Authors: Nika Michelle
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #United States, #African American, #Urban, #Genre Fiction
“Yanna, you my bitch you know that!” She held the dress up to her body and looked at the size. “Just makin’ sure bitch.”
“I know your size hoe,” I grinned.
I loved making my sister smile. It was always my first priority to take care of her. I didn’t want her to ever know how it felt to be neglected, like I did.
* * *
Me and Diablo were lounging in the living room watching. “Baby Boy and smoking a fat ass blunt, when Princess started banging on the door.
“Who is it?” Diablo asked.
“It’s Princess!” She yelled.
“Man, it’s yo’ girl,” he said looking pissed. He wanted to spend some quiet time chilling at the crib. Sunday was his rest day.
I got up and opened the door.
“What?” I asked her.
“What the fuck you mean what bitch?” she asked. “Ain’t you goin’ invite me in?”
“Hell no,” I said giving her the evil face.
“Shit, I’m sorry for disturbin’ ya’lls groove, but I need to talk to you.”
“What happened? Huh? Shonda wanna beat your ass now?” I asked.
“Fuck you wit’ a sick dick Yanna. Let me in,” she said pushing past me. I rolled my eyes and closed the door.
“What up Ablo,” she said.
“What’s the deal Princess?” he asked not taking his eyes off the TV. “Wanna hit the blunt?”
“Of course,” she said and took the blunt from his fingers.
“What’s up Princess?” I asked. I wanted to be alone with my man and she was fucking up the mood.
“Look, I need you to roll wit’ me to see my moms tomorrow,” she said.
“Princess, don’t even try it. You know how Vernice feel about me.”
“Yeah, but she goin’ be on my case. If you come I’ll have a excuse to leave.”
“What you goin’ over there for?” I asked.
“I need to get sumthin’,” she said blowing the smoke out of her nose. “She owe me some money.”
“I don’t know,” I sighed.
“You can’t go ‘cause we goin’ to North Carolina tomorrow to pick Mont up,” Diablo said.
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” I said glad that he’d rescued me. “And I gotta go see daddy in the mornin’.”
“So? You can go by yourself Ablo, c’mon Yanna. Please…please,” she begged.
“Nope, you know my license revoked Princess. So that mean Yanna gotta drive,” he said reaching for the blunt.
“Oh shit, fuck Mont! Can’t his bitch ass find his own way back?” she asked.
“Princess it ain’t all about you,” I said.
“So Mont’s more important than your blood?” Princess asked.
“You so fuckin’ self-centered. Mont’s uncle was killed and his funeral was just yesterday. He don’t wanna fly or ride the train so we gonna go and get him. That’s it,” I said with an attitude.
“How he get there in the first damn place?” Princess asked.
“He rode the bus, but he don’t wanna ride it back.”
Princess cut her eyes at me and lit a cigarette.
“C’mon now Yanna. Ya’ll just using Mont as a excuse. Ablo drive everywhere else he wanna go,” she said cutting her eyes at Diablo.
Diablo laughed and gave Princess one of his evil glares.
“Tell your girl not to talk about me in my own crib like I ain’t here Yanna,” he said.
Princess rolled her eyes and grunted.
“I’m out,” she said and walked to the door.
I didn’t want any beef between me and my cousin so I followed her to the door.
“I’m sorry Princess, but I already promised Ablo that I’ll drive for him,” I said attempting to make peace.
Princess gave me a half smile and opened the door. “It’s cool Yanna. No hard feelings. I’ll just wait ‘till you get back,” she said and winked at me as she walked out.
I closed the door behind her and went back to join Ablo on the sofa.
“Your cousin got mad fuckin’ issues,” he said putting his arm across the back of the chair behind me.
“That’s my dog though,” I said kissing him on the neck softly. I could smell the sweet aroma of the weed smoke as he blew it out.
“Yeah baby doll,” he said and caressed my cheek. “But I’m your man, and I think your cousin is a bitch.”
“Ablo,” I whined shoving him away. “Why you always bein’ nice to her then?”
“ ‘Cause, you my baby, and I’ll do anything to make you happy. I think she be usin’ you.”
“How?”
“C’mon, your man is the leader of the Cue Boys. That give you and whoever you roll wit’ clout. Princess use your rep to boost hers. You always got her back. She smoke for fuckin’ free, and when you go shopping she shop too. Shit, I don’t give you money to spend on her. On top of all that she a fuckin’ hoe. I be hearing ‘bout how she get down. I don’t know if I want you hangin’ wit’ her. She might influence you,” he said in a cocky voice.
“Nigga please, influence me to do what?” I asked. “You don’t trust me?”
“I do trust you, but if you be ‘round Princess long enough she might rub off on you. You might start thinkin’ it’s okay to get your thang on wit’ a bunch of other niggas. You know I don’t play that bullshit Yanna.”
“You the only man I been wit’ Ablo. I know that you ain’t thinkin’ I’ll cheat on you. Do you really think I’ll let Princess or anybody else fuck up my relationship wit’ you?” I asked with a shocked look on my face. I couldn’t believe him.
