Fixer: A Bad Boy Romance (15 page)

"I've noticed. Do you think that it's a defense mechanism, a way to shield yourself from anyone prying into your history, by using just your last name?"

He shrugged. "I just like the sound of my last name better, I guess."

Alicia just kept on watching him. "You asked me a lot of personal questions on the night that we agreed to our truce," she said.

"You mean the night that we first kissed, hooked up?" Tanner replied, trying to inject a little humor, but Alicia just nodded, her eyes still locked on him. "So?"

"So whenever I asked one, you kind of dodged it," she answered. "If I ask some now, are you going to do that again?"

Tanner sighed, but it seemed like Alicia wasn't going to let this conversational topic go. "Fine. Take your best shot, and I'll try and answer."

She smiled, sitting back and tapping her chin with a finger. "Here, how about we make this interesting?"

"How so?"

Her smile grew wider. "Each time you answer a question of mine with a serious, in-depth answer, I'll take off an article of clothing."

That caught Tanner's attention. "Hah, deal."

"Great." She paused and considered her first question. "How often do you talk to your parents?"

That wasn't the question that Tanner expected, and he dropped back a little on the couch. "Am I allowed to pass on a question?"

Alicia's flat look was all the answer that he needed. "Fine. If I had to approximate... I'd say about never."

"Really? Why not?"

"Hey, I answered your question," he pointed out, nodding towards her shirt, but she shook her head, hair swinging back and forth across her shoulders.

"Doesn't count as a full answer. You need to explain why."

"I feel like you're adding additional rules," he complained, but kept talking. "Fine. My dad left when I was a baby, so I don't know where he is, or really anything about him. My mom wasn't thrilled with my decision to go into politics, let's just say that." His mouth twisted sourly. "Ironic, that is."

"Why's it ironic?"

He didn't even bother to point out that she'd asked another question. "Because I first went into this job to get enough money to pay for her retirement home. She doesn't have dementia, not exactly, but she gets angry and bitter, thinks that life's just out to get her. She can't go out and do much on her own, so I paid for her home."

"That's kind of you," Alicia said, but Tanner shook his head, suddenly angry. He grabbed a pillow, squeezing it as if he could strangle his mother by proxy.

"No, it's selfish of me. She kept on nagging me, insisting that I was doing everything wrong, but never offering any suggestions that would help me. There's nothing like knowing that nothing you can do is ever going to be good enough, that you're just a failure in her eyes, like everything else in the world."

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Like my father was."

A moment later, Tanner felt Alicia's soft hand press against his cheek. "I'm sorry," she murmured, her big eyes holding his, soft and caring. "I didn't know - we don't have to keep on talking about this-"

"No, I might as well get it out," Tanner said after taking a deep breath. "But yeah, parents aren't really in the picture."

"Got it." Alicia considered for a minute, as Tanner forced his white-knuckled fingers to let go of the pillow. "What about brothers? Sisters?"

"Nope. Apparently, I was enough. More than enough, if you ever listened to my mother." Tanner looked up at Alicia. "I don't remember asking you about this. Do you have siblings?"

"An older sister, but she's dropped off the grid," Alicia said with a shrug. "She was a bit of a wild child, while I was the goody two-shoes. She's off in India, last time I checked in with her, doing some sort of project where she builds houses for some of the villages hit by the latest tsunami, or something like that."

"Sounds very noble," Tanner noted, which made Alicia snort.

"Not at all. She just doesn't want to face real life, have to ever consider having a husband, or kids, or a house, or even a permanent address. So she keeps on throwing herself into these charity missions instead."

Alicia drifted off, looking off into space as if remembering her sister, but then pulled her eyes back to Tanner. "Anyway, next question. What do you want in the future?"

"What do you mean?"

She spread her hands out. "I mean, what do you see your future as like? Are you just going to keep working as a fixer, probably dragging random women home from some club who are half your age, until you drop dead of a heart attack? What's your long term goal?"

Tanner opened his mouth to reply, but paused. "I guess I haven't really thought about one," he finally answered. "I suppose that, someday, I wouldn't mind having kids."

"Really?" Alicia asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Don't get any ideas," he shot back, pointing a warning finger at her. "But maybe in the future. It would be nice to prove to myself that I can be a better parent than my mom was."

"You aren't worried that you might make mistakes?"

"What, me? When have I ever made a mistake?" Tanner asked, puffing up his chest pompously. Alicia laughed and reached across the couch to smack him, and he smiled back at her. "Hell, I'll probably make a lot of mistakes. But I'll learn from them, and keep trying. In the end, I think i'll do a pretty good job. At least by the third or fourth kid, I'll probably have it down."

For a moment, they both sat silently, gazing off into the future. Finally, Alicia cleared her throat.

"One last question," she said.

Tanner sighed, rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Fine. Shoot."

Alicia paused for a few seconds, and Tanner watched as she unconsciously did this cute little expression where she furrowed her brow and pursed her lips. They moved slightly, as if she was trying out different combinations of questions inside her head before voicing any of them out loud. For some reason, Tanner found the gesture to be cute but also intimate, as if he was catching a little glimpse into her head.

"Okay," she finally said, returning her attention back to Tanner. "If you could go back and change one thing in your past, what would you pick?"

He didn't know how to respond. "Um, give me a minute," he said weakly after a few seconds, trying to think. Alicia just nodded, waiting on him as he tried to think back.

