed you refused to even give me a chance. When I saw you dancing with Nick, I drank even more, trying to get you out of my head. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t.” I sighed. “After Josh dragged me out of there, we almost came to blows, and I realized how fucking stupid I’d been. I couldn’t keep living my life in the past—if I wanted to be happy I needed to live for the future. And you, Angie, you make me very happy.”

She looked at me, almost like she was still afraid to trust me completely. “Please, Angie, if you give me a chance I promise that I will show you how much I care about you, and that you can trust me,” I begged.

“What happened that you are so haunted by it?” she asked, searching my face.

I sighed and took hold of her hand again. “Please don’t make me answer that. I don’t want our relationship tainted by my past.”

She looked like she was going to push the issue when she raised her free hand and laid it on my cheek. She looked me in the eyes. “Sometimes bad things happen to good people. It just means we need to learn how to forgive, and move on.”

I nodded. I knew I’d never be able to forgive myself, but I also was going to try and stop living in the past for the sake of my future.

“Does that mean you’ll give me a chance?” he asked, hope in his eyes.

I still wasn’t sure if I should trust him. There were so many times he’d hurt me, but I couldn’t deny the connection I felt every time he was near. I also knew what it was like to have a past you just wanted to run from. I wanted to give him a chance, but I just hoped that he wouldn’t hurt me again. I wouldn’t be able to give him all of my heart right away—I had to protect myself—but I knew it wouldn’t be long before I would be unable to hold any of my feelings back. I couldn’t resist how I felt for him.

I smiled. “Yes, I will”

He pulled me to him, crashing his lips into mine. I heard him groan as I opened my mouth and let him deepen the kiss. Slowly, I slid my arms up and around his neck.

Before I knew it, he was lowering me to my bed. His hand had moved under my shirt to cup my breast over top of my bra. I heard a moan come from the back of my throat as desire poured through my veins.

I wanted him to touch me, so I reached down and pulled my shirt over my head, throwing it to the floor. I was still a little nervous about a repeat of the last time we were here, but then he unhooked my bra with one hand and threw it on the floor, the look in his eyes as they wandered over my body helped to calm my nerves. He gently rubbed his thumbs across my nipples. I stopped thinking altogether as his tongue caressed mine and he continued to tease me.

Oh my god, I never wanted him to stop. But then he pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes, and I saw his were burning with desire.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he whispered as he lowered his mouth to my collarbone and began sucking a hot wet path down to my breasts. He took my nipple into his mouth and sucked hard. I couldn’t contain the moan of pleasure that slipped from my lips.

I fisted my hands into his hair as he continued to alternate between licking and sucking. The longer his hands were on me, the more the ache between my legs increased. I needed to touch him—I wanted him to feel the same sensations I had coursing through my body. I reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled upward. He sat up and quickly ripped his shirt off, before lowering himself back over me and returning his lips to mine.

He sucked my tongue into his mouth and I sighed at the taste of him. I felt his hand slide slowly down my stomach, to the button of my jeans. As he unsnapped my jeans, he eased his fingers between my panties and my skin. He sunk his fingers down between my folds and began to rub circles on my clit.

“Holy fuck, you are so wet,” he hissed against my lips.

He continued to rub in small circles, and I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip to keep from crying out. I could feel the electricity building up inside of me, when he gradually pulled his lips across my cheek to my ear.

“I want to be inside you,” he whispered.

My heartbeat doubled as I grabbed his hand to stop his delicious torment. “Caleb,” I said nervously.

He must have heard the uncertainty in my voice because his eyes snapped to mine with a frown. “You think I’m gonna run out on you again?” he asked looking hurt.

I felt the blush creep up my cheeks, “It’s not that, it’s…it’s…it’s just that…”

He looked confused as he tried to get his breathing under control. He pulled his hand out of my pants and rolled me onto my side to face him.

He looked me in the eyes, “Angie, you can talk to me. What is it?”

I sighed and looked away—I was so embarrassed. “I’ve never…I’ve never done this before and I’m not sure I’m ready.” I rushed out, before I lost my nerve.

He blinked a few times, as what I’d said sunk in. He looked shocked, and I waited for him to leave again. There weren’t many twenty-year-old virgins around—he would probably be happier with someone who had experience.

The longer he stared at me the more embarrassed I got, and I tried to use my arms to cover my exposed breasts.

He grabbed my hands to stop me. “Don’t hide yourself,” he said gently, and my eyes moved to his. “You don’t need to be shy in front of me. I’m just trying to figure out how someone who looks like you is still a virgin.”