Forever Is Over (121 page)

“
How come you don
’
t wear a ring?
”
Kelly continued, regaining her composure and continuing as though her letter to me had never been
sent and we were just two old friends meeting up.

I decided it was time to come clean. To an extent, anyway.

“
I do wear a ring. I just slipped it off before. See, it
’
s here in my
pocket!
”

“
Why did you take it off?
”

I sighed.

“
Oh, I don
’
t know. When I finally received your letter, which is
another long story, involving my Dad and his gambling, when I finally
received it, my marriage wasn
’
t in a happy place.
”

“
I
’
m sorry.
”

“
No, no, it
’
s not your fault. It
’
s my fault really. Anyway, I liked the
idea of meeting up with you. I suppose realistically, I didn
’
t expect it to
be anything other than an afternoon spent together, but I just thought
it would be nice to go back in time for a while. You know, to pretend
we were seventeen again, sitting here, just the two of us, like we used
to, watching the world go by.
”

“
We can still do that.
”

“
I know, but to an extent it feels like a betrayal now.
”

“
So your wife doesn
’
t know you
’
re here?
”

“
No, there are a lot of things we don
’
t talk about, Kelly.
”

“
You need to.
”

“
I know.
”

“
Do you have children?
”

“
Yes, two children. A girl and a boy, Melissa and Jamie.
”

“
Really! That
’
s lovely, Richie, congratulations! How old are they?
”

“
Melissa
’
s nearly five and Jamie
’
s nearly three.
”

“
Do you have any pictures with you?
”

“
Yes, in my wallet.
”

I took my wallet out and carefully withdrew two photographs, one
showing Melissa before a friend
’
s party dressed in a fairy outfit, a mass
of blond curls and little white teeth, whilst the other was of Jamie, in
a pirate outfit with an eye patch, beard and sword, looking cheeky and
mischievous.

Kelly studied the photos for a minute before handing them back.
“
They
’
re both gorgeous, Richie! You must be very proud of them
.
Melissa will have the boys all chasing her when she
’
s older!
”

             
“
Thanks! I
’
m sure I
’
ll be the protective father, throwing teenage
boys out the house and administering a chastity belt which can only be
unlocked on her wedding day or when she
’
s twenty five!
”

             
“
Is she a real Daddy
’
s girl?
”

“
To be honest, she
’
s more of a Mummy
’
s girl.
”

“
Really,
”
there was a brief pause,
“
where did you meet your wife,
Richie?
”

Sometimes the line of questioning made me feel like Kelly knew
very well who my wife was and was just asking me these questions to
make me squirm.

“
I
’
ve known her for a long time, Kelly, she was in my year at school.
”

“
Honestly! Wow! I
’
ll probably know her then! What
’
s her name?
Was Jemma friendly with her?
”

I
’
m glad she asked me two questions as it enabled me to focus on
the latter.

“
No, she wasn
’
t a friend of Jemma
’
s.
”

That much was true.

“
I might still know her. What was her name?
”

“
Gillian.
”

A lie.

“
Gillian what?
”

“
Gillian Billingham!
”

“
I meant before she was married to you, smart arse!
”

“
Gillian Sorensen
”

Kelly scratched her head.

“
I don
’
t remember a Gillian Sorensen.
”

Surprisingly enough!

“
Well, she wasn
’
t a friend of Jemma
’
s.
”

“
Do you love her, Richie?
”

“
I do love her, yes.
”

“
Then how come you are here?
”

“
Oh, I don
’
t know
…
.like I said before, I just wanted to be seventeen
again for an afternoon. I just wanted to disentangle myself from all my
commitments temporarily and just feel free.
”

“
Are you happy?
”

“
Depends on what you mean by happy. I have children I love, I have
a wife that I love, I have a job that does not involve getting shot at or
digging coal out of the ground, but for some reason, I don
’
t know why,
I feel like I
’
m missing something.
”

“
I know what that something is, Richie.
”

“
Don
’
t say God! My Dad
’
s a born again Christian, he
’
d tell me it
’
s God!
”

Kelly laughed. It was a familiar laugh, stored in my memory banks
from those halcyon days of old.

“
I wasn
’
t going to say God! I was going to say the chase. You miss
the adrenalin rush of the chase. The feeling of new love and all its
endless possibilities.
”

Was this what I was missing? I thought for a while.

“
There
’
s probably some truth in that. That
’
s not what I miss the most
though. I miss the woman I married. The spontaneous, cuddly, witty,
passionate, live life for the moment, woman I married. She died when
the children were born. Sometimes
…
often
…
I just want her back.
”

“
Richie, it
’
s selfish of you to want that. She
’
s a mother now. It
’
s not
all about you any more.
”

“
I know that. There
’
s a tale told amongst men that you should not
do anything early in a relationship that you are not prepared to do for
its entirety. If you start off buying flowers and chocolates, you have to
do it forever otherwise your wife or girlfriend will start accusing you
of not loving her like you used to because you used to buy her flowers
and chocolates.

This is the same but the other way around. My wife should not have
shown me all those vibrant characteristics she had, if she was going to
box them up and put them away once she had children. I know I
’
m
sounding like a selfish, stereotypical male but she
’
s a different woman
these days. Various events have taught me to value my life, Kelly, to live
every day like its your last but my wife does not have that mentality.
She
’
s just consistent these days. A steady person. She
’
s changed and I
did not want her to.
”

“
Maybe she wanted you to change and you haven
’
t.
”

“
I have changed, but I
’
ve never forgotten who I used to be. That
’
s
my wife
’
s problem. She
’
s forgotten who she used to be. Anyway, I
’
m the
one moaning on now, I
’
m sorry I didn
’
t mean to. Let
’
s talk about you
again. Going back all those years, why did you really go and why did
you take so long to come back? Jemma needed you.
”

Whether that was a clue or not to the secret I was hiding, I
’
m not
sure, but Kelly stood up.

“
You know what, Richie, let
’
s not go there. I think I need to go now.
”

             
“
Hang on, Kelly! What
’
s the matter? I
’
m sorry if you don
’
t want to
go over all that, we don
’
t have to. After so long not seeing you, I don
’
t
want to leave you on a sour note.
”

“
It
’
s not that, Richie. I left because I was scared and I didn
’
t come
back because I was a selfish bitch who was protecting number one but
that
’
s not why I want to go.
”

“
Then why?
”

“
We just shouldn
’
t be doing this
! When we were kids, we talked
about sitting here and talking things over, but you said it yourself,
Richie, from your perspective this is a betrayal. I contacted you because
every relationship I
’
ve ever had has crumbled to dust eventually and I
wanted to re-kindle the hearts and flowers of our
‘
Sunny Road
’
days,
but we are no longer teenagers, Richie. You aren
’
t the boy I used to lov
e.
You
’
re more cynical, tougher and your problems are not our problems any
more, they are yours and your wife
’
s. Th
ey are your families problems.
Go home and stop looking at the hurdles as something that
’
s stopping
your marriage, just look at them as something to get over. Marriages
only fail because people stop trying and start focusing on the negatives.
For the sake of your children, Richie, do not stop trying.
”

Everything Kelly said seemed to make sense. I felt overwhelmed with guilt.

“
I
’
m sorry, Kelly.
”

“
What for?
”

“
Turning up.
”