Five: A Maor Novel (Maor series) (23 page)

Chapter
38

Shame

Tastes like: Lemon

Smells like: Burnt paper

Sounds like: The rip of
material

Feels like: Sunburn

Looks
like: A dog with its tail between its legs
 

‘She’s waking up.’

The soft words greet my re-admission to consciousness. I
open my eyes and then quickly close them again and throw my arm over my face.
The sunlight is filtering through the window at exactly the wrong angle, which
means it’s way past morning, heading into afternoon. I hear movement and the
glare on my eyelids softens as the curtains are drawn. The bed sinks beside me
and I slit my eyes open.

Kael is leaning over me; there’s a crease in the space
between his brows. He relaxes slightly as our eyes meet and glances across to
the other side of the bed. I follow his gaze to Nan, who is perched on the edge
of the armchair, which has been pulled up to the side of my bed. She smiles at
me, reaches out and squeezes my hand.

‘How are you feeling?’ she asks.

‘Fine,’ I say, ‘considering…’ I trail off. Considering…
I’ve just realized I’m the reason why Kael’s parents are dead.

I swallow back the lump in my throat and steal a look at
Kael. He sits quietly on the side of the bed, watching us and his eyes hold
only concern - no judgment, no hatred. It’s too much to bear. I look away,
feeling moisture build in my eyes.
  

‘So it wasn’t just a dream,’ I whisper.

My grandmother smiles, her expression filled with regret
as she gives my hand another squeeze.

‘No, it wasn’t,’ she says.

‘It’s my fault,’ I whisper again as a fat tear spills
onto my cheek.

‘What – no,’ my grandmother says. Kael reaches toward
me, but I beat him to it, slashing quickly at my face.

‘I don’t know what you remember exactly about that
night, Shaylee, but it was definitely not your fault,’ Nan says as she sends an
anxious glance in Kael’s direction. Something passes between them, but is gone
in an instant as she looks back at me. ‘Tell me what you remember.’

I look at her and shrug one shoulder. Inside, I am cold
and I’m not sure how talking about this is going to shift any of the guilt that
falls squarely on my shoulders.

‘I remember waking up to screams,’ I begin. ‘There was
smoke in the air. I went across to the window and saw fire.’ I look down at my
hands and stroke the little half-moons from last night almost absently. ‘I went
looking for mom and dad, but the house was empty. Then I saw you through the
window.’ I look up at Kael and he stares back without moving. ‘You were fighting
and I was so scared for you…I knew you were in danger and all I could think was
that I had to get to you…so I ran outside.’ I break off and look back down at
my hands, remembering the fear. ‘It gets a bit hazy after that. I remember that
I couldn’t see properly, my vision kept fading in and out and my head hurt so
much.’ I put one hand to my temple, as if the pain still lingers. ‘I fell and
started crawling, but someone grabbed me, tried to pull me back and I screamed.
You heard me scream,’ I say, looking at Kael again, my words tripping over
themselves as my story picks up speed. ‘You turned to look at me, I saw someone
step up behind you and he was about to stab you, I screamed again, but I
couldn’t and then there was this pain -’

‘Whoa,’ Kael says, capturing both of my hands in his,
‘calm down. It’s okay.’

I take a shaky breath and realize that there are tears
falling down my cheeks. I force myself to focus on Kael again as I continue:

‘I remember seeing your mother’s body, I remember you,
sitting on the ground, your father’s head in your lap -’

My voice breaks on a sob and Kael’s face becomes blurry.

‘They died because of me -’

‘No,’ Kael says in a raw, but steady voice. ‘The Weres
killed him, Shaylee.’

‘But -’

‘No.’ He grabs my chin and tilts my head back, giving me
a hard stare. ‘They died in battle, doing what they were meant to do.’

I stare at him, at the hard clench of his jaw that
doesn’t quite mask the pain in his eyes. His thumb moves, brushing away a tear
that has reached my chin.
  

Nan clears her throat and Kael drops his hand. We both
turn toward her.

‘Kael’s right, Shaylee,’ she says. ‘They died with honor,
protecting the ones they loved.’

I shake my head. ‘I’m the reason they attacked us in the
first place. I heard them calling for me. Why?’

‘We don’t know for sure, Bluebell. Perhaps one of them
had the gift of vision; we’ll never really know.’ Nan leans forward and her
eyes look suspiciously moist. ‘That night was a tragedy for us all. Your mother
and Elizabeth were best friends, Warren was her
seastnan
. She watched them die, Shaylee and you -’ Nan stops
mid-sentence.

‘What about me?’ I frown.

She glances across at Kael, and drops her gaze to the bed
sheets. ‘She was so afraid of losing you, she swore you would never be put in
that kind of danger again.
That’s
why
she took you away to Africa – to protect you, to hide you.’

I’m silent for a moment as I take in her words. I tilt
my head.

‘Aren’t there Weres in Africa?’

‘Yes, there are, but do you remember what I told you
about your aura and how we are linked to the forest?’