If he could go back and change something in his past? He tried to imagine what would have the biggest positive impact on his life. He could make his dad stay around, maybe have a complete family. He could have chosen to go talk to the Democrats, not the Republicans, when he first went looking for a job, maybe ended up in a job where he did more for the future besides holding it back, where he didn't have to face the conflict of whether he'd choose to betray this amazing woman that he found himself really liking, or give up on his career...

"Okay, I've got something," he finally said.

"I'm all ears." And indeed, Alicia leaned in, her eyes drinking him in, glued to his words and waiting for his answer.

"Back in high school, there was this cute girl - head cheerleader, blonde, really pretty. She always smiled at me, but I didn't have the confidence that I possess now." He tried a smirk, but it fell flat. "I always thought that she liked me, for some reason that I couldn't guess, but I never did anything about it."

"And?" Alicia asked, after he paused for a minute.

Tanner sighed. "If I could change something, I'd go back and ask her out. Just go for it, even though she'd likely shoot me down."

After a second, Alicia sat back, frowning a little at him as she crossed her arms across her chest. "Maybe not the answer that I expected," she commented, narrowing her eyes at him.

"It's not just because she was cute," Tanner countered. He sighed. "It was after the end of that grade, in fact, that I realized that nothing was going to change for me unless I went out and did it for myself. Somehow, I'd imagined that the girl would see me for who I was, and she'd want to go out with me because of it."

"But it didn't happen."

"No. And I learned that it's not what I happen to believe on the inside, but what I project on the outside that truly matters." Tanner sighed. "A hard lesson, but it's served me well ever since that day. But sometimes, I wonder what might have happened if I didn't chicken out, if I didn't let myself grow jaded and cynical."

Across the couch from him, Alicia loosened her hands from where she'd crossed them, leaning forward to rest one gently on Tanner's knee. He felt the heat of her touch, and even her gentle contact made him hyper-aware of her presence, the faint floral, clean scent of her in the air.

"Keegan," she murmured, and Tanner looked up at the unexpected use of his name.

Before he could ask what she wanted, however, she leaned in and kissed him.

This wasn't a kiss of passion, he realized immediately with the small part of his brain that wasn't busy shooting off fireworks. This was soft and gentle, barely brushing against his lips, delicate as a butterfly's wings. He wrapped his arms around her with tenderness, almost afraid that she might break.

But she didn't, and her kiss deepened, her lips pushing in against his, opening slightly, inviting him inside.

"I should head home," she whispered to him, not pulling away.

"Probably," he answered, holding onto her, never wanting to let her go. This woman, who had just heard his deepest secret, who still offered herself up to him, who still smiled at him from where she sat in his lap. "Lots to do in the next couple of days. Bill's almost here."

Truce is almost up. He didn't say it, didn't want to think about it.

"I should leave," Alicia repeated again, but still didn't make a move away from his arms.

"Well?" he finally asked.

Her smile deepened, those enchanting eyes starting to spark. "Convince me to stay."

Surprisingly, Tanner didn't have to try as hard as he expected to succeed.

Chapter Seventeen

*

"Tanner, get your ass in here!"

Rubbing his eyes as he sipped his espresso, Tanner hit the "delete" button on his answering machine. He'd received enough calls from Richard Pribus, head of the Republican National Committee, to gauge the man's moods based on his tone.

And in this particular voicemail, Pribus was hitting at least an eight, possibly a nine, on a ten-point scale of his anger.

Alicia had already left, rolling out of bed at an ungodly early hour, insisting that she needed to get going. "I still have my morning run, and I need to hit at least three other offices before lunch," she said, searching around on the floor to try and find where her underwear landed. "Listen, have you seen my panties?"

"Nope," Tanner sleepily replied, clutching the stolen undergarment tightly in his hand, hidden under the pillow.

"Oh well." Alicia gave him a bawdily naughty wink as she leaned in to kiss him goodbye. "Hopefully, you won't be distracted all day as you think of me going commando."

Her revenge worked; Tanner immediately felt himself grow hard, and he tried to reach out to pull her back in bed-

-only for Alicia to snatch back her panties from his outstretched hand. "Talk to you later!" she told him, bouncing out of his apartment.

With a groan, Tanner flopped back over, not getting up until he couldn't bear to listen to the repetitive beep of his answering machine any longer. But as soon as he heard the message from Pribus, he rushed to get dressed.

"Morning, Mr. Tanner," Charlie the security guard called out as Tanner headed quickly through the lobby of the RNC's building. "In a hurry?"

Tanner might be running slightly late - DC traffic this morning proved even more snarled and tangled than usual - but he still managed to give the elderly guard a smile and a nod. "And Pribus has a stick up his ass about something. Apparently I'm the one with answers."

Charlie just shook his head. "You need to be careful, you know that?" he admonished. "That man's a petty tyrant, no offense to him as my boss's boss's boss, and he works you too hard. You need to think about yourself, too."

The man's words made a little shiver run down Tanner's back, their content echoing some of Freddie's remarks from the night before. "Thanks, Charlie, I'll keep it in mind," he said, as the elevator dinged to announce its arrival. "See you later."

Up outside of Pribus's office, Tanner didn't have time to flirt with the man's receptionist. As soon as he stepped out of the elevator, Pribus spotted him, snapping his fingers angrily at Tanner as he stalked into his office. Tanner quickly followed after the head of the RNC.

"Well?" Pribus demanded as soon as Tanner cleared the threshold of his office, not even giving him time to close the door and grant them some privacy.

Tanner took a deep breath as he closed the door. Pribus was well known for his mercurial moods, swinging from positive to stormy in an instant. "Well, what?"

He received a huff of air in response. "Well, how's the weather outside? The education bill, of course! Is this thing dead in the water yet?"