Fool For You (Made for Love Book 4) (43 page)

I’m disgusting and broken.

I can’t have babies….

Did I want babies?

Does he want babies?

He won’t want me now.

What man would want me now?

Twenty minutes later, I get my answer when Geoffrey comes bursting through my front door. I look up at him from where I lay on the floor, my damp towel unwrapping from around my hair, my messy, wavy mane falling past my shoulders and down my back.

“Teddy—what happened?”

“He’s still hurting me,” I whimper. “All these years later, and he’s still
hurting
me!”

He scrunches his face in confusion before he pushes the door closed and makes his way toward me. He scoops me in his arms, cradling me against his chest, and carries me to the couch. He doesn’t let me go as he sits, for which I am grateful. I’m not ready to let him go, either.

“It’s okay, Teddy. I’m right here. I’ve got you. Now—you’re going to have to start from the beginning.”

It’s one of the worst things in
my
world, hearing Teddy cry. It kills me every time. But this is different. This
guts
me. She’s devastated, and I can do not one damn thing. I don’t even feel like my empathy is worth shit. I wasn’t there after everything went down with Justin. I didn’t know her yet—but I
love
her now, and I know that the news she got today has torn open old scars, creating new wounds the likes of which I will never know.

She cries so hard, I’m afraid not even my arms can keep her small body from falling apart. It breaks my heart. I’m relieved when she wears herself out and falls asleep. I carry her to her bed and tuck her in, sitting with her for a moment. I hate to leave her, but I have no choice. Neither does she.

I begged her to call Judah, but she refused. I know my girl. I know how much she cares for that man. Whether she’s willing to admit it or not, she’s falling in love with him. The mere fact that she’s even
considered
having sex with him says it all. She hasn’t offered that level of trust to anyone—
ever
. And now, instead of allowing herself to be with the man she wants, she’s pushing him away, afraid that he won’t want her now.

“Baby girl,” I whisper, staring down at her. “Any man who could even think about walking away from you doesn’t deserve you.”

I press a soft kiss to her forehead and head to the next room. I grab her purse and dig through the contents until I find the prescription she told me she’ll have to take. It’s a quarter to nine, which means the nearest pharmacy is closed. As I leave her apartment, heading for my car, I try and remember where I can find a twenty-four-hour pharmacy. I only have to think for a minute, and then I’m on my way.

It takes me an hour to get there, fill the prescription, and get back. As I quietly make my way into her room, I’m glad to find her still sleeping. When she whimpers, growing restless in her slumber, I stretch out beside her and wrap my arm around her, rubbing her back in an attempt to provide some sort of comfort.

It’s not enough, but it’s the only thing I know to give.

If it were anybody else, I wouldn’t worry. But it
isn’t
anybody else. It’s Teddy. I haven’t heard from her all day, and all my calls have gone unanswered. Silence, from the woman who tracked me down after I stood her up, does not bode well with me. Besides, when I call my woman, I expect an answer.

At nine-thirty, I try her one more time. After I’m sent to her voicemail, I pocket my phone and head for the garage. I climb into my Land Rover, wasting no time before I pull out of my driveway and start for her place. When I arrive, I see her little red Civic parked in front of her building. Now, I don’t know whether to hang on to my worry, or to get annoyed.

I hurry up the set of stairs to her front door and rap my knuckles against it. A frown pulls at my brow when there’s no answer. I try the handle, and I’m fucking pissed when I find it unlocked. As I enter the apartment, I scan the room. It only takes me a second to spot the trail of clothes that leads to the hallway.

My heart beats faster, my mind rushing to conclusions that don’t add up in my mind. I hear not a sound, which only concerns me more. I don’t stop to think about how many different emotions I’ve felt in the last twenty minutes over this woman—instead, I walk into her bedroom and collide into another one.

“What the fuck is going on here?” I ask, my voice low and calm—my insides seething at the sight of Geoffrey in Teddy’s bed, his arms wrapped around her.

His head jerks as he looks up at me, and I can tell he’s read me correctly when he’s quick to pull away from Teddy and roll out of the bed.

“Hey. I wasn’t sure if you’d try and stop by.”

My shoulders rise and fall in an irritated shrug. “If I had known that I’d be
intruding
, I wouldn’t have bothered.”

“Dude—don’t read this wrong.”

“Right. Because you’re gay and I shouldn’t be bothered by this situation.”

A scowl darkens his brow, mirroring my own. “Living room. Now.” I watch him, unmoving as he rounds the bed, heading for the door. He bumps my shoulder as he passes, and I follow after him, wondering who the fuck he thinks he is. “Listen,” he says, speaking before I can, keeping his voice low. “You don’t have to like me. I’m her best friend, it’s in your best interest if you play nice with me, but
we
don’t actually have to be friends. However, I have neither the time, nor the patience for your bullshit jealousy. Especially not today. That girl is a
mess
right now, so
you
don’t have time to be jealous either. She needs you.”

His words are like a pin, popping my ego in an instant. I look over my shoulder, feeling deflated as I realize that while I’m standing here getting my ass handed to me, she’s still in her room—lying in bed. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, but I know that I’m an asshole for feeling anything more than concern. Teddy is mine. She’s been mine since before I claimed her. I knew something was off, which is why I’m here, but I should never have let go of my focus.

