Fire In His Eyes (12 page)

I was having a hard time buying this explanation, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate to question him about it now.  And, I did need to get ready for work.  I didn’t like what he had done, and I would let him know that when he called tonight. 
“Ok, Victor, I don’t need an explanation, and I don’t want to force one out of you.  I know where I stand.  You have explained you’re situation.  I am fine the way it is, for now,” I added.

“But you deserve more.
  You were incredible last night.  What you allowed me to do . . .” he paused and I heard a catch in his breathing.  “I’ll call you later.  I promise,” I could almost see him wincing as he said those words.  He had told me he could not make me any promises, and I thought he had meant it.

The call from Victor came at six o’clock when I was sitting down to eat alone.

“Hi
, Victor,” I answered, pushing my plate away.

“Hello, Monica.  How was your day?  Another good one, I hope?” he asked tentatively.

“It was good, Victor.”  I answered.  “Kids behaved. Nothing extraordinary happened at work today.”  Then, “I do want to be honest, though, I was upset by the way you left last night.  A note would have been nice if you didn’t want to wake me.”

“Monica, i
t’s that I couldn’t sleep and was restless.  I didn’t want to rummage around looking for paper.  I am sorry.  I won’t do it again.”  Hmm, another promise I thought.

I had told him how I felt, and I did not want it to become an issue.  Our relationship was ten
tative at best.  “Okay, I forgive you, but I just wanted you to know how I felt.”

“Thanks for being honest
.  I don’t want you to lie to me,” he stated.  There was a pause and it was slightly awkward. “Listen, Monica, what I told you earlier, I meant.  I’m not in a place in my life where I can commit to a relationship.  Last night, after we had sex a part of me realized just how special you are, and I am not a guy that goes around hurting girls.  I couldn’t sleep because I just kept thinking I was going to hurt you somehow, and I don’t want to hurt you.  That is why I left so abruptly.  I just needed to clear my head and think.”

Hearing that explanation made me feel a whole lot better.  If he was worried that he would hurt me then he did care about my feelings, and that could grow.  So, he had left out to think about me, us, and then had called.  I was foolish to be falling in love with this man, deep down I knew it, but my god I just could not help myself. 

“Victor, I can tell you’re not a mean guy.  And, I don’t think I am being used by you, if that is what you’re worrying about.  You have been honest with me about where you are right now, I respect that a lot, and even if I don’t know the particulars and the ins and outs of your situation, I’m okay with that, for now,” I added.

“It is
the
for now
part, that worries me, Monica,” he stated truthfully.

“
We can cross that bridge when we get to it.  Can’t we? Can we not worry about that right now, Victor? Please.  I am enjoying what we have.  I promise I won’t put any demands on you.”  It was a promise I would keep, I told myself.

“Are you sure?” he asked sounding a
little hopeful, well more so than when the call started.

“Yes, I am
sure.”  I wasn’t.  But, I was beginning to really care about him, but telling him that would not be a good idea; I knew instinctively it would not do me any good.

“Okay, I can come over again next week, or you can come to my place.  This weekend is family, next is the reserves, and the week after family again, but the weekend after that maybe we can go away together and do something.  Wednesday and Thursday are the best nights for me
by the way.”

“I
will come to you,” I stated.  “Just let me know when the day gets closer which is better for you.  I can sleep over and drive home the next morning.”  I was thrilled about having him for a whole weekend, but did not mention it.  I didn’t want to sound too eager.

“Okay sounds good.  It’s a date.” He laughed nervously.  “I
will call you a couple of times during the week, too, and you can call me whenever you want. I may not be able to answer right away, but I will always return your call as soon as I can.”  Something tightened in my chest a little, but it was a good feeling.

He called me every night
!  On the weekend, too. It was always a little after ten, but never later than eleven.  So, he must not be staying out too late.  We never talked about what he did that day, and he never mentioned the people he spent his time with.  We mostly talked about shows we watched.  He loved the show
Friends
, loved that my name was Monica because she was his favorite character.  I laughed at that, and told him I used to be fat, too. He didn’t believe me at first. He was upset because the series was coming to an end, in a few weeks.  There were no other shows he followed religiously. He was shocked when I described to him why I had been fat, and I explained to him what had happened to me.  He made the right remarks about it, outrage, and anger at the violence of rape.  He was angry that it had happened to me, when a woman said no, a real man had to respect that.  It warmed me to hear him say so. I even told him about Dan, and how little experience I had. He told me he thought he would like Dan.  He seemed like a great friend and asked if we kept in touch since he had moved to California.  I told him we just exchanged dirty jokes and kept in touch on the internet through email once or twice a month; he had left over a year ago.   He had been a friend of my sister’s and she had introduced us.  Dan had been a safe and comfortable friend, I explained, and we had only dated casually with the understanding that either one of us could move on if we met someone we loved.

Victor
shared simple things about his life.  He liked news programs and took an avid interest in politics, and he absolutely loved the History Channel.  He liked movies, but not theatre prices so he waited for them to come out on DVD.  He told me about some of his army buddies, and the people living in his building.  He never talked about his family though or the people he worked with in construction.  It bothered me that he wouldn’t share the more personal stuff.  When he did talk about his new job, I felt he didn’t like it that much.  When I asked him why he did it when it seemed obvious to me he didn’t enjoy the work of a contractor, he was honest and told me the money was better than what he had earned in the military.  I told him money wasn’t everything, and he simply remarked that it helped.  It sounded kind of cryptic when he said it too, but I didn’t want to make an issue out of it.  I loved my job, and couldn’t imagine going to work every day if I didn’t love it.