‘Yes…’

‘Well, your aura grew weaker away from the forest, and
that, coupled with the medicine Dr Theron created for you enabled them to hide
your signal. Until now.’

‘But why South Africa in particular?’

‘Your father had completed a project for Anglo mining a
few years before you moved and I guess it was just the right opportunity. And
it helped that Sarah’s family knew Dr Theron.’

‘But, mom and dad left the forest…that means -’ I let my
voice trail away because really, I’m not entirely sure what that means.

Nan sighs and the sound seems to come from deep within
her depths.

‘Yes, they did and you need to understand the full
extent of that sacrifice, Shaylee. We can’t just leave the forest - the longer
we are apart from it, the more difficult it becomes for us. I wish I could
explain it to you, this bond we share with this land, but it’s something you’ll
only understand when you come fully into your talents. This forest is like a
part of each of our souls; being apart from it is like losing a piece of
ourselves. Without it, we lose our strength – we become more human - and
reciprocally, without us this forest becomes weaker, dies a little more and
more. Your mother sacrificed all of that - for you.’

‘What are you saying, Nan?’ I ask, twisting my body
around to face her more fully. ‘Are you saying that mom has lost her talents?’

‘Yes,’ she confirms, ‘and that’s not the only thing she
had to give up…’

Nan’s eyes shimmer and it’s obvious she’s having a hard
time speaking, but she blinks back the tears and attempts a smile, albeit a
shaky one.

‘When you’re royalty, you can’t just leave whenever you
want to; there are certain responsibilities that aren’t negotiable.’

She clears her throat and blinks again.

‘When she chose to leave with you, she was banished from
the Circle.
I
banished her from the
Circle.’

For one frightening moment, I think Nan is about to cry
but she looks away from me, blinking furiously.

‘What do you mean banished? She can’t come back?’

‘No, she can come back – and she will, just as she
promised, but she can never join the Circle again, she can never take her
rightful place as Queen of this Glen and she will always be shunned by our
kind. She gave up all of that: her friends, her family, her forest – everything
- for you.’

Chapter
39

Unpretentious

Tastes like: Water

Smells like: Traditional
South African potjie-kos

Sounds like: The truth

Feels like: Rough tree-bark

Looks
like: A plain white, unbranded t-shirt

It’s my first history lesson and I’m sitting in a hard
wooden pew in the little stained-glass chapel, feeling out of place. I’m the
only seventeen year old amongst a group of seven year olds, and that makes me
the centre of attention, which I hate. On the other hand, I really like being
around these kids. They’re honest, unpretentious and say what they mean.

‘But why a circle and not a square?’ William, the
youngest student in the group asks, his hazel-green eyes looking enormous
behind his thick lenses. His face is so innocent, all screwed up in confusion,
it makes me want to pinch his cheeks. Nan doesn’t look as enamored though.

‘Because the circle is the symbol of eternity and
endurance,’ she replies, leaning against the altar, her expression slightly
frustrated.

‘What’s end..endur…’ William stutters.

I suppress a chuckle and interject before Nan can
respond.

‘What Mrs. Greene is saying is that the circle has no
beginning and no end. It keeps going round and round and that makes it very
strong, so nothing can break it.’

‘Oh, okay,’ the little boy replies. His creased forehead
clears and he swings his legs back and forth beneath the pew, oblivious of
Nan’s frown.

‘Thank you, Shaylee,’ my grandmother says. ‘So, what do
we use for protection?’

‘Circles!’ Kayla and Jenny shout together. Nan smiles
and gives them an approving nod.

‘Plants!’ Jason shouts.

‘Yes, but what plants, Jason?’ Nan asks.

‘Soup!’ he replies and I hide a little giggle behind my
hand.

‘No, Jason,’ Nan sighs, ‘sage, not soup.’ She runs her
eyes over the rest of us and stops at me. ‘What else?’

‘Fire,’ I say and Nan nods.

‘In fact, one of the best methods of protection combines
all three of those elements. It’s why many
Maor
households have a circle of sage planted around them. So when something bad
happens, all you need to do is light the sage and the whole house is
protected.’

My mind flashes back to that night of the attack, to the
moment when I stood at my bedroom window. I see the half circle of fire
disappearing around the side of the house. My eyes snap back to Nan and she
nods, almost imperceptibly as though she knows what I’m thinking.

‘What bad thing is going to happen?’ Jenny asks
worriedly.

Nan sighs again and I smile.

‘Nothing bad is going to happen, dear,’ she says. ‘It’s
just a contingency plan.’

‘Cont – what?’

‘It’s just for incase, Jen,’ I say.

Nan shoots me another tired smile and rubs her forehead.

‘I think that’s enough for today,’ she says. ‘So what’s
the number one rule?’

‘Keep the
Maor
secret!’ the children say in unison and I join them, albeit it in a
half-hearted whisper.

Nan nods and dismisses the kids, who run outside to
their parents and siblings. I watch them go with amusement, and turn back to Nan.

‘Do you think they’ll even remember half of what you
told them today, Nan?’

