"Please, Michael … don't … "
"Don't … " he shouted. "Hell, I'm not the one who's all fucked up!"
"I just don't want any lies between us."
"And you think it can be the same for us … now?"
"I don't know."
"Well, I tell you … it can't!" His voice broke. He went into the bathroom, slammed the door and flushed the toilet so I couldn't hear anything.
I didn't know what to do. I waited a while before I called, "Michael … are you okay?"
"Oh, sure … " he answered. "Just fine … just great … "
"Look … it could be that you rushed me tonight … and I was too tense … oh, you know … "
"Don't give me any of that crap."
"It's not crap … "
He flushed the toilet again.
I buttoned my dress.
Finally he opened the bathroom door. His shirt was still inside out but he'd tied his sneakers. He walked over to the nightstand and put on his glasses. "I'm not about to share you," he said, sounding very calm. "I want it the way it was before … so make up your mind … "
I swallowed hard. "I can't make any promises … not now."
"That's what I thought."
"Are you saying it's over, then?"
"You said it … just now."
"Couldn't we sit on it a little while and see what happens?"
"You can't have it both ways."
"Then it's really over, isn't it?" Suddenly question number four popped into my mind.
Have you thought
about how this relationship will end
?
"I guess so," he said.
I took off my necklace and held it out to him. My throat was too tight to talk.
"Keep it," he told me.
"I don't think I should." Our fingers touched as I handed it to him.
"What am I supposed to do with a necklace
"I don't know."
He picked up my pocketbook and dropped the necklace into it.
Neither one of us said anything on the drive back to camp. When we got there I opened the car door and stepped out, and as I did he leaned over and said, "You might as well know … I screwed my way around North Carolina … "
I shook my head to show I didn't believe him.
So he shouted, "I humped everything in sight!"
"Liar!" I shouted back. "You're just saying that to hurt me."
"You'll never know though … will you?" He took off so fast the tires shrieked and left marks on the road.
26
We saw each other one more time before we left for school. Erica and I were shopping in Hahne's and there he was, at the stationery counter.
I said, "Hi."
And he said, "Oh … hi."
I said, "How are you?"
And he said, "Okay … and you?"
"Okay … how's Artie?"
"He's home. I saw him yesterday."
"I'm glad."
Erica disappeared down another aisle and Michael and I stood there, looking at each other.
"Well … " I said, "good luck at school."
"You too." Thanks."
"Oh, by the way, I got that job in VaU .% .
.
"
"Are you going to take it?"
He shrugged. "It all depends … "
"Michael … "
"Yeah?"
I wanted to tell him that I will never be sorry for loving him. That in a way I still do—that maybe I always will. I'll never regret one single thing we did together because what we had was very special. Maybe if we were ten years older it would have worked out differently. Maybe. I think it's just that I'm not ready for forever.
I hope that Michael knew what I was thinking. I hope that my eyes got the message through to him, because all I could manage to say was, "See you around … "
"Yeah," he answered, "see you around."
When I got home Jamie was out back with David and my mother was pruning her birthday tree.
"It looks nice," I said. "It's getting fatter."
"It needs a lot of water," she told me. "Did you get everything at Hahne's?"
"Almost everything."
"Are you all right … you don't look well … "
"I've had better days … but I'm okay. I think I'll take a shower before dinner."
"Go ahead … and Kath … "
"Yes?"
"Theo called."
Author's Note
When I wrote
Forever
… in the mid-seventies, sexual responsibility meant preventing unwanted pregnancy. Today, sexual responsibility also means preventing sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS, which can kill you. In the book, Katherine visits a clinic and is given a prescription for the Pill. Today, she would be told it is essential to use a latex condom, along with any other method of contraception. If you are going to become sexually active, then you MUST take responsibility for your own actions and your own life. For more information contact your local Planned Parenthood office or write: Marketing Department, Planned Parenthood, 810 Seventh Avenue, New York, NY 10019 or call 1-800-230-PLAN.
Judy Blume has a daughter (to whom this book is dedicated), a son, and a stepdaughter. She is glad that some things,
like feelings
, never change.
About this Title
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