It was nice.  Each evening he would call
me and we would talk for an hour or so, and then we would say good night.  The next three weeks, were great.  It was hard just seeing him once a week, but the talks were nice and kept me from missing him too much.  I looked forward to those calls.  I called him a couple of times, too, usually earlier, he hardly answered when I did, but usually returned the call within a half an hour or so.  Those calls were not as satisfying as the ones in the evening, but nice still.  He was usually busy, working late, or at a family obligation of some sort when I called, but he made time to listen to me tell him a story about something that happened at work, or something I saw on the news and wanted to hear his thoughts on the matter.

Thursdays were great. 
It was now the day of the week I looked forward to most.  I went the first week to his and Kat’s apartment, we went for coffee, his place to freshen up and talk, and later we hung out with friends of his in a local beer joint.  It was called The Honky Tonk, and had a homey atmosphere.  As soon as you walked in there were two pool tables, and behind that and all across the back corner was the bar and bartender.  There were ten or so high stools and ten to twelve tables between the bar and the pool tables.  At the far end of the bar there was a small wooden dance floor, a DJ, and a Karaoke machine.  I got a little tipsy on Coronas that night, and Kat made me sing Karaoke with her to the song
Proud to be An American
by Lee Greenwood.  I can’t sing at all, not a bit, so I must have been a little more than tipsy to agree to it, but it was fun.  Victor laughed and smiled and encouraged me mouthing the lyrics when I didn’t know the words. We played a game of pool against another couple, and actually won. It was fun. We left a bit after midnight, and had a little bite to eat before we went back to his place.  That night, we made love the old fashioned way.  It was sweet and I still saw stars. Victor was tender, and took his time with me that night.  It was the best sex I had had with him so far, and that was saying a lot. It was special because he kept whispering endearments, telling me I was special, and beautiful, and that he loved my eyes.

It had been a
teacher work day the next day, so I called in sick the night before.  I wasn’t really needed with no kids there so I was able to sleep in.  When I woke up Victor was gone, but there was a note on my pillow.  It read;

Last night was
fun.  I enjoyed your company. You can’t sing!  But, the sex was great, as usual.  I’ll call you tonight.  Drive home safely.

-
V.

I kept the note. 

The calls continued every night the following week, and he came to me on the next Thursday, and also the Wednesday after that.  I had promised to chaperone the prom months earlier and didn’t want to break my promise, so he switched his plans to Thursday so he could see me on Wednesday.  Both of the nights were memorable.

On the Thursday,
I wore nothing but a leather jacket, a pair of black silk panties, and a pair of high heeled thigh high boots.  His eyes popped out of his head when I answered the door.  When he left in the morning I slipped the panties into his pocket when I kissed him goodbye.  He texted me at two in the afternoon to thank me for my little gift, and said he was smelling them right now, and that they smelled great.  He promised to sleep with them all week until I gave him another pair.

When he cam
e on the Wednesday before prom he teased me about his plans for our upcoming weekend together.  Only four days away.  I was excited to be able to have a whole weekend just the two of us. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going, but had told me what to pack;   Bathing suits, shorts, t-shirts, and lingerie.  Nothing fancy he said.  A whole weekend.  I couldn’t wait.

I had talked to my sister earlier
on Friday morning and we were going to meet for coffee during my lunch break at Starbuck’s.  We had talked on the phone a couple of times, but hadn’t seen each other in the last few weeks, even though we lived close; she worked 2
nd
shift at her job from two in the afternoon to ten at night.  Her days off, were Thursday and Friday, and she slept while I worked, and worked when I was home.  She was a youth counselor for the Department of Juvenile Justice, and did both individual and group therapy sessions in the afternoon and early evening, then had a few hours at the end of her shifts to complete paper work and such.

She wanted to see
me before I left for the weekend, I was sure to warn me off of Victor. These last three weeks had been so wonderful and I told her all about it. She heard the hope in my voice.  During our several conversations on the phone whenever I talked about Victor, I would hear her audible sighs through the telephone.  She didn’t want to see me hurt.  I did get her to admit that things seemed to be looking up.  It made me feel better, like I was not just imagining it all.

I drove down
US 19 to Little Road to the new complex of shops that housed the Starbucks.  Ana was already there sitting outside at the little bistro area, sipping a mocha latte, and waved when she saw my car.  I parked right in front and went over to kiss her on the cheek, the usual French greeting in my family.

“
Be right back,” I said.  “Let me get something to drink.”  I went into the small shop, and ordered a medium breakfast blend decaf, with Splenda, and fat free milk.  I didn’t like the frozen drinks, and still liked my coffee drinks hot.

I
carried my drink outside and sat down next to her.

“So, a whole weekend, huh?”  S
he beamed and the smile across my face was difficult to contain, and then added, “And, you don’t know where you’re going yet?”

“Nope. He wants to surprise me!” I said excitedly.