My grandmother shakes her head ruefully and we both step
into the aisle, making our way toward the door.

‘Probably not, but what can we do?’

‘Aren’t there any books? Shouldn’t we be taking notes?’

‘No, Bluebell,’ Nan says. ‘The only written accounts are
in the care of the
Tanistry
; only
they are allowed to maintain records; the risk of discovery is too great
otherwise.’

‘Oh,’ I say, slightly disappointed. ‘I’d hoped I could
do some research.’

‘Sorry dear, the
Tanistry
doesn’t allow access to the records vault to many people.’

We step outside and Nan squeezes my hand, perhaps
because she senses my disappointment.

‘You know, you’re really good with the kids,’ she says.
‘I think you should take over the classes for next season.’

‘I don’t know nearly enough to teach yet, Nan,’ I say,
‘but mom will be here then, she could…’ my voice trails off and my smile fades as
I see the expression on my grandmother’s face.

‘You know that’s not possible, Shaylee,’ she says.
   

She turns and walks toward the Merc, where Jake is
waiting behind the wheel. He winks at me and gives me a quick wave. I return
the gesture, knowing that it means he has noted Nan’s suddenly somber mood. I
smile and watch them drive down the street, still amazed at how tuned in he is
to my grandmother’s emotions and wondering if it’s the same with Kael.

‘What’s wrong?’ Kael asks from behind me.

I school my expression to neutral and turn to face him.

‘Nothing,’ I say, ‘so where are we off to?’

‘Puzzlewood,’ Kael replies. I arch my brow at him. The
corner of his mouth lifts as he touches his hand to the small of my back and
urges me toward the truck. A shiver passes through me from the point of
contact.

‘You’ll see,’ he says. ‘We’ll meet the others there.’

I slide into the car and bite my lip as he buckles me
in, shuts my door and comes around to the driver’s side. This will be my second
Maor
outing, but considering that I
hardly spoke to anyone when we went cycling, I recon it qualifies more as a
first – and that justifies my nervousness.

‘What will we be doing in Puzzlewood?’ I ask, once we’re
on the road.

‘Walking and picnicking,’ he replies, ‘
Maor
style.’

Kael’s eyes sparkle as he says the last bit and I think
that’s the closest I’ve ever seen him to a grin.

‘Okaaaay…’ I say, with genuine interest. I stare at him
expectantly but he lapses into silence. After a while, I turn and look out the
window at the lush greenery.

The events of yesterday are present in the silence that
lingers between us. I know we need to talk about it, but I’m already so psyched
up for this outing that I’m willing to ignore the elephant in the car for a
little longer.

Meeting new people, making new friends, has never been
one of my strong points. With Jenne around, I never really had to try. She made
friends like flies and I followed, becoming part of the group merely by
association with her. What if the
Maor
don’t like me? I hadn’t really made the best first impression that first time
cycling.
 

I clench my hands together and shake my head, refusing
to give into my fear.

‘What?’ Kael says, looking over at me with a frown. I
stumble for another topic of conversation.

‘The festival’s coming up this weekend,’ I say, latching
onto the first thing that comes to mind.

‘The what?’

‘The festival – you know, the annual spring market?’

‘I see,’ he says, but it’s clear by his tone that he
doesn’t.

‘Well, anyway,’ I continue, ‘I’m on the planning
committee and there’s a meeting at Michelle’s place tonight…’

‘Yes…’ he drawls and it makes me want to hit him. He
knows what I’m asking but still insists on me spelling it out.

‘Well can I go?’ I ask, trying to keep the irritation
out of my voice.

‘Oh, wow,’ he says, ‘you’re actually asking? You’re not
just going to go running off on your own again?’

‘A simple yes or no will suffice,’ I snap.

The corner of Kael’s mouth tilts up again. Part of me
feels annoyed but there’s another part that is enjoying his uncharacteristic
good mood.

‘Yes, fine,’ he says and turns back to the road, ‘but
I’m coming with you.’

‘Okay…thanks,’ I say. Another silence falls between us
and I know I can’t put off the conversation any longer.

‘So…about yesterday,’ I say reluctantly.

Kael glances over at me and his eyes linger a moment
before turning back to the road.

‘What about it?’ he says.

‘Well, I just figured we should maybe talk about it,’ I
reply. Yeah, let’s talk about the fact that your parents are dead because of
me…

‘What’s to talk about?’

I stare at him, slightly taken aback and realize that I
expected him to be angry, expected him to shout, cry, and tell me I’m to blame
- perhaps I even hoped he would. Kael glances at me again and tightens his hold
on the steering wheel.

‘I know you think it’s your fault, Shaylee, but it isn’t
and I’m not going to say it is. We went over this already. My parents died with
honor, doing what they were meant to do. That’s all there is to it.’

‘But -’

‘No buts. We’re
seastnan
,
we live to protect, sometimes we die and I can’t think of a better way to go than
fighting for someone I love.’

Kael locks eyes with me for the briefest moment and then
returns his attention to the road ahead.