“I don’t know Yanna. You know what they say. Birds of a feather flock the fuck together.”
“Oh, that’s bullshit and you know it! I can’t believe you Ablo! So in that case you just like your sorry ass boys!” I yelled angrily. Shit, I was pissed off. I’d been faithful to his ass, and that’s how he paid me back? The nerve of his ass.
“I’m just sayin’ baby, even if you not a freak like Princess who’s to say that when niggas see you wit’ her they not thinkin’ that you get down too.”
“Who give a flyin’ fuck what niggas be thinkin’? Nigga, I’m wit’ you so it don’t matter how many niggas wanna get down. I love you Ablo and I hate it when you doubt me. I don’t accuse you of cheatin’ on me, although you have,” I said attempting to calm the situation down.
Diablo turned the television off and kissed me softly on the lips. It was his little peace offering.
“I love you too sweetheart, and I’m sorry for doubtin’ you. Forgive me?” He asked.
“Of course papi,” I giggled as he tickled me.
“Mmm, damn, you smell good as hell. Can I make love to you?” He asked.
“Do you have to ask,” I said nibbling on his earlobe.
* * *
Early that Monday morning me and Maya went to visit our daddy. For that past eleven years we’d taken the same route to the state prison he was in. We made it through the metal detectors and other security measures. I went in to see daddy first. Me and Maya would always see him separately first and then go in together.
I hated to see my daddy’s once handsome face become so frail and hopeless. He became a Muslim in prison and was totally different from the gang banging drug dealer that I’d remembered. We hugged.
“Hi daddy,” I said sweetly.
“How’re you doin’ Punkin?” He asked. His eyes looked all teary and I had to look away. His caramel complexion didn’t look as clear as I last remembered, and his hair was prematurely covered with gray.
“I’m okay daddy. How’re you?” I asked.
“As good as can be expected. How’s Freida?”
“Fine. She’ll never be the same though,” I said referring to my mother.
“And my baby girl?”
“She’s fine daddy. She’s right outside waiting to see you.”
Maya was less forgiving of our father. I’d forgiven him a long time ago. I was a daddy’s girl for life.
“You stayin’ out of trouble? He asked.
“Daddy, you know the streets. I’m holdin’ it down.”
“You still runnin’ around wit’ Diablo?”
My daddy had known Diablo since his own hustling days. Diablo had been dealing with drugs since he was a young boy. Although daddy was cool with the young Diablo, his new way of life caused him to disagree with Diablo’s lifestyle.
“Don’t mention his name daddy, I didn’t come here to talk about him,” I shot back with defiance. I sometimes wondered if Diablo was with me because he used to idolize my father. After his own father passed my dad and his Uncle Pete were all he had to look up to.
Daddy shook his head sadly, but changed the subject. “How’s my grandbaby.” His eyes lit up at the mention of Lexus.
“Fine wit’ her pretty self. She wit’ Vernice.”
“Baby, have you ever thought about taking some classes or sumthin’?”
“Daddy,” I whined. “You’re ruinin’ the mood. Look, I’m okay. I hate to defy you, but my life is fine the way it is.”
The sad look returned to his face. “Don’t end up like me,” he whispered and started coughing.
“You okay daddy?” I asked with deep concern.
“Mmmm hmmm,” he said and cleared his throat.
“Daddy don’t…”
He cut me off and continued. “You’re so beautiful Yanna. I want more for you and Maya. More than your ma and me were able to do. I’m not gonna be here long…”
“Don’t talk like that,” I said feeling the tears sting my eyes. The thought of him dying was unbearable. Regardless of what he had done he was still my father. I forgave him for what he did to our family. He was only a man doing all that he knew to do. His mentality back then was to react instead of thinking first. It had put him in a fucked up position, but he was man enough to deal with it. I admired his strength.
“I don’t want to leave you knowing that you out there with the wrong man. I was the wrong man for your mamma. Get yourself an education and find a man that won’t end up here or in a pine box,” he said.
I wished I could talk to my dad like I used to before he decided to change his life around. Diablo was the only man that I felt as strong for. He’d taken the place of my father. I depended on him for everything.
“You are so much like me baby. I have to admit that. You are so brave and strong, but you have to direct it the right way. You are a natural leader Yanna, use it to your benefit. I know the streets are like an old friend to you, but you are worth so much more baby. Your life is worth so much more,” he smiled at me. It was good to see him smile.
“I love you papa,” I smiled back at him. I left my real feeling to myself. I just kept him in the dark about my relationship with Diablo. He heard about us through street stories told by new guys that came to the prison. They were fellow Cue Boys, their rivals, or just random niggas who knew us when they were on the streets. Daddy had told me that he heard stories about me and Ablo’s Bonnie and Clyde lifestyle. He was disappointed in me because he felt that I was going to end up in the pen like him, or strung out like mommy.
“Maya needs you. Be there for her. You are stronger, and you know that.”
I nodded feeling the tears welling up again. I glanced at my watch to keep him from seeing them. “I’ll be there for her,” I said weakly.
“Good. I love you Punkin,” he said and grabbed my hand.