“What’s going on?” I finally ask, giving Geoffrey my full attention.

He sighs, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair. “It’s not really my place to say. It’s her news to tell. You’ll have to wait for her to wake up. She’s been crying a lot, so be prepared for that. And when she realizes it’s
you
here instead of me, she’s going to lose her shit a little bit. She doesn’t want you here—but she
needs
you, I can tell you that much.”

I scrub my hand down my face, rubbing my chin as I let his words sink in.

She doesn’t want you here—but she
needs
you.

I don’t know what that means, but I’m sure as hell not leaving until I figure it out. I offer Geoffrey a curt nod before I start to head back to Teddy’s room.

“Wait, one more thing.” I turn to look at him once more. “There’s a bottle of pills on her night-table. Make sure she gets them.”

“Thanks,” I reply, hoping he understands my meaning.

A ghost of a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth as he shakes his head at me. “We’ll be just fine, Judah,” he begins to say as he walks toward the door. “You and I will be just fine.”

I watch him leave and then join Teddy. I slip out of my shoes and occupy the space Geoffrey vacated, sitting up against her headboard as I look down at her sleeping form. Even in sleep, I can tell that her eyes are puffy, and her cheeks are streaked with dry tears. When she whines, I reach over and run my hand through her cool, damp hair. Then I listen as her whine turns into a cry, her breathing growing rapid and irregular. She starts to panic, but she doesn’t wake, and I know right away that she’s having one of her nightmares.

I toss the covers off of her and scoop her into my arms, settling her in my lap. She curls into me, gripping a fist full of my shirt as she starts to mumble incoherently.

“Teddy,” I say, holding her closer. “Teddy, sweetheart, wake up.” She doesn’t hear me, so I give her a shake and speak louder. “Wake up, sweetheart.”

She gasps, flailing in my arms as she finally comes out of sleep.

“It’s okay—I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

She bursts into tears, clinging to my neck, and my chest aches. I need answers. I need to know what’s going on—and I want to know
now
.

“Teddy—Teddy, talk to me.”

Her body stiffens and she pulls away from me slowly, just enough to see my face. The look in her eyes kills me, and all I want to do is make it go away; but before I can do or say anything, she tries pushing herself out of my grasp.

“Let me go!” she insists as I hold her tighter.

“No. What’s going on, Teddy? Talk to me.”

“Jude—
please
—just let me go. Don’t touch me. I’m disgusting! You don’t want me—I know you won’t want me. Not anymore.”

“Stop!” I demand, reaching around to grab hold of the back of her neck. “Look at me. Theodora,
look
at me.” She does as I ask and I shake my head at her. My eyes roam over her face, in awe of how beautiful I find her, even now. “I want you. Of course I want you. What are you
talking
about?”

“I went to the doctor,” she starts to say, her voice barely above a whisper. “I just wanted to get started on birth control, which I guess is pretty irrelevant now.” She stops, her trembling lip warning me that more tears are coming. “Justin gave me chlamydia.”

Her confession catches me off guard, and my mind goes blank for a second. Then I realize what this means—that she’s been carrying around this infection for
years
.

“Why are you just now finding this out?”

“I didn’t get checked after—I just—I didn’t. And I get it, okay? I get it! It was stupid. I’m stupid, and I—”

“Hey, hey—no. Stop,” I insist, giving her neck a gentle squeeze. “Don’t do that. Don’t beat yourself up.”

“Why not?” she cries. “It’s my fault that you might have it. And since I’ve been living with it for so long, I’ve pretty much ruined all chances of ever getting pregnant. So, you see? You don’t have to stay. I get it.”

“You get
what?
” I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.

“I understand why you’re going to break up with me, now.”

“Why? Because there’s a small chance I’ve somehow contracted chlamydia in my mouth? Or because you think you can’t get pregnant?”

“I don’t
think
I
know
. I mean, Dr. Murphy says he wants to do more tests—but I’ve had chlamydia for
four years!
It gave me pelvic something-or-other, and the damage is irreversible.”

I sigh, still not understanding why she thinks this news is our demise.

“Did you want children?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I never really gave it a lot of thought.”

“Okay. Well—I’m still not breaking up with you.”

“But—”

“First of all, not that this is a conversation that has much relevance, but I don’t want children. So if you think your inability to create them has any bearing on my feelings, you’re wrong. Secondly, I’m not an expert on sexually transmitted infections, but I know what you have is curable. I also know that while I have enjoyed your pussy, there is a very small chance that I’ve actually contracted it. Nevertheless, I’ll get tested and I’ll be fine. We’ll
both
be fine.”

I admire her for a moment, feeling relieved for the first time all night. I know that she’s sad, that none of this is easy for her, but I breathe a little easier, sure that she’ll be fine. It isn’t until this moment that I wrap my head around the fact that it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this worried about anyone. I don’t know how she could think that I would walk away from her—after all this time. She tried walking away from me once, and I couldn’t allow it. Now, there’s not a chance that I’ll let her push me away.

“I’ve waited this long to have you, Teddy. I can wait a little while longer. But I
will
have you—in every way that I want. You are not disgusting or stupid. You are what I’ve always thought you to be—
exquisite
.

“So cry if you want to. I understand your diagnosis is not easy news to hear. But I’m not going anywhere, Teddy. Do you hear me? You’re mine. Say it.”